Courtesy of Cosmo’s leading lady Kate White and some unknown marketing company that have polled 1,001 women on the meaning of their lives, we now have classifications about what type of 20-something we are!

Because thank God, I was wondering where I fit in to the world.

Are you a “Go for it Girl” that knows what she wants and won’t settle for less? Are you a “Restless Explorer”, someone who is just “indecisive” aka reformed slacker?

Are you a “Pleasure Seeker” that thinks girls just want to have fun? Or are you a “Housewife Hopeful” that just wants to pop out well-mannered babies?

Oh, the choices! The decisions! I just can’t decide! Read More »

Ladies, take note: the magazine that we love to hate, Cosmopolitan, is touting the sex trend du jour. It seems that gray-rape is the new date rape!

What is gray-rape? It’s the type of rape that happens after you protest having sex with someone but they go ahead anyway after you black out after one too many Smirnoff shots and cheep beer at your local frat’s beer pong competition.

Sigh. Who knew I would yearn for the days that Cosmo published articles that merely warned us that we are most likely to get attacked and raped in the summertime because of flimsy outfits?

Until winter rolls around, when we’re most vulnerable because we’re less on guard, or something. And on vacation, because we leave our inhibitions and tasers at the door.

Oh, and on any old day, coming home from work, because we’re less paranoid of attackers lurking in the bushes when we’re close to home.

And now they’re telling us we have not-quite-rape to worry about?

I don’t know about you, but I think that saying “no” and promptly passing out sends a pretty clear message: “Even if I wanted to sleep with you, which I don’t, I would not be physically able to participate in intercourse as evidenced by the fact that I am not awake for it.” Read More »

We’re all guilty of picking up a Cosmo and perusing its pages, even if it’s just while standing in line at the grocery store (“I need to know the 834,394th hottest and steamiest sex tip!”).

But when you rrrrreally, rrrrreally read through the “journalism,” you realize just how fantastically talented these editors are at sending mixed messages left and right to their female readership.

By the last page, it’s like, actually insulting.

They obviously want to appear as though they represent for the ladies, but in reality, are they taking us ladies for fools?

Jezebel.com talks about the recent issue of Cosmo with J. Alba on the cover – and in this issue, they go from this:

Man Manual: What Will Really Impress Him, page 80

“Sure you’re sexy, smart, and fun..but so are a lot of other chicks. To really stand out from the pack, it helps to have that something extra — qualities that make a guy go ‘This girl is freakin’ awesome!’ You’ll be that much hotter to him if…”

To this: Read More »

I have always felt that most of the sex tips dispensed in magazines such as Cosmopolitan are completely ridiculous and unappealing. Not only to me, but for a guy too. Can you imagine telling a guy you were going to “tie a shoelace at the base of his manhood and pull it tighter during oral sex?” Sounds like some sort of ancient torture method, yet, it was actually ran in the magazine as a tip.

Well, luckily, the NY Post set out to see what men really think of some of Cosmo’s more common tips. They interviewed a number of different New York men on each of the different suggestions.

I have to say that their reactions were hilarious, and similar to what I was thinking about these pretty stupid and weird moves that supposedly “all men crave.” Maybe the two sexes really aren’t so different after all. I mean, if we can come to a concensus on Cosmo’s sex tips, then really, what can’t we agree on?

What follows are each of the silly “boundary-pushing” moves, along with my favorite quote from one of the guys:

Cup his hand against your mouth, and flick your tongue quickly in and out of the center of his palm.

“What’s that, Helen Keller? There’s a fire in the barn and Billy is trapped?”

- Soren, 37, comedian

Seductively lick a dab of food off your lips or finger. He’ll imagine what that tongue would feel like on him. Read More »

I now have one more reason to think Condé totally sucks. As of today, Jane Magazine is no more. And I, for one, am pissed.

Jane was my favorite. Smart, empowering, funny and fashionable. Of all the women’s magazines on the stands, it was the least pretentious and the least likely to make me feel stupid and whorish. And as someone who has worked within the inner sororities of the magazine world, it was refreshing to see a magazine so unlike the others. The staff and the writers actually understood our generation of women and wrote for our demographic.

I never read Jane when under the helms of Jane Pratt, so I couldn’t ever judge Jane as it was under the reign of Brandon Holley. All I knew was that despite the fact that it wasn’t perfect (hell, what women’s mag is…) it was true and it was funny. And more than anything it was refreshing.

Which is why I am still harboring resentment against the pricks at Condé Nast Publishing. I mean if you couldn’t give me a job, or pay me at my internship, couldn’t you at least keep one of your better publications going despite its flailing ad revenue. Couldn’t you at least give me SOMETHING from your grandiose spot at 4 Times Square where, within its pages, I can find a piece of clothing I can afford, a sex tip worth trying or an easy way to make 1,000 bucks? Read More »

So, you’ve been single for a while. A long while. And it’s starting to get to you. Of course, you’re still a confident and amazing person. You’ve got friends, you’re friendly, you’re good looking, and smart to boot. You’re a cool person.

But for some reason, you just can’t nab a great guy.

It’s the weirdest thing. You go out to bars or clubs, get attention from dudes, have dated around and maybe even pulled out a condom or two, but none of these prospects turn into anything other than forgettable names or slight embarrassments.

Maybe you used to have a long term guy, or maybe you’ve never been in anything really serious, but either way, you’re now in your twenties and clinically single. It’s not the Sex in the City single, either. Those women never went through the 3, 4, 6 month dry spells some of us have been through. They spent maybe a week, two weeks tops, without a man, but the show could never go very long without Miranda or Samantha banging some dude they met at an ice cream parlor or incredibly fancy martini bar (this sort of thing doesn’t happen to the average New Yorker. At least not to me. The only people I meet in ice cream parlors are babies and their old nannies).

No matter how many girl-power chats you have with your friends, or self-date nights with a movie and Newman’s Own, you can’t seem to shake the feeling that something’s wrong with you. You have friends who are dating. You have friends who are getting married. You see ugly people together on the street all the time! What’s going on here? Read More »

I’ve been reading Cosmo for a really long time—which is surprising since they’ve pretty much been putting out the same issue for, I dunno, ten years. The Cosmo Karma Sutra, X Number Of Tricks To Really Make Him Hot… it’s just the same thing over and over again.

Don’t get me wrong—I learned a lot from Cosmo when I was 15. Blow jobs—straight from the pages of this soft porn bible. And my gay friend Dave who taught us tricks on popsicles one summer night. Oh, those were the days.

Being older now, I kind of despise Cosmo. I hate all the sexual stuff and a lot of times I find myself thinking—aren’t women more than this? I mean, obviously we all think about guys (probably too much), but enough is enough. Can’t we talk about things like… politics, or even music that isn’t straight from American Idol? Why does the book excerpt have to be from a romance novel? I would even settle for simple chick-lit above the “he rubbed his rugged hands over my soft perky breasts as I sighed deeply in ecstasy.” Blech.

But I feel like Cosmo has reached a new low. In their new “exclusive Cosmo game,” Boy Toy “our cute sweet guy exists solely to serve you. That’s right, you control what he does, and if he keeps you happy, then you win points in the game. Watch out for the skanky ex-girlfriend though!” Um, gag me. Read More »

Since it’s practically summer and we’re all spending more time in the water, I felt it’d be appropriate to try out a little something that is H2O compatible — ya know, a bit of a bang in the pool, hot tub, or for all your risk-takers out there (beware crashing waves, sand and sea creatures) even the ocean.

As always I can count on Cosmo to suggest a stellar move, like the Bubbly Back Float. Ha, I love the termonology — somewhat self-explanatory but still leaves you wondering what the hell it’s all about

Here are Cosmo’s instructions:

Recline in a hot tub (or the body of water of your choosing) with your arms stretched out to your sides, holding on to the edge for support if you need to. Your partner kneels between your legs, facing you, and lifts you by the backs of your thighs so you’re floating off the seat and he can enter you. Read More »

Cosmopolitan. Thanks for being all about sex. I’ll admit you’ve encouraged me to broaden my sexual horizons.

Today, I’d like to introduce the Lusty Lean. Yet another hot sex position. It requires some tact, but if done right can be faaantastic.

Directions:

Climb up on the bed or a chair with your back to him and squat down. Have him stand behind you, so your shoulders are against his chest. Lean on him as he steadies you by placing his hands on your hips or under your rear. Tell him to enter you from behind. Think of your knees as little springs and enhance his thrusting with your own little moves.

Why Cosmo Says You’ll Love It:

Leaning back on his chest and bracing yourself on his biceps, you’ll feel totally taken care of, and he’ll feel more studly than a first-string stallion. Plus, gravity is on your side, giving him hot, deep access combined with more of a grinding motion than the usual from-behind fast thrusting.

Cosmo’s Tip:

Once you have the rhythm down, change it up a little. So long as he can support you in his weakened state, have him take half a step back. Upping the angle will alter where his penis hits your vaginal walls, enhancing your climax by drawing it out.