Take a deep breath. Relax. ZOMG I’M SO EXCITED.

10 things every woman needs in her closet.

Corey Feldman speaks on Corey Haim’s death.

Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake are gonna get it on.

How to rock the oversized look.

Behold: Alexander McQueen’s final collection.

5. Mike Lookinland

Bobby, Bobby, Bobby—you were so freaking adorable on “The Brady Bunch,” so WTF happened? Your big bro Peter marries America’s Next Top Model and this is how you carry on the family tradition? Sure you didn’t get “a lot” of camera time during the show, but it was because you were so cute that the producers had no idea what kind of shenanigans to throw you into; they didn’t want to risk a single frown line on your perfect little punum.

4. Devon Sawa

I’m not sure if I’ve ever wanted to be anyone more than Christina Ricci in “Casper” for that smooch she shared with you after you, you know, became human again. That is, until I watched “Wild America”– your movie with still-adorable JTT– then I really wanted to be any animal. Cut to 13 years later, and you might as well be another brother in the total train wreck that is the Carter family—bloated, bleached and busted. You’ve let us all down.

3. Scott Baio

To know the truly happy days Joanie must have experienced whilst being wooed by a young Scott Baio! I mean, your tight little body, those luscious locks, that sweet “underdog” persona. But a few decades later, you totally turned “guido” on our asses and got a f*cking reality show on Vh1 to determine whether or not you could handle your girlfriend’s pregnancy. Class act.

2. Corey Haim

WHOA. Dude. Just, wow. So you gave into Hollywood’s pressure to party, but not to keep up your appearances? I guess that’s a form of self-respect…but it’s the kind that makes me want to wash my eyes after seeing it. Please, give in a little more next time? The other Corey is still reasonably f*ckable— take a page out of his book. I’m sure he’ll let you borrow it. He’s your bro, right? You guys have your own show again—back on top!…just…hopefully with some flattering lighting.

1. Charlie Brown

I get what you’re trying to do, Charlie, I do. And it was cute in 1950, but it’s been over fifty years, man! Peanuts has been a syndicated cartoon since 2000, so we can still see how it went down towards the end: you really let yourself go—nothing more than a chubby, balding, middle-aged man full of neuroses and insecurities. Maybe you should try something new, like growing a second hair or finally hiring a therapist that you so desperately need.Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Who do you think has fallen off of the “hot heartthrob” wagon the hardest?

A few years ago I happened to catch it again. Although I’m still very easily terrified, the 80’s classic was no longer a nightmare waiting to happen—it was a dream come true. Big hair, dated special effects, comedy, Kiefer Sutherland before he was in that completely irrational and unreal Fox show…and best of all, the film introduced the world to what we now know as The Two Coreys.

Corey Haim and Corey Feldman were the Lindsay and Britney of the yuppie era, adorable, famous, and then drug addicted and ruined. Only a few years after they starred side-by-side in the vampire extravaganza, both men were strung out Hollywood garbage.

But guess what? They’re back!

Of course.What forgotten celebrity doesn’t have a TV show these days? The Two Coreys, debuting on A&E on July 29 at 10:00 / 9:00 central, is the comeback extravaganza for the now clean and sober BFFs.

Dubed as a “scripted reality show” (uh-oh), The Two Coreys documents Haim’s house crashing of Feldman and his wife—both of whom have just quit smoking and no longer eat meat. Haim still wants to party, Feldman is subdued and married. Hilarity (hopefully) ensues.

Just can’t wait to watch a clip of your two favorite Coreys “being” upset at not being considered for the sequel to Lost Boys? Click here.

…I’m hoping the acting gets better.

Sometimes, however, the feedback just isn’t good enough. I’m not getting what I need. I think to myself, “Man, I wish some one like Corey Feldman or Corey Haim could answer my all of burning life questions.”

I don’t need to dream anymore. Thanks to MSN.com, both Corey Feldman AND Corey Haim will be manning their own advice column! SWEET! I mean, who better to dish out solutions to your everyday problems than two guys who were famous in the ’80′s for making like thirty movies together, had awesome hair, wicked drug problems, and turned to soft core porn in the nineties, in hopes of putting that certain shine back into their stars?

I am DEFINITELY submitting a personal question to these two crazy Corey’s. If I’m one of the lucky ones who receives a response, I will post it immediately.

Who’s Your Favorite Corey?

To reaquaint yourselves with the Corey’s before trusting them with with your deepest, darkest secrets, go to Feldman’s hot, new official website (complete with his own personal greeting!) and Haim’s official website. Is it just me, or are their websites eerily similar? I can just see them in their two-bedroom apartment, creating their websites together, saying stuff like, “Corey, dude – you GOTTA mention The Goonies more.” And t

Coreyography is right; Haimster and Feldog for life!