Ah, the Shy Guy: that rare specimen of man who you’ll never overhear  talking bragging about some meaningless hook-up. You won’t find him at parties or see him hamming it up for the ladies. He’s sweet, modest and avoids being the center of attention at ALL costs. Odds are, he’ll be the one sitting in the back of class, avoiding eye contact with the professor when he or she scans the room for a volunteer.

He’s pretty much adorable, really. Mysterious, intriguing, sensitive, endearing … a diamond in the rough (“the rough” being the obnoxious, masochistic guys that are just way too common in college). Shy guys are hot. Think Michael Cera. Mmmm.

No? Just me?

Anyhoodle. You’ve caught him glancing furtively in your direction on many (many) occasions. You’re interested. He’s interested. But the two of you both know there aren’t gonna be any suave, hey-baby-what’s-your-sign moves on his part. So, short of holding up a “Hey. You’re cute. I’d say yes if you asked me out” sign, how d’ya go about meeting/cracking open the shy guy?

Approach him casually and strike up a small convo. While he prrrobably won’t be bowling you over with witty banter and charm, he won’t run away. Do most of the talking, but toss in lots of open-ended questions. Just keep it light and impersonal at first: topics like homework, professors, something on the news. Do this a few times a week to establish a bond and tear down that wall he’s got up.

Spend time as friends, without pressuring him about dating. Hang out with him alone, rather than with your other friends. Be patient. It takes the shy guy some time to become relaxed and show his true self.

Be approachably attractive. The root of shyness is insecurity, so it’s more than likely that he thinks you’re out of his league. So now isn’t the time to try out cutting edge fashion or over-the-top makeup. Try for “cute” rather than intimidatingly gorgeous (that’s a toughie, I know).

Arrange a few quiet dates if he doesn’t get up the nerve to ask you out. Keep it casual, and— again — keep it one-on-one. Clearly, the shy-guy isn’t going to do well in a large group of your girlfriends shrieking about vibrators. Choose something low key and easy like a movie, where there’s less pressure to talk.

Gauge his feelings for you. Talk about what you’re both looking for in a person, and drop hints that what you’re looking for is him.

Help him feel confident around you. Every male has an ego — find ways to boost it sincerely. Subtly compliment him. Let him help you with something, whether it’s a homework problem, fixing your computer, or finding the latest gadget. Or — and this is probably the best confidence booster–  see him when he’s in his element. He’ll be MUCH more open and charismatic when he’s somewhere he feels totally comfortable.

Once you enter the relationship zone: First of all, yay. Second of all, introduce him to your friends and family slooowly, starting with the quiet, less intimidating ones. Yeah, save loud Uncle Frank and Over-The-Top Tina for when he’s more comfortable in the relationship.

The shy guy is SO worth the effort and patience. Think of him as … a gift. A treasure to unwrap. A rare and special treat that not everyone gets to see. If you can stick out a few awkward silences in the beginning, I guarantee you’ll have landed yourself a respectful, fun and totally caring guy.

[Photo courtesy of MariaTarescaCB on Flickr.]

It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. And in the game of Bad Habits, you will always come out a loser. As I laid in a tanning bed, I thought about how this bad habit was going to affect me in the long run. Even though I love the immediate benefits of this vice (golden, sun-kissed skin!), I can’t help but worry about my future as a leather-skinned freak. Is the bronze skin of today worth the skin cancer of tomorrow? Let’s examine the dangerous games we play and weigh whether the consequences are worth the benefits:

Tanning

Why We Do It: I am addicted to the healthy glow I get from taking a 20 minute nap in my favorite tanning bed! I feel more relaxed, have less acne, and generally feel less self-conscious. When I’m feeling confident, I can stand up straighter, smile bigger, and show off my legs without feeling embarrassed. I feel like confidence enhances my life and I don’t want to go through my heyday without it.

Why We Shouldn’t: The reality is that, while I may feel cool and confident in my 20′s, I may be hitting up the dermatologist through my 30′s and beyond. If you expose yourself to tanning beds before age 35, your risk of developing melanoma increases 75%! Not only will I be spending my health insurance on removing cancerous or suspicious growths, I’ll be looking in a mirror at wrinkles and sagging skin. So, is the confident glow I see today going to be worth the leathery cancer-face in my future?

Drinking

Why We Do It: I may be of the non-drinking persuasion, but that doesn’t mean I don’t see why others choose to do it. Alcohol loosens you up in social situations and relaxes you after a stressful week of classes. A rousing game of quarters can bring a group of people together and help you forget about that exam you may have bombed.

Why We Shouldn’t: Unfortunately, not too many college students know when to stop before getting out of control. Did you know that 31% of college students meet the criteria for a diagnosis of alcohol abuse? Each year, 1,700 students die from alcohol related causes and over 719,000 will suffer from consequences such as injury, assault, rape and unprotected sex. Drinking one too many is not only terrible for your health and safety, but what about those embarrassing pictures of you on Facebook that Jerkface refuses to take down?! When you decide to drink at a party, you may spend 3 hours enjoying yourself, but think ahead to what the consequences might be.

Smoking

Why We Do It: Nicotine creates that feel-good sensation, calming nerves in the way that adrenaline would during a terrifying public speech. After a long day of stressing out, girls reach for the cigs to chill and shake the anxiety. Some have even fallen for the myth that smoking will help you lose weight. Smoking is also considered a fun social activity that brings people together as they stand outside the smoke-free bar recounting what so-and-so just did with that blow up doll and a bottle of chocolate syrup.

Why We Shouldn’t: You may feel like that first puff is stripping away all your worries, but that’s just the endorphins talking. After that nicotine leaves your system an hour later, your problems will still be there except now you’ll have another one: poor health. And don’t think that smoking is a great alternative to getting a bod like Giselle! Once that nicotine raises your heart rate, blood pressure and labors your breathing, you won’t last two minutes on the treadmill. In fact, smoking will eventually increase your levels of bad cholesterol, damaging your arteries just like that Double-Double Burger you’ve been craving since Friday. Not to mention cancer, the stench, the expense and addiction!

Casual Sex

Why We Do It: Women have fought for centuries against the double standard and today is the first era that sexual freedom and expression has finally reached near equality. If we meet a hot guy, we can hook up and never have to call him back (especially if dude has some rank breath and a collection of anime porn mags). Some girls may sleep with a guy because they are horny, bored, lonely, drunk, like him, or want attention. A swift roll in the hay can make a girl feel empowered and desired.

Why We Shouldn’t: Aside from any moral repercussions, casual sex can reek havoc on your body and state of mind! One in four college women have an STD, but only 10% of them know it. Look around your classroom one day…several girls sitting around you will be afflicted with one of these diseases and not even know it! Makes you want to remind all your girlfriends about carrying condoms, doesn’t it? Not only can hooking up increase your chances of being a regular at the gynecologist, but it can depress you too! Having a heat-of-the-moment night may seem like a blast, but what happens if you really like the guy and he doesn’t call? Biologically, women are hardwired with oxytocin to create a bond after intercourse. If this bond is broken, it can make it harder for us to trust guys and still feel good about ourselves.

So many choices, so much to think about.

Are you able to weigh the benefits of your habit with its consequences? Have you found a successful method of changing your ways? Bottom line, do you think indulging in vices today is worth harming your future?

So, this weekend I decided that I was going to get a little taste of the other side – the other side of my ex-boyfriend’s door, that is.

I blame it on being a Scorpio. Word on the street is that we know exactly how to work our sexy Scorpion magic: We will sit back and wait, silently, passively – no matter how vehemently we really desire something- for the right moment to attack our poor, vulnerable prey (which was, in this case, my unsuspecting, man-whore of an ex).

See, after I broke up with the sleaze (and felt absolutely miserable about it and watched him act like he probably couldn’t have cared less) – I waited. And waited. And waited. Even though we hang out with the same group of drunk, dreadlocked, alcoholic idiots and saw each other at least once every two weeks, I kept my mouth (and legs) shut.

I watched him take other (stupid, naïve, slutty) girls to his bedroom. I listened to him flirt with my prettiest girlfriends. I did my best not to stalk his Facebook more than twice a day. I faked a smile and pretended that anything and everything he did or said meant absolutely nothing to me.

I let him have his fun (with girls much less attractive than myself, might I add), and then, ladies – I attacked. And by attacked, I mean I got extremely intoxicated and asked him to buy me a drink at the bar for our friend’s 21st. The rest is history.

Our weekend was amazing – just the way it used to be. It was passionate, it was hot. I was unbearably sore. The usual.

But, I was also something else. I realized that I….was over it. Over him.

All those months I had spent fantasizing about running my hands through that thick mess of blonde curls, staring into those baby blues, were basically just that. Fantasies. Our real relationship wasn’t that great. He’d actually been quite an ego maniac. He was basically a “woman-loving” (his words, not mine) piece of crap. I had broken up with him, after all.

However, that grass-is-always-greener syndrome took hold right after the break-up and I created a fantasy ex-boyfriend in my head. Fantasy Ex was sexy, intelligent and living a fabulous life full of other women he was totally enamored by. He was the most amazing guy on the planet and I was never going to find another one who loved The Beatles and The Colbert Report as much as I do.

Ha.

Normally, I wouldn’t condone having any kind of sexual relations with someone you once had romantic relations with. I’ve heard that this can get super-messy. Alright, who am I kidding…I’ve experienced this messiness firsthand.

However, I’m now a firm believer that the only reason people pine after their exes is because humans, by nature, want what they can’t have. I thought I couldn’t have him again and it made me feel inadequate, unattractive and down right depressed.

It’s hard to walk away from someone who was so important to you and who you spent every waking moment with. When you don’t know exactly what’s going on in their life at all times, it’s easy to build them up to be someone they aren’t – and never were.

I know it doesn’t work out this way for everyone, and I think that if you’re gonna have ex-sex, you have to understand your reasons for doing so. If you think it’s going to – or want it to – lead to a relationship resurrection, it’s probably best to find a random bar guy to satisfy your sexual urges. However, if you’ve had a little time apart, ex-sex can be exactly what you need to finally detach yourself emotionally – and see this guy for what and who he really is.

Going to bed with my ex was probably the best thing I ever did. I “got” him and because I now know I can – like, whenever I want – and I don’t feel like he thinks of me as complete scum. I was able to see him objectively for the first time in months. I know that he’s not on some “higher” level than I am. I realize that the life I thought he was living, the life I was so ridiculously jealous of, was actually just the way it was when I left it six months ago: full of random girls in low-cut tops, ounces and ounces of marijuana and Trojan Magnums.

And I’m proud to say that those Magnums are probably the only thing I’m gonna miss.