What a bitch. Seriously, the next time you see her you are going to open a major can of whoop ass and tell her everything that is on your mind: she’s a crappy friend, you can’t trust her, and those jeans you told her you liked? Yeah, they make her look FAT!

You sit in your room waiting for her to come home, stewing. Each passing minute brings out more and more anger, and you think of more things you can’t wait to say to her. You have never been this angry. You are afraid she is going to cry. You have been waiting to say these things for a long time and there is no telling how it is all going to go down.

You hear her come home. She drops her things and comes and finds you in your room.

“Hey!” She says, in that annoyingly chipper tone.

“Hey,” you reply.

“What’s up?”

“Nothin’, just studying. How was your day?” So, you chicken out. She just looks so normal and happy and you don’t know how to verbally bitch slap someone to her face. You know she doesn’t mean to be a bad friend, and you feel bad unleashing all that anger on her. And having to watch her reaction.

She starts talking about your other friends and the things they are saying about you, and you begin getting angry again. How could you not confront her?! But you can’t. Not to her face. She eventually makes her way back to her own room and signs online.

You see her name pop up on your Facebook chat list and that is when you let it all out.

“You know how I said I was fine? Well I’m not fine! You are a crappy friend….”

Sure, she was just in your room. Yeah, she can hear you tapping your foot through the wall. Ok, so you couldn’t say this stuff to her face; it is just so much easier online! Why have to tell her something to her face when you can hide behind your MacBook and not have to see her reactions? There is nothing wrong with doing it this way, is there? You will get it all out and then have the make up hug in person; it’s basically the same thing.

Actually, it’s better. You are getting it all off your chest and this way you have time to think about what you want to say and feel so much more comfortable saying it online. You’re protected and safe making you much less likely to pussy out of saying what’s really on your mind, and you can do it all with sad/angry music playing in the background to set the mood. (Try doing that while talking to someone face to face.) Plus, there are emoticons, which are basically like talking to someone in person. Right? Right. Anyways, you do everything else online (like shopping, researching and telling boys you like them), so why not this?

Eventually, fingers cramped and armpits sweaty, you say what you need to say. She says what she needs to say. You both throw a few “XOXO smiley face” IMs in there and it’s over. You both get up from your computers, meet in the kitchen for a snack and carry on as if nothing ever happened.

—

Don’t worry; you’re not alone. In fact, I’ve got the Kings of Leon blaring as I’m having an online fight with my BFF right this second. In 2011, I feel it’s the only way to go.

[Everyone’s got a vice, a bad habit, something they know they need to change. Unfortunately, everyone also has a million excuses why they just can’t do it. Not anymore. Every month

Ever since I was little, I have had a hard time communicating with authority. So much so, that in 4th grade, when I did my worksheet and left it at home, I stole, YES stole, my desk partner’s worksheet (who I also happened to have a MAJOR 4th-grade style crush on) when he got up to go to the bathroom, erased his name and wrote mine in and handed it in before he got back; a story that to this day I cite as one of the worst things I’ve ever done. (When he searched around in disbelief for his worksheet, asking me if I knew where it went, I twirled my hair saying in a high pitch voice, “I have no idea, Eli!” while trying to flutter my eyelashes and not look guilty. Gulp.)

If I was missing a dance class, I was scared to tell my teacher and tears would well up in my eyes as I tried to explain to her why I wasn’t able to come. When I met with a TA in college over a bad test grade (in a class called Human Sexuality. Tear.), I burst out crying in her chair.

The point being, for some reason, I have a fear about confronting people who are my authority. I don’t know why, but even now, a quarter century on this planet later, I can talk to my peers about what they’re doing wrong or tell my friend something that’s really bothering me, but I can’t tell my boss that I feel sick and need to go home without getting misty eyed.

Until now!

I often avoided communicating with my boss, sending her emails over talking face to face, never wanting to tell her I had to miss for a holiday or needed to go to a doctor appointment, waiting until she was out of the office so I could email her and it wouldn’t look like I chose to email her over walking the two steps into her office to tell her face to face.

But this week, I was able to be open and honest with her. I walked into her office, my stomach in knots, anxiety high, sweating bullets (seriously what’s with all the sweating every week?)…. and when I got into her office and shut the door and everything I was planning on saying went out the window.

Sh*t.

I started to talk, my voice started quivering and tears started welling up in my eyes. And then I heard this voice and it said, “Woman get it together… you have a CollegeCandy article to write.”

Okay so maybe it didn’t say the second part, but I did pull it together, I expressed my frustrations over a matter at work, I communicated in a professional manner, I spoke my mind. And she listened. She even appreciated my feedback and my opinion and being honest about my feelings.

And that felt damn good.

I don’t know why I was so scared or where this all started, but I know that facing my fears and being open and honest – and, yes, even a little teary eyed – is a hell of a lot better than keeping it all in.

Let’s face it, you can mind your manners all you want but there’ll always be that jerk that comes along and pushes you off the swing set anyway *cough-Ryan-M-from-first-grade-cough* So here are some quick guidelines of how to deal with the Ryans of this world:

During a confrontation…

1. Ask yourself if it’s really worth it.
If someone’s walking straight at you and expect you to get out of their way, remember that it wouldn’t kill you to move over. Yeah, it’s a pain in the butt and yeah, that person is completely rude, but is it worth ruining your day over?

2. Stay calm under pressure.
As Miss Manners, I really can’t condone rudeness; however, I do understand that everyone has bad days and sometimes people honestly don’t know that they’re being rude. So if you catch an attitude at the get-go, they might see it as you being rude first. Never fight fire with fire. No matter what, speak calmly and rationally and perhaps they’ll realize how ridiculous they sound in comparison.
DO NOT: Act patronizing. If your calmness comes off as patronizing/douche-y, that’ll only set them off again. No one likes to feel stupid and you’ll just push their buttons if they feel like you’re looking down on them.
OR: Start a shouting match, especially in public. Then both of you are being rude. Plus it’s hard to be rational when you’re screaming/being screamed at.

3. Address the rudeness.
Say something along the lines of, “Excuse me, but it was really rude of you to steal my swing like that.” If they haven’t realized by now that they’ve been rude, now they know. And if they’ve already realized it and just don’t care, this will hopefully shame them into acting dignified. Stick to the facts and explain to them exactly what’s wrong with the situation.
DO NOT: Apologize unless you mean it. We can all tell when an apology is insincere and, trust me, it doesn’t make anyone feel better [especially if it was sarcastic].

4. If all else fails, leave.
Walk away from the situation. It isn’t the “weak” way out as some drunken frat boys may argue; it’s the adult thing to do. Be the bigger person and let it go. Yes, even if you’re right. You aren’t backing down, you’re walking away, which is much more mature.

PS: Violence is not the answer, kids. Make love, not war.

So, have you gotten into any confrontations lately? Did you do the right thing? How did you handle it? Tell me about it!

Your best friend totally stabbed you in the back…again. You don’t even know why you are friends with her anymore. Ok, so she is really fun to go out with and is the best person to lay in bed and watch a movie with, but the back stabbing and sh*t-talking has got to stop.

What a bitch. Seriously, the next time you see her you are going to open a major can of whoop ass and tell her everything that is on your mind: she’s a crappy friend, you can’t trust her, and those jeans you told her

you liked? Yeah, they make her look FAT!

You sit in your room waiting for her to come home, stewing. Each passing minute brings out more and more anger, and you think of more things you can’t wait to say to her. You have never been this angry. You are afraid she is going to cry. You have been waiting to say these things for a long time and there is no telling how it is all going to go down.

You hear her come home. She drops her things and comes and finds you in your room.

“Hey!” She says, in that annoyingly chipper tone.

“Hey,” you reply.

“What’s up?”

“Nothin’, just studying. How was your day?” So, you chicken out. She just looks so normal and happy and you don’t know how to verbally bitch slap someone to her face. You know she doesn’t mean to be a bad friend, and you feel bad unleashing all that anger on her. And having to watch her reaction.

She starts talking about your other friends and the things they are saying about you, and you begin getting angry again. How could you not confront her?! But you can’t. Not to her face. She eventually makes her way back to her own room and signs online.

You see her name pop up on your buddy list and that is when you let it all out.

“You know how I said I was fine? Well I’m not fine! You are a crappy friend….”

Sure, she was just in your room. Yeah, she can hear you tapping your foot through the wall. Ok, so you couldn’t say this stuff to her face; it is just so much easier online! Why have to tell her something to her face when you can hide behind your MacBook and not have to see her reactions? There is nothing wrong with doing it this way, is there? You will get it all out and then have the make up hug in person; it’s basically the same thing!

And this is better, anyway. You are getting it all off your chest – you have time to think about what you want to say and feel so much more comfortable saying it online. You do everything else online (like tell boys you like them), so why not this?

Don’t worry; we’ve all convinced ourselves of the very same things before. The online fight? We’ve all been there.

The worst part? Sharon was super fun and nice with every other person on our floor but for some reason couldn’t stand me.

I made myself scarce and tried not to be in the room when she was. I hid out in the dorm lounge and the cafeteria. Meanwhile, Sharon did the opposite and made my life a living hell.

The final straw came the night she came home drunk at 2 AM before my first big test. She shushed her gentleman friend loudly as they stumbled into our room, then she dragged the poor shlub up onto the top bunk of our bed for what had to be the most awkward dorm sex ever. I told myself that night that I would try to find a new roommate. Sharon must have heard my prayers because a few weeks later she asked ME to move out so she could live with her best friend. I didn’t even feel like arguing or complaining. I just said sure and amazingly enough moved into the open room right across the hall.

Since then, I’ve had some great and not so great living situations, but none of them taught me as much as my first semester at college. Here are a few tips for those of you taking the plunge into dorm life.

1. Be Flexible, But Don’t Be A Pushover

Being a good roommate is all about compromise but once you start taking a dive in every argument, it is impossible to earn back that respect. Decide which things are worth fighting for (no sex on the top bunk while you’re awake is a good place to start) and stick to it.

2. Don’t Sink To Their Level

Crazy roommates will fight dirty. They may yell, scream, write passive aggressive notes, hide your stuff, etc. Nothing will piss them off more than you being the bigger person. Act like an adult, be respectful, and try to communicate face to face as opposed to via a dry-erase board and strategically placed post-it notes. Trust me, this is harder than you’d think, but it will save you a lot of petty fights and slammed doors in the long run.

3. It’s Okay To Move On

Sometimes people just aren’t compatible. You can try to be friends, you can try to be civil, you can try to just co-exist but sometimes it just doesn’t work. If you’re in the dorms, talk to your resident advisor, or contact the housing office. Ultimately, don’t be afraid to get out of a hostile situation and move-out. It can be easier said than done, but if your situation warrants, it may be the only way to resolve it.

Just remember: Class may suck, your clubs may keep you busy but your living situation shouldn’t give you a headache. Do your best to stave off drama from the beginning. Communicate, think positively and pick your battles. If that fails? You better take top bunk.

She didn’t get the not-so-subtle hint.

This biotch, who I’ve dubbed “Rachel” has struck again and this time, I am unsure of my next move. If telling someone to leave you alone doesn’t do the trick, what will?!

So, I am enlisting the help of my fellow CC-ers to steer me in the right direction. Below are some plans of action that I am considering. I need your unbiased opinions to help me make the right next move and get rid this crazy girl once and for all.

I could confront her, again. This time, face to face, in public, so she has no way of hiding behind her phone or computer and her naïve little, “I’m too good for everyone” façade will be shattered into a million little pieces.

Pros: I could crack her. When I am mean and mad, I can be very intimidating. Nothing would be nicer than watching her crumble in front of my eyes, after she has worked so very hard to ruin my relationship.

Cons: I could crack. I’m real tough, but my rough hide can only last so long and the possibility of getting emotional is realistic. That and, I could snap and start kicking her butt.

I could call her boyfriend. Yeah, I have his number. Stored in my phone. In case of an emergency.

Pros: This guy deserves to know the type of girl he is really dating. While he’s falling in love with her and planning a future, she’s out screwing every Tom, Dick and Harry she meets. Also, this phone call would be the ultimate revenge. Mwahahahah.

Cons: If he dumps her, she would be single. Major dilemma in my mind. Nothing would be worse than a single “Rachel” that can’t let go of my man. Also, that could involve both my boyfriend and I, which could open a big can of worms for us.

I could set her up. This has worked in movies millions of times. I would just have to find someone who will help me catch her in the act cheating. Then, blackmail her and make sure she knows not to mess with me again.

Pros: It’d probably shut her up.

Cons: I got the idea from a movie. Might not work so well in the real world.

I could do nothing. I could shut up, get over it and realize that he’s with me because he loves me and whatever she’s doing is her own way of getting to me.

Pros: It will show her that she isn’t winning, that I am above her crap and that my relationship is stronger than her. By not sinking to her level, I’m stepping out and saying, you don’t phase me, something she clearly wants to be doing.

Cons: It may continue. She will continue to get away with meddling in my life and continue to cheat on her unsuspecting boyfriend. Oh, and I won’t get the chance to shove it in her face. How is that fair?

Tips? Ideas? Number for a hit-man?

I talk to my friends online. I shop online. I work online. I date online. I stalk online.

My life revolves around the computer and it’s starting to show.

Since I started using AOL in second grade, my social life has moved from the actual world into the World Wide Web. The internet makes it all so easy! Like talking to my friends in other countries or, more central to my life, confronting people and bitching them out when they piss me off.

You know you’ve been there; you have so many things you want to say to someone (like, I don’t know…an ex?) but pussy out when you try to talk to them in person. So, you bring it all up on AIM. And the shit starts flying. You lay it all on the table, turn away from the screen as you click “send” and wait for AIM to tell you if they are typing a response. (Bonus points if you also tune into some really awesome angry/tear jerker songs to set the mood.)

I know I’m not alone. We all do it because it is just so easy; so perfect. Why do it in person when you can say anything you want without having to see the other person’s face?

Unfortunately, having grown up with this alternate form of communication, I have come to depend on it. It has gotten so bad that the other day I started to yell at my friend, stopped, left, and IMed her when I got back to my apartment. Now that is pathetic. My quest for a man is even worse. I can barely flirt in person anymore; if it doesn’t involve emoticons, I’m not doing it.

I am no longer capable of normal human contact.

I never really noticed how bad things had gotten until last week. I decided it was time to quit my job, but when my brother told me I couldn’t do it over the office instant messenger program, I freaked out. How the hell was I going to do this in person!?

After many sleepless nights trying to come up with the right words, I did eventually tell my bosses that I was leaving….staring at the floor/sweating the entire time. And then I signed into Gmail and announced the news to all of my friends.

Help.

The weird thing is that while I have absolutely no problem standing my ground and being a total bitch in certain situations, I am actually petrified of confrontation. Even in the most minor of cases. Like when I was at American Apparel the other day; I tried on fifteen things and decided I didn’t want any of them. But instead of telling the hipster sales dude that, I told him I would have to run to my car to grab my wallet. And I never returned.

If I can’t even give the dude at American Apparel “bad news,” imagine how bad I am with things that really matter. Like breaking things off with people.

If I hookup/go on a date with someone and don’t really feel anything (like, I don’t know…an orgasm?) I ignore their calls and emails until they get the point. If I’m feeling guilty or the guy is just not getting the hints, I will break the news in a text or email.

I know this is horrible and unfair – I used to complain about it all the time when guys did it to me – but I am just so bad at actually saying something. I get all tense and end up saying really stupid things. I have even been known to make myself feel bad enough that I end up going on another date and having a terrible time yet again.

And if it is something more serious – like an actual relationship – forget about it. The thought of ending things makes me ill. The thought of doing it face to face is giving me hives. Maybe it is because I am a baby, or maybe it is because I am a product of the AOL generation, but I am just better at dealing with the confrontation when I don’t actually have to see it. And I never have to change out of my sweats/get out of bed to do it. Unfortunately, breaking up with someone via a text message (“We R Thru”) is really frowned upon. As are emails, IMs and, thanks to Sex and the City, Post Its.

With all of those handy options off the table, what is a confrontation-aphobe supposed to do? Thanks to the wonderful World Wide Web, I found my answer. In a book. Called Dis-Missals.

No, ladies, this is no self-help book (because, frankly, there is no helping me); this is a lovely little collection of post cards that will say all those things you never could. Things like, “You know how when a fly lands on your arm and it feels kind of good, but then you realize it’s gross and slap it away? That’s kinda what you’re like.” All you have to do is fill in the “To” and the “From” and your work is done. Your message is sent. You are single.

Everyone loves getting mail, so it’s basically a win/win.

How perfect is that?

I just wonder if this book has a “Thank you for your help, but your shirts are cut much smaller than their size and are a bit overpriced for simple long sleeved tee” card to hand to that dude the other night. That would have made things so much easier for both of us.

Mostly me.

When it comes to ending a relationship gone bad, there’s a right way to make the break (and it doesn’t involve leaving an “It’s over, I’m sorry” note for your significant other to discover under her door or in her inbox). In “Signs It’s Time to Break Up with Her” you learned when the break-up is inevitable, it doesn’t necessarily mean you want to do the actual breaking-up. Instead of procrastinating, we have a few ideas to guide you through this unpleasant confrontation.

1. Tell her first

Don’t let her find out you want to break up with her from her cousin who knows a girl who overheard a guy who talked your dad who thinks he heard from your best friend. You obviously care somewhat about this girl if she is your girlfriend. So, out of respect for her, it’s only right that she be the first to know about it.

2. End it face-to-face

Be a man. Don’t call her, text her or email her this kind of news. She will probably want to talk to you after you break it to her and there is no other way to have a serious conversation with her unless you do it in person.

3. Say what you mean

Communication is key. You need to keep it short, sweet and simple. Express yourself calmly and clearly, and get to the point. It’s best to rehearse in your head what you want to say before actually talking her. You want her to see and understand your rationale for coming to this decision. Give her concrete examples why it just isn’t working anymore.

4. Don’t let her waterfall of tears intimidate you

Girls cry a lot and she will probably cry at the onset of your news, but this shouldn’t derail you from your original mission: to break up with her. Remember you made up your mind, so don’t fold once she opens the waterworks.