Qvestion?! Ansver: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I kind of hate my best friend.

It’s not her fault. She’s fine. She’s nice to me. She’s nice to our other friends. I’ve been living with her since Freshman year (we’re Juniors now) and she’s good as a roommate. But I just can’t stand her. She’s just always on my nerves. She complains about everything. I used to think it was funny but now it just brings me down. And if you ever say you like something, she always has to tell you why it isn’t worth liking until you can’t stand it either.

The rest of our friends still hang out with her but only in groups. They don’t come to our room anymore to hang out because she’s always complaining. I get stuck with her because I live with her, and I don’t want to sneak out too much or I think it will hurt her feelings. She’s not a bad person. She’s actually really thougthful and smart. She just really brings me down, and I feel terrible about it. What do I do?

Bad Friend Read More »

I hate to admit it but I’ve watched a few episodes of The Marriage Ref. (What? There was nothing else on TV!)  While it’s not exactly great television (or even remotely good television), it did get me thinking about the whole idea of having a relationship referee. Those guys in the black and white stripes keep sporting events fair, so imagine what they could do for a couple.

OK, so maybe not an actual ref, but a friend or some other unbiased third party (who looks less creepy than that guy on TV) would be nice.

It’s no secret that fights between a boyfriend and a girlfriend can get really heated really fast. There are just so many feelings to deal with. What starts out as a simple comment soon blows up into name calling, door slamming and silent treatmenting. (It’s a word, OK?)  Both parties are yelling but no one is really listening, anxious to get their feelings off their chest. Sometimes you can work it out, but sometimes it gets to the point where you’re both just too tired to try anymore and someone just gives up. Until the next time when all these old feelings come barreling out.

Wouldn’t it be awesome to have someone else there to keep things fair? To bust out a gavel and make a final ruling? To make sure everyone leaves feeling validated?

Sounds pretty good to me. Read More »

Unlike most people who only have their birthdays to celebrate every year, I am fortunate enough to have two days in my honor:

March 21st – the day my mother pushed me out of her womb

October 15th – National Grouch Day

Whereas I am always shunned, yelled at and abused for being a “royal bitch,” today I, and others like me, am celebrated for my general moodiness. I am finally vindicated for my annoyance at my roommates leaving their sh*t all over the house, for those mother-effers who can’t figure out what a turn signal is, and for the jerks down the street who keep playing that same damn Lil Wayne song over and over and over.

I don’t have to be ashamed for yelling at the Subway dude who put mayo on my 6 inch turkey on whole wheat with “absolutely no sauces, spices or mayo,” or for pushing the bitch at the bar who cut me in line and then got the last Amstel Light.

No. Today is my day. MINE. A day for me to be who I am and for those around me to celebrate it by leaving me the eff alone. Do not hug me, sing to me, or send me a card; all I want on this day is acceptance of my grouchiness.

And maybe for you people to clean up the damn kitchen. Is that too much to ask?!

Dear Upper East Side,

I’m writing this letter with sadness in my heart and hot fudge in my hair. I’ve spent the last two months scooping your ice cream and ringing up orders and now its time for me to go home. But even though I must leave, I wanted to spend a few final moments reflecting on our time together.

Like remember all those times when you came in with your Blackberry in one hand, your Bugaboo stroller in the other, and you didn’t even look up from your phone to place your order? I always respected you for your determination to complete your conversation, even if it sometimes meant you couldn’t make eye contact with me.

Or haha, I’m cracking up about that time I gave you two cents in change and you held your hand out waiting for it so you could put it back in your Prada wallet, which you shoved into your Fendi bag instead of the tip jar. That was a great time. Read More »

Remember Mr. Deceptive, the nice guy who turned out not to be so nice after all? Part 1 talked about what a supercilious jerk he was to other people, but this time we’re going to see how his better-than-thou attitude affected our relationship, too.

An old friend of ours (but a relatively new friend of mine), set the two of us up when I said I wanted to date a guy who was genuinely nice. On our first date, our conversation covered a lot of ground, and I made sure to mention that I am agnostic — a fact that I’ve found is often a deal-breaker in new relationships. I wanted to get it out into the open as soon as possible.

To my delight, Mr. Deceptive told me that he also was nonreligious, having become quite disillusioned with religion. I later learned that he had an obsessively religious mother and a family environment where, even at 24, he wasn’t allowed freedoms such as staying out past midnight or having a bank account without his parents’ names on it.

Sounds kind of creepy, doesn’t it? Maybe the fact that he blamed his mom for his break from religion, yet didn’t have the guts to refuse to get up at 5:30 every morning (!) and pray with the family, should have clued me in. Read More »

Hmm. What can I complain about today?

I KNOW! Snacks!

100-Calorie snacks are ridiculous, and while it seems like complaining about 100-Calorie snacks is stupid, and yeah, it probably is, it’s not just about the portions-for-p*ssies-packaging that gets me – it’s what these things represent.

Nabisco has all sorts of them – chips, cookies, crackers, whatever. I went to the store one day and saw a box of 100-Calorie Cheez-Its. “Cheez-Its!” I exclaimed in the aisle. “Cheez-Its are a delicious treat, and they’re only 100 calories, right here in these little bags that have been portioned for me? Yes! I shall purchase these Cheez-Its at once, and they will be enough to satisfy my hungry stomach.”

I bought them and it was very disappointing.

There were, like, 7 and a half Cheez-Its in the teeny-tiny bag, and no, I was not satisfied. Not only that, but that feeling of disappointment when those 7 and a half Cheez-Its were in my still-hungry stomach, only made me feel worse than when I originally bought the Cheez-Its because I felt bad about myself in the first place! It made me think to myself, “Wow. This bag didn’t do a very good job in satisfying me. I must be a whale. Must. Have. More.” Read More »

Kanye West likes to complain.

Remember last year when he rushed the stage at the MTV Europe VMA’s, flipping out about the fact that his video cost “1 million dollars!” and that he had “Pam Anderson” and “jumped across canyons and shit!”?

Most people were like, “Whoa, Kanye. You’re talented and stuff…but calm down.”

And he did, for a little while.

Then of course, came the VMA’s on American soil, and West was shut out again, winning no awards for his “genius”. Instead of having a tantrum in front of however many millions of people, Kanye upgraded his whining to backstage…and the radio.

“That’s two years in a row, man … give a black man a chance!” He exclaimed while waiting for a elevator, stomping around and hitting things. “I’m trying hard man, I have the … No. 1 record, man!”

After flipping out the night of show (much like I used to flip out when I was 4 and my mom wouldn’t let me have a second cookie…give a toddler a chance, man!) Kanye went to New York radio station Z100 last Monday and said he felt “betrayed” by the network.

He went on to say it wasn’t because he didn’t win, it was because of the programming; namely, allowing an unprepared Britney Spears to open the festivities and relegating him to a luxury suite at the Casino where the VMA’s were broadcast to perform instead of the main stage. Read More »