The October issue of Cosmopolitan is hot on the shelves, people. It’s time to talk about sex, exercising using sex, words to use during sex, shocking celebrity secrets about sex and things you should never stop doing during sex.

Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex! That’s right–if you’re looking for a recipe or a new color to paint your living room, you best move on.

So let’s get started, shall we? If you just had sex with a guy and he’s bee-lining out your front door the next morning, Cosmo wants to help you decode his goodbye.  The full-frontal goodbye tells you that he’s fully confident while the finger point may mean he’s totally into you (but only if that finger is pointing directly at you). The head nod obviously means he’s mysterious and all that. BUT-what if he does a double cartwheel and clicks his heels? If Cosmo makes us sex goddesses, this is the kind of parting we should be receiving from all men. Am I right?

In the naughty sex tips section of the magazine, Cosmo gets all lusty and Cosmo Sex Ninja status on us. In my opinion though, Cosmo is getting all have-sex-in-the-most-difficult-place-possible on us. In the article Naughty Sex Tips, they tell readers to do it in a teeny, tiny space. And sneak a silent quickie in a crowded house. And to defy gravity in the wildest way possible. And to be an x-rated multi-tasker. And to vamp up the view by sitting on a window ledge. Good LORD Cosmo, I’m not bionic. Sex is difficult and awkward as it is, let’s leave the closet, a world class view of the ocean and banging while doing a headstand out of this.

Alright, I’ve had enough sex advice for one day. Now I want to talk about relationships. Cosmo‘s article; 50 Things You Should Never Stop Doing in a Relationship pretty much covers everything we need to know. Or never wanted to know.

Cosmo Says: Screening his call and waiting 10 minutes before returning it. Then be all mysterious about where you were when he asks why you didn’t pick up.

Brittany Says: Ugh Desperado, just be honest. Chances are he will call you while you’re on the john and you won’t answer. No intentional screening involved. How’s that for mystery?

Cosmo Says: Having sex during your period. Remember when you were so horny you just didn’t give a shiz?

Brittany Says: Remember when things got extremely awkward when sex came before self control, common sense and cleanliness?

Cosmo Says: Making sure that vegging out on the couch and eating a jar of peanut butter with a spoon always, always remains a solo activity.

Brittany Says: WHAT? This is absurd. Cosmo actually thinks eating peanut butter with a spoon is more disgusting than doing the deed on your period? Clearly, Cosmo believes woman are more horny than they are hungry. Lies.

I like to think of myself as a sexual being.

I like sex. A lot. I like trying fun new positions and having sex in fun new places. Hell, I’ve made it through 174.5 of the positions in “Sex 365 – A Position for Every Day” (the half was due to an ill timed Charley horse that left my partner bleeding profusely from the nose…) and I’ve even dabbled in a little role playing.

But with all of that on my sexual resume (note to self: make sure not to accidentally send that resume out when applying for jobs), it seems there’s a lot about sex that I wasn’t aware of. I’m talking weird fetishes and fantasies that get people – a lot of them! – all hot and bothered.

Intrigued? Scared? Excited to try something new with your S.O.?

Check out 10 cray cray sexual practices right here.

It isn’t always easy to find new friends after college.

Unlike freshman year in the dorms, the real world doesn’t provide you with a place filled with hundreds of people just like you looking for new people to drink (and hook up) with. Well, I guess that might happen if you move to Murray Hill in New York City, but for the rest of us that just isn’t a reality.

It seems that most of us make our new real-life friends at work. Which makes sense; we spend so much time at the office (and, oftentimes, need a few drinks afterwards) that it is only natural to get close with the people alongside us. For the most part this is a good thing; there are many times when the only thing motivating you to get to the office is the opportunity to see your buds.

But what happens when things go a bit too far?

Last week I mentioned a friend of mine who explained to me his love for morning sex. Well, that friend also happens to work with me. Actually, I work for him; he’s my boss. Now, this isn’t as creepy as it sounds; he is only 29 and we do hang out socially. But, as I work here longer we get closer and closer the line between personal and professional continues to blur. Read More »