Justin Bieber says he is not the father.
Is it possible to drink alcohol and still lose weight?
We’re willing to bet this guy’s going to be your next celeb crush.
Wait, isn’t this just Twilight with zombies?
Adele receives the full-body treatment on the cover of Cosmo.
The next Bachelor is announced. Does anyone care?
Man, after a long day at work, it sure is nice to curl up on my couch with a lusty and luscious Cosmo and some Cameron Diaz sideboob! Which, by the way, I stared at for 10 minutes, wondering what would happen to dear Cameron if a gust of wind (or just some heavy breathing) blew through. I mean, can that even qualify as a shirt?
It’s OK, Cosmo redeemed themselves quickly when I found an article called ‘Boys on the Rebound.’ Their goal? Decipher how long it would take each of the steaming hotties to get over their exes. How they came up with these calculations? Very scientifically, of course! A picture of Justin Timberlake in a deep and tight V-neck indicated he won’t be hurting for too long. Cosmo said 2 months tops. With those deep set eyes and tight abs rippling under his shirt, what is he waiting for anyway, right? Whatever Cosmo, looking like that it’s going to take him a day to find rebound. Because I’m flying to L.A. tomorrow to climb him like a Redwood tree (hey, he is wearing green).
In a hot state of affairs, I rushed to the ’101 Things About Men’ article to gain some insight on my future trip to build a fort in Justin Timberlake’s penthouse suite (or pants). This month it’s all about emotions. Cosmo informed us that our tears cause his libido to tank. Apparently, when guys were asked to compare the smell of salt water and actual woman’s tears (how many episodes of One Tree Hill did they make those women watch?) activity in the areas of the brain men associate with sexual excitement decreased when they took a whiff of the crying stuff. Uh, it’s not like I’m a vampire and cry tears of blood, boys. Really, it’s not that scary, boys! But don’t worry ladies; if you’re too busy crying and freaking him out, Cosmo says you can seduce him in a single touch. By stroking his…. forearm.
Wow, definitely not where I thought Cosmo was goin’ with that one…
Moving on. Did you know Cosmo included Kingston Rossdale in their Stud Meter this month? That’s right, the 20-30-somethings at Cosmo declared a three-year-old a stud. Oh – what was that? He’s four? My bad, that just makes having a toddler next to George Clooney on the Stud Meter THAT much more appropriate. I need a loofah. I feel dirty. Read More »
When it comes to Cosmo, there are two things I believe in wholeheartedly:
1. It is best read in the privacy of your own bedroom (or bathroom).
2. Every celebrity that agrees to be on the cover signs an ‘airbrush the shiz outta my titties’ waver the moment they waltz in to the photoshoot with their bag of grapes and that teacup puppy in their purse.
Now, I don’t know for sure if Haley Williams has a puppy or likes grapes, but I do know that her boobs look like they were sketched by van Gogh himself. Work of art, people.
But let’s stop staring at Haley’s too-perfect cleavage, get comfy under the covers (or on the toilet – that’s OK, too) and get to the meat of Cosmo’s May issue.
First things first, in my favorite giggle section of the magazine, ’101 Things About Men,’ dudes were asked “what prompts you to propose to a woman?” Wanna know what 62% of them actually said? “She does something amazing, I realize I want to be with her forever.” Ground breaking, right? I’m just really wondering what this ‘amazing’ thing entails; sprouting two va-jay-jays? Tying them up with our undies (we’ll get back to that later)? Hm. I’m gonna go with “just being ourselves” and hope for the best.
Next up: ‘How to Decode His Strut.’ I rubbed my hands together in anticipation…. then learned that “the power walker’ is ambitious and motivated. Thanks, Cosmo! I never could have come up with that intricate observation myself. Do you think that for June you could help me decode my man’s blinking style? He twitches when we are up too late at night. Cosmo, does this mean he’s passionate and determined for success? Or that he thinks the cellulite on my thighs is sexy?
On the very next page, an article called ‘How Guys Really Feel About Your BO’ flitted past my eyes. I chose not read on, because I’m a lady and I always smell like rainbows and unicorns and instead ran to the gym to get my stink on. Come to mama, boys! Read More »
I don’t know if I’ve been watching too much True Blood lately (or if it’s the orange mood lighting in my apartment right now), but Olivia Wilde’s face on the cover of Cosmo this month actually freaked me out. And she’s a beautiful human specimen! Is Charlie Sheen doing the photoshop editing over at the Cosmo offices these days? My face is not melting off because I’m looking at this cover, Sheen. Nice try, though.
As usual, Cosmo was full of shenans (or shall I say “sheen-ans”? HA!) this month beyond the glitched photo ops. The first I took the giggles to was a ‘What Selena Is Really Thinking’ list below a picture of Selena Gomez about to smooch the Beibster. First of all, I don’t care what that cute little adolescent mind is thinking while she goes in to plant one on those cotton candy Justin Bieber lips. Keep that cute couple off of the same pages where ‘Kinky Sex‘ titles are lurking, OK!? Justin’s mother could be reading!
And in this month’s ‘Sexy vs. Skanky,’ drinking girly cocktails is sexy and drinking binges are skanky. Obviously, my drunk-ass disagrees. Drinking binges happen to make the bingee look like Lady Gaga’s next back up dancer. And that’s totally sexy, right? RIGHT?
Need a guy to toss you a compliment? Has it simply been too long since he’s looked up and down your saucy set of lean machine legs and popped you a, “Damn girl, you fine?” Cosmo says to bring your guy to the grocery store where the clerk always compliments your smile ,or the gym where your trainer always singles out your perfect form. Golly gee, why didn’t I think about that before?! Dragging my dude up to the sales clerk cowering in a corner stocking the Saltines just to lemon-squeeze a compliment out of him doesn’t sound desperate at all. Read More »
Just last February, I was planning my 21st birthday party. Now, I’m facing 22 (or as I like to call it 21+1) straight on. Even though the last twelve months have gone by, it feels like just yesterday I was indulging in jello shots and margaritas. For my 21st. Because just yesterday I was indulging in jello shots and margaritas.
Looking back, though, much has happened in the past year. It seems I’ve learned a lot while Ke$ha put a dollar sign in her name and started brushing her teeth with a “bottle of Jack,” John Mayer proclaimed that he is on the search for “the Joshua Tree of vaginas,” and the Jersey Shore became a national phenomenon.
So here (in no particular order) is what I know for certain after turning 21. Perhaps you youngsters can take a few things from this:
1. Friendships should make you happy — not pissed off : Friends should be so much more than people you dance on tables with and dish about the weekend to. They should be there for you, and you should be there for them. They also should not steal your alcohol on your 21st birthday and make out with the fraternity guy, all while puking as your boyfriend helps take care of them.
2. Raincoats are amazing: They are often understated and overwhelmingly overlooked when it comes to fashion. But even if they aren’t fashionable, really, you can’t complain when that slicker keeps your from frizzing. Without a rain jacket I wouldn’t have made it through the summer in London. And I think it actually kept me going to class this past semester. Why didn’t I realize this sooner? It doesn’t matter if you have a basic from Lands End or a super sexy trench from Dillards, just get one!
3. Go to the gym: Surprisingly enough, it is worth your time. Who knew? I sure didn’t, until I started going religiously with my boyfriend back in September. If you actually go to the gym and do more than hang out on the treadmill and elliptical for thirty minutes, you can see results. Plus, it teaches you patience on so many different levels.
As my eyes scanned over the cover of the March issue of Cosmo, my mind was flooded with images of Glee porn. And nobody, I mean nobody, should ever have to experience mental images of Coach Beaste singing ‘Firework’ on a cafeteria table naked.
Between Lea Michele’s airbrushed cascading titty cleav, the Sex Quiz, demands to ‘Get Naked!’ and articles dedicated to ‘His Thighs Only,’ I had to check and make sure I didn’t accidentally grab a Playboy. Um, ‘scuse me Cosmo, but do you need to start packaging condoms with your magazine from now on? I’m feeling a little sexually violated.
Brace yourselves, College Candies, Cosmo has been hiding some dirty articles up their sleeves…and they are shaking ‘em all out out in this issue. So, let’s get naked sit back and enjoy.
Let’s start with Lea Michele and her article ‘Lea’s Got a Naughty Side.‘ For reasons I can’t quite explain, she annoys me to the bitter core. Seriously, my upper lip curls whenever I see her smug grin. Maybe it’s because I feel like she knows something I don’t about being seductive and she’s never going to tell me. Or maybe I’m just associating her too much with Rachel Berry? I don’t know, but her quote about her favorite body part (butt) totally topped the hate-cake: “My mom say’s I have a good future behind me!” Oh honey, no. Read More »
So if you haven’t heard by now, I am in the latest issue of Cosmopolitan Magazine on page 36! I did an advertorial for Olay on three of their skincare products, and I’m going to be doing a more in depth review right here on CC Beauty Live! I don’t usually have a ton of success with drug store brand skin care lines, but Olay has definitely made me a believer. I loved the products they sent me, and I hope you do too!
Olay sent me their Pore Minimizing Cleanser & Scrub’s 2-in-1 Foaming Formula, the Daily Facials Deep Cleansing Dual-Textured Cloths, and the Shine Control Lathering Cleanser. All of the products are gentle enough to use every day, although you can use their Lathering Cleanser as more of a mask every few days. I even ran out of the cleansing cloths because I used them so often!
I really enjoyed this stuff (almost as I enjoyed seeing my face in my favorite magazine!), so watch this vid to find out why! Read More »
Uh...what's with Ashley's lazy eye??
Sometimes Cosmo really just makes me angry. Not that I’m going to stop reading it, mind you, but mad enough to sigh as I flip through the same ish month after month. Every article inside Cosmo is as predictable as the results of a spelling bee between Mark Zuckerburg and Paris Hilton. I know a Cosmo mag better than I know the recipe for Velveeta. And well, that’s embarrassing for me to admit.
First, Cosmo always states the obvious. This month’s Duuuuuh story? The ‘Stud Meter.’ Oh really? David Beckham in his tighty whities is hotter than Adam Sandler dressed in drag? That’s totally insane, Cosmo! How could 8-pack abs beat guy-liner?
Next, the lady mag tells girls to use sex to keep their man from cheating, like in this issue’s ‘The Moment He’s Most Likely to Cheat.‘ Wait, so you mean to tell me the only way I’m going to keep my man from dipping it elsewhere is to always look hot, wake him up at 5 a.m. to do the hippity dippity, flirt with other guys, and constantly feed him ego-boosting compliments? Anything else, Cosmo? While I understand I should keep my man happy and restrain from getting a butch haircut, should I learn to do backflips from my spot in the kitchen while I’m making him a sandwich and give him an HJ after my third back hand spring?
Of course, there’s always Cosmo’s bat sh*t crazy theories, and ‘Pillow Talk,’ an article sharing your guy’s personality traits based on how he sleeps at night, easily fills that requirement. First of all, these theories are somewhat creepy in that girl-just-got-off-the-crazy-train sorta way. And second of all, I’m willing to believe the reason he’s “covering his head with the pillow” is because I’m running my mouth, wondering, “Does this mean you’re feeling guarded and need more space!? Do you even love me anymore?!”
Cosmo also always disposes a weird man-trait I really don’t care to know about (i.e. ‘The New Male Grooming Obsession’ – thanks for the poll about how men manscape their pee pee hair) and never ceases to freak me out with their dramatic and scary stories about my goodie goodie gum drops (i.e. ‘Are You Running Out of Time to Have a Baby?‘) Seriously? I’m running out of time to get to the movie store and scoop up a Toy Story 3 before they sell out. Stop scaring me. Read More »
The holidays are my favorite time of the year because I feel like it gives us all an excuse to get all prettied up almost every day. There are just tons of holiday parties and gatherings, which I l-o-v-e getting dressed up for. But my favorite part of all? The hair! I mean, how often do we college girls have an opportunity to go all out on our hair?
That’s why I nearly died when I saw a billion gorgeous holiday up-dos in the magazines this month! I decided to walk you through two looks I saw in Cosmo’s December 2010 issue that every girl must try this season. One is a messy up-do and the other is a messy side ponytail.
Do you see a pattern?
Yup, messy is in. But it’s cute messy. Deliberate. Intentional. Not, “I just woke up and threw on this LRD.” How do you get it just right? Let me help.
Guess who’s making a cameo on the cover of Cosmo this month? None other than, Julia Stiles! Wait, the current younger generation probably doesn’t even know who this homeskillet is. Girlfriend, where have you been? I haven’t seen her in Hollywood since she rocked the boat in Save the Last Dance. (Oh, oopsie poopsie, Cosmo just informed me she has a dark role in Dexter, muh bad).
Still, you can only imagine I was surprised she was gracing the cover of Cosmo in that leather sheath this month. I’m dying to crack open the mag and see ‘The Side of Julia I Haven’t Seen Before.‘ I’m quivering with excitement to see what she’s been up to all these mysterious years behind the spotlight…(one of the most intriguing things: a building fear of pigeons).
As quickly as I was surprised about Julia Styles’ birth back into Hollywood-dom, I forgot about it. So, let’s move on.
Under Cosmo News, the magazine debuted the Hollywood Newlyweds who were most in love. Unfortunately for newlywed, Hilary Duff – her and hubby Mike Comrie have “space issues.” Trouble in paradise, people.
In the middle of the mag, Cosmo created their own line of greeting cards starring celebs. As you can imagine, this wasn’t at all hilarious. Especially when they put Justin Bieber’s face on an elf costume with slogan ‘Look Who We Found in Santa’s Workshop?’ Ew, Cosmo.
Oh, and before I forget to mention it, there was an article called ‘Make Him Burn With Pleasure.’ No, Cosmo wasn’t encouraging you give him an STD. They want you to microwave his socks, put them on, and squeeze his feet. Why didn’t I think of something as hawt as this before!?!
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