But isn’t there a more convenient alternative to carry in your purse or backpack for easy access during less-than-stimulating class? Mornings are hectic as it is – picking out a cute and semi-clean outfit, making sure you grab the right books, and checking the mirror for any potential embarrassments – who has time to grab a coffee?

Luckily, a few capitalistic masterminds have exploited our caffeine addiction. No, I’m not talking about those fools over at Starbucks; that’s old news. Enter the world of caffeinated munchies. Red Bulls and Power Bars have nothing on these chemically-enhanced, caffeine-infused snacks.

We’ve all seen the caffeine gums, but, Dorothy, we’re not in Kansas anymore.

Today’s caffeine fiends can choose from lollipops, chocolates, cookies, jellybeans and more. Here’s a rundown of the best indulgences to get you wired without suffering the evil burnt tongue:

BuzzStrong’s Coffee Cookies

Guaranteed to satisfy your inner-cookie monster, these babies are made with Brazilian coffee, Tahitian vanilla, and Swiss dark and white chocolate chips. All natural and carrying 70 calories per cookie, four cookies are equivalent to a one-cup coffee buzz. A 7 0unce, 12-cookie box will only cost you $4.99, which is the eqivalent to a single Starbucks run.

Crackheads

A far better alternative to inviting in the local crackhead off the street (these guys smell better and provide a much better buzz), Crackheads are a great caffeinated snack. White and dark chocolate covered espresso beans? Yum! Each 1.3-ounce box has around 30 beans, for a grand total of 120 mg of caffeine. That will get you through that 8am lecture, fo sho.

Sport Beans

Boasting yummy flavors like lemon-lime, cherry, orange, berry blue, watermelon and fruit punch, these caffeine-free beans packs 25 grams of carbohydrates as well as electrolytes and vitamins B and C. If you truly want to step it up, a second line of “Extreme” Sports Beans carry 50 mg of caffeine a pack. For about a dollar a bag and 100 calories, these small one-ounce bags pack a powerful punch, which far outweighs the chemically after-taste.

Buzz Bites Chocolate Energy Chews

Satisfy your chocolate craving and grab an energy boost to boot. Each chocolate contains about the same amount of caffeine as a cup of coffee (100 mg!). At $3.99 for an eight-piece tin, this is the clear choice of self-confessed choco/caffeine-aholics.

Jolt Energy Gum

A spin off of Jolt Cola, you can choose between spearmint and peppermint. Toss two pieces in your mouth to feel the equivalent of an energy drink. This also happens to be super cheap ($2.49 for a 12 pack) and you’ll be able to find it in almost any convenience store.

Night Light Caffeinated Chai Mints

Not for caffeine junkies, but a good choice for those seeking a slight bump during midterms…or after a particularly long weekend. Caffeinated chai mints are only lightly caffeinated (1.5 mg per mint) and promise to ‘add a slight hint of alertness to your chai induced peace.’ Bonus: These mints come in super-cute brushed metal tins with the option to go online and design your own!

Javapops

Lollipops aren’t just for the little tykes anymore! These adult-only pops come in 5 java-brew flavors: French Vanilla, Chocolate Almond, Irish Crème, Cappuccino, and Chocolate Raspberry. A pack of ten oversized lolli’s (with 60 mg of caffeine in each one) will set you back $9.99.

Penguin Caffeinated Peppermints


Three of these bad boys are the equivalent to a high sugar, high calorie Coke. Allegedly ‘the original caffeinated mint’, they’re sugar free and their caffeine infused offerings include peppermint, cinnamon and chocolate. For an all-natural buzz, try the Kola or Citrus varieties, both with guarana and ginseng. A $2.99 tin contains 25 mints.

Engobi Cinnamon Surge Energy Go Bites


Love Taco Bell Cinnamon Twists? Wish they would wake you up (instead of making you feel like a fattie)? Your prayers have been answered. These cinnamon sugar puffs contain 140 mg of caffeine in a pack and their taste alone blows the other caffeinated cravings out of the water. Well, that and the promise on the package: “To get wired. I mean really wired.”

Sesame Street is no longer safe for kids.In a hilarious New York Times article, Virginia Heffernan jokes about the very real warning on the DVD for volumes 1 and 2 of Sesame Street: “These early ‘Sesame Street’ episodes are intended for grown-ups, and may not suit the needs of today’s preschool child.”

After subjecting herself and friends to an “all-ages” screening of the 1970’s version of the kids show, Heffernan bemoaned the “damage” the show’s gritty early years caused her psyche.

“The show rolled, and the sweet trauma came flooding back. What they did to us was hard-core. Man, was that scene rough. The masonry on the dingy brownstone at 123 Sesame Street, where the closeted Ernie and Bert shared a dismal basement apartment, was deteriorating. Cookie Monster was on a fast track to diabetes. Oscar’s depression was untreated. Prozacky Elmo didn’t exist.”

Even though I was nothing but a faraway dream in the 70’s, I remember tuning into Sesame Street during my early years, somewhere around 1986. While I’m pretty sure Elmo had been ‘born’ by then, the images my pre-school eyes witnessed were not the saccharin filled pictures that flood PBS today.

Heffernan’s Sesame Street may have been gritty, but mine was terrifying.

First of all, does anyone remember the segments that featured a giant, fang-bearing blue wolf? (if not, check out the horror here) Whenever this wolf came on the screen, my brother and I would scream and run from the living room. I was petrified, and to this day my bro swears he used to have night terrors that revolved around “a big blue snout pushing open [his] closet door”.

Second, the Cookie Monster of my youth was not the put-together guy he is now. That growly voice, those googly eyes that just wouldn’t stop rolling, and an insatiable appetite, combined to make the perfect mixture for nightmares. I mean, if there was a monster living under my bed, I was pretty sure it looked and acted like Cookie Monster—except cookies were replaced with the desire for human flesh.

Thirdly, and most scarringly, was the segment I came to tearfully call “the scary aliens”. To this day, the palpable, body-numbing fear of seeing this segment is still one of the strongest childhood memories I have. Looking back, it makes perfect sense why trippy muppets that were all mouth and no body scared the bejeezus out of me. They flew around, had loud and uncontrolled voices, and stared at things with giant, unfocused eyes. Coked-out monsters who could hover. Frightening.

I don’t tune into Sesame Street anymore (I’ve got more mature things to watch. Like SpongeBob), but considering the “nobody-loses-and-we’re-all-so-special” society we live in today, I’m pretty sure the psychedelic, freaky episodes of my youth have been done away with.

Too bad the memories will never die.

What about you? Did you parents accidentally scare you for life by plunking you in front of good, quality children’s television? Let’s commiserate.