Yes, you read that right – Booty Parlor. Who doesn’t love a cute play on words? Booty Parlor is a line of products that were created with women’s sexuality in mind, whether she’s single or in a relationship. It is a brand that encourages women to indulge in their sexiness, free of shame or self-consciousness. I had the opportunity to speak with the creator, Dana B. Myers, who is inspirational as both a female entrepreneur and a sex-positive role model.

What inspired you start Booty Parlor?

I was inspired by my mom – she was a makeup artist. I watched her transform women. While she was doing makeup, she would chat with her clients about everything women talk about. They felt so much better about themselves after – it was a big influence on me, where women were helping women and inspiring each other. Also, I was very interested in all things related to sex. I was lucky enough that it was never a taboo subject in the house. I felt confident, open and excited to explore and experience sex. It made me the go-to sexpert for my girlfriends. Fast forward after being in the music industry, I wanted to do something different. I wanted to combine beauty and sexiness and create a beauty parlor for your love life. I wanted to do products from the beauty world that you could use in your bedroom. I wanted fun and sassy, not sleazy and trashy. I told my boyfriend, and he said “sounds great, let’s do this together!” A month later we lost our jobs and we started working on our business plan.

How did you start promoting yourself?

What is the mission of your brand?

The mission is to help women gain confidence. In my book, Mojo Makeover, I address it in two parts. The first involves seductive beauty, body rituals, and sexy mantras. There are little actions you can do with our products that daily wait to infuse some sexy into your life. It gives women the info and product – living a sexy life is as important as eating well, getting a workout, excelling in your job or at school. It’s a facet of women’s lives that’s put in the back corner. When it is integrated in your daily life – feeling sexy, and talking to your friends or boyfriends about your sex life, you start to feel that sense of empowerment and you carry it out with you, and you feel more confident. You feel like you know yourself. You start seeing the positive effects and getting more positive attention and want to now what’s going on in your world. It’s exciting to see that change happen. The book is four weeks of steps and tricks to invigorate your sex lives.

The second part relates to sexy experiences – a lot of women are are in the dark about what turns them on, what they enjoy, and we want that information. I describe sexy scenarios that women can create with their lover. Language tends to be a barrier because they think they have to use dirty words. In the book, I think I found language to communicate with women to make it accessible and fun, and it’s saucy, but not dirty. It’s important to take away that dirty edge, but keep it fun, sassy, and exciting in order to break through the stigma. We carry shame through our families or negative experiences, and I encourage women to forgive themselves . It’s okay to not be perfect.

What are the most common anxieties?

1. Negative body banter – that self-destructive mental chatter that we inflict on ourselves, where we start comparing ourselves to other women, we compare ourselves to the unrealistic images in the media that are impossible for most to attain. Our self-worth and self-confidence are linked to our size and external beauty. We think we’re too big or too small or too bony or too curvy, and we feel ashamed. It’s hard to be open and share yourself with a lover and express yourself sexually when you feel that way. I encourage women to create positive banter and self-love. It’s about radical self-acceptance and self-love. Stand in front of the mirror and fake it ’til you make it if you have to. Stand in front of the mirror and say “I love you, thighs, because you’re mine and you make me have a great swagger.” Even if it feels awkward, the more you repeat it, the more you start believe it and build self-confidence.

2. When women start viewing sex as a chore 
It starts off really exciting, but things start to slow down. You start having sex only once a week, and it becomes hard to keep the desire alive. It becomes hard for women for enjoy sex for the joy that it is.

3. Poor sex communication skills. 
We’d love it if our boyfriends could read our minds, but they can’t. If you’re not talking about sex or learning to communicate about sex. It’s hard to find out what the other person means or discover new things you’re interested in. Being silent or talking about things on a surface level and you can’t find the words to express yourself, it’s hard to find your sexiest satisfaction. First, you have to know what you want to communicate it. To create a great sex life, you’ve got to learn to talk about things. The book addresses learning how to communicate. Start with talking to your girlfriends – talking things out, sharing your problems with the women you trust can be so powerful.

4. When women hold on to sex guilt. 
It’s not uncommon for women to have a dark experience in their sexual history that left them guilty, dirty, shameful or gave them some baggage they can’t let go of. I think for women to feel empowerment, they have to work through that sex guilt. Whether it was a traumatic experience and you need to see a therapist or confront the person you had the experience with, it’s important for women to move forward. Guilt is the least productive emotion I’ve ever experienced. Letting go of guilt is very impacting and it’s a great experience.

What is the best way to combat the negative stigma that can be attached to being single?

When I moved to LA, I didn’t know how I was going to meet anyone. In NY, everyone’s on the street; in LA, everyone’s in their car. I was at work and I was like, “Will I ever find another boyfriend?” If I look back into my 20s, what I wish that I knew was that “You will find your true love.” Everything up to that point is just fun. Everything is an experience that will enrich your life, and will teach you what you do like, and what you don’t like. When my friends break up with someone, I’d just say “Next!” If it isn’t right, it isn’t right. Booty Parlor does have a line called Flirty Little Secret that includes pheromones. There’s a firming cream, body butter, bronzer, perfume, and a shower scrub. You can layer them and the experience of putting on these creams, creating a ritual, creating a seductive body ritual, and as you do it, you’re thinking sexy thoughts, and you feel sexier and walk with confidence, and you notice you’re getting more attention. If you want to flirt, great. If you don’t, then don’t. If you have tactics in your back pocket and you have some language, to have those tools is empowering.

What is your favorite product?

Aphrodisiac Berry Lip Gloss. It gives you this perfectly kissable pout, and it’s infused with aphrodisiacs. So it makes you look great and makes you feel a little riskier. The other is my skin honey. It’s a kissable lotion that can be a massage gel and a lubrication. It’s inspired by 9 and a Half Weeks. The product is meant to be drizzled anywhere you want to be kissed, and makes the experience even greater.

What is the appeal of your book, Mojo Makeover?

I’ve gotten great feedback from women in their 20s to their 50s – after all, confidence never goes out of style.

I love any message that encourages women to take control of our sexuality. Dana gives some great advice – even if you’re not into gels or candles or lip gloss or this specific kind of femininity, taking the time to appreciate your body and love it for its ability to receive pleasure is never a bad thing. Letting go of all the accumulated negativity that can cling to us is also an incredibly empowering thought. Dana’s book, Mojo Makeover, is available for purchase now!

I know, giving is just as important as receiving. Sex is about all parties involved, and I absolutely believe that no one should feel deprived of pleasure after a hook up. But everyone has their limits, their deal breakers, their things that they’re just not that into. And I think it’s just as important to acknowledge that, and to a) accept it or b) move on to the next.

I have a friend whose boyfriend is into anal. Not in an annoying, begs for it nonstop kind of way (he never even initiates it), but it is something that he enjoys doing. So she consents to it. They use lube and start slow and are generally pretty responsible about it, but it’s not her cup of tea. She finds it pretty excruciating, only derives a nominal amount of pleasure from it, and doesn’t feel great after the fact. But she has made it a resolution to get better and try to enjoy it more, for her boyfriend’s sake. Perhaps I’m more selfish than I like to think I am, but  I cannot jump on board with her resolution because it seems to me she has perfectly valid reasons to not want to engage in anal, and I fail to see the point in coercing herself into enjoying it more than she does.

While being in a relationship is a great opportunity to explore and challenge personal boundaries, I don’t think it’s okay to ignore the signals your mind or your body are sending to you. There are varying degrees of compromise, and it’s completely okay to draw a permanent line in the sand at something you don’t like. I think it’s incredibly rare that two people’s desires are going to align at every single axis, and there’s nothing wrong with this.  When I give my boyfriend blowies, he likes to ejaculate on himself so I can lick it off. I find that annoying and inefficient, so most of the time, I swallow directly and he’s content with it, but sometimes I’ll indulge him. But if I had a complete, visceral, averse reaction ejaculation, I would not make contact with his at all.

The worst case scenario with setting firm boundaries is reaching the conclusion that you are not sexually compatible with your partner, which may unfortunately result in a breakup (but that would mean finding someone better suited for you in the long run). But, if there is something one partner absolutely hates, and the other can take or leave, there is no reason that should end with any real conflict. Discomfort is not sexy, so don’t be afraid to say no.

It got me thinking about what I would do if it happened to me. Could I go all day without being in touch with anyone? Probably not. And I know it’s not just me. Us college kids are bombarded with constant communication so we freak out when we don’t have access to it. Hopefully, there won’t be anymore outages, but just in case I’ve rounded up some ways for you to communicate sans phone:

1. Post-It Notes: You can always leave a post-it on your friend’s car or outside their class to meet you for lunch. Granted, someone else could see it and meet you there too, but you’re without a phone so that’s a risk you’ll have to take.

2. Snail Mail: While it’s not the most efficient form of communication, handwritten letters are pretty awesome. I think you should write letters to people on a regular basis. Think about how excited you are when you get something in the real mail! However, don’t do this if there is a dire issue.

3. Smoke Signals: This can be dangerous since it involves fire, so be careful. Typically smoke signals are used to communicate long distance. So if you’re in a long distance relationship or have friends far away, this is perfect for you! Just make a fire and use a wet blanket to place over it which will create smoke. You can make different kinds of smoke puffs and everything!

4. Morse Code: First you’ll need to learn how to do morse code, and then you’ll have to teach all of your friends. You’ll also need a way to transmit the message like an electrical telegraph system. Or a flashlight, but that’s for nighttime communication. You can even do morse code by tapping with a pen on your desk for in class messaging.

5. Carrier Pigeons: You’ll obviously need to find a pigeon and then train it to become a carrier pigeon. They typically fly one way so your friend would keep your pigeon at their house and vice versa. If you think about it, this is kind of like Twitter because there are birds involved. And they can carry about 2.5 oz, so small packages could be transported too!

Communication is awesome, and we definitely need it in today’s society. The Blackberry outage can teach us something, though. Maybe we don’t need to be sleeping with our phones, taking them to the bathroom with us, or having them in our hands at all times. An email can wait a little while for a response. Text messages don’t need a reply at that very second. You need relationships with people, not your phone.

1. Surprise butt sex.
I get it. The anus and the vagina are pretty close together, especially in certain positions, and a guy could easily make a mistake and go for the other hole. That said, there’s a difference between the accidental poke (ie: the instigator apologizes profusely upon realizing the error of his ways) and a clearly premeditated anal sex attack, which includes a whole lot of feigned ignorance (Really? You didn’t notice the complete lack of lubrication and the unusual tightness?) mixed with a ton of reluctance and a sad face when you don’t go along with it. Pure gauche.

2. Body shaming.
Being nude in front of someone else can be extremely scary. Most of us have at least one part of our body that we’re not 100 percent thrilled about, so when we get naked, we’re vulnerable.  So that means play nice. Whatever flaw you perceive your partner’s body to have? They’ve already noticed it. Don’t pinch someone’s fat and make a face (based on a true story). Don’t scoff at his penis. And don’t spend time exaggeratedly gagging at what you perceive to be excessive amount of genital hair – if that is really an issue, bring it up later, in a mature, thoughtful way. If you ultimately don’t find someone else attractive, that’s totally fine, but there is no reason to be hurtful or disrespectful about it.

3. Pressuring.
Let’s say you really want to try some new position, or introduce a toy, or role play, or whatever. And you express your desire to your partner, and they veto it. Let it go. Move on for now. Don’t whine, pout, or try to emotionally manipulate your partner into doing whatever it is you want to do. Not only is it extremely annoying, but it can also make your partner feel like their opinions aren’t valued.

4. Comparisons.
I’ve thought about other people during sex before. I’m sure all of our minds have wandered, thinking about past experiences or indulging in a little fantasy sex with the celeb of our choice. That’s normal. But, for example, if your partner is going down on you and you can’t stop thinking about the way your ex used to do it, absolutely, under no circumstances, should you say anything like, “Oh, Brandon used to [do it like this/do it so much better].” You can guide your partner without bringing up someone else, especially someone you’ve banged before. That is insensitive, rude and callous.

5. Unwanted aggression
First of all, I’d like to address the practice of men pushing women’s heads down when we’re giving head. For any guys reading this, that is a big bundle of no. If you want us to go harder, faster, deeper, use your words. Most of us have gag reflexes, and we have to work up to porn star BJs. Calm down. On a more general note, please keep it consensual, all the way. If your partner seems hesitant, slow down, communicate, make sure you’re on the same page. Consent is a dynamic concept, and you can’t assume that the second clothes come off, everything is on the table.

Then we turn to our best friend for advice, and of course she proceeds to ask you the very same questions you asked yourself. As the cycle of self-incrimination continues, we realize we’ve taken the guessing game way too far, far to a point where we almost don’t even remember what the guy in question even looks like anymore.

Then one day, I got sick and tired of the blame game and decided to come up with my own reasons for why guys don’t call us back.

1. You know what they say, girls mature faster than guys do. So in this case, he prematurely assumed that I was looking for a wedding ring and an indefinite life commitment that sent him running scared.

2. He’s a jerk.

Okay so maybe my list is a bit premature. This guy seems to have all the answers though! He’s a dating and relationship coach who has finally revealed all the reasons why guys fall flat on the communication tip. With all of us girls playing Guesstures all the time, it’s refreshing to hear what a guy has to say about why they won’t call back. Read his thoughts here.

[He Said/She Said is a series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

So last week I listed off the 7 things about guys I really don’t understand. At all. Like male genitalia…. why does it always look so….alien-like? The purpose wasn’t so much to have someone explain them to me as it was to get a few virtual high fives from all my fellow confused ladies. But then I saw what left my male counterpart scratching his head (as opposed to the usual, his balls) when it came to us ladies and I realized this topic required further action.

I needed to explain our side of the story. Make guys understand why we do the things we do. Help break down barriers between men and women and change the way we interact forever! OK, really, I just needed to get the last word.

So without further ado, I’m going to explain what guys think is totally unexplainable. Watch out, now!

1. Horoscope/Palm Readers
He Said: “It’s unreal how much girls read into this sh*t. Well, they read into everything too much, but these two pastimes specifically.”

I Say: If you knew anything about women you’d know that about 99% of us don’t care about horoscopes and would never spend a dollar on a palm reader (unless we’re drunk and pass one on the way home from the bar, in which case it’s totally hilarious!). Saying that we all read into this sh*t too much is like saying that all girls love sparkles, the color pink and underwear pillow fights with our roommates. Have you ever actually SPOKEN to a woman?

And as for this whole “reading into everything” business? Well, maybe we wouldn’t HAVE to read into everything if you shared your feelings and communicated with us.

2. Same Sex Hatred/Cattiness
He Says: “The comments and criticism starts as soon as a girl lays eyes on another girl. Oh my god, she’s wearing that dress? Hideous. Those shoes? Gross. Make-up? Whore. CALM…DOWN.”

I say: I really have nothing to say. It’s true. Lots of girls are judgmental and, much like you guys, it’s a competitive thing. When that skanky ass bitch in the leopard mini-dress that barely covers her labia walks into the room, I already hate her because I know that every guy in the room is going to be looking at her. Is that rational? No, but it’s the truth. Another truth? It’s usually meaningless and fleeting. It may seem catty to you, but it’s really just something that happens, something to talk about with our friends and something we quickly move on from. Maybe you should, too.

3. Bags
He Says: “Jesus Christ, ladies. Chill OUT with the f***ing bags! You don’t need all that sh*t on you at all times. You guys already have enough emotional baggage (ZING!), so why add to your stress with 3 bags on each arm?”

I Say: Why the f*ck do you care how many bags I carry or what I put in there? If I’m not asking you to hold my giant bag that’s heavier than a dead body, it’s none of your damn business. Oh and by the way, where would you find lip balm/gum/a pen if it weren’t for me and all my bags, hmmm?

4. Pillows
He Says: “Those pillows serve NO PURPOSE whatsoever. You just throw them off the bed only to put ‘em back on only to throw them back off again.”

I Say: You’re right – making the bed gets really annoying with all those pillows. But they make the bed so much prettier and inviting. And they are perfect to lay on when I’m studying or watching TV or talking sh*t about the slutty girls on my hall with my roommate. Oh, and you won’t think they’re so pointless when you’re passed out next to me and you have a variety of comfy pillow to rest your head on for the night.

5. Shoes
He Says: “Legit, each woman has 1 pair for every f***ing day of the year.”

I Say: You did NOT just go and attack my shoes. YOU DID NOT. What have my 42 pairs of shoes ever done to you besides make my legs look amazingly long and add a pop of color to my going out outfit?

6. Brunch/Tapas/Dining Out
He Says: “Stuff doesn’t make you happy, ladies. My weiner does. (I guarantee women will huff over that last comment. Proof once again you girls have no idea what “sense of humor” means)”

I Say: First of all, if you’re gonna list “brunch/dining out” as something you don’t understand, why don’t you stick to that? Did you not learn the art of making an argument in 7th grade? What does “stuff” have to do with tapas? Brunch isn’t “stuff,” it’s a meal. A good meal. And a chance for us ladies to get together, hang out and talk about you. Why is that so hard to understand? You don’t see me sitting here all confused wondering why you and your bros go to bars to drink beer and watch sports, because that’s what guys do and I am normal enough to understand that.

As for your second point (that I can’t even believe I’m addressing), I know for a fact that your weiner will never make me as happy as the pair of Cole Haan nude patent pumps I just got on clearance at DSW. At least those aren’t attached to cocky bastards who stereotype women and make really poor arguments. (Although, to be fair, they did give me massive blisters the first time I wore them.)

7. Lack of Rationale/Warped Logic
He Says: “This one could be the worst. And part of me thinks it circles back to women reading too much into things. Never ask a women, “Why?” You’ll get the most convoluted, twisted, roundabout answer or a simple one-liner that makes sense to her in her own head but will completely fry your mainframe.”

I Say: There’s a difference between a woman “lacing rationale” and a guy who just doesn’t want to hear what a woman is thinking. Something tells me you’d understand us a lot more if you actually tried.

And with that, I’ve got my panties all in a bunch. And it is not comfortable. Let’s all take a moment to breathe (and pick our wedgies) then head over to CoedMagazine to hear His explanation for the 7 things I’ll never understand about dudes.

There are those rare circumstances where you and your partner connect on every level and every romp in the sack is transcendent and magical and effortless. But for most of us, we usually end up with a partner who intuitively understands only some of our needs. The only way to get the most mindblowing sex you can imagine? Talk that ish out.

I know, sometimes talking about sex with the person you’re having it with is downright terrifying. You don’t want to hurt your partner’s feelings, or maybe you tell yourself you’re okay with having sex that’s only 70 percent awesome. Eventually, however, you could start to get resentful of the fact that you only orgasm 30 percent of the time (when you know that you’re capable of orgasming 98 percent of the time), or you’re going to develop a complex about your boobs (because, OMG, WHY WON’T MY BOO TOUCH/LICK/SUCK them? ARE THEY NOT GOOD ENOUGH?). Or you’ve suddenly realized you really want to try spanking, but you assume your partner isn’t into it because they’ve never brought it up.

But really? All of those problems, and a lot of other sexually related ones, can be solved by just talking about it in a mature, respectful way.

If it’s something more significant, like a noticeable decrease in your partner’s sex drive, have a conversation about it outside of the bedroom (where pressure and expectations may hinder openness). Make sure you’re as non-confrontational as possible and have an open, two-way dialogue. Even if you don’t resolve your problem immediately, at least you’re both on the same page. If you find yourself hitting an awkward wall, either keep talking through it or take a break and then come back to it. Sure, the conversation may get awkward or tense, but the best way to get past that is to confront it head on.

Not all circumstances require a super intense convo, though. Sometimes, you can suggest things while you’re hot and heavy. If your partner has a tendency to neglect certain parts of your body, all you have to do is softly move their hand to wherever you want it (okay, so occasionally closed mouths can get fed…) And, you know, it’s amazing how much power one sexy whisper can have. If your partner has a tendency to stop licking/sucking/penetrating before you hit orgasm, a simple, encouraging “no, don’t stop, keep going” may be all you need. When their hard work is rewarded with you reaching the pinnacle of sexy pleasure, they’ll totally get the message (hello, positive reinforcement!)

When it comes to toys and kink, I’ve found that it’s always most comfortable to talk about it in post-coital, cuddly afterglow, when you can ask your partner questions about what they’ve fantasized about/what they’re interested in trying sexually, and you can divulge your interests too.

Maybe none of these suggestions will work because, worst case scenario, you’re not sexually compatible. And that’s when you decide whether you’re okay with settling for less than spectacular nookie or break it off. But there’s also the distinct possibility you and your partner are a lot more similar than you thought, and you can work together to have the most fabulous sex ever. Either way, you’ll be making decisions based on facts instead of assumptions.

At the end of the day, if you want something, you gotta communicate it. I firmly believe that if you’re willing to open your legs to someone, you should definitely be able to open your mouth.

[We ladies spend a lot of time wondering what guys are thinking, most often over stiff drinks or soupy ice cream. Unfortunately, besides The Dude, we don't often get the chance to really find out. So we continue speculating, wondering and growing more and more self-conscious by the minute. Not anymore. CollegeCandy's got a new guy in town who is going to open up his man brain and enlighten us as to what exactly goes on in there. Prepare yourselves, girls; I have a feeling this is going to be an interesting ride.]

- The very back row of the lecture hall.
- The bathrooms of every restaurant/bar within 10 miles of campus.
- The floor of your dorm or apartment.
- Any place you can get your hair or nails done.
- At the clothing racks of retail stores.

No, I’m not listing the top five places to have sex (though the last two would be sorta exciting/weird….). I’m talking about the most likely places you will overhear college women debating if their new guy is looking for a relationship or just looking for ass. We all know guys avoid the title of “boyfriend“ like it was an invitation to watch a Golden Girls marathon, but there are some nice guys still out there that do actually want to be someone’s boyfriend.

So how does a woman know if her guy is part of this endangered species?

Well, let’s backtrack a little.

As pathetic as women may feel admitting to devoting so much of their precious time to this topic, it doesn’t stop them from doing it constantly. Even the strong, confident women with healthy self-esteem find themselves in this exact situation. All logic and rationale goes flying out the window when they meet that one person who literally makes them blush with a simple hello. Meeting guys is the easy part. After first base though (or homebase for those of you homerun gals who let them run all the way home with the first swing) , things get complicated. (Excuse the baseball analogy; it helps balance out my masculinity.)

This is when all the questions start.

It was all simpler when we were younger.  If a guy kissed you, he was your boyfriend. But we all know that’s not so much the case anymore.

Here is the harsh reality, ladies: if you’re asking yourself if this guy only wants to fool around, he more than likely just wants to fool around. This is one of those situations where asking the question is the answer. Women are the most intuitive creatures on this planet, but it means nothing if you don’t pay attention to your instincts. Something happened to make you wonder about this guy, but you don’t listen. Instead, you defend the guy and tell yourself (or you give sh*tty advice to your girlfriend) that you’re being paranoid and self-loathing, that if you keep this up, he’s going to stop calling you.

Then what happens?

After hooking up a couple of times, he just stops calling you and you blame yourself.

There is nothing wrong with fooling around. It can be fun and exhilarating with the right person. It can turn a boring study date into a fantasy or a long car ride into a multitasking adventure as long as you both consider it fooling around. Your stories will have totally different endings if you’re not on the same page.

So how can you tell what your guy is thinking about this relationship? OK, ladies. Pay close attention. Here it comes….

ASK HIM!

If you were expecting secret insider tips on how to figure this out, I’m sorry to let you down. Guys are too simple — and therefore don’t require a decoder.  Either we think you’re hot/cool enough to commit ourselves or we don’t.

I will let you in on one secret: most guys aren’t expecting this conversation because we know about this internal female dilemma and we take advantage of it.  We know you wonder about our relationship status and sometimes we string you along just for the sex. It’s like we snuck onto a sexual rollercoaster ride and we just enjoy it and play dumb until we get caught without our tickets. If a woman were to ask a man where their relationship was going, he would be so caught off guard that he’d tell the truth in a moment of shock because you asked and, well, he needs to answer.

It’s true that women seem to obsess more about this issue than men, but I think it’s because women lose sight of the fact that they have all the power-the power of sex. Women decide the time and place for sex and that can move mountains. Think about it: when was the last time you spent all your money buying guys drinks, working on pick-up lines, or trying to get a guy drunk to improve your chances of hooking up? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not summarizing the worth of women based on sex, but you have to realize that whether a guy wants to be your eff buddy, your boyfriend, or your husband, one thing’s for sure, he wants to have sex with you. Instead of trying to figure some guy out, think about if he’s worth it and then bluntly communicate what you want.

Life’s too short for ambiguity. When it comes to dealing with guys, it is better to always communicate what you want and what you expect so there are no misunderstandings. It’s true that guys can be clueless when it comes to what a woman wants or is thinking, but women don’t help much when you make us guess all the time. Get everything out in the open and take back control.

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question (Why's my BF being so cheap?) over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Dearest Dude,

I am not a girlfriend type of girl. Or at least, I wasn’t until now… I think. In college, the closest I came to a relationship was an 8-month hook up, who I’m pretty sure considered me his girlfriend, but I certainly did not consider him my boyfriend. I preferred hook ups and always made fun of the girls who obsessed over one guy and were clingy and freaked out over interpreting a simple text. Commitment and admitting my feelings terrified me.

But for the past 2., maybe 3, months I’ve been hanging out with one guy. We don’t have a title, but we’ve gone out to nice dinners and all that stuff, and the PDA doesn’t even bother me like it has in the past. He calls me when he says he will and he calls randomly just to talk. His friends even invite me to hang out when he’s not around, and we’ve already become “we” people (as in “No, we can’t make it,” “We’re going to the bar, wanna come with us?”). We’ve had a couple problems, but no actual arguments.

I’ll admit it — he’s turned me into a total chick. He’s all I think about and I constantly want to be around him and talk about him to my friends. But there are 2 red flags for me: 1. we’ve spent the night together a couple times and fooled around, but he didn’t even try to have sex. The first time I didn’t mind, because I didn’t wanna rush into that yet, but it’s happened several times now. And 2. he will sometimes disappear on me for days. He won’t call me for almost a week and right as I start to think we might be done, he comes through again. Am I just finally entering the world of paranoid girlfriend or should I be concerned? I know he likes his space, but I feel like I should say something. I guess what I’m really trying to ask is, is he just not that into me, or am I just being insecure?
– Confused and Concerned

Dear Confused and Concerned,

Don’t pout or shout my stout hearted friend. There’s a very simple solution: Trust your feelings.

You want to know the number one cause for our unhappiness? Us. We get in our own way. Especially if you’re a type A, try-to-take-over-the-world, whether through the Peace Corps or hijacking space weaponry, kind of person. Overanalyzing and panicking make people want to get control of a situation that they can’t have complete control over. Because there’s another person involved.

I’m a big fan of honesty and communication when it comes to relationships or even quasi-undefined-don’t-want-to-label-it-half ass-open-casual relationships. The longer you let something bubble up the more likely you’ll implode or explode and that often serves to make matters worse. It’s simple in theory but torture in practice sometimes. If he’s being distant and your gut tells you talk to him then talk to him. He might not realize he’s doing it or he could be doing it on purpose for any number of reasons (he doesn’t want to get too close with this undefined relationship, he’s trying to keep it casual, he doesn’t have a clue that going a week without talking to someone hurts their feelings [meaning he’s emotionally/socially inept in some ways], etc).

Two things usually happen when you address what’s bothering you: 1, you gain information on motivation thereby relieving you of the whole driving you bonkers because you don’t know aspect; 2, you feel better because you’re not holding onto all the anxiety from not knowing. Other results may include compromise, cuddling, make up sex, marriage proposals, dry mouth, headaches, and pains in your ass. Results vary from person to person.

The sex thing is an intimacy issue. Could be he’s nervous about satisfying you or he might be worried that if he takes it that far he’s going to fall hard (for practical solutions with performance problems see last week‘s column). My guess is that you two might want to get on the same page after three months and clarify where you’re at. Does it take the romance and casualness out of the relationship? Maybe, maybe not. If you both want to take a shot then the romance factor is increased exponentially. If you both want to keep it low maintenance then the stress factor is decreased exponentially. Again, knowing what the boundaries or expectations are makes everything a lot easier to deal with because then you both know where you stand with each other.

When we break our streaks and actually fall it’s tempting to pump the brakes. Problem is, you can’t fall up. If you’re going to take the plunge then you have to let yourself take the plunge. I’m not saying jump into the deep end with reckless abandon. I’m suggesting you give whatever you have the opportunity to evolve without forcing expectations on it. Let it happen. Take it day by day and make sure that the lines of comunicado are open. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself lost on the way down and that’s scarier than almost anything.

Happy landing,

The Dude

It’s no surprise to say technology has completely changed the way we, as a society, come together.  From Twitter to Foursquare, J-Date to Match.com, gone are the days of quainter communication.  Forget about lying in bed twirling the phone cord around your finger as you trade campus gossip with your BFF, just log onto Facebook and you’ll have hundreds of networks worth of information at your fingertips.

In the spirit of revolutionary social networking, here are some of the best sites and apps to use if you want to…

Go fly a kite.
Meetup.com is perfect for anyone who’s looking to meet people with whom they share a special interest.  If you’re a Brooklynite with a love of kites, they’ve got you covered.  If you’re from San Francisco and looking for a Super Fabulicious Hiking and Outdoor Adventure Club, there’s a new group of friends already waiting for you.  Calling all Costumed Revelers in Chandler, AZ- you’ve got a scheduled meet-up next Tuesday!

Find a booty call.
PinpointsX.com links up to your cell, activates your GPS, then plots you on a personalized Passion Map.  From there you can see everyone else in the vicinity who meets your criteria and is looking for a little no strings attached fun.  Additionally, you’re pointed in the direction of other types of venues- adult entertainment shows, special clubs, and suitable motels.

Keep in touch.
Postino and Skype are my two favorites for keeping in touch, whether I want to send a short message or have a video call heart-to-heart.  Postino allows you to convert pictures you’ve taken with your phone into cute little postcards that you can send to friends and family.  And Skype is like Gchat on steroids.  It doesn’t matter where in the world you are, you can “call” anyone else with Skype for free.  And you said you didn’t want to study abroad because your cell phone didn’t work overseas…

Share experiences.
Gowalla is a hybrid of everything we love.  Regardless if you’re discovering a new city or exploring your hometown, this app networks with everyone you know to show you where they’ve visited.  Sound too much like Foursquare?  After you consult friends’ recent haunts, you can check their live updates to see if they enjoyed the place, as well as receive further suggestions from the super-smart Gowalla crew.  Now, not every app can do that.