I’m betting it’s more than you think. When you’re done reading this article, go take a peek in the back of your closet or the depths of your dresser drawers. It’s no secret: they’re filled with crap.

Everyone has junk they don’t need. One person’s trash might be another person’s treasure, but really, it’s probably just a piece of junk. So in honor of spring-cleaning time, here are some ideas for moving your junk out of your home and into someplace other than a landfill.

Thrift Stores:
Duh, we all know how awesome thrift stores are. If you have a few pieces in your closet that you don’t wear but can’t bear to part with, maybe you can give them the thrift-store treatment by finding accessories that go with them or using them to enhance other thrift-store finds (using a great fabric to sew patches onto jeans, for example). Or just donate your crap. It’s probably stylish to somebody.

Consignment Shops:
These stores are popping up all over the country right now thanks to the economy, and they are the perfect way to get rid of last season’s clothes (or the last five seasons if you haven’t cleaned that closet in awhile). Simply pull everything you no longer wear out of the closet, make sure it’s all clean and in good shape, then take it to the local consignment store and sell it! You can get anywhere from 35-50% of what they sell your stuff for, which is a great way to make room in your wardrobe for new duds….and the money to buy ‘em.

Stuff Swap:
I love this idea. Since you’re never the only one with a bunch of junk, call up all your friends and get them to gather their junk, too. Then have a free-for-all swap or barter arrangement where you can score sweet finds from people you already know. The more people you can get involved the better—you might even think about organizing this as an official event at your school. You and your friends could even hold a yard sale and collect cashola for the stuff you don’t use anymore. Which brings me to . . .

Sell It:
Why not make some cash from the stuff you don’t use anymore? Undercut the bookstore by selling your old textbooks to underclassmen, or put them on half.com. Write killer product descriptions for your gently used Steve Maddens with the killer heels (ouch) and set them up on eBay or Craigslist. In fact, get rid of tons of stuff -  from extra furniture to clothes you don’t wear – on Craigslist. You’d be surprised at the things people will buy if your prices are reasonable.

Re-purpose It:
This is one of my personal favorite options. If you’re crafty, save up bits of fabric and yarn and use them for gorgeous projects like the ones showcased every day on Etsy. If you can’t tell a spool of thread from a turkey leg, give your bits and pieces to your more talented friends who have been known to carry around duct-tape messenger bags and sew their own clothing. They’ll love you!

What other ideas do you guys have for pitching your stuff? Let’s hear ‘em!

So, in an attempt to avoid an ulcer or an unfortunate road rage incident, I vent to you, dear reader. Please feel free to join in and comment about anything–really, anything–that pissed. you. off. this week. Let it all hang out. I feel you.]

Landscapers: Ok guys, I understand that you’ve got a lot of ground to cover (no pun intended) and that requires you to start the day extra early to please all of your clients, one of whom happens to be the landlord of my apartment. I have no problem with you guys manicuring the lawn (because the thought of operating any type of lawnmower scares the living crap out of me–wierd childhood fear), but I do have trouble justifying the fact that you come at 7 am every. single. Monday. Coincidentally, 7 is four hours earlier than I ever plan on waking up on a Monday. I’m sure you can understand why it could be difficult to sleep through someone weedwhacking right under my window. On the bright side, you do wake me up early enough to possibly be a productive citizen, so I actually didn’t mind my chainsaw alarm last Monday when it got me to go to the library earlier–until I walked outside and got dirt in my eyes from the huge clouds you stirred up with the leafblowers. Will you never let me have my peace!?

Tricky Ass Midterm Questions: You know when you get the breakdown for an exam ahead of time and you see that there’s a 30 question True/ False section? You know how AWESOME that is? Ok, then you also know the confusion and frustration that come along with realizing how freaking tricky your professor is. Yes, you memorized specific dates, names and details, but when you memorized the Byzantine Empire’s obsession with the color purple and your teacher throws the word “puce” into her question, what the hell are you supposed to do?! All of a sudden you’re questioning the double meaning behind all of her questions. Then you panic and rush through the section carelessly T and F-ing your way to a C-… Why can’t we all just rely on multiple choice?

Perfect Beach Days When You’re Landlocked: So I know that complaining about sunshine and blue skies probably earns me a lot of enemies still shoveling snow after this week’s Nor’Easter, but let me just tell you that living in the Sunshine State is pointless if you’re hours from any kind of beach and locked in a library. Looking out the window and imagining the countdown to Spring Break is pure torture when the closest thing to the Sea is your Marine Bio exam. You keep trying to push through your midterm studying to inch closer to Margaritaville, but that feat is incredibly difficult when the entire climate is mocking you.

Dakota Fanning: I’ve always felt that the best way to sum up my feelings towards Dakota Fanning is through Amy Poehler’s SNL skit about her. She was pretty cute in Uptown Girls. She’s a talented kid, but that still doesn’t explain the weird vibe I get from her. Like she knows something I don’t. Like after completing a Scooby Doo sequel she’ll enroll in Yale and later become head of the C.I.A. Anyway, her portrayal of the little girl who was molested creeped the hell out of me, and her new role in that superhero movie was as annoying as her superior sounding tone. And Coraline? Awesome…but creepy. And now my good friend Perez has informed me that she’ll be expanding her realm of sketchiness with a role in the latest Twilight movie. She will be playing a vampire though, so I can’t decide if her creepiness may just be completely appropriate. Thoughts?

But let’s get started, shall we?

Episode one is almost aptly named ‘Back on the Horse.’ Certain gossip blogs were kind of enough to post pictures of the contestants before the show’s premiere. Neigh. Is that the sound that horses make? It’s been a long time since pre-school.

I must admit that I was pulling for Brett in the first season. Despite the fact that Poison sucked and that he at times looks like a transvestite when he removes the bandana, I thought among the strippers in the house he’d find one with a heart of gold. Well, he did, but I digress…

In the beginning of the episode, Brett pulls up to the mansion and his hair looks like it was made in the Mattel factory. The girls don’t notice how unnaturally long or synthetic it is and cheer upon his arrival.

First girl I notice: Daisy. Her face reminds me of a blow up doll with those crazy injected ‘O’ lips. Brett gets down to business and singles out four of the twenty girls; the remaining 16 enter the house and immediately start drinking. You know it’s not even 11 a.m. up in that biznatch.

The four girls who were selected were seemingly up for dismissal, but it is a new season, my friends, and it turns out that they are VIP girls, with their own special VIP room and VIP gifts and VIP time later on with Brett on a make-out couch. Don’t even ask me about the other three VIP chicks because Daisy’s busted face is the ultimate diversion. The only thing that pulls my attention away from that mess of face is her announcement that she and the other three are ‘very important p****.’ If that’s not class personified…

Brett photographs the girls a la season one. It’s pretty standard until the French Angelique is up. Trantastique!, I say. Upon seeing the pool Angelique states, “I am going to have sex wis Brett in zis pool.”

My favorite girl is Kristy Joe because she has a “germ issue” and wiped Brett’s mouth before giving him a small kiss and I high five her in my head. She’s beautiful, so Brett overlooks her very rational fear. But really, KJ, WTF are you doing on Rock of Love if you’re germ phobic? Didn’t you watch the first season? Or see Brett’s Pam Anderson sex tape?

(I wish that Nick Lachey had done one of these shows after he and Jessica split up. It could have been called “98 Degrees of My Heart” or something like that and I so would have tried to be on that because he’s hot and I bet you $5 that you don’t need to bathe him in Clorox before you kiss him.)

VIP time and Megan is first. She’s a model. I’ll be sure to look for her on 3wisheslingerie.com after this. Destiney made a random bandana for Brett, which I’m sure he’ll never wear. You know that he couldn’t put it on in front of her because that would be exposing weave tracks.

Erin, my favorite VIP girl, is the last one to get her time. Erin is a super adorable rocker looking chick who could potentially be the Jes of this season. And then she talks. I don’t understand how Brett could be so bored listening to someone wax philosophical about how myspace taught her about the world.

After VIP time, it’s a free for all. Girls are kissing Brett; I think that some are kissing each other and I want to hose them down with penicillin. Out of the skank pit emerges Catherine, a 45 year old mother of two, who is so sweet that the people at VH1 who edited this episode dropped in some nice guitar music in the background while she speaks.

Finally, elimination time arrives– five are going home. Brett comes out wearing a ton of bronzer and laments that eliminations are so hard and blah blah.

After choosing 14 girls, only one pass remains. It looks like it’s between Erin and Jackeye (hurry up, Brett, I’ve got a paper that I’m neglecting).

Unfortunately, Erin and rock star hair must leave. I’m sure she’lll find solace and even more education in myspace.

My super early prediction is that germphobe Kristy Joe and Daisy the Blowfish will be the final two. Until the next episode, when the girls are challenged to do a peep show and my eyes get gonorrhea.

And then there are those of us who receive those crap gifts. Opening a package and instantly realizing A) this person doesn’t know us at all or B) this is the stupidest thing someone has ever wasted tape on is always a hard emotion to conceal, but because our mothers taught us to be polite, we do our best. We smile through the pain and secretly hope the receipt is still in the box.

Not quite sure if what you’re about to seal with a bow is a crap gift? Let CollegeCandy give you a few hints.

• Scented Candles: You’re not in junior high anymore, so this gift is no longer acceptable. Confused 12-year-old boys give the girls they think might be their girlfriends scented candles because they’re cheap and noncommittal. If you’re an adult, presenting someone with scented candles is the perfect way to start letting them know you don’t care.

• Clothes That Are Way Too Big: Look, when in doubt, buy a size smaller. No one likes opening a gift box and pulling out a sweater that looks like it could house a moose. Holding up a giant article of clothing not only makes us immediately feel fat, but decide everyone else thinks we’re fat too. Total. Depression.

• Giving the Woman in Your Life Appliances: If your mom loves to cook and asks for that new high-powered mixer, or your girlfriend really desires a fancy vacuum, then by all means, fulfill their wishes. But buying these things because you want more cookies and cleaner floors? Douchebaggery.

• Gift Cards to a Crappy Store: Gift cards can be fun, but running out to your nearest CVS or no name clothing store is totally insulting. First, it shows you didn’t think about the person till the last minute, and second, it illustrates unadulterated cheapness. What am I going to do with $25 worth of crap? NOTHING.

• Socks: Even if we desperately need them (because the Laundromat continues to return our laundry with all the left ones inexplicably missing), no one likes to pull out a bunch of socks when they were really hoping for something awesome. Opening up a package of socks on a Christmas or Hanukkah morning is like opening up the front door to greet a blind date and finding out they have a weird, squinty eye. Total fun fake-out.

• Self-Help Books: What, are you saying I have some kind of PROBLEM?!

Have any crap gift experiences of your own? CC wants to hear ‘em!

Then came weekends, when my hungover ass would stumble out of bed in search of aspirin, water, and food. I was craving a homemade meal. I usually got…like, Saltines or something. So leave it to science to come up with the best thing ever created when it comes to both eating and being lazy.

Spray Pancakes!

You guys, it’s like that spray cheese crap your mom would never buy because “it wasn’t real food”! It’s like whipped cream only you can chew it! It’s the future!

If you’re like me you probably want to see it in action, so here you go. Prepare to be amazed:

But on those hungover mornings, try not to mix it up with your Reddi-Whip…I imagine that batter isn’t good for aching stomachs.

You wouldn’t be alone if you thought that a modern, simplistic aesthetic was what was hot at the moment, however, you’d be dead wrong.

What is hot, you ask? Vintage. But not that 80′s crap you’ve been regurgitating for the last 5 years. Nope. Get ready for 1920′s vintage flair.

Needed:

• Beading and fringing

• Drop-waists

• Kate Moss for Topshop

• Short bobs

• Cloche hats

Could this be it? Are the days of babydoll dresses and tent-like silhouettes gone for good? Can we all finally find some dresses that will hug our curves and flatter our features? Is it finally acceptable to be dressed up and beautiful because – gasp! – you want to be?

Kate Moss and Christina Aguilera have almost single-handedly brought the trend back and retailers are finally catching on to the classiness this new look offers. And don’t be turned off by the formalness of it….like most trends, you only need to adapt parts of it. For example, get a fitted beaded bolero and pair it with jeans and some heels. Short hair? Dress it up with a cloche!

Don’t be afraid to be daring this fall! You’ll look goregous!