Email just isn’t private anymore. Everyone knows that. Big Brother is always watching — especially if you work at a giant company where CEOs have enough money to have you killed, stuffed into a bag, and “disappeared” forever.

Which is why it’s hilarious to read about people using their work email to send private messages. How naive can you be? Don’t tell your honey about all the bad things you want to do to him that involve chocolate syrup. Don’t send a bitchy diatribe to your best friend about how your boss has constant armpit stains. DON’T DO IT.

Unless you want to end up like these people.

[photo from www.amazonmortgagecentre.com]

I guess it’s all coming back to the surface that a couple years ago, Enrique Iglesias said something about having a “small package.” In one of the magazines – either OK! he apparently was quoted saying,

“I can never find extra-small condoms, and I know it’s really embarrassing for people – you know, from experience.”

Then, after the media got hold of this fantastic quote, he went back on what he said, saying,

“I meant I needed a penis reduction, not an enlargement! The people who wrote I had a small willy misunderstood.”

Okay, let’s not forget that Enrique Iglesias was popular for like, one hot minute back in 2000 when he was the Poor Man’s version of Ricky Martin….or maybe the less gay version….whatever, it doesn’t matter.

Neither of them are popular anymore. So this could all be some really strange plea for media attention. Not the kind of attention one would really want though…

Anyway, now condom companies are trying to get Mr. “Small Willy” (seriously, who uses the word “willy”?) to be the spokesperson for their smaller condoms! Like Lifestyle!

If that’s not embarrassing enough, “Lifestyles Wants to Dress Enrique’s Tiny Weiner” is about the only headline this guy has been makring since he removed his mole and broke up with the blond tennis player. Ouch.

Sorry to be immature and attempt to humiliate you further, Enrique, but you should have never said anything about your “willy” (hehe) to the press, ever! Gigantic or teeny-tiny, are you stupid? And even if you meant you had a bigger one, of course they’re gonna try and kick you where it hurts…literally. Come on. Don’t talk about your manhood unless you wanna show it.

Sometimes celebs should just shut the hell up and know when to not say anything at all….

Enrique, if you decide you do want to prove how much you don’t need Lifestyle “Snuggle Fit” Condoms by sending us a photo, maybe, 27 x 24, that’s a whoooole different story.

With all this Ricky Martin/Enrique/penis talk, I’m a little hot and bothered!

Guess that means one thing…..come on everybody! Shake your Bon Bon!

The Internet is a place for everyone. Jocks, beauty queens, potheads, rockers, academia, criminals….you name it, there’s a site out there perfect for ‘em.Even the straight-up WEIRDOS.

Cracked.com has scoured the web for the 8 strangest, oddest and WTF-iest communities in Cyberland, and they’ve come up with some awesomely abnormal ones that are sure to kill some time and entertain you while you’re sitting there, bored in class.

Some highlights of the list:

#8: Icechewing.com. For, you know….all the “Ice Chewers” out there. One blogger writes:

Long time chewer, first time member.

Frankly, the internet never fails to surprise and delight me. I’ve been an ice chewer since I was a little boy, and I didn’t really think about it until my late teens when my friend at the time said he thought I was a “freak” for my constant crunching on ice during a movie we went to see. Fast forward to now and I discover there’s a whole website devoted to it! That’s just great, folks!

Freak? No way! Ice chewers in the house, what what?!?

#2: Slashfanfiction.com. Sounds innocent, but really, it’s not. This site is for people who want to read about their favorite fictional TV characters getting it on…fictionally, of course. In one fantasy story starring the stars of Dawson’s Creek (dude…people are still into that show?) one writer brings the heat:

“You have to go” He cried out towards Jack…afraid to look at him as he tossed his clothes in his general direction. “This was a mistake and I want you out of my bed…now” His cries got louder as he rushed into the bathroom…slamming the door and locking it behind him. He breath was rugged and rough as he slid down the grainy wood of the door…landing ass first upon the chilled tiles as he tried to control the blood rushing towards nether regions.

Ooooh, scandelous! And weird!

And the #1 strangest web community according to Cracked.com?

Boytaur.net. Boytaurs: Guys with four or more limbs.

The site says, “There’s something wildly, almost primally, attractive about a guy with four legs: the crowding of long, sculpted thigh muscle, the four calf muscles bobbing and working in rhythm with his four-legged walk, the four strong male feet supporting his powerful boytaur body. Boytaurs know this attraction well, and it is our constant joy, both to have and to share.”

Look! A boytaur! And here’s another boytaur! Is that Smith from Sex and the City?

Okay, I’m officially creeped out with all this website weirdness. I feel like I need to take a cold shower or something. So, yeah, if you’re ever bored in class and need something to do, search the Internet for groups you’d NEVER think you’d find – most likely, you’ll find at least one site dedicated to them. And if you find yourself wanting to be a part of that community, embrace it. Just, whatever you do….don’t tell your friends.

They’ll think you’re totally weird.