When Oprah high fived Kate Winslet and proclaimed “God bless your real breasts!” I smiled and felt a little bit prouder for women with real breasts everywhere. Not everyone has huge, perky, volleyballs on their chests and it’s about time someone recognized it. Maybe it’s silly that it took a reminder from Oprah Winfrey that breasts move, but after the article in the New York Times yesterday, it looks like more women need to be reminded.

The latest figures show that “the number of cosmetic surgical procedures performed on youths 18 or younger more than tripled over a 10-year period, to 205,119 in 2007 from 59,890 in 1997.” That is an astronomical number!

I know I shouldn’t be surprised being I can name more than a few people who have been offered a pair of silicone implants wrapped in a red bow come graduation day, but that number really shocks me.

I understand that beauty and perfection have been something that women have constantly strived for and I also understand that cosmetic surgery has become more acceptible in our society. I mean, just turn on the television and I bet you can find at least three makeover shows on right this minute, and at least one re-run of Dr. 90210. Still, maybe we should be wondering why young girls are inceasingly begging and pleading for new noses, breasts, chins, teeth, ears, tummies and every other resize-able, reshape-able body part. Read More »

[After my last article about my breast reduction, I got some great responses. If you ever have felt like your ta-tas have gotten in the way of a healthy lifestyle (difficulty exercising, self-esteem hang-ups, back problems), you should definitely consider a breast reduction surgery.

It’s not like a “before” and “after” picture. You don’t just walk into a surgeon’s office and - VOILA! - perfect boobs. Just getting to the actual surgery was a long process.]

I was a late bloomer and I can’t remember a time when I was ever “in-between.” During my sophomore year of high school, I suddenly went from not having to wear a bra to being one of the chestiest girls in my school. Might sound cool, right? Nah. I couldn’t play my favorite sports anymore, I never found tops that fit me properly and, oh yeah, have you ever met boys in high school? They’re not so subtle about pointing out your rack.

My parents and I discussed breast reduction in high school, but I wasn’t ready. Last year, I decided I was ready at age 19 and a sophomore in college. My breasts had gotten even larger after going on birth control and my spine felt like it was about to snap.

The “leg work” for the surgery was tough. I talked to my general practitioner and she agreed that it was a good idea. I got some great references through my doctor and my family’s doctor and eventually found a good surgeon. I went in for a consultation and connected fairly quickly with the plastic surgeon. He explained the procedure and the pros and cons. Read More »

August 1st. Can you believe it? Where has time gone?

Perhaps it’s time to stop blacking out/macking on totally unavailable men and start enjoying the summer days. Although, with all the crazy sh*t that went down this week (earthquakes? lumps? embarassing doctor’s appointments?) can you blame me?

Alcohol seems to be the best (and only) remedy for forgetting things I wish I never saw, getting over the fact that he didn’t call and, of course, my growing credit card bill. (I guess I should be glad I didn’t fork over the cash for that cosmetic surgery.)

Usually I would turn to music to get me through the tough times, but even that has been ruined for me.

With only 4 weeks left of summer, I better get crackin’ on finding a summer fling. It has been far too long since anyone has parked their beef bus in my tuna town. Yeah, I said it. I guess that’s what the weekend is for. Well, that and movie marathons.

Did you hear? Designer Vaginas were blacklisted in Australia!?

Yeah, I can’t believe it either! I mean, I am all about designer everything – bags, clothes, shoes, etc. – but I didn’t know a designer va-jay was an option! (Note: I just did some investigating and found out that this does not refer to some sort of

Louis Vuitton hoo-hah, but rather surgery to make it look prettier. Damn.)

Yeah, so basically women have been seeking out uber expensive surgery ($10,000!) to make their vaginas look more appealing. Surprisingly (pause, NOT!), some doctors are getting a little worried about this. Not only is it ridiculous to want a better lookin’ vag (let’s be honest…they aren’t the prettiest things), but the surgery is not safe and can cause long term sensitivity issues.

Um, ladies, why you so crazy? What is the point of a pretty (and overpriced) vag if you can’t enjoy it?

I’m just sayin’…

If you think Brazilian bikini waxes are a little too intimate, brace yourself—-below the belt grooming is about to get a lot more personal.

Thanks to the J.Lo-inspired era of backside obsession, I’ll admit I’ve certainly been paying more attention to how I fill out my jeans. But according to Marie Claire, there are women who really get up close and personal with their rear ends—and they don’t like what they see.

So, what’s a gal to do when she’s plagued with an imperfect backside? Anal bleaching of course!

The cheeks on your face aren’t the only ones that need color, apparently. Women are now looking to get that rosy glow on a part of the body that, up until now, remained untouched by cosmetic enhancement—-the anus.

Lucky for us, our anal imperfections can be fixed in a simple trip to the salon to pick up an at-home bleaching kit.

It doesn’t end at the anus. Next time you’re having your dermatologist erase any evidence that you may have smiled or frowned at some point in your life, ask the doc about bum Botoxing. An alternative to exercise and cellulite creams, there’s no faster way to get your butt swimsuit-ready than dropping your pants and injecting it with poison! Read More »