This month’s Cosmo

And, of course, some semi-misguided advice…
This month’s “Get Him to Kiss and Makeup” bypassed the easiest ways to get your boyfriend to forgive you (lingerie, dinner, hypnotism) and found four surefire ways to earn redemption for anything short of “cheating on him with his brother in their parents’ bed while his dog watched.” For the most part, decent ideas, but Cosmo always finds a way to work in the darndest things…

Give Him Room

Cosmo Says: Even if you want to talk things out, let your man blow off some steam by going out with the guys. “That’s how guys multitask.”

Kari Says: Alright, I can understand this. Sometimes I just need a little time alone to sulk, scream, or commiserate with the girls, but watch the expiration date on that time apart. Allowing too much time to pass before apologizing and discussing can create tension, allow anger to steep, or at the very least will earn you some bad-mouthing to his friends. Give him some time to calm down, but don’t go to bed still angry.

Don’t Out-Argue Him

Cosmo Says: Even if you can logically prove you deserve forgiveness, don’t. Bringing up a time when he screwed up and you forgave him will only distract and annoy. Also, we’ll forgive you when we’re ready, but it shouldn’t take too long.

Kari Says: See?! He just doesn’t need that much time alone. But enough of me proving I’m right, that would just clash with this Cosmo tip, which I happen to wholeheartedly agree with. If Cosmo (and life) has taught me anything, it’s that women are far superior verbal warriors than our male counterparts. So outwitting him when he’s already pissed off at whatever I just did probably wouldn’t be the smartest idea. Good looks, Cosmo.

Stroke His Ego

Cosmo Says: “Guys are never immune to compliments. Doing or saying something that makes him feel good not only, well, makes him feel good, but it also reminds him why it’s way better when he’s not mad at you.”

Kari Says: First of all, I’m a little disappointed in the lack of innuendo that could have been used in a paragraph with the word “stroke” in the title. Anyways, when it comes to boyfriends, they’d prefer to be literally buttered up rather than metaphorically. A well placed compliment after you’ve made up is a good way to ensure forgiveness, but not a good way to earn it. Telling him how smart, handsome or funny he is won’t go over as well if you’re arguing; it will make him feel like you’re trying to distract him from the situation at hand.

Be Tough On Yourself

Cosmo Says: “We don’t want you to beat yourself up—unless you’re doing it for our benefit.” Crocodile tears pair nicely with this, but keep that advice on the low.

Kari Says: I definitely think that when apologizing you should own up to your mistake without making excuses, but a dramatic monologue about how horrible it made you feel will only detract from your boyfriend’s feelings about the issue. Make the focus of your apology why you’re sorry you hurt him and what you can do to make him feel better; your selflessness will go a lot farther than belittling yourself. And yes, just like getting out of a speeding ticket, tears do help.

So what do you think? Have you ever used any of this advice to earn forgiveness? What do you do to make up after a big screw-up?

Yep. I hear it. Daily. All I want to do is walk to the store and grab a red bull, and instead, I’m solicited by men I wouldn’t touch with a stick. It never matters what I’m wearing, if my hair is greasy, if my face is breaking out, or even if I’m with another guy.

The cat caller team is relentless. They slow their cars and roll down their windows while passing me by. They halt conversation and stare at my ass with such intensity that I can FEEL it. All that I want to know is…where the f*ck do they think this is going to get them?

Should I cancel my plans, hop in their cars, and give them head? And why the hell am I their MAMI? Since when is it sexy to be YOUR mami? Last time I checked, that’s incestuous and not really flattering at all.

As a general rule of thumb, guys, don’t comment to girls on the street about how they look. You might have great intentions with it, but at the end of the day it is rude. Not only is it rude, but it is also awkward. What do you want her to say?

“Thank you for being a creep?”

Leave the girls alone, fellas. Compliment them in your heads, whistle at them on mute. If you really want a girl to pay attention to you — stop acting like a creep. Girls don’t wanna hear remarks like this when they’re just trying to walk down the street. Make a girl EARN props from you. She doesn’t feel special if you’re giving them out to everyone. Shouting at a chick on the street is basically telling her she’s nothing but T and A to you — and what self-respecting woman wants to be known as only T and A?

Hopefully, this message reaches some guy out there somewhere. And he tells a friend. And the revolution starts.

Successful Japanese female executives are shelling out thousands for the companionship of male hosts, affectionately dubbed “geisha guys.”

No sex, not even kissing, just a night full of wine, good food, thoughtful conversation and lots and lots of compliments.

This gender role reversal is big business. Nightclubs catering to women and their geisha guys are popping up all around Tokyo. With more disposable income than ever before, women are willing to spend anywhere from $1,000 to $50,000 for a night of male companionship. Not only are women getting what they want, but the male hosts are raking in the bucks. The host pictured earned over $200,000 last year!

One customer said, “This is a gift for myself. It’s the same as spending money on a trip or buying something.”

I will probably never have that much money to spend on boys, (especially ones who aren’t even making out with me), but if I did I can’t say I’d be interested. There are just too many fun ways to spend $1000. New clothes, stock portfolios, top-shelf liquor, a DVD shopping spree, a gorgeous handbag…

The whole thing is kind of like leasing an apartment when you could just buy a house. Instead of sinking thousands of dollars into one night chat-fests, sink it into good therapy, a new dress and an online dating service. Like owning a home, it’s a lot more work to keep up a relationship, but the investment is usually worth it.

…unless he’s a fixer-upper.

Perhaps it’s the sheer volume of people on one concrete island, or that the people are actually more attractive and put-together. Maybe more of the residents are chemically altered more often throughout the day here. Whichever the case may be, New Yorkers are not at all shy about their catcalls, or “hollas,” if you will.

Granted, I’m from the Midwest. I completely missed out on this whole experience during my teen years. Back home, it’s mostly the sketchy old men in bars hitting on you, or, once you’ve ventured to the undergrad lifestyle, the halfway-to-blackout frat boys who think perhaps their forwardness will reward them with a piece of ass. Too often, ladies, we have caved, be it for lack of self-respect or just for fun. Hey, I’m not judging. Sometimes you just need to hook up.

Some women have never learned how to take a compliment or think anything positive about themselves, I beg those women to come to New York. It’s guarantee that of the eight million people, someone finds you attractive.

It may not be who you were hoping for, or rather what you thought you were hoping for, but you’re beautiful in the eyes of some random on-looker, even in post-gym attire or on your walk of shame home.

What a phenomenal city for an attention whore! Walking to work, if you don’t hear at least twice some sort of approving comment, you’re a little disappointed. It’s not that you want to jump on that construction worker who could pass for your uncle (let’s hope not anyway), it’s more that once you start having your appearance appreciated on the regular, it’s no fun to go back.

While some may consider the holla offensive, it’s just a line you don’t have to commit to. You’re not getting a drink out of this, and you certainly don’t have to worry about how to discreetly leave the characters you encounter on the street without hurting their feelings. You have no obligation to indicate you even heard the comment.

Of course, after acclimating to the city and being noticed simply for wearing a dress instead of a suit, you learn to be unfazed by nearly everything and act accordingly. So while you’re getting your daily confidence boost, it’s more than ok.

Why have I decided this? Because a lot of us need a jumpstart on that old self-image, and having an artificial holiday is one of the best ways to get that started.

Besides, naming random days is fun.

So if you happen to be one of the millions of women who want to grab Confidence by the horns (or balls, whichever) but aren’t sure exactly how to start, I’ve come up with a nice little promise we can make to ourselves:

“I (insert name here),

Hereby promise to make today a day full of confidence. I will make a special effort to treat myself with extra care and take time to realize I am awesome.

I will forget about pulling on my clothes when I walk down the street. They look great on me.

I will stop thinking everyone is starting at me because I look weird for some reason. I don’t look weird, and maybe that guy was checking me out in a good way!

I will not brush compliments away with sentences like “oh, well, you know, I’m not always hideous I guess”. I will simply smile, be grateful, and say thank you.

I will make eye contact and / or talk to one hot person today.

I will look through magazines and KNOW that almost everything in there has been airbrushed, thinned out, and perfectified.

When speaking with someone older or that I don’t know, I will use a confident tone. I will not let my voice get high with question marks at the end of everything.

I will realize that the fastest way to waste a day is to hate the only body I’ve got.

I will treat myself with care; good food, activity, and perhaps a nice footbath.

I will be thankful for all the things I have.

I am going to try and make bits and pieces of every day National I Have Tons Of Confidence Day.”

If you want, print this little promise out and tape it somewhere you’ll look every day. Because I mean, why not feel good about yourself?

Once you get used to it, it’s actually kind of fun.

These days, I tend to think I’m much better. A little critical, maybe, but what 24-year-old women isn’t? I certainly don’t really restrict myself, and try to eat everything in moderation (with a cupcake here and there) while working out a few times a week.

But according to this test, I’m still sorta weight obsessed.

While I’m not sure if a little online quiz can really diagnose a person, it was interesting to see what my knee-jerk reactions to some of the questions were.

As easygoing as I’d like to think I am about myself, I still tend to have a negative reaction when it comes to my weight. I can be judgmental of myself, and don’t take compliments very well at all.

I guess I’m still a work in progress.

Either that, or this quiz was totally harsh. Answer the questions, let me know what you think; accurate portrayal of your psyche, or severe take on a common female issue?

When it comes down to it: Do tests like this help more than they hurt?