Oh reality TV, how you have gotten me through many a rough patch in my life, many a break up, many a late night binge fest…really any low point in my life. I’ve been with you since the first Real World appeared on MTV, to the horrible escapades of a young Jessica Simpson, I’ve seen it all.

However, in the last year or two you’ve taken a turn for the worst. For instance, how could you let the regular fame hungry people who star in your shows rub elbows with Justin Timberlake…I’m sorry but that just isn’t right. Not one bit.

In hopes to rekindle my love with you, I’ve prepared a list of my favorite old shows, some of which are still on the air. Let us please forget the mistake of letting the Kardashians’ have ten shows, seeing Jon get hair plugs and giving people who spray tan daily their own show.

initiating the gallery...

Halloween in college is a big deal.  Major, really.  You may have thought you hit your trick-or-treating peak in the 3^rd grade when you wrapped yourself in tinfoil and went out as leftovers, but think again.  Unlike Christmas, the 4^th of July, and Thanksgiving, everyone’s on campus for this most hallowed of evenings and the booze will absolutely be flowing (perhaps in cauldrons).

From fog machines to technicolor jello shots, there’s a lot of stimuli to process and as a freshman it’s easy to get overwhelmed.  But novice or otherwise, you’ve got to keep your head, wigged or otherwise, in the game.  Here’s what you can expect as your favorite bars and frat houses become unrecognizable with silly string…

A General Lack of Pants
From dozens of Risky Business-era Tom Cruises to sexy cats/bees/fairies/mice, there will be maximum leggage come October 31^st.  I’m not sure what it is about “everyone dress up crazy” that translates to things being purely pants-optional, but it’s a fact: ass cheeks will show, cellulite will be on parade, hairy man thighs will make a one-night-only appearance.

Dry Ice
Is it edible?  Will it kill you?  Why did those stupid pledges have to go stick it in the jungle juice and ruin a perfectly good concoction?  No, it doesn’t look like witches’ brew.  And the fact that he’s 22 and just drew that connection makes you question his sanity.

Drinking on an Off-Night
This year Halloween falls on a Sunday, and though you’ll be getting Friday and Saturday usage out of your costume, you can’t retire it before the actual holiday.  So in anticipation of this three-day face painted bender, don’t be your usual procrastinating self.  Figure out what work you’ve got due Monday and do it.  Yes, this is your mother speaking.  And your econ professor.  And your better judgment.

Cops, Both Real and Fake
If you’ve seen Hocus Pocus (AKA the greatest Halloween movie of our childhoods), you’ll remember the scene where the main kid approaches what he thinks is a cop to tell him that the town’s being haunted by Sarah Jessica Parker and Bette Midler.  Well, take heed all you first-timers.  On Halloween, not all cops are real and not all seemingly fake cops are fake.  Before you pee on the side of that building or resist arrest, make sure you know what you’re dealing with.

Orange and Black Puke
More than welcome week, more than your first tailgate…November 1^st will hurt.  A lot.  And lest you forget what holiday it was you just celebrated, the orange and black Tostitos you consumed and subsequently puked up should tip you off.

Upperclassmen: Did we forget anything?

Poor Brit-Brit has to tighten security after death threats!

Remember the brand new car Lindsay Lohan bought last week? Well, today her assistant crashed it.

What’s the deal with invitation only shopping websites?

Audrina Patridge is looking hot!

Give a cop the finger, go ahead, its legal now.

Is it weird to be jealous of the Marc Jacob’s future children?

Seven and a half years later, Harrison Ford may have finally popped the question.

What would you do for a little publicity?

Anne Hathaway will be playing legendary star Judy Garland on stage and in theater.

Check out the end to split ends.

Maybe this will help separate you from the the Ebay pack.

Over the weekend, MTV hosted “BUSTED Live: Countdown to Lockdown,” at their studios in Manhattan, bringing in some of the most infamous “Busted” victims, the officers that busted them, and showing the audience some never-before-seen clips of the show.

Two of the Bustedees were Brittany Bartley and Joshua McLay, both 21, who were caught skinny dipping by Corporal James Davis at a nearby lake in Newton Falls, OH. Corp. Davis added insult to injury on the show after citing that Joshua had been “fishing with a small worm.” This was after co-host Skylar Stone commented on the skinny dipper’s fug teeth and before his partner in crime, Brittany, repeatdedly denied any rumor that they had been hooking-up in the lake (even though Joshy-poo had a slightly noticable hickey on his neck) saying that they are “best friends.”

Yeeaaa she pulled the friend card. Poor guy couldn’t catch a break.

MTV also crowned Mr. and Miss Busted who proudly re-capped their 15-minutes o’ shame. Mr. Busted, Richard Sirak of Oxnard, CA, is better known for being chased, tackled, tasered, arrested for a DUI, crying in the backseat of the cop car, and making a pit stop in the hospital before heading to jail.

Miss Busted was Lindsey Staymates of Salisbury, MD who was stopped by an officer for –get this — drinking and walking. The 19-year-old had just recieved a DUI two days before. This time, though on foot, Lindsey was cited for underage drinking. Even though she explained to the officer she wasn’t doing anything wrong; she was just going to “the hungry store” and “walkin’ on her feets!” When the officer didn’t budge, she said HE was the one who was busted. Haha…smart girl.

Two very deserving candidates.

Audience members were also asked to share their deep, dark, law-breaking secrets in MTV’s confessional where they admitted to crimes from stealing stop signs and sneakers to killing someone. Most were true…some not so much.

The moral of the story is, kids: you never know when you’ll get caught, especially on camera. So don’t be stupid(er) and run from the cops – it might get you tasered…and on MTV.

Growing up, every guy I knew was obsessed with the show “COPS.” High paced action, guns drawn, street fights, hookers dressed in neon leotards, down and out crack heads trying to talk the cops out of bringing them “downtown,” adrenalin fueled police brutality and, of course, the theme song.

The show was a high school boy’s wet dream.

Well now those high school boys have grown up into fine college men, but they still wanna see a little Cops action. And they can…sorta. MTV’s BUSTED takes the “COPS” formula to major college campuses across the country and busts dumb college kids doing dumb college things. You know you love the bad boys.

On Saturday, October 24th “BUSTED Live: Countdown To Lockdown” heads into the MTV studios to countdown 20 brand new infractions, including knuckleheaded misconduct from skinny-dipping to underage drinking, and backyard wrestling to marijuana possession.

Hosts Damien Fahey and Skyler Stone will countdown to the single-most shocking & never before seen offenses and CollegeCandy will be at MTV studios in Times Square to cover the whole thing. (And hopefully meet some cute boys in the process.)

Check back to CC on Monday for a full recap of the event as we saw it go down. Hopefully you won’t be seeing us on Busted any time soon…

What happened with this little encounter that caused it to score such high points? Well, apparently, a homeless lady in Oregon City, OR was trying to innocently “pitch a tent” (who uses that saying with a straight face anymore?) when she came across what she thought was a rape in progress (a man looked to be “sexually assaulting a bound and naked woman”). The homeless lady got the cops involved, they came to save the victim, but ended up doing nothing more than breaking up a consensual fantasy that was being acted out by two people who had met over Craigslist.

Upon seeing the law approaching, the man and the woman fled (I always thought it would be hard to flee when one is bound and gagged, but whatev), and once they were caught, explained to the cops that the reason they ran is because the dude involved in the awkward public rape fantasy…was married.

I give his wife a 9.9 for picking such a fine specimen of the male race.

What else are we going to talk about?

(*Excuse the slightly tipsy typo. We all know I meant to type SVU (as in, Special Victims Unit) instead of a type of gas guzzling giant car)

• London will be thinking of nothing but sex for months! (The Guardian)

• According to the last link, this title is totally deserved. (The Sun)

• This is the best practical joke ever. Also, Springfield cops are really understanding. (rrstar.com)

• This little kid means business! (seattlepi.com)

• A list of gay superheroes…in Harper’s Magazine? Weird. (Harper’s)

Have you ever thought to yourself, “gee, my boyfriend is being an ass. I sure wish I could punch him in the face without getting arrested”?Well, now you can. And if he wants, he can punch back.

According to the New York Times, young couples are beginning to get into the boxing ring together, sparring against each other for exercise and respect. While most men don’t jab back (or jab very lightly), women are routinely allowed and encouraged to beat the crap out of their mate.

“Although I kind of paw at her and hit her to keep her honest, it is obviously pretty light” one boxing boyfriend from New York is quoted as saying, “She, however, is really able to unload on me.”

Most couples who trade jabs in the ring say it’s a good, healthy stress reliever that allows anger to be worked out through physical excretion, rather than screaming and plate throwing. Sparring also helps women “feel empowered” while garnering the respect of their mate.

Obviously, not everyone thinks couples slamming each other in the face with giant red gloves is a good idea. An owner of a boxing ring in California warns “If a guy hits his wife too hard in the face, intentionally or unintentionally, she will remember that and it will come up again at some point.”

You know, I’m all for co-ed sports, and working out together is probably a fantastic way for couples to encourage and push each other, but asking someone you love to come at you with all their strength is usually reserved for those slightly uneducated individuals on COPS. If I’m angry enough at my boyfriend to “unload” on him at the gym, I might want to consider why he’s my boyfriend in the first place.

Also, how did it escape the author of the article that boxing with one’s boyfriend can be seen as a pretty placating experience? If he hits you, it might really hurt, so he doesn’t. I can only imagine how the ride home from the ring might go:

“Honey, you did a great job. Good thing I didn’t hit back, though. These guns might have really caused some damage to that petite little frame of yours…”

I mean, maybe it wouldn’t go that way. Maybe some men are fine about being punched for an hour by their girlfriend. All I know is, whenever it happens on COPS, those dudes get pissed.