Cosmo Says the Darndest Things: July Edition

lauren-conrad-cover-deThis month’s Cosmo was full of summer fun ideas and beat-the-heat ideas that sound like they might actually work (except for those “easy” summer time hairstyles. I think I’ll stick to CC’s how-to-video for that).  But July’s issue had it all: A woman with a PHD who analyzes Speidi PDA! Un-cheesy 4th of July looks! Virgins! Lauren Conrad’s cleavage! A new advice column by Chelsea Handler!(!!)

And, of course, some semi-misguided advice…
This month’s “Get Him to Kiss and Makeup” bypassed the easiest ways to get your boyfriend to forgive you (lingerie, dinner, hypnotism) and found four surefire ways to earn redemption for anything short of “cheating on him with his brother in their parents’ bed while his dog watched.” For the most part, decent ideas, but Cosmo always finds a way to work in the darndest things…

Give Him Room

Cosmo Says: Even if you want to talk things out, let your man blow off some steam by going out with the guys. “That’s how guys multitask.”

Kari Says: Alright, I can understand this. Sometimes I just need a little time alone to sulk, scream, or commiserate with the girls, but watch the expiration date on that time apart. Allowing too much time to pass before apologizing and discussing can create tension, allow anger to steep, or at the very least will earn you some bad-mouthing to his friends. Give him some time to calm down, but don’t go to bed still angry. Read More »

Quit it With the Cat Calls!

Hey mami…you lookin’ good girrrrrrl.”

Yep. I hear it. Daily. All I want to do is walk to the store and grab a red bull, and instead, I’m solicited by men I wouldn’t touch with a stick. It never matters what I’m wearing, if my hair is greasy, if my face is breaking out, or even if I’m with another guy.

The cat caller team is relentless. They slow their cars and roll down their windows while passing me by. They halt conversation and stare at my ass with such intensity that I can FEEL it. All that I want to know is…where the f*ck do they think this is going to get them?

Should I cancel my plans, hop in their cars, and give them head? And why the hell am I their MAMI? Since when is it sexy to be YOUR mami? Last time I checked, that’s incestuous and not really flattering at all.

As a general rule of thumb, guys, don’t comment to girls on the street about how they look. You might have great intentions with it, but at the end of the day it is rude. Not only is it rude, but it is also awkward. What do you want her to say?

Thank you for being a creep?” Read More »

“Geisha Guys” Are Huge In Japan

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Successful Japanese female executives are shelling out thousands for the companionship of male hosts, affectionately dubbed “geisha guys.”

No sex, not even kissing, just a night full of wine, good food, thoughtful conversation and lots and lots of compliments.

This gender role reversal is big business. Nightclubs catering to women and their geisha guys are popping up all around Tokyo. With more disposable income than ever before, women are willing to spend anywhere from $1,000 to $50,000 for a night of male companionship. Not only are women getting what they want, but the male hosts are raking in the bucks. The host pictured earned over $200,000 last year! Read More »

Tuffy Luv Tackles Nice Guys…To The Ground

24267599.jpg[Want Tuffy Luv to answer your question? Email her at tuffy@collegecandy.com.]

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Here’s my dilema. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about 7 months. He’s great, really into me and always doing anything he can to make me happy. At first, all the “you’re so beautiful and perfect” blah blah comments were cute and flattering, as any girl would think, but he’s still doing it now, to an extreme, and it’s a little…annoying.

I mean, every girl needs a little bad boy now and then, not a mush ball ALL THE TIME. Sometimes I wonder if I’m with him because I’m afraid no one else will treat me as well as he does, but other times, I love being with him. Am I forcing it? Am I leading him on? Should I end it now, before things get further along? UGH

~Overloved

Dear Overloved,

Honey, you need to sit this boy down and tell him to cut that sh*t out.

It’s great to be flattered, but it’s only great if you know it’s sincere. And to Tuffy, it sounds like this is exactly the problem. How are you supposed to know he means it if he says it all the fricking time?! Read More »

Stop Hating on the Holla

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Perhaps it’s the sheer volume of people on one concrete island, or that the people are actually more attractive and put-together. Maybe more of the residents are chemically altered more often throughout the day here. Whichever the case may be, New Yorkers are not at all shy about their catcalls, or “hollas,” if you will.

Granted, I’m from the Midwest. I completely missed out on this whole experience during my teen years. Back home, it’s mostly the sketchy old men in bars hitting on you, or, once you’ve ventured to the undergrad lifestyle, the halfway-to-blackout frat boys who think perhaps their forwardness will reward them with a piece of ass. Too often, ladies, we have caved, be it for lack of self-respect or just for fun. Hey, I’m not judging. Sometimes you just need to hook up.

Some women have never learned how to take a compliment or think anything positive about themselves, I beg those women to come to New York. It’s guarantee that of the eight million people, someone finds you attractive. Read More »

Have Tons of Confidence…Today!

confident girlI have to decided that today is National I Have Tons Of Confidence Day.

Why have I decided this? Because a lot of us need a jumpstart on that old self-image, and having an artificial holiday is one of the best ways to get that started.

Besides, naming random days is fun.

So if you happen to be one of the millions of women who want to grab Confidence by the horns (or balls, whichever) but aren’t sure exactly how to start, I’ve come up with a nice little promise we can make to ourselves:

“I (insert name here),

Hereby promise to make today a day full of confidence. I will make a special effort to treat myself with extra care and take time to realize I am awesome.

I will forget about pulling on my clothes when I walk down the street. They look great on me.

I will stop thinking everyone is starting at me because I look weird for some reason. I don’t look weird, and maybe that guy was checking me out in a good way! Read More »

How Weight Obsessed Are You?

weight body imageBack when I was much younger, say 7th grade or so, I had a horrible relationship with my weight. We’re talking abusive. It wasn’t pretty.

These days, I tend to think I’m much better. A little critical, maybe, but what 24-year-old women isn’t? I certainly don’t really restrict myself, and try to eat everything in moderation (with a cupcake here and there) while working out a few times a week.

But according to this test, I’m still sorta weight obsessed.

While I’m not sure if a little online quiz can really diagnose a person, it was interesting to see what my knee-jerk reactions to some of the questions were.

As easygoing as I’d like to think I am about myself, I still tend to have a negative reaction when it comes to my weight. I can be judgmental of myself, and don’t take compliments very well at all.

I guess I’m still a work in progress.

Either that, or this quiz was totally harsh. Answer the questions, let me know what you think; accurate portrayal of your psyche, or severe take on a common female issue? Read More »