RIP Corey Haim.

Betty White is coming to SNL!

Jennifer and Gerard get down and diiiirty.

ZOMG. Animals in casts are so cute.

Omitting Farrah Fawcett was not an accident.

10 children’s characters who were def on drugs.

Student journalists thrown in jail?!

Even McTeeny was McDreamy–and he could juggle!

OMG, it’s so annoying when my wedding dress totally rips apart at the altar

Breaking News: The JoBros continue to get hotter

In a related story, Corey Haim continues in the other direction

Ending a relationship is a lot like last call at a bar

What? A reality show that is funny on purpose?

Sex Fact #5: engaging in any non-missionary sexual position is illegal in DC.

Longing for some jazzy, instrumental theme music–oh, and true love?

Zachery Ty Bryan is still alive–and being tasered

Dear God, I wish I didn’t see this. Can someone please get this woman into rehab? (Or my bikini waxer?)

With airline ticket costs soaring, some people are coming up with more creative ways to travel.

Thank God for United States Postal Workers; delivering our mail…and finding old ladies trapped under cars.

Mini Me isn’t so mini…if you know what I’m sayin’.

Women aren’t the only ones with a biological clock.

Everyone loves bacon!

Retro Sexy: Dita Von Teese does it best

Corey Haim just can’t win.

John McCain hates bloggers. Well, Mr. McCain: we hate you too.

5. Mike Lookinland

Bobby, Bobby, Bobby—you were so freaking adorable on “The Brady Bunch,” so WTF happened? Your big bro Peter marries America’s Next Top Model and this is how you carry on the family tradition? Sure you didn’t get “a lot” of camera time during the show, but it was because you were so cute that the producers had no idea what kind of shenanigans to throw you into; they didn’t want to risk a single frown line on your perfect little punum.

4. Devon Sawa

I’m not sure if I’ve ever wanted to be anyone more than Christina Ricci in “Casper” for that smooch she shared with you after you, you know, became human again. That is, until I watched “Wild America”– your movie with still-adorable JTT– then I really wanted to be any animal. Cut to 13 years later, and you might as well be another brother in the total train wreck that is the Carter family—bloated, bleached and busted. You’ve let us all down.

3. Scott Baio

To know the truly happy days Joanie must have experienced whilst being wooed by a young Scott Baio! I mean, your tight little body, those luscious locks, that sweet “underdog” persona. But a few decades later, you totally turned “guido” on our asses and got a f*cking reality show on Vh1 to determine whether or not you could handle your girlfriend’s pregnancy. Class act.

2. Corey Haim

WHOA. Dude. Just, wow. So you gave into Hollywood’s pressure to party, but not to keep up your appearances? I guess that’s a form of self-respect…but it’s the kind that makes me want to wash my eyes after seeing it. Please, give in a little more next time? The other Corey is still reasonably f*ckable— take a page out of his book. I’m sure he’ll let you borrow it. He’s your bro, right? You guys have your own show again—back on top!…just…hopefully with some flattering lighting.

1. Charlie Brown

I get what you’re trying to do, Charlie, I do. And it was cute in 1950, but it’s been over fifty years, man! Peanuts has been a syndicated cartoon since 2000, so we can still see how it went down towards the end: you really let yourself go—nothing more than a chubby, balding, middle-aged man full of neuroses and insecurities. Maybe you should try something new, like growing a second hair or finally hiring a therapist that you so desperately need.Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Who do you think has fallen off of the “hot heartthrob” wagon the hardest?

Paris Bennett is going to be an American Mommy

The Simpson-Wentz bump has arrived!

Apparently, Posh Spice dated one of the Coreys

16 Candles…with, um, 24 extra

Don’t let Uncle Dave near the watermelons at your family BBQ

Would you date a Pretty Boy?

This web site officially seriously sets women back

This can’t bode well for marriage’s fleeting street cred

Weirdest. Trend. Ever.

If kids reviewed the country’s #1 movie

[Photo courtesy of EW.com]

The guest ref is a beast. Poor Kristy is wrestling Lisa. Sucks for you and your fine ass, Kristy. George camera-insults Jay for his Jersey b1tch attitude. Scotty is the worst for being unable to beat midget Corey Haim.

Glitter shockingly beats Brittany and I’m saddened that George never got a chance to fight.

Winners get a date in a room that was decorated to look like a candy shop, and Tila’s dressed like kiddie porn.

The losers are invited in after the winner date and Tila encourages them to have a food fight. The poor interns who have to clean this up – oh, nevermind. After they are all doused in sugar, they have to clean it while chained together – something about a lack of team work. Um, they wrestled. That doesn’t involve teamwork. Then Kristy makes out with Tila and this is ridiculous.

I guess it’s the next day and Tila’s going to make them tell her who should stay and who should go. This must have happened last season, too. Here’s how it breaks down:

Scotty – I don’t know because Glitter cries. She doesn’t think that anyone should go home. I can’t believe that she leaves her commune to strip and do reality TV. So I don’t know what the group decided with Scotty.

Glitter – she got the overwhelming GO.

Jay – the guys were all GO. I’m with the guys.

George – it was mostly STAY with Jay the Jersey Douche being the only exception. George’s penis will dwarf yours, Corey Haim light.

Brittany – that’s a GO. Boys say GO, girls say STAY. Why are you crying?

Lisa – Overwhelming STAY.

Bo – Overwhelming GO. Wow. Don’t cry, man. Tila’s keeping you around, I promise.

Kristy – Overwhelming STAY.

Lisa gets a free pass for the next elimination. Everyone except for Bo and Lisa are going on a group date by the pool. These dates are so lame because they don’t leave the premises. Glitter “steps it up” by getting naked. Stepping it up always involves some level of nudity. Jay, put your effing clothes on with that shriveled floppy penis. You’re scaring the lesbians. And this straight girl.

Bo gets alone time after the group date. He gets dressed up like he’s a waiter at a catering hall. How long are these dates – 15 minutes? Three hours? How does he kiss when he got a plate surgically implanted in his jaw like eight minutes ago?

Tila puts on her thinking face to make a decision.

Eliminations!

Jay somehow gets the first key, followed by Bo and his plate jaw.

The last three standing are Glitter, Scotty and George. Come on, not again, George.

Glitter is out because she is too emotional. She has so much heart, so much love – so, so many tears and pounds of glitter.

Scotty is going home because Tila only sees him as a friend.

So six remain and I think that Tila will be making the choice between Lisa and Bo.

Next time: tattoos, walking on glass and Tila probably makes them drink a bull semen mudslide because the producers forget that this isn’t “Fear Factor.”

Their challenge for the day is a biathlon and with that, I am over the whole Tila’s bi thing and it’s only episode three. Tila looks bored as she announces that it’s boys versus girls. What do pearl necklaces and blue balls have to do with biathlons? Oh.

This challenge makes me wonder why I never had a slip n slide when I was a kid. “I cruised through it until I got to the blue balls; then it all fell apart for me…that was my downfall, the blue balls.” Isn’t that how it always happens, Ryan?

Do they all share a wet suit? Chad is last and he too struggles with blue balls. Why do they call Jersey Lisa/Toni from Paradise Hotel lookalike Rizzo? I like her. I might like-her like her. Oh, and she wins it for the girls. Aw, Chad, I heart you even though you lost.

The girls win a date. Which consists of the girls – going to school. They are dressed in terrible school girl uniforms and Tila’s going to teach them – what? How to make a Myspace page?

They all have to write “I CAN…something, something, pig’s vagina.” Uh, can anyone actually eat a pig’s vagina and not poison themselves? Do me a favor, all of you – never do a google image search for pig’s vagina. Please. Looks worse than what was on the plate. I kind of wanna die. Like I could vomit in my lap. HOW the eff can Tila be disappointed that people can’t tolerate eating an animal’s genitals? This is the most engaged she’s been since the start of this season.

Lisa won again. Puke on Tila now cuz she deserves it. Wait – Lisa picked Dominic to come on the date? I don’t know how that went down because my stomach is trying to punch its way out of my throat.

Lisa kisses Tila during their date and normally I’d say Ew, but Tila deserves to have some pig vagina in her mouth. Tila tells some fake story about how she first knew that she liked girls. Dominic tells Tila that he thinks that bisexuality is a phase and he just got himself kicked off right there.

Eliminations! Goody. Two girls and two guys are going home. Even better.

It comes down to Ryan, Bo and Dominic for the guys. She keeps Bo and his cheesy white belt.

For the girls, the last ones standing are V, Samantha/Glitter/Pole Ridder, and Lauren – she keeps Pole Rider.

Everyone takes their stupid shot and why do I feel like there’s water in those shot glasses?

Next time: Breasts, booze, boys fighting and Glitter cries some more.

Oh, Tila, maybe this time it will work for you.

So Tila is newly single and 15 guys and 15 girls arrive to compete for the affections of the MySpace ho. Tila comes out in gold booty shorts saying that it didn’t work out with Bobby and that she’s still bi. And by bi, she means a liar.

She wastes no time and starts with a boys vs. girls cage dance off in order to win Tila time. She encourages them to remove clothing and of course a girl removes her top and Nick, the elder care specialist, drops his drawers. I’m not amused by the shot glasses blocking out body parts; it’s not clever.

The girls win and do they recycle MTV houses? I only saw one episode, but it looks like they covered Domenico’s faux marble with blue and pink carpets.

I like that we know everyone’s occupations. Will they keep their jobs after this? There are way too many people from New York and New Jersey on this show.

I won’t name names because it’s pointless to do that at this point — except for Boston Michelle, because she has a wicked awesome accent.

Tila makes them perform in a talent show which is totally boring and then two girls end up making out. Shocking. And shocking-er? Tila sees it. Of course.

Girl eliminations: The maker outers are told, “Give me back my key and get the f*ck out of my house.” Is that how she rolls? I like.

Six leave and they do their requisite shot.

The boys, who have been left out in the cold and in the cage, are up.

(Um, does anyone watch “Viva Hollywood“? OMG. Vinci and Berto doing their love scene. Ha. Remember “8th and Ocean“? Yeah, I barely do, too.)

Tila changes out of her booty shorts and I see twins. Christ, here, too?

Chad, who I think needs to be my drinking buddy, teaches me the phrase “wang bone” and drunk Mohawk kid needs to go home.

Jay from Jersey is like every bridge and tunnel guy in the clubs. Someone calls him Corey Haim and I was totally thinking that. Are they gonna fight? Is this scripted?

The guys have to perform a fashion show.

Nick the elder care specialist presents Tila with an actual d*ck in a box and he’s so going home.

Boy eliminations: Nick and his penis are out. Some other guys are out. The mohawk is wasted and sent home. Tila sends home a twin.

I have no predictions. I decided that I would indeed like to drink with Chad and walk on the beach with Kyle.

This season: Oh, they all sleep in one bed? Chad punches Bo in the soul patch? Fire pits and tears and I bet that they are already casting for season three.

Zac Efron has fans. And some of them may have rabies.

Given the obscene amount of comments (perhaps the most CC has ever received on one article? At least with the most spelling mistakes) connected to my first blog about this 17-year-old sugar coated star, I’m a little afraid to have another go.

But what the hell. I’m a troublemaker.

According to half a dozen angry rants, I don’t know Zac at all, he’s an amazing actor, his body just oozes hotness, and anyone who comes close to insulting him is wasting the world’s time—because he is loved by all.

So here’s what I did. I held my breath, typed his name into Google, and ventured out onto the Internet Superhighway to find out about all things Efron. Would recent pictures prove to me that he is indeed hotter than the sun? After reading a few interviews, would I be convinced of his supposed saintly goodness? And would I ever find out who Vanessa Hudgens was?

I’ll tell you one thing, wax figure or not, Z. Efron has got more websites devoted to him than Jenna Jameson (approximately. I didn’t actually do the math). He has certifiably grabbed the Tween market in two well manicured hands, and as long as he’s attached to Disney and stays away from the coke, seems destined to make little girls weep from joy for years.

But as a 24-year-old woman, I still don’t get it. I just don’t. And you know what, I don’t think I’m supposed to.

Most of this boy’s fans are young enough to be completely baffled by grammar, innocent enough to become enraged over a blog that may or may not defame him, and immature enough to miss the real gist of what my initial argument was. These girls (and boys?) are young, and just the way my generation was fooled by Lance Bass, and the generation before that by George Michael, they haven’t the experience to understand why some might consider their blessed Efron…less than manly.

Who knows if this newest Disney cherub is gay? And really, who cares? He’s rich, he’s obviously talented enough to garner attention, and will either mature like DiCaprio or fizzle out like Haim.

So abrasive, spelling-deficient Efron fans, let’s agree to disagree, alright? Go ahead and love a boy who can’t seem to grow facial hair, and I’ll go on thinking he spends more time getting ready in the morning than I do.

A few years ago I happened to catch it again. Although I’m still very easily terrified, the 80’s classic was no longer a nightmare waiting to happen—it was a dream come true. Big hair, dated special effects, comedy, Kiefer Sutherland before he was in that completely irrational and unreal Fox show…and best of all, the film introduced the world to what we now know as The Two Coreys.

Corey Haim and Corey Feldman were the Lindsay and Britney of the yuppie era, adorable, famous, and then drug addicted and ruined. Only a few years after they starred side-by-side in the vampire extravaganza, both men were strung out Hollywood garbage.

But guess what? They’re back!

Of course.What forgotten celebrity doesn’t have a TV show these days? The Two Coreys, debuting on A&E on July 29 at 10:00 / 9:00 central, is the comeback extravaganza for the now clean and sober BFFs.

Dubed as a “scripted reality show” (uh-oh), The Two Coreys documents Haim’s house crashing of Feldman and his wife—both of whom have just quit smoking and no longer eat meat. Haim still wants to party, Feldman is subdued and married. Hilarity (hopefully) ensues.

Just can’t wait to watch a clip of your two favorite Coreys “being” upset at not being considered for the sequel to Lost Boys? Click here.

…I’m hoping the acting gets better.