What happens?

I mean, seriously, what happens? Something must. Something changes. Everything started out so well–the great sex, talks that lasted until sunrise, spooning ‘til class at noon, clothes were optional, and fun was constant. You clicked. You had the best start to a relationship you could have imagined. Fast forward and you’re alone again. Back to the original question: What happens?

There are plenty of reasons that a great relationship breaks apart. There are all kinds of circumstances: distance, time, stress, and so on that push two people, who collided with enough force to give a hiccup to the sonic barrier, into opposite directions. But the number one killer of a great relationship is simple: You Start Expecting.

There’s no greater killer of a beautiful bond between two people than expectations. When you start looking for something to go wrong, expecting something to change, or develop a time-line for how things are going to “progress,” you might as well just walk out the door and de-friend him on Facebook. Neuroses is a tricky animal. We all have our issues. We’re a psychologically oriented and, one can make an argument, obsessed at times. And our psyches can create havoc when we start to hope, because the flip-side of hoping is being afraid.

When there’s no commitment, there’s less pressure. When there’s pressure, there’s the fear of loss, because suddenly you have something. And when you have something, most people try to figure out what you do with it, where to go with it, avoid letting it slip through your cracks, and there’s nothing worse than when we begin poking holes into the fabric of our hopes.

The secret to overcoming our fears and not getting in the way of our own happiness is to simply accept what we can’t control. You can’t make a relationship last longer than it’s meant to. You can’t force it to be better. You can’t manipulate it or schedule it to progress and evolve in a certain way that you think it should. You have to let go of the phrase “supposed to” and just be content in “this is this.”

You give in to a relationship, you don’t get one.
You accept that it’s a partnership, you don’t need to worry about carrying the burden of its success or failure on your own shoulders.
You take it one day at a time and don’t give over to worries about tomorrow, next week, or next year.
You put some faith in yourself and the other person.
You put some faith into the relationship.
You let things happen instead of making them happen.

And those steps right there are how you can walk out of your own path to having a long lasting relationship. Don’t judge your neuroses, don’t ridicule your fears, accept them as they are parts of what make you you. But you don’t have to let them control you.

Communicate. React. Adapt. Move forward with the present circumstances, not what you prefer the present circumstances to be.

We all want things to work out. We all have to work at relationships to have them work out. Just don’t assume there’s only one way for it to work out. That’s all I’m saying. Let it happen.

Enjoying It While It Lasts,

The Dude

[lead image via Yuri Arcurs / Shutterstock]

Doesn’t it suck to watch your girls cry? I have way too many unpleasant memories of friends weeping over guys that did them wrong. The worse cases are the breakups that come out of nowhere…one day, everything is a picture-perfect Harlequin romance and the next day it’s like a Terry McMillan novel. Not. Pretty. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard a tear-soaked “I just don’t understand what happened!” I could probably begin paying off my student loans.

Although my girlfriends have different tastes, there’s always one common factor that I’ve noticed in all of their exes. I think that they’re afraid of commitment. The dudes just can’t stay focused or intrigued (and sometimes faithful) for the life of them! And the crazy part is that when the relationships are going really well, the guys start running away faster than Usain Bolt.

Why do they act this way? If there’s a perfectly smart, attractive, charming, funny and willingly committed young lady basically sitting in your lap, why is there a need to search for the next best thing? Even after all of our dinner time debriefings and Google searches, we still didn’t get it. I decided to ask my friend Javier, the fastest relationship runner/jumper/ducker I know of.

Ladies love cool J. Whenever I’m with him, there’s always a gaggle of girls vying for his attention. He could have any one he wanted…that is, if he wanted to be monogamous. So what’s the big deal about whittling down the big list of potentials? It’s simple, he said. We’re not supposed to be in serious relationships…yet.

“College is already stressful as is,” he told me. “You don’t need extra things to worry about. Take your classes seriously, first and foremost. What if I was in a three-year relationship that ended badly? I’d waste all those years in college when I could’ve been studying!”

I hated to admit that his answer wasn’t totally off base. “Well, what’s the best kind of relationship, then?” I asked. “Just talking? Flirting, dating?”

“The best type of relationship is no relationship,” he said with finality. “A lot of times, we come into college not knowing who we are. We’re defining ourselves right now. A relationship can mess that up. Be single. Have fun.”

And there it is, straight from the horse’s mouth. Loosely speaking, there’s a distinct possibility that my friends’ relationships go bad because their respective boos don’t want to be in relationships at all.

I guess just saying that from the beginning is out of the question, though. Smh.

CollegeCandy, do you agree with Javier? Should the serious relationships wait ‘til graduation?

[Lead image via CREATISTA /Shutterstock]

Clearly girlfriend is trying to get out of that

I’ll admit, I love watching Say Yes to the Dress, Four Weddings and any show where they make insane wedding cakes. But the idea of actually going through with it all: The commitment to one person for the rest of your life, the lack of freedom, the planning of two lives becoming one..is my barf bag around here somewhere?

Sure weddings are fun to go to, and seeing people who are happily in love is great. But the whole publicly tying yourself to another person for the rest of your life, that’s the part I’m all set without.

It’s not like I watched my parents’ marriage fail or saw a lot of messy break ups when I was younger. Honestly, every single adult marriage in my life has been successful, it’s just not my thing.

Sure I’ve been in my fair share of relationships but they all start and end the same way. First he is thrilled that I like my space and don’t want to be with him 24/7, then slowly (but surely) he starts to freak out wondering what’s wrong with him and it just goes down hill from there.

Some people are just cut out to be single for the rest of their lives, and that is fine by me. I enjoy being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want, without checking in with anyone. Plus anyway, rings don’t really look good on my fingers.

And it isn’t like I’m shunning all relationships, the opposite actually. I’m one of those strange people who actually likes dating, well kind of..the bad ones make for funny stories. But if I magically find that certain someone, if I find someone who meets my long check list, then sure I’d want to stay in a committed relationship with them. But why do we need to put some kind of label on it, isn’t the fact that we love each other bond enough?

Now I promise I won’t go on a tangent about how much I hate labels, but while we’re on the subject… I’ve always felt that marriage is for the world to acknowledge that you are together. I honestly couldn’t care less if the world knows I’m with the love of my life; the only person I care who knows is the person I’m with (and if they don’t know then that would be an awkward conversation).

So yes, marriage is nice for some people– and for some people it’s their end-all goal– but for me? I’m set with kickin’ it solo or tying my life together with someone through a few simple words and a piece of paper.

(Oh and just because I’m not getting married, does not mean I’ll be a cat lady. Want proof? Check it out here!)

The other most offensive part of this cover is the fact that somehow, Heidi Klum, a professional supermodel, looks ridiculously plastic on the cover. Like, really, Heidi Klum has to be airbrushed to almost unrecognizability for the cover? I don’t think so. (Naturally, every inside photos looks phenomenal.) Already so much poor judgment and I’m not even 10 pages into the magazine yet. As I flip through, I’m bored by the mostly uninspired fashion advice – denim dresses are in no way sexy. Stop perpetrating lies. Eventually, I got to the column written by “Jake,” Glamour’s version of The Dude, and this month, he’s giving us insight to why guys have problems with commitment.

Glamour says: Need for newness.
Jasmine says: Or an immature perspective based on a childish need for your partner to be a distraction from your dull existence.

Glamour says: Fear of tears issues.
Jasmine says: I’m all about avoiding getting hurt/hurting others as much as possible. That said, actively blowing off someone you’ve been dating because you’re “scared of getting hurt” is cowardly. Incredibly disrespectful. Rude. Not to mention, hurtful to the person you’re dating.

Glamour says: Daddy issues.
Jasmine says: Obviously, our relationships with our parents play a huge role in shaping the kind of people we grow up to be as adults, and I’m sure that men who have extraordinarily wonderful or extraordinarily awful fathers are terrified of not living up to their father’s legacy, or following in their father’s neglectful footsteps. That said, we all have fears and baggage to overcome, and that is part of being a functional, fulfilled, happy adult who doesn’t cultivate a reputation for being terrible at relationships.

To see even more funny fun times from everyone’s favorite fashion/lifestyle magazine, click here!

As girls, there’s one itty bitty thing that got screwed up in our chromosomes.  Any time we see a slightly attractive male we automatically throw ourselves in their direction like a piece of freakin’ meat.  We instantly get big, googly eyes, say things that we should be keeping to ourselves, and completely freak the eff out our potential soul mate.

It’s hard to remember that guys, unlike us, aren’t very complicated specimens. They typically have one thing running through their minds when they meet us (hint: it starts with an “s” and ends in “ex”), while we already have the wedding and future children’s names picked out by the time introductions are over.

We’re hopeless.  Hopeless romantics, that is.  We want a love like “The Notebook,” but it usually ends up looking more like “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”…without the happily ever after.

Let’s not let Matthew McConaughey’s beautifully sculpted abs get away from us this time.  No, don’t tie your man down and lock him in your closet (unless he’s into that sort of thing).  All you have to do is avoid scaring him away. Easy, right?

Here are four things you should avoid if you want your happily ever after.

The Inevitable “Too Much, Too Soon” Question of Doom. “Where do you see us going?” I just messed up on this one too so don’t feel like you’re the only one. Everything may be “X’s and O’s” before you pop the question but it’s all down-hill from there.  For some reason, guys don’t like the “C” word.  No, not that.  They love that. We’re talking about commitment here, people.  Even thinking about the word will send him sprinting for the door.  Live in the moment and enjoy being together.  You’ll eventually get to change your relationship status on Facebook, but until then, keep your mouth shut.

You’re Clingier Than Saran Wrap. You need to stop the urge to be with your boy 24/7.  If you’re constantly texting him “I miss you” anytime you’re away from him or stalking him from outside his bushes at night, you’ve gone too far.  You have to actually give him a chance to miss you.  If you don’t, he’s going to feel like he’s trapped. They will come back if you keep your distance— I promise.

Me, Me, Me. Yes, you’re pretty great, and obviously he already knows that if he’s on a date with you. That means you don’t need to tell him about all those cross country trophies you’ve got, a detailed run down of the drama in your family, or one-up everything he says with something fantastic about you. Try asking him a few questions.  Guys love talking about themselves and knowing that a girl is interested in knowing about them. There will be a time to tell him everything about you but that time doesn’t need to be now. At the bar. When you’ve just met him ten minutes ago.

Facebook Stalker. The biggest mistake of all time can be avoided by simply limiting the amount of time you spend creeping on Facebook.  Do not make a picture of you two lovebirds your profile picture before he does.  Do not wall rape him (a.k.a. fill up his whole entire wall with embarrassing posts), and don’t change your status to anything with his name in it before you’re sure things are official.  Especially do not, I repeat DO NOT, add any of his ex-girlfriends. That’s just creepy with a capital “CREEP.”

These points are the big no-no’s that can make or break a relationship.  You’re probably reading them thinking “I would never do anything like that!”…but just wait, you will.  All I ask of you is to make sure you have your man wrapped around your finger before you set your inner-freak free.  Then, and only then, will he love you for it.

So far we’ve spent 2 birthdays each with one another, and with every year our relationship seems to get much more permanent. I know this shouldn’t just be dawning on me now, but if all goes to plan I’m going to be spending all of my birthdays with Matt. It’s a really comforting thought, but it’s also a bit scary.

On the one side, it’s really comforting because, well, let’s face it, nobody wants to die alone. I sleep better at night knowing that there’s somebody who’s going to love me when I’m old and wrinkly. On the other side, it’s kinda scary because, while I’m getting older, I still feel really young. Trust me when I say there are a lot of people who think I’m crazy for being committed to someone in my very early twenties. What if they’re right?

Well guess what, peoples of the internet: I don’t care what you think. I’m going to enjoy every single birthday I can with my boyfriend whom I love very much. From where I’m standing, there’s nothing wrong with two consenting adults falling in love. I don’t understand why people treat me like a doe-eyed 16-year-old girl when in fact, I’m a woman. I’ve had failed relationships, and I’ve learned from them. I know deep down that Matt’s the only person I want to spend the rest of my birthdays with. (And who I want holding my hair back on this particularly monumental one…)

If not this birthday, then which birthday will it be that people decide that it’s finally a-ok for me to be in a serious relationship? I get the feeling that the jury is out on that decision, so I’m going to go on with my life without caring what all the negative people think. or all those others who read this weekly dose of cuteness, thanks for being supportive; it’s really appreciated. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go get a drink that I’ve waited 21 years to buy.

(OK, I’m gonna order the drink I’ve been waiting 21 years to buy and have my loving BF pick up the tab…. it is my birthday, after all.)

Don’t you just wish there was someone out there who could give you all the dating answers and help you navigate the confusing world that is college “dating” (without airing your bizness on a VH1 reality show)?

Well, your prayers have been answered, my lady friends. Meet Kira Sabin, the Stacy London of dating. Kira spends her days giving women the dating makeover they need to help them find love and love themselves along the way. From making over your home (so it’s date friendly) to teaching body language, Kira hones in on what every individual needs to be successful in the world of love so they can find their perfect mate. And she knows what she’s doin!

We didn’t have time for a total dating makeover (we imagine it would take years for this hot mess) but, lucky for us, Kira agreed to sit down and give us a little insight into the wacky world of college dating. And what she told us has already made a world of difference.

5 Questions for Everyone:

1. What is your most ridiculous college memory?
My senior year, my friends and I went through a drunken topless phase where we would take pictures around campus, topless.  Although we never got caught (by the authorities at least), my mother found the pictures a few years later.  Ummm…..awkward.

2. What are 5 things you can’t live without?
My Mac, good coffee, sushi, hot baths and champagne.

3. What’s your favorite song to belt out in the car/at the bar/at karaoke?
In the car – Imogen Heap,  Hide and Seek.  In the bar –  Pat Benetar, Love is a Battlefield. Karaoke –  Neil Diamond , Sweet Caroline.  Who doesn’t love Neil?

4. What’s your personal motto/advice you live by?
You get what you focus on, so you might as well focus on what you want.

5. In ten years you will be….
Living in my villa in Italy, drinking great wine every day and solving the world’s dating dilemmas one at a time.

5 Questions Just for Kira:

1. Why is it so hard to get a guy to commit at our age?
I always go back to the idea that we are treated as we ask to be treated.  I think the main problem is that women never ask.  There is a lot of hooking up and fun, but women assume that it is turning into a relationship and men assume it is “hooking up and fun”. See the disconnect?  The next  time a guy hits on you, give him your number and *gasp* go out on a real date.  It doesn’t have to be expensive or fancy, but just time to get to know each other without friends and alcohol.  This lets him know you are interested in more than just fun.  If he doesn’t call….he wasn’t worth it anyway.

2. I feel like I meet the same jerks over and over again. What am I doing wrong?
You might need to look at what you are putting out there.  In the past, when I felt I was attracting negative, unhappy people it was because I was in a negative, unhappy place in my life.  Take a look at your body language, your friends and where you are going.  Mix it up.  Try new places and new things.  One of my favorite strategies for meeting great  guys is to volunteer.  You meet quality people and can feel good about what you have done at the end of the day.

3. How long should I wait to sleep with a new guy for the best chances at a relationship?
It may seem like forever, but I go by the 3 month rule.  As women, there is a chemical (oxytocin) released when we have sex that bonds us to our mate.  That is all well and good when you are in a relationship, but not so good with a guy you just met.  After about 3 months, you will be able to see who that person really is, not just the version they are choosing to show you.  So when you release the oxytocin and bond, it will be for a guy worth picking.

4. Should we wait for a guy to call us, or can we call him?
No matter how much we fight it, guys feel empowered when they get to lead in the relationship.  That is not to say that you are just supposed to sit around waiting.  Make sure that when you are with him, he knows that you are interested and will say yes to a date.  If they think they are possibly going to be turned down they just won’t call.

5. What are the common habits that girls do that guys find annoying? What are common deal breakers?
Everyone’s deal breakers are different.  However, I think one thing that is a common habit among women that isn’t doing anyone any favors is when we over-think things.  As soon as we are interested we are already planning the relationship in our mind, which gets us a ticket on the crazy train.  Then as soon as they didn’t call in the allotted period of time, we are asking ourselves (and everyone we know) “Is he not interested?”  “Did I do something wrong?” “Is it me?”  By the time they do call, you are either so excited that you bend over backwards for them or have already kicked them to the curb.  So do yourself (and everyone you know) a huge favor, slow down and just have fun with it.

How cute is this guy?

Question for La Tuff?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and, you know, she might answer you and shoop.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I have been seeing this guy at school on-and-off since the beginning of the school year. He’s a freshman, I’m a sophomore. At the beginning, we hit it off great for about three weeks, and then he felt that he needed to keep his options open as a freshman–which I understood and let it go. He came back around Thanksgiving time and told me he wanted to start seeing me again, and I agreed. Things went great for a while, he called/texted me often over our month-long winter break, and I thought he seemed pretty into me. So, naturally, when we got back for spring semester, we were pretty into each other and he eventually asked me to be his girlfriend.

Well, this entire time, I’ve been afraid that he’s going to get distracted by some other pretty girl, and I’ve kept myself at a distance because I don’t want to get hurt. In a way, I’ve been playing some serious game–but it’s totally hurting me because I’m not being honest with him like this, or being honest with myself. So in a spur of the moment thing when I felt ready at the time, I told him how I felt–that he gave me the butterflies, made me feel like no one’s ever made me feel before, etc., and he just sort of said, “Okay. Do you feel better now that that’s off your chest?”

I feel like I’m always so confused by this guy and I hate it. For the first time in my dating history, he is the one who has the control and I hate feeling like I have none. But I’m also so totally, totally into him.

Please help me – I don’t know whether I should just drop this altogether to keep myself from getting hurt, or if I should stay with it to see what happens…

Sincerely,
He Drives Me Crazy

Dear HDMC,

Girl, what kind of attitude is this, waiting around nervously to see if he gets nabbed by “some other pretty girl?!” No, no, no, girl, not on my watch. Not. On. Tuffy’s. Watch.

Okay, so, like, you like him. I get that. I’m happy for you. But don’t imagine for one second that liking someone means you’re happy to let them walk all over you.

There are three main possibilities with this guy:

(1) He’s just not ready for a big commitment. No big. He is, after all, a college freshman. That’s pretty young to settle down. He may just be unsure about getting so serious so fast, when he’s only just entered college. If this is the case, you’ve got to reassess: How badly do you need for this to be a serious, committed relationship? If you’re okay with something casual for now (as in, this is just fun for now and may not be forever), then everything should be fine. Just remind yourself that this is what it is, and, if it evolves into something, great, and if not, there are always other cutie-pants fishies in the sea. After all, you’re quite young yourself.

If, however, you feel that’s not enough, DO NOT continue to date this guy. Don’t wait around for heartbreak, honey, because that’s what you’re asking for if you’re not honest with yourself (and him). If he wants casual, don’t wait around because you’re sure he’ll eventually want to be serious, because it may or may not happen.

OR:

(2) He’s playing games with you. In this case, Tuffy sez: dump the SOB. Tuffy’s nervous about this one because of what you said about his inability to make up his mind, and then his, shall we say, rather cold reaction to your big emotional confession.

You may as well learn now that guys who play games never change. People who manipulate their lovers should not be rewarded. If you think he’s playing games to get the upper hand, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.

OR:

(3) He’s just plain shy. Maybe he doesn’t know what to say when you tell him you’re falling for him, but it doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t feel the same way. Like I said before, dude’s young–he doesn’t have that much emotional stuff to draw from yet. He may just not know how to say it back.

But the bottom line is that you’ll never know which one of these is true unless you really sit down and talk to him. Set aside a quiet date somewhere private where you’re both comfortable. Have a nice dinner, get all relaxed–and then have the talk. Tell him you’re really starting to develop strong feelings or him and that you wanted to know how he felt before you got too involved. Tell him it’s okay no matter how he feels, but that you just really need to know.

IMPORTANT: Do NOT get emotional. Be casual, relaxed, and smile. If you make him uncomfortable, I guarantee he will not be honest with you. You want to come out of this seeming reasonable, sweet, and not at all clingy.

After you talk, you can go home and make your own decision about whether or not you and he are on the same page. If it’s worth working out, work it out, girl! If not–well, how many times I gotta say it?! SO many cutie-pants fishes.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Yeah she's cute, but could you handle all the responsibility?

Occasionally on college campuses you will spot a student walkin’ a pooch, but those incidents are few and far between. Since college is mostly about studying hard and partying along the way, most students don’t want the responsibility of caring for someone other than themselves – especially a four legged friend. That will poop in their shoes.

My boyfriend recently adopted a mutt from the local pound. He knew he could give her (Shyla) a good home with his off-campus house, and since then the two of them have been on adventure. While part of the time (OK – most of the time) the antics brought on by Shyla seem like they were written straight out of Marley and Me, it is hard to deny the cute, active sweetness of an eighteen week puppy playing fetch and snuggling up next to your feet.

Just as anyone who has ever had a dog knows, pups are all-encompassing hard work. There is the whole process of getting the dog acclimated to living in a house: potty-training, keeping them out of the trash, getting them used to walking on a leash… Honestly, getting a dog to “sit” isn’t as easy as it seems, so patience and a little bit of loving care is important too.

Oh, and if house-breaking a puppy isn’t enough, there is also the importance of grooming and professional pet care. You thought getting a manicure and pedicure at the local nail salon was expensive, try $15 for a dog groomer to just cut your pet’s nails. When you’re not grooming your dog, it is crucial to its health (especially as a puppy) to have regular vet visits – costing up to $100 or more at a time. Having a dog takes a lot of focus away from yourself, which means a lot less money for the seasonal (or daily) shopping tips.

But even though it is expensive and trying at times, having a dog can be a rewarding experience. Yeah, even if it leaves a little puddle by your bed.

Not sure if a dog is for you, at least while you’re in college? Let’s weigh the pros and cons.

Good: You have a bed buddy every night, and you know for sure they don’t have STDs or Swine Flu! And they won’t sneak out before you get up in the morning and be there when you get u,p providing you undivided attention with a wagging tail.
Bad: That Tommy Hilfiger comforter you just bought is going to smell like dog, and if you don’t keep Fido’s nails short enough, it might suffer a rip and tear.

Good: You always have something to look forward to at home. Imagine having a crappy day on campus and coming home to a precious puppy excited to see you.
Bad: Dogs shouldn’t be left alone for more than four hours a time, so you will need to prioritize your schedule and social life around taking care of your new-found responsibility.

Good: Having a dog will make you more active. You will be going on more walks and once you get your little friend outside, it will be hard to bring them in, making you want to stay out as well. You can keep yourself more in-shape this way!
Bad: Dogs can be too active sometimes, forcing you to constantly watch them. If they have a lot of pent up energy, they may get into things around the house. For example, Shyla likes to explore the house and with her extra puppy energy, it means she gets into everything she can, whether it is my boyfriend’s economics homework or the bathroom’s endless stash of toilet paper.

Good: Dogs make great introductions in a social setting. In a sorority? Bring your puppy with you for a low-key function. Everyone will dote over how cute your dog is, and you can play the proud, happy dog-loving parent as she gets passed around.
Bad: Taking a dog to a public function could cause problems. Some people aren’t dog-friendly, and others don’t take having a dog seriously. Think about it: How many frat boys are going to try to give your dog beer?

The bottom line is that dogs are a huge responsibility; in fact, they are a life-time commitment. Do you think you could handle one in college?

"Oh, you have a girlfriend now? Awesome."

Fact: 100% of girls, always, look like complete sh*t at the gym. While I’m the exception to many rules, I am not the exception to this one. So you can imagine my horror, my utter horror, when I ran into a guy I used to date at the gym yesterday.

[To recap: we casually dated for about three months, during which we completely acted like a couple, but were not labeled as such. Why? Because he “doesn’t believe in relationships.”]

I asked him how he was doing, and he said school was good, blah blah blah, his girlfriend just got a new job, blah blah blah…WAIT WHAT?! Girlfriend? But…but when we were dating he said he didn’t believe in relationships! That monogamy was a sham! That labels ruined things!

My initial reactions were:
1) Jack him in the face.
2) Wait, you can’t throw a punch. Kick him in the balls.
3) Why was I not girlfriend material?

Let’s call it for what it is. There is no way in which this situation is not completely depressing. This is a person who snuggled with me, took me to dinner, told me how pretty I was, told me how smart I was, and still told me he didn’t want me to be his girlfriend. And now, just a few short months later, someone was his girlfriend someone was good enough to be his girlfriend.

And of course in my head I’m just thinking of the 10,000 ways she has to be better than me. She probably doesn’t have cellulite. She probably doesn’t have an annoying horse laugh. She probably looks like Heidi Klum, and sweats Chanel No. 5, and is as brilliant as Marie Curie, and doesn’t use run on sentences.

Since he and I stopped seeing each other, I can honestly say I’ve gotten over him. But it still hurts to find out that Mr. Non-Committal is suddenly Mr. Monogamy for someone else. And realistically I know I can’t completely blame myself…we were just two people who didn’t exactly have that connection. And now he does have that connection. With someone who is not me. Okay, I tried, but it’s not working; I’m still blaming myself!

Also running through me head is: how could I have been so STUPID? “I don’t believe in commitment?” I mean, it is one thing to take things easy and not rush the relationship, but he was flat out telling me that he never, ever intended on me being his girlfriend. He might as well have literally told me, “You are fine to spend time with until I like somebody better.”

Ultimately, I accepted someone else’s terms instead of what I really wanted. So while I won’t get all Alanis on his ass, I’m going to go ahead and say Commitment-phobic is a jackass. Way to pretend you have deeply rooted morals just to avoid growing some balls and telling the truth.

Still, I wish I had been wearing makeup and a better bra when I saw him…