It’s been over 12 hours since the show aired and I’m still on a Glee/Madonna high. Was that not the best episode of all time? Besides all the amazingness that was Madonna’s greatest hits, who knew Emma could be so sultry? Damn, girl! That whole “Like a Virgin” montage was just brilliant and I’ve watched it about 10 times since on Hulu. (BTW, thank you, god, for Hulu.)

But enough about that (writing this is wasting precious time that could be spent watching New Directions’ version of Like a Prayer); it’s time for our weekly game of Would You Rather….

Would You Rather be able to control time whenever you wanted (for example, if you wanted you could pause before a huge exam and get in some extra studying) OR be able to magically fix one thing you don’t like about yourself physically?

Things to consider: fast forwarding through lecture, extra snuggle time, those thunder thighs.

Vote and then tell us why below!

How cute is this guy?

Question for La Tuff?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and, you know, she might answer you and shoop.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I have been seeing this guy at school on-and-off since the beginning of the school year. He’s a freshman, I’m a sophomore. At the beginning, we hit it off great for about three weeks, and then he felt that he needed to keep his options open as a freshman–which I understood and let it go. He came back around Thanksgiving time and told me he wanted to start seeing me again, and I agreed. Things went great for a while, he called/texted me often over our month-long winter break, and I thought he seemed pretty into me. So, naturally, when we got back for spring semester, we were pretty into each other and he eventually asked me to be his girlfriend.

Well, this entire time, I’ve been afraid that he’s going to get distracted by some other pretty girl, and I’ve kept myself at a distance because I don’t want to get hurt. In a way, I’ve been playing some serious game–but it’s totally hurting me because I’m not being honest with him like this, or being honest with myself. So in a spur of the moment thing when I felt ready at the time, I told him how I felt–that he gave me the butterflies, made me feel like no one’s ever made me feel before, etc., and he just sort of said, “Okay. Do you feel better now that that’s off your chest?”

I feel like I’m always so confused by this guy and I hate it. For the first time in my dating history, he is the one who has the control and I hate feeling like I have none. But I’m also so totally, totally into him.

Please help me – I don’t know whether I should just drop this altogether to keep myself from getting hurt, or if I should stay with it to see what happens…

Sincerely,
He Drives Me Crazy

Dear HDMC,

Girl, what kind of attitude is this, waiting around nervously to see if he gets nabbed by “some other pretty girl?!” No, no, no, girl, not on my watch. Not. On. Tuffy’s. Watch.

Okay, so, like, you like him. I get that. I’m happy for you. But don’t imagine for one second that liking someone means you’re happy to let them walk all over you.

There are three main possibilities with this guy:

(1) He’s just not ready for a big commitment. No big. He is, after all, a college freshman. That’s pretty young to settle down. He may just be unsure about getting so serious so fast, when he’s only just entered college. If this is the case, you’ve got to reassess: How badly do you need for this to be a serious, committed relationship? If you’re okay with something casual for now (as in, this is just fun for now and may not be forever), then everything should be fine. Just remind yourself that this is what it is, and, if it evolves into something, great, and if not, there are always other cutie-pants fishies in the sea. After all, you’re quite young yourself.

If, however, you feel that’s not enough, DO NOT continue to date this guy. Don’t wait around for heartbreak, honey, because that’s what you’re asking for if you’re not honest with yourself (and him). If he wants casual, don’t wait around because you’re sure he’ll eventually want to be serious, because it may or may not happen.

OR:

(2) He’s playing games with you. In this case, Tuffy sez: dump the SOB. Tuffy’s nervous about this one because of what you said about his inability to make up his mind, and then his, shall we say, rather cold reaction to your big emotional confession.

You may as well learn now that guys who play games never change. People who manipulate their lovers should not be rewarded. If you think he’s playing games to get the upper hand, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.

OR:

(3) He’s just plain shy. Maybe he doesn’t know what to say when you tell him you’re falling for him, but it doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t feel the same way. Like I said before, dude’s young–he doesn’t have that much emotional stuff to draw from yet. He may just not know how to say it back.

But the bottom line is that you’ll never know which one of these is true unless you really sit down and talk to him. Set aside a quiet date somewhere private where you’re both comfortable. Have a nice dinner, get all relaxed–and then have the talk. Tell him you’re really starting to develop strong feelings or him and that you wanted to know how he felt before you got too involved. Tell him it’s okay no matter how he feels, but that you just really need to know.

IMPORTANT: Do NOT get emotional. Be casual, relaxed, and smile. If you make him uncomfortable, I guarantee he will not be honest with you. You want to come out of this seeming reasonable, sweet, and not at all clingy.

After you talk, you can go home and make your own decision about whether or not you and he are on the same page. If it’s worth working out, work it out, girl! If not–well, how many times I gotta say it?! SO many cutie-pants fishes.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

There’s a great many things to do and places to see in this world of ours.  As humans, our lives are pretty short (and if you party like I do, it’s probably going to be even shorter).  So we have to prioritize!  We have brains for a reason and that reason is…reasoning (well, at least some of us use them for that purpose: see comment about partying above).  Let me be your voice of reason as I show you all the things you should be doing right here, right now.

Sex sells and nobody knows that better than our generation.  We watch hours upon hours of gossip and celebrity news for the latest update on who’s bonking who.  We twitter about the Walk of Shame.  We scour Facebook for photos of last night’s hook-up.  We strut our stuff at the bar/parties/anywhere social, stalk some prey, and make the kill.  Then we share all the details with our friends over Bloody Marys and Sunday brunch.

As much as it pains it to say this, maybe we should…stop.  Seriously.  I was skeptical at first, but after some good ‘ole internet research I might have to have a little chat with my boyfriend (just kidding…maybe).

- Less Drama:  Yes, all relationships have drama, regardless of any sexual component.  However, I’ve noticed that the drama usually increases when people get naked.  Suddenly, your partner’s past becomes much more important and you become extra attached…and why wouldn’t you?  You just exchanged bodily fluids.  No sex = less drama.

- Freedom:  Sex usually involves some preparation, such as spending mucho time in the bathroom shaving, exfoliating, moisturizing, plucking, etc. and picking out matching underwear sets (unless you’re in a long term relationship, in which case most of those go out the window).  Nix the sex and feel the freedom!  Shave only if you want to, wear mismatched underwear, and let the stray hairs roam for a couple more days.  Ahhh…let freedom ring.

- Control:  I can’t count the number of tragic Sundays I have spent recovering from the night before and debating whether I should call first or wait for Mr. Right Now to call.  Sex can complicate relationships and make you feel like you’ve lost control of the situation.  Hell, that’s the theme of most of the episodes of Sex and the City. Why not cut out sex, clear your head and stay in control?

- Less Mess:  Bodily fluids, condoms, hair…once you think about it, sex can be kind of disgusting.  Without sex, you won’t need to worry about getting the horrible smell of latex and sweat out of your bedroom.  Also, chances of finding a pesky condom wrappy hiding under your bed at inopportune moments will decrease dramatically (let’s hope).

- More Time:  All the time you spend sweatin’ it up in the sack with your partner can be used for studying, exercising, socializing with friends, or just relaxing on a beach somewhere.  Just think of how many times sex has gotten in the way of your Medieval Art History homework…

- No babies/STDs:  Without a sex life, it’s pretty much guaranteed that you won’t have that scary moment when you frantically calculate the days between your last period and right now and realize that something might be off.  Also, unless you spend a lot of time rubbing yourself all over public toilets, you’ll be STD free!

- Masturbation = Win:  Most of the benefits you receive from sex can be replicated with  masturbation.  Also, you will develop a deeper understanding of yourself and how you experience pleasure.  When you finally start having sex again (whenever that might be), you’ll know exactly what you want and hopefully, how to communicate that to your partner.

This article is nothing but a load of misogynistic crap about women being submissive to men. It open’s with: “Women like to be controlled and dominated. Don’t fool yourself into believing that they don’t. They do… Secretly all women desire to submit to the will of their man.”

Of course, he is sure to include a disclaimer: “First off, I’m not promoting any man to beat any woman. You can dominate her without putting the “smack down” on her.” That’s right boys, stick to verbally abusing your women, please.

And it only gets worse – much, much worse – from there.

How should a man respond when a women is nagging him? Because that’s all we ever do, right?
Miller suggests saying the following:  “WOMAN! Last time I checked I was the one with the penis in this house. You better go in that kitchen and get my dinner on the table!” Miller goes on to explain that if she tries to talk back and argue, “just shake your head no and point to the kitchen. She’ll get the message. By doing this you will subconsciously reinforce the fact that you are the dominant one in the household. You’re the man and your word is the only one that counts in the end.”
I say: Is this guy for real? Does he honestly think any self-respecting woman is going to just scurry off to the kitchen because the man with the penis said so?

And what about when you’re out shopping and she wants a new dress?
Miller suggests: “Look, you ain’t getting no new dress. Matter of fact, you be lucky if I took you to the thrift store and bought you a dress for fifty cent.”
I say: Apparently it is impossible to dominate a woman without also abusing the English language.

As if dominating women in the kitchen and at the store isn’t enough, Steve also thinks it’s important to dominate us in the bedroom.
Miller suggests: “Make sure you have her perform oral sex on you. She’s your wife and she should be willing to do that. It’s part of her being submissive. You must wear her out. You should wear her out.”
I say: I agree that a good partner should want to please you in the bedroom, but I don’t agree with raping your wife’s throat. And I most definitely don’t agree with not returning the favor.

Miller goes on: Even more important than getting a blow job, though, is making sure she makes you a sandwich afterward. Why? “The reason why you do this is prove that she has been thoroughly dominated and she will express this by submissively getting ‘her man a sandwich.’ Matter a fact, she should be telling her girlfriends ‘My husband, did it so good to me, he had me up making sandwiches and kool-aide after we got done. And I could barely even walk, girl.’”
I say: I feel sick…

Have you girls had any experience with men like this? Do you think there is ANY truth to the idea that women want to be dominated?

[The following post is courtesy of our homegirls over at YourTango. They’ve been through it all and know just about everything about love, so we thought we’d bring their expertise to you. Enjoy!]

Rihanna may think that she’s back to making sweet music together with her battering boyfriend, but she is sadly mistaken if she thinks he will never hit her again.

Men who batter rarely do it once, even if they are rich and famous. So if you’re in a relationship with a guy who has pushed, hit or slapped you once, take it as a warning sign. You can expect him to do it again and again.

Here’s everything you need to know about batterers, from domestic violence experts Diann Ackard, a PhD psychologist on the board of Break the Cycle, an organization specializing in the treatment of domestic abuse, and Candice Hopkins, director of Love is Respect, the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline.

1. Batterers have an intense need to control the women they love: The biggest misconception about these guys is that they have “anger management” issues. They don’t. They don’t blow up at work or at the driver who cuts into their lane. Instead they have an overwhelming need to control their loved one—how she dresses, where she goes and whom she talks to. That’s why, before they actually start using physical violence to stay in control, they are often constantly phoning and text messaging the object of their affections so that they know exactly what she is doing at all times.

2. Batterers do genuinely love the women they beat up: In fact, they are often obsessively in love with their girlfriends or wives, which makes them even more jealous and controlling—they just don’t know the proper way to express it. They most likely grew up in a home where there was violence. Apparently Chris Brown hated when his stepfather beat up his mom.

Read the rest at Your Tango.

I hate waiting for guys to approach me, mostly because they never do. So, instead of standing in the corner giggling with my girlfriends while simultaneously sucking in my belly, I do laps around the bar and approach the guys who pique my interest. Or libido.

It seems to work for me, but during a recent interview with the Millionaire Matchmaker (which will be coming soon!), I learned that women should never make the first move. Ever. Not in one million years. Bad idea. Never do it.

I wanted to believe Patti – after all, she knows her sh*t – but I just wasn’t sure if all guys felt the same way she did. I mean, guys are lazy and have fragile egos; surely letting the girl do all the work would be a huge turn on? I asked my go-to guy for his take on the situation.

See what he thinks about making the first move:

My personal fight with an eating disorder started innocently as a goal to get fit and healthy as a freshman in college. I was never overweight, but I suddenly became very self-conscious in a dorm room filled with girls who were prettier and thinner. I began joining in on the nightly runs and workouts with the other girls – not only were helping me lose weight and get in shape, but I was making new friends as well. It was very difficult for me to be in a new place with no one I knew. I had grown up in a small Christian high school where everyone knew my name, where it was easy to be popular and liked, and where I identified my worth with the achievements, awards, and titles that I held. Now, as I began to compare myself with my new friends, I suddenly felt insecure and as if I had lost my worth. With the praise that I began to receive about how great I looked, I started to believe that being skinny would be what could make me happy and feel self-worth.

In an effort to see more change faster, I began to cut carbohydrates and meat out of my diet, soon only eating fruits and vegetables at each meal.  My sense of accomplishment for having lost weight with just cutting back on “junk food” and exercising every day fueled a deeper desire for more control over life.  During this time, my family was going through some very difficult issues and I had always had a hard time voicing my anger, hurt, and frustration. Restricting my body of food and pushing myself physically through exercise allowed me to “voice” my negative feelings. Rather than sharing how I felt about my insecurity and pain, I turned inward and began to find solace in controlling my own body.

During my second semester I had let my eating take over my life to the point where I had lost 30 pounds in two months. My RA had finally convinced me to go to the doctor with her and when I was officially diagnosed as an anorexic, the dean of women immediately sent home for treatment. Rather than accepting the help of doctors and therapists, I decided to cling to my eating disorder even more tightly. I had fallen beyond the point where I was choosing not to eat, and was now in a place where I was so overwhelmed with the fear of letting go and losing control that I couldn’t make myself eat.

Over the next two years I was sent to different hospitals and treatment centers as my weight continued to spiral down. I had lost sight of the goals and dreams I had for my life and the only goal that mattered was seeing the numbers on the scale decrease. It felt the a war was going on inside of me – one side of me wanted to never let go of anorexia, I had found comfort and control in the disease, yet the other side of me was screaming for help to get my life back, to feel like myself again and to be able to stop thinking about my weight.

It wasn’t long before I hit rock bottom. At 68 pounds I was labeled a chronic anorexic and my doctor told my parents to prepare for my funeral. I was once again admitted to a long inpatient stay and tube-feed in order to regain weight. The experience was unpleasant to say the least and after gaining enough weight to stabilize, I left against medical advice, swearing that I would never be back.  While in the hospital I caught a glimpse of my life passing before my eyes, of the time I couldn’t get back, of the friends I had lost, of the years I spent in hospitals and I finally realized that I had to take action if I wanted to stop anorexia from taking my life. Right then I promised myself that I would get better. I took responsibility for my recovery and began to see the future that I could have once I decided to live healthy and accept the help of others.

As I began to nourish my body physically, I began to feel better emotionally and mentally. With daily baby steps of accepting myself and setting goals  -physically, mentally and emotionally, I was able to get back on track. Most importantly, I knew that God had a greater plan for my life, that I was not meant to live trapped in an eating disorder.

I did not recover overnight. It took roughly two years for me to begin experiencing life again without turning toward anorexia’s habits. With the help of counselors, family, and friends, I was able to voice my disappointment and hurt in order to move on from past pain. A big part of my recovery was finding something that I loved to do that would help others. It is when you help someone who is in need that you realize just how grateful you are for life.  I still had difficult days where I wanted to turn back to anorexia and feel the self-satisfaction of not eating, but I continued to press on toward my new goals of finishing college and starting my career.

Now, after having attained my bachelors degree and being on a career path that I could have only dreamed about, I am overwhelmed with peace and joy. Life is not about what size jeans you wear or how much skinner you are than the girl next to you. Nor is life about hiding the pain and hurt you feel to look perfect on the outside. Life is about giving and receiving love, cherishing the time you have with friends and family, and becoming the person you dream of being. If you have ever struggled with an eating disorder, press on, for life awaits you. If you know someone with an eating disorder, continue to support and pray that they will see their true worth. Together, we can overcome the deadly trap of eating disorders.

[If you have questions for Kristie or need to talk to someone, email her]