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5 Grad Games to Help You Pass the Time

Jenn - Wagner College — Sun, 01 May 2011 20:00:39 +0000

Graduation Day. The most important day of your college career. (At least for your parents.) A day to celebrate. A day to remember. A day to cherish. A day…that can definitely get pretty boring. Because while our parents and professors may be up for a few hours of ceremony and speeches, I personally feel like I could do without the hours upon hours of speeches that college seniors have to deal with… but speeches we will have to endure. (Want a preview? Check out our graduation speech mashup.)

Or at least, you know, pretend to endure. Because while we can’t get out of listening to those speeches, we can make them a little bit more entertaining. Sure you’ll have to sit there quietly and listen to your president speak, listen to the valedictorian speak, and listen to the commencement speaker give his or her big speech. But that doesn’t mean your mind is not allowed to wander right? I mean it’s only natural. So let it wander on over to one of these games.

1. Count the “Likes, Okays, Ums, and Yeas”

Speeches getting boring? That’s okay. Focus on the speech impediments instead. Every speaker has them. Whether it be a tendency to say like far too often, um in between every other word, or phrase every statement like it’s a question, every speaker has one. In high school, I had a math teacher who said “um kay” after every single sentence. I spent many a math class keeping track of just how many times she could say that particular phrase in a 40 minute period. Want a hint? It was well over ninety.

2. Create Your Own Game of Most Likely To…

Take a look around you. This is the class of 2011 looking put together and professional, sitting quietly, smiling happily , and making their parents proud. Today they all look like great little graduates. But you know the truth. You know who they really are, what they do on the weekends, and what their chances of succeeding really are. So instead of listening to your commencement speaker drone on and on about being all you can be, decide what they can be. Create futures for them. Not only is it entertaining, it’s also cathartic.

3. The Congratulations Drinking Game

Really, this one is pretty simple. Take a shot for every time someone says congratulations to you. Now If you’re brave enough to pull the flask out of your gown at graduation, all the more power to you. If you’re not quite that adventurous than keep a tally in your head. And ask your friends to do the same. It will make for a great after party.

4. Play MadLibs with the Commonly Known Phrases

Every college speech uses the same phrases despite how original they try to be. Today begins the rest of your lives. You are the future. Be all that you can be. You’ve worked so hard for this day to finally arrive. Blah, blah, blah. We get it. You know what these speakers are going to say before they even say it. So why not make it a little more interesting by mixing it up a little bit. MadLibs style. Today begins the (adjective)(noun) of your (adjective) lives. Today begins the biggest downfall of your sex lives. How’s that for a commencement speech? Not so inspiring but definitely unexpected

5. Sex It Up

You know those commonly used phrases I just mentioned? Well add a “that’s what she said” at the end of them. Or take a page from the fortune cookie rule and add an “in bed” to the end for good measure. Childish? Yep. Immature? Sure. Entertaining? Absolutely.

Go any other ways to pass the time during those less than entertaining commencement day speeches?

Columbia Valedictorian Not As Smart As We Expected

Alex- University of South Carolina — Wed, 26 May 2010 16:00:28 +0000

When you think “Ivy League,” you probably picture stone walls and iron gates, clean-cut students in oxford shirts, aged professors expounding the theories of Pavlov and Plato. You hold this sacred society of the intellectually elite to a higher set of standards than those porch-poopin’ sorority girls in Ohio. And rightly you should. The Ivies exist to make the rest of us feel that much stupider. They’re traditionally the most selective universities in the country, accepting only the best this world has to offer in the form of eighteen-year-old guys and girls.

I guess that explains why Brian Corman was accepted into Columbia University four years ago.

Clearly, the guy was an amazing student while at CU; after all, he graduated valedictorian of his class. And as everyone who went to high school knows, what does the valedictorian do while wearing a funny square hat and a long robe? No, I’m not referring to the first time Smarty McSmartypants got drunk. I’m actually referring to graduation day and the epic, heartfelt, wisdom-filled speech that is delivered by the class’ Numero Uno.

To send off his fellow classmates and wish them well in the great beyond, Corman stole a slew of lines from comedian Patton Oswalt. On the day Columbia was handing him his diploma, and over something as insignificant as a joke in a speech, he plagiarized. Oh, Corman, say it ain’t so.

I hope you’re with me, intelligent readers, in assuming this isn’t the first time he brazenly claimed others’ work as his own. This is simply the first time he got caught.

Now, I was never valedictorian, so I don’t know exactly how to stir sentimentality with life lessons, but hang with me for a second. I’d like to offer dear Corman a little look at the bright, shining future he can expect now that he’s a known collegiate criminal.

1. Unemployment
If 1.6 million recent grads can’t find work, being widely known (thank you, Internet) as the Class of 2010’s premier idiot isn’t going to help you. Time to change your name and see Michael Jackson’s plastic surgeon for a new look.

2. Forget Grad School
Think you want to go to graduate school while the dust from this disaster settles? I don’t even think the YMCA will trust you taking a spin class, so forget an institution of higher education allowing you in.

3. Politics?
Where those with a shady past can rise to even shadier greatness.

4. Joke Lessons
Brian, if you were funny on your own, none of this would have happened. Maybe brush up on your knock-knocks and one day you can charm your way out of a jail sentence.

Now, who wouldn’t love to delve into Mr. Corman’s previous undergrad papers and find out how many times he really sidestepped his morals to “earn” an A?

Candy Dish: Well Hello, Johnny Depp

CC Staff — Wed, 19 May 2010 22:00:54 +0000

Spotted: Johnny Depp lookin’ fiiine at Cannes.

Now that’s a commencement speech.

Lindsay Lohan “lost” her passport, stuck in France.

Uh oh, Heroes is in trouble!

Who thought this was a good idea?

TMI, Will Smith and Jada!

From PopEater: What We’ll Learn From This Year’s Celebrity Commencement Addresses

CC Staff — Thu, 06 May 2010 14:00:19 +0000

I’ve been asked to speak at my son’s nursery school graduation, and I am perplexed as to what to say to four-year-olds about to embark on life’s most treacherous journey: entering Kindergarten! There must be some bit of wisdom I can impart on these kids that will have a more lasting impression than the first time they saw Spongebob Squarepants in his underwear.

With this daunting task before me, I’ve decided to look to the people who are perhaps the most insightful when it comes to living life to the fullest: Hollywood A-listers. Here’s what college graduates have to look forward to with this year’s celebrity commencement addresses.

Alec Baldwin will be speaking to the graduating class of New York University. His career has spanned over 30 years, but he has achieved his greatest successes most recently, with his numerous ’30 Rock’ Emmy wins and a gig co-hosting the Academy Awards. Baldwin has also weathered brutal publicity surrounding his nasty divorce from ex-wife Kim Basinger and his ongoing battles with his teenage daughter, Ireland. It’s hard to face the public once nasty voicemails left for your daughter go public, but that hard-core foundation makes up Baldwin’s character and allows him to speak from a place of experience. From the challenges of competing with siblings to those of overcoming adversity (albeit self-created), he can espouse the benefits of never giving in. Perhaps he’ll even start with a line from his infamous voice message: “Graduating class of 2010, ‘I am going to straighten your ass(es) out…’”

What can we learn from Meryl Streep, Lisa Kudrow, Al Gore and more? Find out at PopEater.

The Best Grad Speech That Never Happened

CC Staff — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 18:30:11 +0000

I’m sure everyone remembers the sound of thousands of disappointed sighs echoing through the country the day that James Franco backed out of his commitment to make the commencement speech for the University of California – Los Angeles. If I went to UCLA, I would definitely be a sad panda to learn that the hottie from Freaks and Geeks wouldn’t be giving my graduation speech.

The reason why he backed out? Well, after all the bitching that UCLA did (seriously, what is wrong with you, people?), we all thought it was some lame acting gig or something. However, a new video shows that UCLA may have rejected James’ speech instead of the other way around.

This video from The Harvard Lampoon shows James’ test speech that he sent to UCLA (har har). I can’t imagine why they wouldn’t want him! Seriously – if this was my grad speech, I think I’d be way more prepared for the “real” world (where there are secure, lucrative jobs waiting for me ’cause of my college degree). Not that I’d be paying much attention to what what was being said if he was flying over the crowd in a jet pack. At least I wouldn’t be falling asleep! And….hold for applause.