Of all things corrupting the youth of America, the very worst is Cosmopolitan magazine. Sure, it’s the best-selling lifestyle bible of the female demographic, but now that the publication is putting actresses like Dakota Fanning and Selena Gomez on the cover, the printed pamphlet for blended orgasms and all-star blowjobs seems to be catering to a new generation of sexually active females—you know, middle school girls around twelve or thirteen years old, right?

Exactly. And over ten thousand women have had absolutely enough of the smut and are fighting to ensure that no girl under eighteen years of age ever lays eyes on a Cosmopolitan cover ever again.

This past August, a woman named Nicole Weider started a petition on Change.org to have Cosmopolitan be sold in an opaque wrapper at magazine stands and grocery stores so that its risque headlines stay hidden from the impressionable eyes of young girls.

“I happened to pick up an issue and was reading it and was completely shocked at how pornographic and explicit the content had become. I immediately thought of my young teenage brothers and it horrified me to think that they and their friends could be reading this material, and the damage it would do to them if they did,” Weider said. “So I decided to do something about it.”

But Weider doesn’t want to just stop minors from glancing at the cover while grocery shopping with their parents; she also wants to make sure that they don’t come back on their own and purchase the magazine to read later on. That’s right; she hopes that coming of age at eighteen years old means that a girl can legally buy cigarettes, lottery tickets and the latest issue of Cosmopolitan.

“I have contacted the Chairman of the FTC, John Leibowitz and received a letter from his office stating they will look into the issue and start an investigation only when they feel it’s a ‘threat’ to society,” she said. “This means they need more complaints—that is, signers of this petition.”

Weider asserts that her argument is valid because ever since she started the petition, she’s received hundreds of comments and emails—testimonies from girls as young as eleven years old.

“They write me letters detailing how they’ve tried the sexual tips written about in Cosmo, only to get their hearts broken, or worse — getting pregnant or catching an STD,” she said. “The obvious damage it could be doing is the girls getting STD’s at a young age, pregnancy and bullying.”

And why are girls so young buying Cosmopolitan anyway? According to Weider, it’s because child stars like Hayden Panettiere and Hilary Duff are constantly on the cover! 17-year-old Dakota Fanning is featured on the February issue with the headlines “His Best Sex Ever” and “3 Clues He’s Secretly Into You” plastered next to her face! And Disney Channel actress and goddess of all things tween, Selena Gomez, is slated to appear later this year—of course the eleven year olds of America are going to buy the issue, memorize it from cover to cover and have as much sex as possible with absolutely every guy in middle school!!!

On some level, I do have to agree with her. It is a little weird to see child stars on the cover of such a provocative magazine that usually offers pages and pages of sex advice to newlywed women and women who wish they were newlyweds. To me, it’s not about how old their covergirls are; no one protested when Keira Knightley and Kirsten Dunst appeared on the cover at age 19. It’s about these actresses’ target demographic: who made them famous in the first place, who watches their every move and who idolizes them. And yes, it is these impressionable eleven-year-old girls in middle school who look up to these celebrities a little too much.

Even more so, the dating advice offered inside Cosmo covers often crosses the border into completely ridiculous suggestions: sexting is sexy, cheating is normal, and making love in the club is romance defined! Little girls who don’t know better could seriously eat it all up, especially if spoonfed from something with Selena Gomez on the cover.

But honestly, Nicole Weider, tweens aren’t that easily persuaded. They’re not suddenly discovering the concept of sex when speed reading Cosmo covers while in line at the market. They’re learning about sexual tension from Twilight books and wondering how Kim Kardashian got famous in the first place, they already know what has to happen for Justin Bieber to become the father of any child. Maybe they even hear their parents’ mattresses squeak every once in a while. They’re learning about sex from everywhere else but Cosmopolitan magazine, and if they buy it, it’s because they’re already plenty curious about it. That seed was planted long ago, and the magazine just happens to be the most effective fertilizer toward cultivating great sex.

Sorry, but this ban won’t pass. The FCC will never take this seriously. Such a lucrative magazine in a struggling industry is not a threat to society. And Cosmopolitan will continue to “corrupt” tweens with saucy headlines and sexualized child stars, and there’s nothing that can be done that will actually make any kind of difference. Want tweens to stop having sex, parents? Educate your kids about STI’s and teen pregnancy (no, it does not happen as fast as Bella’s pregnancy in Twilight). Help them build self confidence outside receiving male attention and encourage some kind of moral code in the house. Oh, and make sure they aren’t so easily influenced that they’ll try out an idea that they read in passing on random magazine cover. Whose fault is it really?

Do you agree with Weider about Cosmopolitan’s persuasive effect on tween readers? Or do you also think it’s a little bit ridiculous to buy issues wrapped in cardboard paper whenever you want to thumb through a Cosmo?

Ashley is a UC San Diego grad who is holding on way too tightly to a potential career in magazines and goes to Vegas all too often. She’s fascinated with celebrities and strawberry beer and doubles as a pathological texter/emailer/blogger. Feed the addiction with tweets @cashleelee. Thanks in advance.

Olay sent me their Pore Minimizing Cleanser & Scrub’s 2-in-1 Foaming Formula, the Daily Facials Deep Cleansing Dual-Textured Cloths, and the Shine Control Lathering Cleanser.  All of the products are gentle enough to use every day, although you can use their Lathering Cleanser as more of a mask every few days.  I even ran out of the cleansing cloths because I used them so often!

I really enjoyed this stuff (almost as I enjoyed seeing my face in my favorite magazine!), so watch this vid to find out why!

Got something you want me to cover? Post it in the comments below. And don’t forget to follow us on YouTube and check out my other videos right here! And For more beauty related tips, check out my website!

Uh...what's with Ashley's lazy eye??

Sometimes Cosmo really just makes me angry. Not that I’m going to stop reading it, mind you, but mad enough to sigh as I flip through the same ish month after month. Every article inside Cosmo is as predictable as the results of a spelling bee between Mark Zuckerburg and Paris Hilton.  I know a Cosmo mag better than I know the recipe for Velveeta.  And well, that’s embarrassing for me to admit.

First, Cosmo always states the obvious. This month’s Duuuuuh story? The ‘Stud Meter.’  Oh really? David Beckham in his tighty whities is hotter than Adam Sandler dressed in drag?  That’s totally insane, Cosmo! How could 8-pack abs beat guy-liner?

Next, the lady mag tells girls to use sex to keep their man from cheating, like in this issue’s ‘The Moment He’s Most Likely to Cheat.‘ Wait, so you mean to tell me the only way I’m going to keep my man from dipping it elsewhere is to always look hot, wake him up at 5 a.m. to do the hippity dippity, flirt with other guys, and constantly feed him ego-boosting compliments?  Anything else, Cosmo?  While I understand I should keep my man happy and restrain from getting a butch haircut, should I learn to do backflips from my spot in the kitchen while I’m making him a sandwich and give him an HJ after my third back hand spring?

Of course, there’s always Cosmo’s bat sh*t crazy theories, and ‘Pillow Talk,’ an article sharing your guy’s personality traits based on how he sleeps at night, easily fills that requirement.  First of all, these theories are somewhat creepy in that girl-just-got-off-the-crazy-train sorta way.  And second of all, I’m willing to believe the reason he’s “covering his head with the pillow” is because I’m running my mouth, wondering, “Does this mean you’re feeling guarded and need more space!? Do you even love me anymore?!”

Cosmo also always disposes a weird man-trait I really don’t care to know about (i.e. ‘The New Male Grooming Obsession’ – thanks for the poll about how men manscape their pee pee hair) and never ceases to freak me out with their dramatic and scary stories about my goodie goodie gum drops (i.e. ‘Are You Running Out of Time to Have a Baby?‘)  Seriously?  I’m running out of time to get to the movie store and scoop up a Toy Story 3 before they sell out.  Stop scaring me.

But best of all, Cosmo loves to talk about sex, love, lust, and all sorts of naughty.  And they really pulled out all the stops (and by “stops” I mean “freaky leaky guys”) in this month’s ’60 Hand Free Ways to Wow Him.’ Hmmm, I guess sign language isn’t as sexay as I thought it was….

Cosmo Says: My wife was straddling my face and stretched one leg out to work my johnson with her toes. (Side Note: Where does Cosmo GET these ‘guest man opinions’???  I’m imagining someone breathing intensely over their computer, watching porn, and typing vigorously…)
Brittany Says: In a world where our male counterpart isn’t nearly as flexible and bendable as say, well, us…does this mean we have to do some crazy gymnastic girl maneuvers in bed to make up for that?  Making friction (with my uncoordinated toe) in a comprimsing postion just sounds uncomfortable.  Besides, the word ‘man’ must be in maneuver for a reason.  Why don’t you try it, Doug age 31?

Cosmo Says: Lick on his eyelids and then blow on your saliva.
Brittany Says: I need to understand the appeal in this.  I can already see how this would go down.  “Hey honey, close your eyes.” And while he’s closing his eyes imagining you whipping out a sex toy or some sexy lingerie, you take a big, wet lick.  Ahh girlfrennn, what a buzzkill.

Cosmo Says: On a cold night, I went to my girlfriend’s place.  She put my penis under her armpit.  It got me hot, fast.
Brittany Says: I think it’s time for someone to get a Snuggie.

Cosmo Says: Biting my shoulder will make me come.
Brittany Says: Thanks, for that.  Is it gross that I almost made a joke about my dog?  Whatever, I’ll go for it.  I wish it was that easy to get Rover back in the house.

Still, you can only imagine I was surprised she was gracing the cover of Cosmo in that leather sheath this month.  I’m dying to crack open the mag and see ‘The Side of Julia I Haven’t Seen Before.‘  I’m quivering with excitement to see what she’s been up to all these mysterious years behind the spotlight…(one of the most intriguing things: a building fear of pigeons).

As quickly as I was surprised about Julia Styles’ birth back into Hollywood-dom, I forgot about it.  So, let’s move on.

Under Cosmo News, the magazine debuted the Hollywood Newlyweds who were most in love. Unfortunately for newlywed, Hilary Duff – her and hubby Mike Comrie have “space issues.”  Trouble in paradise, people.

In the middle of the mag, Cosmo created their own line of greeting cards starring celebs. As you can imagine, this wasn’t at all hilarious.  Especially when they put Justin Bieber’s face on an elf costume with slogan ‘Look Who We Found in Santa’s Workshop?’  Ew, Cosmo.

Oh, and before I forget to mention it, there was an article called ‘Make Him Burn With Pleasure.’ No, Cosmo wasn’t encouraging you give him an STD. They want you to microwave his socks, put them on, and squeeze his feet. Why didn’t I think of something as hawt as this before!?!

In my fave feature, ’101 Things About Men,’ Cosmo dispensed some pretty interesting factoids and advice. They even tried to help us ‘beat the slow fade’ in a relationship by ‘being extra intriguing on Facebook.’ Yes, you read that right; Cosmo wants us to “use Facebook to flaunt all the cool sh*t you’ve been up to.”  No Cosmo, just no.  Sometimes I’m bummed I still read this.

But after giving myself a pep talk (“Just one more page!”), I came across the best advice this month’s issue had to offer: ‘Decode His Driving Style.’ Because the way he grasps onto a steering wheel obviously gives it all away.

Cosmo Says: He reclines and has one hand on top of the wheel at 12. This guy is dominant.  By leaning his seat back, he’s taking up as much space as possible to claim his territory. And his steering style is his way of showing he’s so in control, he can do it one-handed.
Brittany Says: Or maybe he is a typical dude, who likes to listen to Tupac, roll the windows down and relax. Wait, he’s in control because he can perfect the wheel-stirring one handed!? Hold the press, I gots to get me a one-handed-driving man!

Cosmo Says: He’s sitting up straight, with his hands at 10 and 2. He’s practical. He keeps his hands firmly in this position because it’s convenient to the horn, turn signal, and lights – in case he should need, well anything.
Brittany Says: The last time I checked, I found the horn pretty conveniently placed on the steering wheel.  I don’t care if I was driving upside down, with my toes, while I read Cosmo – the horn, turn signal, and access to lights were pretty convenient.  This means nothing to me.

Cosmo Says: He’s slouched in his seat with one hand at the wheel…at six. This guy is rebellious. He has a bit of a spontaneous streak, and he always has one hand free to be ready to deal with the radio, grab a drink, or whatever-in-the-moment craving he has.
Brittany Says: Whew, boys – slow your roll if you’re lazily gripping the steering wheel at six.  I just don’t think I could handle a man with this amount of rebellion.

Cosmo Says: He’s crouched up to the wheel and gripping it at 11 and 1. This type is insecure. He doesn’t feel like he’s in control, so he clings to the wheel with his hands.
Brittany Says: Or he’s just a terribly cautious driver and realizes what precious cargo he’s got in the passenger seat.

Check out what other madness the mags are spilling each month.

Then read this post.

No, seriously. Cosmo wants you to. And next, treat him to the sexy strokes he’s been craving all along…but won’t ask for (like that one where you make little crawling motions with your fingers from his hips to his chin).

Wait, stop!  Would you jump off a bridge if Cosmo did?! For real, I was flabbergasted when I saw the biggest headline on this issue placed strategically next to Katy Perry’s wonder-breasts.  Especially knowing that my 16-year-old sister bought the magazine this month.  I hope she’s looking only at the (very microscopic) fashion section in this November edition. It’s on pages 65-74, for all of those concerned sisters and mothers out there.

After being transfixed by Katy’s cleave for a good twenty minutes (“how do they sit like that?!”), I finally snapped out of it and opened the magazine. And what did I find? Alex Rodriguez’s smug grin and the title of ‘Celeb Bachelor of the Year.’ That was more disappointing then my dream about birthing Levi Johnston’s love child.  Sorry if you’re a Yankee fan, but no thanks.  However, lucky for all your Chewbacca boyfriends out there, Cosmo also shows you a ‘Fast Fix for his Unibrow.’ (Since I’m sure he wouldn’t take offense to you suffocating him with your white eyeliner pencil…)

For all the women out there concerned about what other chicas are doing to get all freaky between the sheets, Cosmo provides us with a ‘Naughty Sex Check List.’ Yummy, time to get super and uncomfortably personal.  Then, Cosmo gives us the ’3 Weird Signs He’s Into You.’ These include: eating steak, starting to talk like you, and his mind going blank. OK – so if you go to Red Lobster and he orders a Filet Mignon, he starts mimicking your hand movements, and forgets your name – you’re in.  Super!  Thanks Cosmo!

One of my favorite pages full of words this month was an article showcasing ‘Giveaway Signs a Guy is Toxic.’ It looks like someone forgot to do their job and threw this article together on the Sunday night before the magazine was published, because they compared body-language to Jesse James, Tiger Woods, Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen, and Kanye West.  Come on, guys – this is like showing giveaway signs Britney Spears needed therapy back in her taking a razor to her noggin days. Get the picture, duh.

But, of all the juicy articles in this month’s issue, Cosmo was there for us the most when they helped their readers, ‘Keep Your Long-Distance Love Hot.’ Oh, goodie.  I’m hoping they will have some advice for me when I Skype with my BFFs in Spain!  Time to get dirty, peepsies!

Cosmo Says: Start a Flickr account, and update it with a new picture each evening so you can “see each other every day.”
Brittany Says: I feel like this would be time consuming.  I waste enough time creating witty albums on my Facebook page!  Do you think I have enough time in my day to be uploading pictures to a Flickr account of me trying to look ultimately sexy in my dorm room after an episode of Glee? Meh.

Cosmo Says: To turn up the heat during Skype sex, pan up and down your body instead of leaving the camera on one spot.
Brittany Says: Yay, Skype advice! However, technology sex has never really been my thing.  Go ahead and call me boring, but in my Skype etiquette, I like to keep it a mystery what I’m wearing below.  Putting makeup on and leaving my sweats and Team Taylor shirt is enough of a makeover for a Skype sesh.

Cosmo Says: Call his cell when you know he can’t answer, and leave a sexy soundtrack of you pleasuring yourself.
Brittany Says: Honestly, I would probably have to pound back a few shooters before I considered doing this.  And where does Cosmo suggest I do this?? I’m trying to figure out how this would work for me, and I’m LOLing. I can see it now…huddled in the corner of my apartment, drunk, and trying to sound like Jenna Jameson while pressing my face into my cell phone mouth piece.  For my man, it would sound like I was sexy-talking him through the Burger King drive thru.

Cosmo Says: Instant-stream a movie or show on Xbox Live, and watch it together.
Brittany Says: This reminds me of seventh grade when me and my boyfriend would watch The Real World on MTV and not say a word for an hour.  No thanks, I don’t have unlimited minutes on my cellphone line anymore.

Wait. I know!  Maybe we could do this while we Skype and I pan the camera up and down my body! I hope my boyfriend’s ready for a Real Housewives marathon!! Hotness.

Check out what other madness the mags are spilling each month.

Hellooooooo cleavage!

When I saw October’s cover of Cosmo, the headline ‘Own His Orgasm! What Men Really Want Right Before Blast Off,’ I almost considered going to church next Sunday. Whoa, Cosmo. Pump the breaks a bit, shall we? I haven’t even busted this baby open yet and I’m already getting weird stares from the check-out lady in Target.  Of course it didn’t help that the cover also boasted answers to 100 crazy, dirty sex questions for all of our uneducated, perverted peepsies out there….in true Tweet fashion (20 words or less).

Also in this issue, Cosmo posed the question we are all dying to know: ‘Do You Know the Real You?’ In the article it stated, “Research shows that key aspects of your personality may already be in place by the time you are in first grade.” Great, that explains everything (i.e. compulsively eating Pop Tarts, not being able to properly communicate in intense social situations, and still struggling with long division). One of the better articles showcased was how to ‘Win Anyone Over in 3 Minutes.’ Anyone except the woman giving you the stink eye when you’re buying this over sexualized magazine, that is.

Anyway, it’s time to get to the good stuff. And by the good stuff, I mean an article that prevents the opportunity to keep a straight face while scanning its many paragraphs.  Article, meet readers. Readers, meet ‘Easy Ways to Feel More Aroused.’ This list included finding your ‘horny song,’ taking ‘half showers’ and flirting with random guys to feel more playful and saucy. The best part of the article though? A small feature called, ‘Definite Mojo Killers.’ Cosmo claimed they are major mistakes that will make your libido tank.  I claim they are high-larious.

Cosmo Says: Your guy unhooks your bra…and some of your fiber cereal from that morning’s breakfast falls out.
Brittany Says: Snack break!

Cosmo Says: He takes your try at dirty talk a little too seriously. “How do you get me so hot?” is a rhetorical question.  No need to respond with, “Perhaps it’s my new axe body wash.”
Brittany Says: No, please that is so bro-fabulous! While you’re getting it on next time and you tell him to, “Ride me” I hope he says, “I’m on a horse.” Oh wait, that’s Old Spice.

Cosmo Says: You’re this close to an epic O when you discover that his cell-phone ring-tone of choice is Justin Bieber’s “Love Me.”
Brittany Says: I’m absolutely dying at this.  So the dude appreciates little boys singing wistful techno tunes. So what? (I guess I’m just a suckah for love). This isn’t what you had in mind for your “horny song,” Cosmo?

Cosmo Says: SeamlessWeb said you have 35 minutes to get it on before the Dominos arrived. Just as the condom goes on, you find out they were wrong.
Brittany Says: Oh my lord. Stop whining. You’re about to get it on and ‘oops, pizzas here?’ Yesterday I watched the History Channel for 3 hours. By myself. Get over it.

Cosmo Says: You go into his top drawer to get some lube…and discover his Team Taylor t-shirt.
Brittany Says: Let’s have a toast to all the softies. Then get right back to business.

Which is so rad.

Except, is it just me or is Miss Spears just not the same as she used to be? She’s like the girl in high school who got pregnant after graduation and you saw her at your high school reunion wearing Candies. Oh, wait (hehe).  It’s OK Brit Brit; at least you didn’t scribble down “Beating Cars With Umbrellas” as an answer for “I Feel Most Powerful When…”

Anyway, after dissecting every word from Britney’s personally written interview, I moved on.  I predictably and shamelessly scanned the waxy pages of Cosmo and came across some of those “classic” [i.e. New Sex Survey!] Cosmo articles.  Amongst the extensive sex advice lived an incredibly pointless list of “Straight-to-DVD Movies We’d Like to See” in which Cosmo completely created a list of ‘fake’ movies  [i.e. a movie called; Vice Versa which features George Clooney and Justin Bieber]. This movie allows the two to switch bodies so it would be less creepy for grown women to sweat over Justin Bieber. One question, Cosmo: What grown women are actually breaking a hot sweat over J-Beebs?

Another one of my favorite articles was an entire spread dedicated to analyzing John Mayer’s G-Spot Geometry.  Need I go any further? For the sake of your well-being and mine, probs not.  But I will share another article with you, because I think it is so LOL-worthy.  It’s called, “Feel Sexier Instantly: 50 Quick Tricks.” Great, a list! All the better and easier to poke fun, my dear!

Cosmo Says: Drop lusty words like passionate and stimulating into conversations.
Brittany Says: I can see it already – the future conversation with my boss. Cute.

Cosmo Says: Midday, get your blood circulating with this sexy-house-kitten stretch: Arch your back so your butt sticks out, and lengthen your arms over your head. Ahhh….
Brittany Says: If this feline gesture were in the privacy of your bedroom, then OK. But according to this ‘quick trick’ you should perform it midday. Out of general human behavior experience, I’m either in the classroom or the office. And I doubt my co-workers and classmates are going to appreciate my innate cat imitation a few feet away from their face. Meow.

Cosmo Says: Do some quick Kegels at your desk – maybe while your boss is yapping away and boring the bejesus out of you.
Brittany Says: Cosmo, stop trying to turn the office into a soft porn DVD. Do you get it? Just because your boss is yapping, that does not constitute yapping your southern yapper. Save that business for yoga class.

Cosmo Says: Open the shades in the a.m. The burst of sunlight will instantly wake you up. Plus, the chance that the neighbors may see you in all your naked glory will give you a bad-girl buzz.
Brittany Says: This illuminates every motivation of a Peeping Tom (we don’t call it Wide-eyed Tom for a reason). I get a good enough ‘bad-girl buzz’ from raiding the cookie jar anyway. Thanks, though.

Cosmo Says: Don’t jump out of bed. Spend a few minutes rolling around, tousling your hair, and nuzzling the pillows and blanket.
Brittany Says: Once I finally stopped laughing at images of myself doing this, I decided the person that wrote this article owns too many cats.

Whenever I find myself in an ice breaker situation and people ask me that annoying “Who would you want to have dinner with, alive or dead” question, I always answer the same: Cosmo’s EIC and best-selling author, Kate White.

There’s just so much I want to know about her and to learn from her… and I’m sure she’s collected some pretty great sex tips over the years. What? If anyone can dole out sex tips, it’s Cosmo’s editor, right?

Well, I didn’t get the chance to share a pizza and a beer with Ms. White, but I did get the chance to talk with her about her climb to the top, what it’s like to rule the Cosmo empire, and her latest thriller, Hush.

CC: You got your start in magazines when you were featured as one of Glamour’s Top Ten College Women.  What did it take to become one of these girls and what were your qualifications?
KW: Oh, that’s such a good question. I wanted to win really badly. I not only thought winning would help me break into the magazine business but I also believed that if I became the cover girl (which I later did), any guy who had rejected me in the past would have to eat his heart out. The contest required writing an essay explaining what your top goals were for the future. I knew I had to stand out from the pack so I wrote mine on why I had no goals for the future (though of course I wound back to explain why I really did). When I won, it was my first lesson in how breaking the rules can make all the difference.

CC: If you had to go back and change one thing in your career path, what would it be?
KW: I feel I did pretty well with my career. It was balancing my career with motherhood that sometimes left me flustered. I wish I had periodically taken a day off just to take care of my to-do list. I often felt it hanging over my head–and I couldn’t deal with it on weekends because I spent all my time with my kids. If I’d taken a day off here or there to do all those things, I believe I would have been much less stressed. A simple trick. Please promise we you’ll try it yourself someday.

CC: You have written several novels empowering and giving advice to women.  We totally admire your confidence and self-respect, but we want to know what the source of this confidence was?  What advice would you give to young girls to be make them believe they can “set the world on fire” as the title of one of your book suggests?
KW: My parents were great; they really said nice and encouraging things to me growing up and that makes such a difference. But a lot of confidence comes from taking risks and seeing that it pays off. Get your toe in the water and see how good it feels. You’ll also discover how well taking risks and breaking rules pay off. It will make you do it again and again.

CC: You also have written fiction novels, where do you find inspiration for new plot ideas?
KW: I keep a big fat file of clippings about crimes and weird stuff, and I go through it whenever it’s time to start a new book. But as I writer, I think it really also help to keep asking “What if?” Lets say you see a scarf lying on the sidewalk. Ask yourself “What if…?” What if, for instance, the woman who owned it was abducted and left it as a clue? Etc, etc, etc.

CC: You are constantly so busy between novel writing and Cosmo, how do you balance your career and family time?
KW: I have had a fabulous life but to be honest, I’ve had to let go of some thing to make it all work. I think you make your list and decide what matters to you and what doesn’t. I could have gone to all the fashion shows in Milan and Paris twice a year, like all the editors of fashion magazines n New York, but I chose not to because I never liked being away from my kids for long stretches when they were young. I didn’t go to many of the screenings and openings and events when they were little. But I have no regrets.

CC: What is your favorite part of being editor-in-chief at Cosmo?
KW: Omigod, every part. It’s the most outrageously fun job in the world. Working on Cosmo cover lines is probably the best part, though. I wrote one for the April cover that I love. “The Sex Article We Can’t Put on the Cover.” Don’t you have to check it out?

CC: What is your overall vision for Cosmo and what do you want readers to take away from reading it?
KW: I want readers to feel that Cosmo talks to them in a candid fresh way they love and that they can turn to us for tons of great info. I want to always be their bible.

CC: What is the craziest thing you’ve seen or experienced while working at Cosmo?
KW: There are so many things. I find it hilarious that male models come in and drop their pants so that the model editor can take their picture with their boxer briefs on. And she does it with a straight face.

CC: What’s the best piece of advice (sexy or not) you’ve discovered while running Cosmo?
KW: A few years ago, when if first became popular, I heard the expression, “Go Big or Go Home.” I love that phrase. To me it says that if you are going to put the time in to doing something, do it with all the energy and passion you can summon. Don’t do things half-assed. When you go for the burn, it can make all the difference.

CC: It’s obviously quite difficult to work your way to the top in the magazine industry. What advice would you give young women who are trying to make it in similarly competitive industries (which, right now, could be just about anything)?
KW: You don’t’ have to be a bitch like that she-devil in The Devil Wears Prada. If you learn to deal with the stress–and it takes a bit of practice–you can be a nice person in tough times. But you also have to work hard, follow orders in the beginning and learn the way things are done, show up early and stay late (lard asses never get ahead), and once you get a sense of the landscape, begin to break some rules (by that I mean submitting bold ideas and being innovative). As I said before, Go Big or Go Home.

CC: College girls don’t get a lot of time to read for pleasure; tell us why we should make the time for Hush.
KW: It’s a great, juicy read, I think, a story of a woman named Lake Warren who makes a stupid choice one night that ends up turning her ordinary life into a nightmare. She sleeps with someone she should have avoided and he ends up brutally murdered. The police suspect her and the murderer realizes she was on the scene. Everyone seems to be after her and she has to save her skin. I love that reviewers keep calling it a total page turner.

Cosmo

We also learn that what you’re envious of reveals what you really want in life. But didn’t we already learn this when Laguna Beach first came out and we all felt green with envy? I don’t think it took our “where-we-sit-at-lunch-defines-our-popularity-status” high school minds and an article from Cosmo to realize that we were envious because we wanted what they had. We wanted their million dollar mansions, designer name clothing, thriving social lives, and Ste-VEN in our beds. And we especially all wanted to be asked to our proms with a fish filled pool and a lit up sign. So thanks anyway, Cosmo.

But perhaps the most informative article this month is His Bedtime Body Language, in which we learn how his sleeping position tells us all we need to know about his personality.

Cosmo Says: Facedown: This guy likes to be in control.
Arielle Says: Or maybe he just likes to shove his face under the pillow so the afternoon sun doesn’t wake him from his slumber.

Cosmo Says: On His Back: His open posture shows that he’s secure and optimistic.
Arielle Says: Yeah… optimistic for a blow job! Or maybe he was watching an episode of Entourage and fell asleep halfway through. Or was reading his biology assignment and fell asleep with the book on his chest. Well, actually probably not the latter, if your man is anything like mine… Either way, the analysis of this sleeping position should really just be that he will need a nose strip; he’s going to be snoring all night.

Cosmo Says: Thrashing Around: Constant movement indicates your guy is stressed.
Arielle Says: This is probably the only one that actually holds some merit. We all thrash around when we’re stressed… and when we’ve had too much to drink and can’t get comfortable on either side because the room is spinning no matter which direction we face. He may also be thrashing around because it’s hard to find a comfortable position in a dorm-style twin bed with two people in it.

Cosmo Says: On His Side: Men who snooze this way tend to be laid-back and quick to compromise.
Arielle Says: Or he turned away from his girlfriend because she was reading Cosmo and asking him why he doesn’t compromise even though he sleeps on his side…

There was an equally awesome/puzzling interview with Fergie (she looks great, poses in yoga moves and has dachshunds). The gift guide contained about 70% of my Christmas list (srsly, check out the Smashbox brushes on p. 100). There were tons of adorable mini skirts, and a ridiculous article where two guys keep diaries for 10 days about everything that goes through their minds. Spoiler alert: These guys think about sex a lot. These guys also happen to write exactly like Cosmo staffers. Hmm…

The crown jewel of the entire issue, though, had to be “Hidden Secrets His Hug Reveals.” Apparently, a hug can mean more than “not just a handshake, not quite a kiss.” Enjoy what Cosmo has to say about:

The Sneak Attack

Cosmo says: If he encircles you from behind, he’s totes “blanketing your body” with his love. Unless he does it all the time—then he’s too much of a pansy to hug you from the front.

Kari says: He better have highly recognizable cologne, because if an unknown dude suddenly wraps his arms around my chest, he’s getting a sample of that self-defense course my sorority held. Other than that, IDK about this “sense of oneness” that you’re going on about, Cosmo. I normally equate those three little words with meaningful eye contact and slow dancing non-ironically to “Forever young”…

The Rub

Cosmo Says: “You can’t see your back,” so rubbing it means he wants to nurture and protect you. Also, rubbing is sexual! So don’t be alarmed if he tries to get frisky. Or, he’s just doing it because he’s sad, can’t verbalize it, and wants you to rub his back (Awww).

Kari Says: Actually, I can see my back, thanks to strategically placed mirrors I use to straighten this one crazy piece of hair at the back of my head… Anyways, whenever I get a back rub, it’s usually because I explicitly asked for it, but my second assumption would definitely be horniness. And I’m not sure how to differentiate between the varieties of back rubbing (counterclockwise if he’s horny? Above the 5^th vertebrae if he’s nurturing), but for future reference, I’ll try to make sure he doesn’t look sad while he’s doing it.

The Pat

Cosmo Says: A) he’s not into you B) he’s mad at you or C) he’s encouraging you. Or maybe D) he just isn’t into PDA or E) he’s on his iPhone.

Kari Says: Thanks, Cosmo for narrowing that one down. If I was left to my own devices I probably would have thought for days about what his “pat” meant. In all seriousness though, the only semblance of rationality I can take away from this analysis is that if you don’t know him that well, pat = bad. If he’s your 5 star chick (or whatever the male equivalent of that is) pat = neutral…or ADD.

The Waist Wrap

Cosmo Says: No surprise here! Homeboy wants to knock boots. Pronto. Oh, and if he touches his forehead to yours, he wants to “merge his thoughts with yours.” Keeper!

Kari Says: If a guy casually hugs you around the waist (as most men do, considering they’re probably taller than you), count to ten before you whip out the condoms. If there is any hip gyration involved in the hug, then yes, Cosmo, you are right on track.

Alright ladies, what’s your fave hugging style? Do you think that guys go home after Beat the Clock and intently discuss their elbow placement during your embrace? Yea, me neither…