So the other day I woke up at 7:30 in the morning to have a little date with a speculum. That’s right, ladies! A gyno appointment! Vajayjay invasion before most people were sitting in their cubicles! Nothing says good morning like lubed-up metal and poking fingers.

The only thing that was worse than realizing some lady in pink scrubs got more intimate with me than a dude has in months was realizing just how many months it’s been — and having to say it out loud. See, for us single gals, going for your annual pap is a big, giant reminder of your past transgressions…or lack thereof. Have you slept with too many losers? Haven’t slept with anyone since the last full moon? Were you so drunk you can’t really remember if you used a condom or not? And how about your pubes…when was the last time you shaved or waxed?

I mean, all of those questions and more are answered when a girl goes to the gyno, and the answers aren’t always awesome. For instance, I realized I’ve been without sexy time for enough months to basically compile a year, and when the doc asked me when me last sexual encounter was, I let out this weird half-laugh, half-moan and cut my celibacy in half. I was embarrassed to tell my gynecologist about my empty sex life! Who am I? Read More »

We’ve all seen the commercials, heard our mothers’ and doctors’ advice and read the warning articles. But SPF still remains a point of negligence for way too many of us. For a solid 16 years I tried to defy my Irish heritage and insisted on laying out and beaching it with my uber tan girlfriends, sans sunscreen. After several severe sunburns throughout my childhood and early teens (I’m talking blistering, purple skin, too painful to wear clothes or move sun damage), I was only slightly weary about the danger I was exposing myself to.

Finally, halfway through high school, I made peace with being pale and embraced the art of self tanning. Since then I have (tried to) become religious about slathering on sun protection every. single. day. It is a chore sometimes, but when I want to slack on the SPF, I just think of this gadget. Here’s how to work SPF into your lifestyle easily.

SPF Moisturizer: For every day exposure, protection while going to and from work or school, or spending minimal time outdoors. Daily use of a low SPF sunscreen (like 15) can reduce sun damage even more than occasional use of a super high SPF. Sub this for your regular morning face lotion. Aim for at least 30. Most people don’t use the right amount of sun protection (about a teaspoon for your face)–they usually use only half, so double the level of SPF you desire. If you think you’ll miss that sun kissed glow you achieve on your cheeks and nose, try Neutrogena Summer Glow Daily moisturizer. You’ll still get a healthy glow…emphasis on healthy. Read More »

Everyone thinks living in a small New England town — especially a small New England town by the water — would be the best thing ever. It would be so safe and homey, everyone thinks, so quiet and rustic, no stress! Just miles and miles of cute little houses and a cute little pier to launch cute little boats from.

Let me tell you something – that thought process is sh*t.

Everyone is up in arms about these Gloucester girls who made a pregnancy pact, and no one can understand why anyone would just throw their life away by having a baby before they can even legally buy cigarettes. But I understand. I totally understand. It makes sense. You know why? Because not every small New England town is picturesque and middle class. Some of them are cramped, poor, lonley, and boring as f*ck.

How am I such an expert? I grew up in one. Not the kind that’s stitched onto potholders and immortalized in cute Cape Cod beach shops — the kind where front lawns are strewn with old car parts, you can hear your neighbor’s drunken fist fights from your living room, and schools barely manage to give out textbooks printed before 1983. A town kind of like Gloucester, Massachusetts. Read More »

MTV and the crew are bringing this shizz to Cancun. Do Brittany, Bo and Kristy have to share a big velvet purple bed here too? I’m sorry – I’m obsessed with this bed.

As soon as they arrive, they have pool and lunch/talk time. Bo and his well-waxed eyebrows have nothing to say until he finds out that he can’t ride on the jet skis with the girls because of his jaw. He gets upset and takes it personally. Bo, need I remind you – spitting out tons of blood, split jaw, emergency room – surgery?!?

Then we have the condom blow up race – the person who wins gets to choose when they have their date. The catch: the game isn’t about speed; it’s about how they work the pump. Yes, working the pump. I’m shaking my head as I type this. Brittany wins and decides to spend the second night with Tila; she then chooses Bo go to on the first date and Kristy to go on the last one.

So the rest of the episode is basically going to be Tila making out with everyone and possibly spending the night with each of them.

Bo date: Bo’s apologies for acting like a baby earlier in the date and Tila cries about hurting Bo’s feelings and then she initiates a kiss, which totally surprises me because it seems like she doesn’t want to even be on the show. Did you guys even eat anything? Read More »

Q: I gave head to a guy I met when I was studying abroad, and now I’m worried about STDs. We didn’t use a condom, but he didn’t orgasm. Should I still get tested?

A: Don’t get yourself too worked up over it, but yes, you should get tested. Really, you should get tested after every new sexual partner (yes, oral sex counts). I’ll preface this by saying that I’m not a doctor–which is especially why you should see one–but I do strongly urge you to go get tested, for your health and more so, your peace of mind.

The greater the quantity of infected semen you’re exposed to, the greater the chances are that you may have something–of course, that’s assuming in the first place that the guy even has an STD. Since he didn’t ejaculate, you were at most, only exposed to pre-cum–so yes, it’s technically possible you caught something if he was infected, but the risk is low.

For something like HIV or hepatitis B, which is passed through the bloodstream, you would have to have had abrasions or cuts in your mouth (from a dental visit or biting your tongue, for example.) The same isn’t true for genital warts or herpes, which can spread through contact with the lesion. Even if you inspected his package with a microscope before going downtown, and you’re sure you didn’t see anything suspicious, remember that it’s still possible (but not super likely) to catch something even if there is no active, visible outbreak. Read More »

[So I took a small hiatus. And by small I mean a couple of months. I had to. Writing it all down…I became increasingly nervous someone would find out. And nothing is more endangered on a small campus than a secret you want to keep. If you’re new to all of this, check back at everything here.]

Mood: a little antsy

Currently listening to: Black Cat by Janet Jackson

“Have you come up with anything?” Rebecca walked into our room, dragging her bulging laundry bag behind her. “Heard back from any of those internships?”

“Not yet.” I clicked through webpage after webpage, my eyes already watering and blurry from one too many hours staring into the glowing screen of my laptop. I had spent all afternoon sitting on my bed, willing my inbox to fill up with internship opportunities and summer job offers. So far…no one had complied with my wishful ESP.

“I have no idea what I’m doing this summer either,” Rebecca dumped her still wet laundry onto her bed. “So don’t feel so bad. Maybe we can just go on a three month long road trip. See every single weird thing the United States has to offer.”

Our bedroom door opened again, and Stacey walked through, freshly showered and clad in her furry pink bathrobe. As soon as she stepped into the room, I was hit with the power of flowers and sugar and tropical sunsets. Stacey had about 4 different kinds of scented soaps in her shower caddy, and made a point to use every single one whenever she showered, causing all the scents to collide into some kind of overbearing perfume of femininity.

“Someone left a used condom on the bathroom floor.” Stacey dropped her shower caddy on her bed and reached for a towel. “That is seriously disgusting. I mean…it’s a Tuesday. Who’s having shower sex on a Tuesday?” Read More »

I know a lot of people who are terrified of sex. I can’t entirely blame them, really. For something that’s one of the most intimate and natural things you could ever do, it’s instinctively just scary for a lot of people. You don’t know what’s going to happen, how it’s going to happen, where it’s going to happen…all of those important things tend to just kind of linger in the air.

But after your first time, you’re usually set in your beliefs: it’s either the best thing ever, okay, or entirely underrated. For me, well, I have no problem with it. It’s fun. It feels good. It can get you into loads of trouble, of course, but all-in-all, I’ve got no real valid complaints. And I suppose that’s a strange conclusion to come to, considering the first time I had sex, I didn’t want to. Read More »

The hot tub: thought by many to be the ultimate in places to have sex.

It’s comfortable, relaxing, heated – it’s the aquatic equivalent of sex itself! So why should you not have sex in one?

According to studies by a (virgin) urologist, hot tub humping may not be very safe.

The old rumor of man becoming infertile after too many trips to the tub has been proven correct – but how long must you stay in the water? A week?

If your guy’s testicles have been heated up to a rolling boil, yes – you should probably get out of the hot tub.

It’s also common knowledge that yes, you can get pregnant in a hot tub. make sure Aquaman wears a condom, and all of your troubles will be gone.

In other words, don’t let anybody – scientists, urologists, virgins, moms – deprive you of experiencing the ultimate. It’s all of our God-given right to experience hot tub sex. Read More »

It’s not just Brits that have trouble having the condom conversation.

After talking about it with my friends, I discovered that we’ve all had trouble bringing it up at one point or another. But bring it up we must…besides, sex is so much better when you can focus on enjoying yourself—NOT thinking “Oh my god, I’m getting something right now.”

Here are my suggestions for easing the awkwardness factor:

Bring it up in the heat of the moment.

Almost anything sounds hot whispered in someone’s ear as you’re tearing each other’s clothing off. Like “do you have a condom?” Practice in front of the mirror if you must. Which brings me to…

Carry a couple with you.

Once you finally muster up the courage to ask your partner if they have a condom, the last thing you want to hear is “Um…I’ll pull out!” Have one with you and you won’t have that problem. And ladies? It’s not slutty to carry them with you; it’s responsible. What is slutty is hosting an STD carnival in your nether regions. Once you’ve stocked up… Read More »

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