I had an unhealthy addiction to Oregon Trail in elementary school. The second that screen popped on up my window, my morals went out the window.

Hell yeah, I’ll be a banker. There’s nothing more important in the world than money.

Shoot extra bison even thought I very well know I can’t carry it all back to the wagon. No duh.

Leave my grandmother to die because she’s slowing us down with her damn cholera. I never looked back.

And then I grew up. Or maybe not grew up as much as learned how to play the Sims. If you think controlling someone’s life changing journey across America puts you on a power trip, spend ten minutes playing the Sims. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t still have a soft spot for Oregon Trail. That’s why I clicked on this article as soon as I saw the title and decided to share it with you.

So with no further ado: How the Oregon Trail Relates to Dating

Jenni may or may not have downloaded the Oregon Trail app to her phone and was crushed to see you had to pay to play the full game. You can follow her on Twitter here @MayorJenni.

I have never played Second Life, and had no idea what it was until a few months ago. Computer games aren’t my thing. They make me feel like I have anger issues, and I can’t stare at a screen for hours without going cross-eyed.

Plus, I’m not all that into living a giant lie.

But some people really dig it. They dig it so much that they spend hours and hours online, living life as an “avatar” and forming relationships with people they’ll never actually see. Like Ric Hoogestraat, a guy from Arizona who is so obsessed with his online life, he ignores his real wife for an animated one.

The Wall Street Journal (for once not being conservative and boring) recently ran an article about Ric and others like him, people so caught up in computer games that they prefer them to reality. Even though Ric insists that the women he married online is simply part of the game, his wife doesn’t like the situation one bit.

And I completely understand.

Now, I know people can become addicted to computer games like poker or drinking, but it’s hard for me to understand a dependence on animated fantasy. Is there true satisfaction in building a hot cartoon version of yourself and “acting” with a keyboard? And for the love of god, why would you spend actual money (in Second Life’s case) on cyber stuff? Buy yourself some social interaction classes, hire a hooker, just spend your cash on something real!

And as for a spouse or boyfriend having an online “relationship” while he’s dating me? Not just unacceptable, but plain old creepy.

The real world can be tough, I’ll admit to that, but locking yourself away in a room for 12 hours a day isn’t going to make your life any easier. In fact, I’m pretty sure it will make it much, much lonelier.

…and a lot more oddly pixilated.