Of all things corrupting the youth of America, the very worst is Cosmopolitan magazine. Sure, it’s the best-selling lifestyle bible of the female demographic, but now that the publication is putting actresses like Dakota Fanning and Selena Gomez on the cover, the printed pamphlet for blended orgasms and all-star blowjobs seems to be catering to a new generation of sexually active females—you know, middle school girls around twelve or thirteen years old, right?

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So if you haven’t heard by now, I am in the latest issue of Cosmopolitan Magazine on page 36!  I did an advertorial for Olay on three of their skincare products, and I’m going to be doing a more in depth review right here on CC Beauty Live!  I don’t usually have a ton of success with drug store brand skin care lines, but Olay has definitely made me a believer.  I loved the products they sent me, and I hope you do too!

Olay sent me their Pore Minimizing Cleanser & Scrub’s 2-in-1 Foaming Formula, the Daily Facials Deep Cleansing Dual-Textured Cloths, and the Shine Control Lathering Cleanser.  All of the products are gentle enough to use every day, although you can use their Lathering Cleanser as more of a mask every few days.  I even ran out of the cleansing cloths because I used them so often!

I really enjoyed this stuff (almost as I enjoyed seeing my face in my favorite magazine!), so watch this vid to find out why! Read More »

Uh...what's with Ashley's lazy eye??

Sometimes Cosmo really just makes me angry. Not that I’m going to stop reading it, mind you, but mad enough to sigh as I flip through the same ish month after month. Every article inside Cosmo is as predictable as the results of a spelling bee between Mark Zuckerburg and Paris Hilton.  I know a Cosmo mag better than I know the recipe for Velveeta.  And well, that’s embarrassing for me to admit.

First, Cosmo always states the obvious. This month’s Duuuuuh story? The ‘Stud Meter.’  Oh really? David Beckham in his tighty whities is hotter than Adam Sandler dressed in drag?  That’s totally insane, Cosmo! How could 8-pack abs beat guy-liner?

Next, the lady mag tells girls to use sex to keep their man from cheating, like in this issue’s ‘The Moment He’s Most Likely to Cheat.‘ Wait, so you mean to tell me the only way I’m going to keep my man from dipping it elsewhere is to always look hot, wake him up at 5 a.m. to do the hippity dippity, flirt with other guys, and constantly feed him ego-boosting compliments?  Anything else, Cosmo?  While I understand I should keep my man happy and restrain from getting a butch haircut, should I learn to do backflips from my spot in the kitchen while I’m making him a sandwich and give him an HJ after my third back hand spring?

Of course, there’s always Cosmo’s bat sh*t crazy theories, and ‘Pillow Talk,’ an article sharing your guy’s personality traits based on how he sleeps at night, easily fills that requirement.  First of all, these theories are somewhat creepy in that girl-just-got-off-the-crazy-train sorta way.  And second of all, I’m willing to believe the reason he’s “covering his head with the pillow” is because I’m running my mouth, wondering, “Does this mean you’re feeling guarded and need more space!? Do you even love me anymore?!”

Cosmo also always disposes a weird man-trait I really don’t care to know about (i.e. ‘The New Male Grooming Obsession’ – thanks for the poll about how men manscape their pee pee hair) and never ceases to freak me out with their dramatic and scary stories about my goodie goodie gum drops (i.e. ‘Are You Running Out of Time to Have a Baby?‘)  Seriously?  I’m running out of time to get to the movie store and scoop up a Toy Story 3 before they sell out.  Stop scaring me. Read More »

Guess who’s making a cameo on the cover of Cosmo this month?  None other than, Julia Stiles!  Wait, the current younger generation probably doesn’t even know who this homeskillet is. Girlfriend, where have you been? I haven’t seen her in Hollywood since she rocked the boat in Save the Last Dance. (Oh, oopsie poopsie, Cosmo just informed me she has a dark role in Dexter, muh bad).

Still, you can only imagine I was surprised she was gracing the cover of Cosmo in that leather sheath this month.  I’m dying to crack open the mag and see ‘The Side of Julia I Haven’t Seen Before.‘  I’m quivering with excitement to see what she’s been up to all these mysterious years behind the spotlight…(one of the most intriguing things: a building fear of pigeons).

As quickly as I was surprised about Julia Styles’ birth back into Hollywood-dom, I forgot about it.  So, let’s move on.

Under Cosmo News, the magazine debuted the Hollywood Newlyweds who were most in love. Unfortunately for newlywed, Hilary Duff – her and hubby Mike Comrie have “space issues.”  Trouble in paradise, people.

In the middle of the mag, Cosmo created their own line of greeting cards starring celebs. As you can imagine, this wasn’t at all hilarious.  Especially when they put Justin Bieber’s face on an elf costume with slogan ‘Look Who We Found in Santa’s Workshop?’  Ew, Cosmo.

Oh, and before I forget to mention it, there was an article called ‘Make Him Burn With Pleasure.’ No, Cosmo wasn’t encouraging you give him an STD. They want you to microwave his socks, put them on, and squeeze his feet. Why didn’t I think of something as hawt as this before!?!

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First, take off his pants!

Then read this post.

No, seriously. Cosmo wants you to. And next, treat him to the sexy strokes he’s been craving all along…but won’t ask for (like that one where you make little crawling motions with your fingers from his hips to his chin).

Wait, stop!  Would you jump off a bridge if Cosmo did?! For real, I was flabbergasted when I saw the biggest headline on this issue placed strategically next to Katy Perry’s wonder-breasts.  Especially knowing that my 16-year-old sister bought the magazine this month.  I hope she’s looking only at the (very microscopic) fashion section in this November edition. It’s on pages 65-74, for all of those concerned sisters and mothers out there.

After being transfixed by Katy’s cleave for a good twenty minutes (“how do they sit like that?!”), I finally snapped out of it and opened the magazine. And what did I find? Alex Rodriguez’s smug grin and the title of ‘Celeb Bachelor of the Year.’ That was more disappointing then my dream about birthing Levi Johnston’s love child.  Sorry if you’re a Yankee fan, but no thanks.  However, lucky for all your Chewbacca boyfriends out there, Cosmo also shows you a ‘Fast Fix for his Unibrow.’ (Since I’m sure he wouldn’t take offense to you suffocating him with your white eyeliner pencil…)

For all the women out there concerned about what other chicas are doing to get all freaky between the sheets, Cosmo provides us with a ‘Naughty Sex Check List.’ Yummy, time to get super and uncomfortably personal.  Then, Cosmo gives us the ’3 Weird Signs He’s Into You.’ These include: eating steak, starting to talk like you, and his mind going blank. OK – so if you go to Red Lobster and he orders a Filet Mignon, he starts mimicking your hand movements, and forgets your name – you’re in.  Super!  Thanks Cosmo!

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Hellooooooo cleavage!

When I saw October’s cover of Cosmo, the headline ‘Own His Orgasm! What Men Really Want Right Before Blast Off,’ I almost considered going to church next Sunday. Whoa, Cosmo. Pump the breaks a bit, shall we? I haven’t even busted this baby open yet and I’m already getting weird stares from the check-out lady in Target.  Of course it didn’t help that the cover also boasted answers to 100 crazy, dirty sex questions for all of our uneducated, perverted peepsies out there….in true Tweet fashion (20 words or less).

Also in this issue, Cosmo posed the question we are all dying to know: ‘Do You Know the Real You?’ In the article it stated, “Research shows that key aspects of your personality may already be in place by the time you are in first grade.” Great, that explains everything (i.e. compulsively eating Pop Tarts, not being able to properly communicate in intense social situations, and still struggling with long division). One of the better articles showcased was how to ‘Win Anyone Over in 3 Minutes.’ Anyone except the woman giving you the stink eye when you’re buying this over sexualized magazine, that is.

Anyway, it’s time to get to the good stuff. And by the good stuff, I mean an article that prevents the opportunity to keep a straight face while scanning its many paragraphs.  Article, meet readers. Readers, meet ‘Easy Ways to Feel More Aroused.’ This list included finding your ‘horny song,’ taking ‘half showers’ and flirting with random guys to feel more playful and saucy. The best part of the article though? A small feature called, ‘Definite Mojo Killers.’ Cosmo claimed they are major mistakes that will make your libido tank.  I claim they are high-larious. Read More »

The minute, and I mean the minute, I spotted Britney Spear’s discolored blond extensions on the cover of Cosmopolitan this month, I grasped the magazine tightly in my fingertips, sighed extravagantly and hugged my copy. This means I get to read one of those famous Cosmo Quizzes filled out by B. Spears!

Which is so rad.

Except, is it just me or is Miss Spears just not the same as she used to be? She’s like the girl in high school who got pregnant after graduation and you saw her at your high school reunion wearing Candies. Oh, wait (hehe).  It’s OK Brit Brit; at least you didn’t scribble down “Beating Cars With Umbrellas” as an answer for “I Feel Most Powerful When…”

Anyway, after dissecting every word from Britney’s personally written interview, I moved on.  I predictably and shamelessly scanned the waxy pages of Cosmo and came across some of those “classic” [i.e. New Sex Survey!] Cosmo articles.  Amongst the extensive sex advice lived an incredibly pointless list of “Straight-to-DVD Movies We’d Like to See” in which Cosmo completely created a list of ‘fake’ movies  [i.e. a movie called; Vice Versa which features George Clooney and Justin Bieber]. This movie allows the two to switch bodies so it would be less creepy for grown women to sweat over Justin Bieber. One question, Cosmo: What grown women are actually breaking a hot sweat over J-Beebs?

Another one of my favorite articles was an entire spread dedicated to analyzing John Mayer’s G-Spot Geometry.  Need I go any further? For the sake of your well-being and mine, probs not.  But I will share another article with you, because I think it is so LOL-worthy.  It’s called, “Feel Sexier Instantly: 50 Quick Tricks.” Great, a list! All the better and easier to poke fun, my dear! Read More »

Whenever I find myself in an ice breaker situation and people ask me that annoying “Who would you want to have dinner with, alive or dead” question, I always answer the same: Cosmo’s EIC and best-selling author, Kate White.

There’s just so much I want to know about her and to learn from her… and I’m sure she’s collected some pretty great sex tips over the years. What? If anyone can dole out sex tips, it’s Cosmo’s editor, right?

Well, I didn’t get the chance to share a pizza and a beer with Ms. White, but I did get the chance to talk with her about her climb to the top, what it’s like to rule the Cosmo empire, and her latest thriller, Hush. Read More »

Cosmo‘s February issue had a lot of usefulless information, as per usual. Get excited! This month we learn how guys truly feel about nail decals (we know you’ve all been dying to know the answer to this.) Turns out 55% think they’re too over-the-top, while 45% say they’re fun and flirty. But I’m pretty sure 100% don’t really know what nail decals are, or even notice what their ladies are rocking on their fingers.

We also learn that what you’re envious of reveals what you really want in life. But didn’t we already learn this when Laguna Beach first came out and we all felt green with envy? I don’t think it took our “where-we-sit-at-lunch-defines-our-popularity-status” high school minds and an article from Cosmo to realize that we were envious because we wanted what they had. We wanted their million dollar mansions, designer name clothing, thriving social lives, and Ste-VEN in our beds. And we especially all wanted to be asked to our proms with a fish filled pool and a lit up sign. So thanks anyway, Cosmo.

But perhaps the most informative article this month is His Bedtime Body Language, in which we learn how his sleeping position tells us all we need to know about his personality.

Cosmo Says: Facedown: This guy likes to be in control.
Arielle Says: Or maybe he just likes to shove his face under the pillow so the afternoon sun doesn’t wake him from his slumber.

Cosmo Says: On His Back: His open posture shows that he’s secure and optimistic.
Arielle Says: Yeah… optimistic for a blow job! Or maybe he was watching an episode of Entourage and fell asleep halfway through. Or was reading his biology assignment and fell asleep with the book on his chest. Well, actually probably not the latter, if your man is anything like mine… Either way, the analysis of this sleeping position should really just be that he will need a nose strip; he’s going to be snoring all night. Read More »

So, I know this month’s Cosmo Says is fashionably late (blame it on a premature reaction to Tryptophan), but it’s here now. And you should be happy because not only was the December issue chock full of goodies, but now you have something to distract you while your little cousins run around your house screaming and you attempt to digest that 3lbs of stuffing you just inhaled.

There was an equally awesome/puzzling interview with Fergie (she looks great, poses in yoga moves and has dachshunds). The gift guide contained about 70% of my Christmas list (srsly, check out the Smashbox brushes on p. 100). There were tons of adorable mini skirts, and a ridiculous article where two guys keep diaries for 10 days about everything that goes through their minds. Spoiler alert: These guys think about sex a lot. These guys also happen to write exactly like Cosmo staffers. Hmm…

The crown jewel of the entire issue, though, had to be “Hidden Secrets His Hug Reveals.” Apparently, a hug can mean more than “not just a handshake, not quite a kiss.” Enjoy what Cosmo has to say about:

The Sneak Attack

Cosmo says: If he encircles you from behind, he’s totes “blanketing your body” with his love. Unless he does it all the time—then he’s too much of a pansy to hug you from the front.

Kari says: He better have highly recognizable cologne, because if an unknown dude suddenly wraps his arms around my chest, he’s getting a sample of that self-defense course my sorority held. Other than that, IDK about this “sense of oneness” that you’re going on about, Cosmo. I normally equate those three little words with meaningful eye contact and slow dancing non-ironically to “Forever young”… Read More »