I recently ran into an article in Cosmo in which a guy listed 10 things he wished girls knew about guys.  Funny, sure, but not quite on target about everything. Anyway, it got me thinking about some things that I think guys need to know about us.

1.  We don’t like it when you fart.  Especially if you do it in bed, or while we’re eating.  Gross, not funny… and you’re wasting your time thinking that we’ll ever “learn to love them.”

2.  Don’t make fun of us when we’re with our friends.  Funny in small doses, annoying when you do it constantly.  Keep doing it and you’ll pretty much guarantee yourself no “goodies” for awhile.

3.  We know you’re hot, that’s one of the reasons we’re dating you.  But that doesn’t mean you have to act like you know how hot you are by constantly walking around shirtless, flexing your muscles, etc. Confidence is hot – cockiness is not. Read More »

Oh, teenage Gemma. The things I wish you knew, about life, love, and so much more. But since that’s a lot to cover in one letter, let’s start with something a little simpler. Dating. The things you don’t know, teenage Gemma, could fill an O Chem textbook. If only I could share with you some of the lessons I’ve learned, sometimes the very, very hard way.

First, the basics.

Be honest with yourself, always. Do you like him, or do you like how much he likes you? Because, trust me, that will never be enough in the end. It’s flattering to have someone who clearly worships the ground you walk on, but don’t get so wrapped up in what he thinks of you that you don’t really think through what you think of him. It’s a two-way street, and there is nothing wrong with deciding that someone simply isn’t for you. Dating isn’t about long term commitment, it’s about trying something on for size. If it grows into something more serious, that’s fantastic, but if not, there is nothing wrong with deciding it’s not really for you. You’ll both hurt a lot more the farther you let it go.

In that same ‘be honest’ vein, be honest about yourself! If you think a band sucks, say so. Don’t pander to someone’s tastes to make them think you’re cool. You know what’s cool? Having opinions and sticking by them. Remember who you are, always. They should be as interested in learning from you as you are from them, and if they blow off your interests, that’s a pretty big red flag. Read More »

So last week while talking to my male friend about red flags that send guys running, he touched on girls being crazy bitches. Because that is what all men say: they don’t like girls who are crazy bitches. I personally believe that guys think every girl is a crazy bitch (they throw the term and judgement around so easily), so I wanted to find out what this guy considered crazy.

Please note: I went a little crazy talking to him, so I apologize if I ruined it for the rest of you. I take full responsibility for my actions and am going to let all men know that I do not represent our entire gender. And, boys, I’m normally cool as a cucumber – when I’m medicated with caffiene and chocolate – so don’t run! Read More »

Today is Facebook’s 5th birthday. Can you believe it? Five years? We’ve been stalking our friends (and friends of friends of friends) for 5 whole years?!

I’m always astonished by how quickly novelty becomes routine, and how easily routine slides dismally into annoyance. When I first logged on to Facebook, you know, senior year of high school – damn! – there they were, Joe and Chelsea and Ian and Howie and, oh boy! When did I get so many friends? And when did everyone start looking so good in pictures? My excitement was boundless. I was so pumped, I posted on my own wall.

Since then, the spell has worn off a bit. Facebook has become at best a boring tool (the seventh simple machine?) and at worst a recipe for failing your finals. We’ve all spent those wee-morning hours clicking through photos of proms and parties past. We’ve lost (real-life) friends over comment arguments about “just how drunk Mandy was” in that one album. And now our mothers are on Facebook, and they’ve Bitten us. “Start Biting people, and raise your own Vampire Horde!” Thanks, Mom!

But c’mon, Facebook’s great, right? We really do love it. It’s like a drug. And if you took that drug away, the withdrawal symptoms would be severe. In a world where all our Facebook connections were replaced by tin-can telephones, what couldn’t we do? More importantly, would we be able to park our culture in the handicapped spot? Read More »

Let’s face it, the economy sucks right now. Not all of us can afford the things we want, and many of us are scraping by to make ends meet with the looming doom of student loans on our backs. It seems like the recession isn’t just some news-media craze, it is prodding its way into everything these days – even relationships!

Although talk of the economy seems to be everywhere, not everyone realizes the impact that it can have on relationships. Imagine your significant other having no worries because his parents dish out money at the drop of a hat (and then some), while you are fretting about next semester’s tuition. He may not understand the stress or the frustration because his financial situation (thanks to Mom & Dad) hasn’t changed like yours, and that in itself can complicate things.

Here’s some ways to keep money out of the picture in this economy:

1) Don’t make money an issue (or at least a big one) – This is very important! You are dating him because you like him, and whether or not you have money or you are having a hard time financially, it should not be a main staple in your relationship.

2) Communication – Be honest with him. If you think he bragging about his more fortunate life, tell him how it makes you feel. If you don’t feel right about going out to a fancy dinner that you can’t afford, tell him that. Although it’s important to not make money an issue (especially an underlying one in your relationship), it is important to talk about your worries.

3) Do not play the victim card – Even if you are having a hard time, it’s not right to throw your financial problems on someone else and expect him to pay for everything.

4) Gifts are nice – Presents and gifts are nice, but they aren’t required in a relationship. If your man tries to buy you nice things constantly, tell him that money can’t buy your love and let him know that you appreciate it, but you don’t expect it. And most of all, don’t forget to say thank you. Read More »

I am a Cosmo devotee. Have been since I started stealing my mom’s when I was twelve. I am amazed monthly by the hair, the witty captions, and their never ending innovation of synonyms for the word penis. Many of my friends, acquaintances, relatives and sisters swear by Cosmo as their Bible (and for the most part I do too). But there are some times (well…many times) when Cosmo’s take on real world situations is – in a word – whack.

I will still accept their declarations of lip gloss superiority like they were handed down from the divine, but when it comes to their interpretation of all things men (or at least all things greatly generalized and stereotyped), I think I’ll be reading with a grain of salt handy.

And I’ll pass that grain onto you. With every passing month and, in turn, every new “Secret Sex Fantasy Guys Won’t Tell You!” revealed, I will be here to break it all down for you. I will find the truth buried deep between the unsafe sex positions and “things he secretly loves you for,” so you don’t end up with a stiff neck, an angry boyfriend or some seriously embarrassing sexcapades.]

This month, Cosmo published a wonderful/accidentally hilarious article titled “Fascinating Facts About Men.” Naturally intrigued by the offer of any additional knowledge to help me decipher what the hell goes through my boyfriend’s mind, I delved into the article. The facts, if not all that surprising, did explain some of the reasons WHY men do such inexplicable things occasionally. Far more interesting, however, were Cosmo’s interpretations and addendums to the facts. I took it upon myself to conduct my own “scientific” (read: slightly drunk with several girlfriends) analysis.

1. “Men with elevated levels of testosterone may have trouble commiting, because it suppresses vasopressin and oxytocin, chemicals that encourage bonding.”

Cosmo says: “Signs a dude has a high dosage of it: strong brow, defined cheekbones, thin lips, pronounced jawline, broad shoulders, muscular body, large penis, ring finger longer than his index finger.”

Kari says: Cosmo just described Robert Pattinson, as far as I’m concerned (not that I can confirm the part about his schlong). So, yeah, I’d have trouble committing too if hundreds, quite possibly thousands, of women would literally do anything to screw me. I also enjoyed the sculpted physique and stunning profile of the little cartoon man that Cosmo supplied, perhaps a little too much. Thus reinforcing my theory about it not being the testosterone itself that makes a playa, but the hot face and rockin’ bod it creates. Read More »

I just read the beautifully written (but also mortifying) novella by Ian McKewan, On Chesil Beach. It’s a lovely little book, with well-drawn characters, but I think the main reason it’s been pretty famous this year is because of its infamous sex scene, a scene in which two inexperienced virgins get just about everything wrong.

Without giving it away, I couldn’t help laughing even as I blushed. At the same time, I learned a lot about what NOT to do when the realities of our bodies inevitably trip us up.

1. You must talk about sex. On Chesil Beach is set in the early sixties, a time when it was “simply impossible” for anyone to discuss sex. It’s the ultimate taboo subject even when people are married, and as a result, couples who get together barely know what to do with each other or even what to expect.

In the book, Florence is given a brief pamphlet about the bare bones of sex, but she still doesn’t have the first clue of what to do or what will happen on the man’s side of things. Because of this huge taboo of talking about sex, neither of them can talk healthily about it when things go wrong. Times have changed a lot since then, but I still think the taboo stands in a lot of situations. We’re not supposed to say certain words, protest if something hurts, or talk about what we want. But without having these difficult and embarrassing conversations, people will end up being disappointed, hurt, or just plain confused.

2. Don’t feel ashamed. A powerful sense of shame is another reason why Florence and Edward feel paralyzed in McKewan’s book. When things go wrong, Florence immediately assumes it’s her fault, she has done something wrong. Edward similarly feels ashamed for having “failed.” In reality, sex the first time is harder than TV and movies make it out to be. It takes a little finagling to get the jigsaw pieces together, so to speak, and if either girl or guy feels shame about this, it will taint the whole experience. Read More »

I know full-well what makes a man not-so-good in bed. I know it when I can’t sit comfortably the next day, or when I want to fall asleep during the most boring sex of all time. And I definitely knew it that time the dude licked me from my mouth to my ear..and left a nice puddle of saliva in my hair.

But I have no idea what makes a woman bad in bed. Can a woman be bad in bed? Could I be bad in bed? I started to develop a complex after a male friend of mine told me he had faked orgasms…on multiple occassions! Guys fake orgasms? Could a guy have been faking with me?

OMG! WHAT IF I AM BAD?!

I turned to my male advisor for the answers. (Note: I did try and convince him that it was “my friend” who was worried, but we all know it was neurotic, self-conscious me.) Read More »

Here at CC, our opinions on love, sex and relationships cover pretty much the whole spectrum of ideals (and according to the fantastic discussions amongst commentors, so do yours, lovely readers). However I think we can all agree that long distance relationships are difficult.

Whether you are a serial LDD-er (long distance dater, obvs) or this is your first case of separation anxiety, remember that a summer break is not a relationship death sentence, but more of a Paris-esque mini lockdown with time off for good behavior!

The most important aspect of a long distance relationship (as in any other healthy one) is communication. Beyond the obvious (calling, texting, IMing), it’s important to create an open channel of expression that allows you both to clearly explain your thoughts, feelings and, most importantly, expectations throughout this relationship vacation (not the Speidi version).

Before you two lovebirds separate, talk about the impending geographical issue. Discuss how you’re feeling about it (nervous? anxious? scared?) and why. Bring up your thoughts on the social scene and parties. I’m not a believer in strict rules governing your right to party (thank you, Beastie Boys) but your definition of a good time might be quite different from his (Is it ok to flirt shamelessly but innocently for free drinks? Are you cool with a night at the strip club with his boys?). By talking about problems like wandering eyes or drifting apart before they happen, you can easily avoid them. And by establishing a sitch where you can freely talk about stuff like that will help you stay secure in your union. Read More »

When I first moved after college I started talking to a nice boy. He eventually invited me out to dinner and we hit up this cute little Thai restaurant. It was a lovely evening that went on for hours before we both had to head home for the night. We did a little cheek kiss goodbye and promised to speak to each other soon. So, when he hadn’t called three days later, I called him. He didn’t answer. I called again. And again. I left messages and kept my phone close by (like, on my pillow as I slept) so I wouldn’t miss his call. Which never came.

I obviously should have gotten the hint, but I just couldn’t let it go. We had such a great date; how could he just stop talking to me? What did I do wrong? Why would he tell me he’d call if he never planned to? I needed to hear it – I needed to know he wasn’t interested. I needed that closure.

Eventually, which was far too long in any sane person’s book, I gave up and moved on. He wasn’t going to call. I had my closure. Looking back, I realize just how crazy I was. Literally, crazy. No wonder he never called back; he was probably at the police station trying to get a restraining order. But I was young and alone in a giant new city. That boy was the one thing I had to hold onto while I started a new job, found a new apartment and adjusted to life outside of Ann Arbor, Michigan. Read More »