Ahhh, Fourth of July.

It’s not a holiday that carries the burden of gift exchange, and you don’t feel guilty if you don’t spend it with your family. Is that why it’s one of the best days to celebrate? People make plans for the Fourth months in advance, which is more than we can say for St. Patrick’s day, its celebratory-drunkfest cousin. So what is it that makes Independence Day so special? I mean… other than the fact that we have freedom of speech and right to assemble and such.

1. Fireworks.

They appeal to everyone. The rebels can light stuff on fire and blow things up. The artists can appreciate the colorful patterns of light against a midnight sky. And the lovers can tell themselves it’s okay if they just did it in a park on a blanket. Fireworks and Fourth of July are like Mistletoe and Christmas. They just aren’t as cool if you pick the wrong day. Read More »

Dear Nadya Suleman,

Ever since you gave birth to octuplets last week, the media just can’t stop talking about you. Which seems to suit you just fine; we heard that you’ve hired an agent to help you break into TV. Splendid!

t’s good to see a mother who just loves using her kids for cash flow her children.

You’ll definitely make tons of money from doing interviews, and you’ll even get to meet celebrities. Maybe you’ll even be on Oprah! Or even Maury Povich – he loves those “Who’s the Daddy?” shows!

I noticed you were hoping to land a job on some news show or another as an “on-camera childcare expert.” I’m thinking you are better suited to be a baby-making expert (14 kids under the age of 7…and you are only 33!), but that’s neither here nor there. Read More »

We are big fans of the Olympics. Seriously, the amount of time and dedication (drink!) the athletes commit to their sport is admirable. And all that talent; it really does make us proud.

But watching the Olympics also makes us feel sorta crappy about our own performance. Some of us spend the entire day at our computers in sweatpants eating bag after bag of chips (me). Others split our time between class (25%) and the bar (75%). We couldn’t get to the Olympics if we tried…really hard.

That doesn’t mean we can’t dream. We asked everyone at CollegeCandy which sport they would want to compete in. Maybe this will motivate them to get off the couch and start training…or not. Watching is fine too.

Kathryn S.: I would want to be an Olympic gymnast, not for the gold, but for all the crazy party tricks I could perform at keg parties… and for all the tricks I could do after the party. Wink, wink.

Kate Bean – NYU: If I had my choice, I’d definitely compete in the male soccer tournaments. Screw logic/rules… those guys are HOT.

Carly – Grinnell: Tennis! I would melt of happiness (and probably literally melt in the Beijing heat) if I got to play alongside Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer.

Suzie – George Washington University: I would want to bring back tug of war (1900-1920) just for the sake of watching Olympians slide through the mud pit of shame– and hearing commentators give blow by blows of the crucial moments.

Olua: Equestrian, hands f**king down. Only a horse-person could understand how amazing some of those guys (and I guess the riders, too) are. And it’s the only sport where I get to brag that I practiced with my pet. What do I have to lose? …I mean, aside from broken bones and concussions from falling or getting thrown. But I could cope! Read More »

• Think you’re going through a dry spell? “The average [amount of sex oppourtunities] in the engineering school is probably like once a semester.” Tragic. (Miami Herald)

• The French Prime Minister’s son likes poop. And Facebook! And embarrassing his family! (Telegraph.co.uk)

• “Having women well represented in the corporate boardroom can help improve financial performance.” Maybe with that extra money we can all get paid equally…maybe? (Yahoo!)

• Why is it that I could feasibly post a variation of this story everyday? Stop the madness! (Telegraph.co.uk)

• Some fat guy ate 21 pounds of grits and won $4,000. That works out to be about $190 a pound. It was for the glory, people! (seattlepi.com)

Hailed as “one of the greatest moments in American sports history,” Joey Chestnut, 23, made America proud yesterday as he shoveled 66 hotdogs into his mouth in a mere 12 minutes. Needless to say, it was one of the most disgusting displays of American pride I have ever seen.

In a brutal showdown, 6 time Japanese champion Takeru Kobayashi went dog for dog with Chestnut until almost the very end, despite a jaw injury. Unfortunately for Kobayashi, his “reversal” (aka barf) during the final stretch cost him 3 HDB’s (Hot Dogs and Buns eaten) for a total of 63. Both competitors broke their own records as well as the record for most hot dogs ever eaten.

The competition, held annually, has been around since 1916. If 90 years of hot dog pounding doesn’t scream what is wrong with our countries eating habits, the amount of calories Chestnut consumed—20,394—should.

Welcome to America, land of the free and home of obesity.