So I have a confession to make: Before reading your insightful comments on my, ‘Reconnecting With the Ex‘ post I did something stupid.

Like a mindless monkey, I welcomed the guy into my house. He greeted me with a bottle of wine. Nervously, we sat in my living room chit-chatting (both knowing in the back of our minds what could happen). He was trying to find a corner to sit in comfortably while I was painted the room. Awkward as humanly possible.

I wasn’t ready to give into him again. But, as always happens with alcohol always, my opinion was slightly different after a few glasses of wine. So, an empty bottle later, we were sprawled out on my couch, covered in paint, holding hands.

(Awww, cute, right? PUKE.)

I laid there wondering whether or not he was man enough yet to have sex. I mean, he did recently tell me that he regretted NOT having sex with me and that he would like to if I ever let him get that close to me again. Well, this was his golden opportunity.

And he took it.

Just to f*ck it up.

Without any emotions involved, we were soon lying under my covers making out. One thing lead to another, of course, and, finally, it was time to have sex…or not have sex. We started to (and by started, I mean, one second past the no-zone) and I said,

“Wait, we need a condom.”

I dug one up and when I came back to the bed, he simply could not perform. He blamed the condom; I blamed his gayness.

Last night, we had a talk about this condom issue and the truth behind why my ‘soul mate’ would never sleep with me before came trickling on out:

“I’d rather never have sex with you than try to with a condom.”

Yep.

And he meant it. He also told me that having sex with a condom is a ‘job’. He told me that he hates sex now (because of me). He made three, utterly invalid points to me that I’d love to share with you:

1. That oral sex without a condom is JUST as dangerous as regular sex without a condom.

2. That we both probably have tons of STDS that just haven’t shown up yet in tests, so it doesn’t matter

3. That since we already sort of started to have sex without a condom, that it’ll never matter now if we do or don’t.

I can’t even begin to detail how livid this condom issue – not only with him, but guys, in general – makes me. This is how diseases spread! Is a difference in sensitivity really worth contracting an STD? Or a child?! What is wrong with these guys that they think they’re so invincible? Or do they just not give a damn?

I’m infuriated. And, for the record, my ‘soul mate’ freaking BLOWS.

(photo from: mylifetime.com)