So cool your jets, people. Let’s not go too crazy for this new phone. Here’s a few ways you probably shouldn’t react when the iPhone 5 is announced.

1. Don’t skip all of your mid-terms to go to New York City and camp out in front of the Apple store. It doesn’t look good to grad schools or potential employers if you say, “Yeah my grades are really bad, but I have a really cool phone.

2. Don’t destroy your iPhone 4. We don’t want to be premature. We don’t even know for sure if Apple is announcing an iPhone 5. If you destroy your old phone, and Apple ends up announcing the iSnuggie, you’ll be pretty upset.

3. Don’t end a 10-year friendship if your BFF gets the new iPhone before you do. You guys probably made a blood oath when you were younger to be friends forever. Blood oaths > iPhone.

4. Don’t buy every new app. It will probably end up costing more than the phone itself, and you’ll be stuck with some really stupid apps taking up tons of your cool, new gigabytes.

5. Don’t wear a black turtleneck during the week of the release. Steve Jobs isn’t even the CEO of Apple anymore, and you’ll look like a weird beat poet.

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Here’s what’s up. I need you to help me. I NEED you to tell me if I’m being crazy (probable) or right (….also probable *sad face*). So a mere 3 weeks ago, I decided to date one of my best friends. We’ve been close friends for 5 years, best friends for 2 of those years, and he’s liked me for 3. HOWEVER, we never dated because, despite caring about him more than anyone ever, I was never sexually attracted to him. But recently I said, “what the fudge?!” and agreed to date him, and on our first night out as bf/gf, I glanced over, we locked eyes, and WHAM. It hit me. I’ve been in love with this dude for 5 years. This was baaaaaad.

Fast-forward 3 weeks and here I am. Wondering if he likes me. I question every little thing he says, or should I say, DOESN’T say. We never talk anymore!! He always apologizes, saying he just doesn’t have anything interesting in his life (understandable. it’s the summer), but I’m afraid there’s something more going on. We sit there for five minutes without saying anything, and while it’s not awkward, it’s torture on my poor soul! He notices this and tries to make me feel better (he even wants us to do read together so we have something to talk about!), but then we’ll slip back into silence.

Not to say our whole relationship is silence. We’ll have little 20 minute spurts of relationship gold where we make jokes, laugh, delight in our amazing chemistry, we hold hands and he talks about how it’ll be when we’re married, but lo and behold: ANOTHER SILENCE AWAITS just around the river bend…….

So am I crazy or has he really lost hope in trying to date me? Is the fact that we’re still together proof that he still likes me? Is he just nervous/out of things to say? Or do I bore HIM?

Help please : (

Love,
Unluckily Lucky.

Dear Unluckily Lucky,

Girl, you have got to chill out.

I’ma take a leap here and say the weirdness you’re noting in him is actually a reaction to the weirdness you’re giving off.

I mean, you sound totally panicked. Like every time you’re with him, all you can think about is whether or not he loves you.

Girl, you have got to cut that shoop out.

You’re clearly making him uncomfortable, because you’re being weirdly overconcerned with how he sees you/your relationship/EVERYTHING. Then HE acts weird, because you’re acting weird, and then you get worried that he’s weird so you act even WEIRDER and suddenly it’s all silence.

So, okay. Here’s what you should remember.

He likes you for YOU. He’s been in love with you for 3 years as YOU, not as some hyper-worried Stepford Girlfriend who wants her man to be PLEASED WITH HER ALL THE TIME.

Take a deep breath, get your you back on, and go be yourself!!!

I promise if you can do that, your relationship will be the awesome thing it’s meant to be.

Maybe you just need to give yourself a little pep talk. Look yourself in the mirror every time you’re about to see him. Lock eyes with your reflection. And say the following five times, slowly, out loud: He likes me for me.

I swear this works. It’s called a mantra. That’s the power of the mind, kids.

So do the mantra, chill, and be yourself. And go have fun with your guy, for crap’s sake!!!

Tuffy Sez: You can do it. Rah and shoop.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Question for Tuffy Luv? Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I’m quite upset that I have to write to you again, but you gave such great advice last time that I would love hear from you again. I’m the short-skirted floozy who wrote to you about a month ago, and unfortunately, the situation has NOT improved. I’ve been following your advice – I wear my conservative clothes to her house, and even wear bike shorts under my dresses and skirts. I attend all the family functions to which I’m invited and spend quality time with the whole family when I’m at his house instead of hiding out in his room. We even made them dinner and dessert one night!

Recently, the boyfriend and I went on several weekend trips, which, given that he’s 19, shouldn’t be a huge deal. Momma wasn’t pleased with the idea, but she eventually gave in and let it go. We figured that maybe she was finally realizing that he’s growing up and away, like all children are supposed to. However, with back-to-school looming, the leash is getting shorter and shorter.

It all started the other night: His whole family was at a family friend’s house. Momma got a little tipsy and started spouting off about “bitches who steal sons away from their parents and never let them talk to them again.” She said she wished she had a daughter (she has two sons, BF is the older) because “a daughter is a daughter for life, a son is a son until he chooses a wife” and how “girlfriends never realize that it’s the mother who raised them and she just gets to reap the benefits.” This was all in front of me; I was sitting right next to her at the table. It all seemed quite pointed, given that I’m BF’s first girlfriend and his younger brother has yet to have one.

Just today, Boyfriend let her know that he was going to the mall with me to pick out some new clothes for school. She began to make an issue out of how the clothes we buy together never seem to fit him. The only clothes we have ever bought together are a pair of nice khaki Dockers that are, as far as I can tell, the best fitting pants he has. Then she went on about how I spend money carelessly and make him spend more that he should. His father asked him why he couldn’t just go shopping with his mother, and he responded by asking why he couldn’t just go with me. His dad said “Because your mother is paying” and BF responded “Well, then I can just pay.” He told them we had dinner plans and he had to leave. When we got back tonight, he told her he didn’t buy anything, just tried things on, because we could get better discounts online. She asked where he was buying from, and he told her American Eagle. She’s strictly a Kohl’s/Walmart person. She rolled her eyes and said something about how it was too expensive, especially with shipping. I let her know that they had a  promotion where if you spent $75+ you got free shipping, that the clothes were buy 1 get 1 half off, and we had a 20% off coupon on top of it. She just responded “And what can you get for $75 from there? Jean and a T-shirt? I want to see these clothes before you order them.” (Yes, really.)

Honestly, in the past few weeks she’s gotten even more overbearing and possessive, referring to him as “my son” constantly. We head back to college on Friday, and I’m counting the minutes. I just don’t know what to do about her anymore? He’s going to be 20 in a month, and she’s only pushing him away and making his frustrated with all the babying she’s doing. Is there any way I can tell her that she’s pushing him away without risking even more of her ire?

XOXO,
Son Thief

Dear Son Thief (aka Short Skirted Floozy),

Teehee. Flattery will get you everywhere.

But before I address your question, I’mma say two quick things to all you readas out there:

(1) A lot of you send me questions and then say “please don’t post this” or “please respond to me on email.” I don’t do that. I either answer your question in this column or not at all. Sorry.

(2) I LOVE hearing from you kidsos a second time!!! I’m psyched to hear from Shirt Skirted Floozy again. Aunt Tuffy gets such a lil’ ol’ kick out of hearing the follow-up. So write a second time! I velcome it!

Okay, now onto your question, Son Thief.

This woman is OUT. OF. CONTROL. She is completely possessive and demented. It’s getting to be like a TV drama. She has got to calm down.

Tuffy’s guess is that, frankly, she just doesn’t like you and she’s never going to. Sorry. This is not a reflection on you AT ALL–try to remember that! She just cannot let go of her son. It’s like some crazypsychosexual thing. It’s like a Tennessee Williams play up in here.

And look. Loop knows I love a good American Family Drama. But this shoop?! Not okay.

You’re going back to college with him soon, yes? He won’t be living in his mother’s house? GREAT. I change my advice from before. Being more conservative obviously will not work with this woman. I still say that you should NEVER say anything bad to him about his mother.

But now I also say:

AVOID AVOID AVOID

Keep the SHOOP outta her way. She is NOT good to mess with. While you’re in college, forget about her. And when summer comes, plan to stay as far away from her as possible. Don’t hang out at her house. Don’t go on family dinners. And when your presence is absolutely necessary (say, a holiday or birthday party or something like that), just continue to be sweet as punch to her.

As for the whole clothes thing–SO not worth arguing about. What the floop does it matter?! If your boyfriend is paying, it’s not her decision–but it’s also not yours. If he wants to buy the clothes, you butt out and let him explain it to Mommy. And don’t go around making fun of her bad taste; that will win you NO points with her or your boyfriend OR karma.

You will not win with this woman. Call it a tie and get thee to college.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Aunt Tuffy is back from vacation! For answerinos to your questioninos (or, at least the ones to which La Tuff chooses to respond), email TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Before I got into grad school I met this girl during my senior year of college. She was a freshmen and had a boyfriend. I had got out of bad thing about 8 month earlier, so I was in no rush. Well the more I avoided this girl the more I ran into her; it was almost like fate. Eventually we become good friends. Almost near the end of the semester we got we close. One night she stayed at my house and I gave up my bed and I slept on the couch. She told me I could stay with her but I said, “you got a BF.” She said she broke up with him months ago. So I reluctantly laid in the bed with her cuz I didn’t want to start anything. Well, I woke in the middle of the night and she was staring into my eyes. Something in me told me to push forward and it was okay. I kissed her and she kissed me right back. Eventually we started going out.

I messed up soon enough. I lied about being some place I wasn’t. She got pissed and didn’t talk to me for a week. When she finally called me I told her I loved her and I understood if she was done with me. But she said she loved me too and it was her first time really ever being in love and her first time saying it and meaning it.

But then another terror strikes. I got robbed by someone who I thought knew me. I was afraid to tell anyone. It caught up with me one night when I was walking back at 2 am to her room from the lab. I saw the guy again and freaked out and jetted to her room and told her. We called the cops and for two weeks they harassed me about it. Finally they said they had enough evidence to say I was lying. They arrested me and she bailed me out of jail. I got heat about from my parents and the eventually she broke up with me and said we needed time apart to do our thing, but she said I will always be in her heart.

We broke up in March, but we had been together almost 2 years and really didn’t stop seeing each other until April and it’s  been about two weeks. She has called me once and asked how I was doing and even texted me later that night saying she couldn’t sleep and even wanted me to come over, but I said no cuz it would be counter-productive to the whole process.

What I want to know is am I doing the right thing. I never cried over any woman before and I know there is a huge age difference (she is 19, I just turned 24), but I have a gut feeling that she is supposed to be with me eventually and I having trouble dealing with this. I feel the urge to call her every 5 mins. I have even went on a couple dates but all these other woman don’t mean anything to me. I know my ex is going out with other guys and enjoying the attention and she says she still loves me and care about me. We have similar goals and aspirations and I cant help but want to fight for this love that I have. I finally have let it go and have let the love be what it is, but i just want to know what chances I have if i just let her go and enjoy life and give her space to come around. She thinks I’m doing fine but I’m really not and I feel like I’m losing it.

I thought I knew everything about woman, but for once I’m stumped and I hope I’m doing the right thing. I was with her for almost 2 years and these were the best I have ever had.

– First time in Love and Will Fight for it

Dear First Time,

What. The. Floop.

Okay, first of all, you don’t know “everything about woman.” You know nothing about women. You know nothing about women at all.

She’s done with you, kiddo. She thinks you’re a liar and a troublemaker.

And frankly, I do too. You called the police on a guy because he robbed you before and then the police arrested YOU?! Even if you WERE lying, that makes no flipping sense. Something is amiss here, friendo. You is not telling ze truth.

Look, she’s only 19. She’s not looking to get too serious, especially if you’re going to be causing problems, which you have demonstrated that you are. She’s either trying to let you down easy, or she think you’re a crazy stalker who will kill her if she outright turns you down.

Solution: stop bugging her. Move on with your life. Check back in with her if you still feel the urge in NO SOONER than a month. Stop being so insane and get your act together, and maybe she’ll be willing to give you another chance. And this time, don’t just SAY you’re a good guy–ACT like one. Seriously. And don’t screw up.

Frankly, you kind of frighten me. Your whole email seems like a serious of little lies and cover-ups. Did you expect me to say something else?! Why the hell would you expect puppies and kittens from someone named Tuffy Luv?!

Chill out and try telling the truth once in a while. I guarantee your life will improve.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Though we hate it when guys call us crazy/psycho, every girl out there has had their moment. For me, it was when I drafted an email to a non-existent person and “accidentally” sent it to my crush, forcing him to write back. Or the time I called a different crush’s work and used a fake name to see if he was indeed working late or just lying to me to hook up with some other girl. Or when I used to walk by yet another crush’s dorm to see if his light was on and if he was home.

Ok, so I’ve had my fair share of crazy-time, but it’s not my fault. I’m not a crazy person – boys just make me that way. And I know you ladies can relate.

After leaving a long, drunken voicemail for my newest conquest last weekend (“I don’t understand why you’re not calling me. I like you. Do you like me? Oh god I sound crazy. I’m not cra-” This is where my friend grabbed the phone and threw it across the room…), I sobered up, wiped up my dignity and deleted his number from my phone.

Then, as I sat indulging in some pretzels dipped in frosting, I started wondering what other girls were taking a ride on the crazy train. While no one wanted to admit it, I forced the CollegeCandy writers to fess up to their lowest moments.

Zahra – Northwestern University: When one guy I was with decided to just disappear, I wasn’t having it. I called him tons of times and wrote him texts that went on for pages…ugh. Seriously, I shudder when I think of how psycho I was acting.

Kim – Stanford: I went a little crazy when I sent a text message from HIS phone to this girl that always hit on him that he thought she was ugly and really didn’t like her personality and to stop texting him.  Yeah, the girl never hit on him again after that.

Maddie – Tufts: Probably the time that I went on my ex-boyfriends Facebook and read his messages. Oops.

Anna – Northeastern University: My roommate was obsessed with this guy that she hadn’t met, but seen at his place of work. She found him on Twitter and made a fake Facebook account to stalk him. Then one night when she was really drunk and couldn’t find our other friends at a party she went next door to where he worked (a bar) and started ordering drinks. Basically the night ended with her following him out when his shift ended, grabbing his head, and making out with him.

Lauren – University of Michigan: After meeting a really hot guy at a bar and totally hitting it off, I had to leave to take care of a friend. I never got his number so I went back the next weekend and grilled the bartender to see if he remembered who he was and if he might have a credit card receipt for him. What? It works on Law and Order…

Katie – Michigan State University: A couple years ago, my boyfriend went back home to Korea for the summer and begged me to do a long distance relationship with him.  Funny thing was, he dropped all communication a week after he got there.  So, naturally, I stalked one of his friends on MSN, struck up a phony friendship, asked for my boyfriend’s Korean phone number and proceeded to call him 17 times in one night.  Not only did he never answer my calls/e-mails, I also got stuck with a ginormous phone bill.

Leah – Ryerson University: I took the car keys of a guy I was interested in so that 1) he couldn’t drive home (2 hours away) that night and 2) so he would have to see me again.  To my defence it was less craziness, and more 4 glasses of wine and 4 shots.

Brithny- Duke: Nothing really crazy, but I do sometimes “accidentally” run into him on our way to class. Even though our classes on on the opposite ends of the campus. Thank you, FB schedules.

Thu – USC: This is probably more weird and embarrassing than crazy, but I remember back in middle school, my friends dared me to just say hi to my crush, who had no idea who I was. Not having the guts to do it face to face, I once yelled out hi to him from the passenger seat as my dad drove by. Needless to say, it didn’t accomplish anything.

Ness – Sheridan: Once every few weeks, I Facebook search a guy I used to be involved with. His profile is set to private, and I’m too much of a puss to send him a friend request, so I check out his profile pic every once in a while. Wow, that sounds so much worse when it’s written down…

Ricki-University of Michigan: I once stalked all of his photos just to figure out who his ex-girlfriend was…and then when I had to meet her, I pretended like I didn’t know who she was.

Alex K – Lakehead University: My craziest moment is probably stalking. I happen to be very good at finding boys on Facebook…. I have done drivebys before too….

You know you’ve pulled out the crazy before. Let it all out in the comments section – we won’t judge.

Are you psychotic in relationships? Have your significant others ever called you a crazy bitch? Insane? Needy? Any of the above? Here’s some signs that you just might be:

- You love the chase. Not to mention the ongoing drama and the on and off and the fighting, but once the guy gives you the attention and affection, you’re totally bored and want out.

- You constantly pine for a guy who DOESN’T LIKE YOU or worse, doesn’t even know you exist. He’s Just Not That Into You was written for you.

- You cheat. Oh man, do you ever cheat. You just do. You sometimes don’t mean it, but sometimes you do. You lie about it. You feel awful about it sometimes, but sometimes you don’t. Sometimes it’s just making out, sometimes it’s sex, sometimes it’s emotional, but it’s all cheating. And you do it. And sometimes you can’t stop once you start getting good at it.

- You love relationships so much that you’re absolutely miserable when you’re not in one (which is rare) and when you are in one you’re convinced he’s “The One” and you love being a couple and doing everything together and oh my god NO ONE LIKES HEARING ABOUT IT.

- You pick fights. The guy is totally normal and you spaz out over absolutely nothing. Maybe you break things. Maybe you hack his email or Facebook and freak out over the slightest flirtation. You just want to fight.

- You love douchebags. The only guys you are into treat you like the scum of the earth and you put up with it and give a million chances, and ‘totally forget’ about the time he cheated on you and then somehow are surprised and depressed when he finally leaves you for the other girl he’s been screwing around with the entire time you were dating him. Everyone saw that coming, but you. Get back down to earth, Space Jam.

- You’re in a totally healthy relationship right now with absolutely zero to complain about. You tell everyone about this totally healthy relationship and how your significant other is your best friend. You go to bed, assured that you will love them for the rest of your life. Even if your life span lasted 1000 years, you’d still be in love with them on your 932nd birthday. You would never want anyone other than this person. If you’re not in a relationship, you’re sure that this type of relationship exists.

Did you find yourself on this list? Congratulations. You’re not psychotic, you’re totally normal.

Define what the hell you’re doing wrong and work on it. It probably won’t be perfect, but it’s worth a shot. If not, don’t forget that 52% of marriages end in divorce anyway, so it’s not really your fault; you’re already statistically f**cked.

Awesome!

Melanie currently interning in NYC, taking full advantage of all margarita specials and those blonde summer boys. Stalk her on Twitter: @tinkermellie

I think last night might have been the best episode of Tough Love yet. In fact, I’m ready to say it might be some of the best TV I’ve seen since Bromance (but then again, I clearly have no standards). Watching that episode sent me on a roller coaster of emotion and since the shades on my window were open and the people across the street can see into my place, they would have seen this:

Me laughing.
Me staring at the screen in shock.
Me laughing really loud (this is probably when Taylor was talking; that bitch is funny).
Me eating snacks.
Me plucking my eyebrows during the commercials.
Me picking my jaw up off the floor.
Me screaming at the TV.

Steve’s idea to bring the girls’ past and present together into one seriously awkward dinner party was deliciously brilliant. Of course, I wouldn’t have wanted to be a part of that, but it was pretty awesome to watch. Especially a few select ladies:

Natasha: I always found this girl to be incredibly boring. She was what I like to refer to as “tofu,” because she has no flavor of her own and only picks up the flavors around her. Last night, though, I learned that the girl has some major flava…and she probably tastes like whiskey.

Natasha did what any shy, uncomfortable girl would do when she’s faced with her immature Indian ex boyfriend and a perfectly nice pretty boy in one place: she hit the bar. Hard. And then she not only embarrassed herself, but she called the guy a d-bag on national television. I felt for her – we’ve all dealt with awkward situations by getting completely sh*t-faced – but watching her left me feeling so uncomfortable. Sorta like watching Meet The Parents. Or a train-wreck.

Jacklyn: So her Texas ex and her California stud muffin are in the same place. And then Jodi gets involved and starts trying to “fix” things. Awkward? Yes. Do I feel bad? I’ll put it this way: No.

That girl gets to make out in a hot tub with the hottest guy ever and I get to sit home alone on Sunday nights with a bowl of granola and a cup of tea living vicariously through her. I feel bad for me. And I want a Brock of my very own.

Arian: There is so much to say about Arian last night that I really don’t know where to start. Birth would probably be a good place, considering the mother that she comes from. Now, I totally understand a mother siding with her daughter (even when she gets totally wrong information), but calling my boyfriend someone a tool as an adult woman is just despicable. And then laughing about your daughter being a total whore and explaining it as “she’s just like me, she just takes it one step further” totally explains that unstable, insecure and promiscuous daughter you’ve produced.

After watching Arian break down about getting in the hot seat and then throwing her suitcases down the stairs, I’m a little worried about Steve’s safety. Homeboy needs some serious protection (and I’d be happy to assist). But now she’s gone…and probably humping every guy in L.A., so Steve is free to give his attention to drunk Natasha, annoying Jessa, and the rest of the ladies of the house.

So much drama. So much amazingness.
And when did Taylor get so damn lovable? I think I might want her as my new BFF (no offense to my current BFF)!

In an effort to show the ladies of the house that there are some things they do that are just not OK to share (or to take part in at all), Steve set up a game show where he shared the girls’ secrets and asked guys what they thought. Turns out letting your cats choose your BF is weird (no way!), but having a giant tattoo around your vagina is not (huh?).

Now, I get the purpose behind this test, and I agree with the guys for the most part (wearing a tiara in your apartment is indeed weird), but did you see the type of dude making up that audience? It looked like Steve Ward hijacked an L.A. Ink tour bus and dumped them in the “Cute or Crazy” studio. What do these guys really know about women?

After getting torn apart by a group of burly men, the women were set up on dates and given another test: to share a secret. Well, everyone but Jessa, who ended up on a date with Steve (that lucky bitch) strapped to a lie detector test. And, well, I guess she shared a secret, too: that she doesn’t like Steve.

WHAT?!

How can you not like Steve? Because he is calling out all your flaws? Because he sees your issues and wants to bring them out? Because his eyes are so beautiful that they are like deep oceans through which you can see his soul? Because he looks so hot in a suit and tie!?!

WTF is your problem, Jessa? And if you don’t like Steve, then pack up and head home. Make some room for someone who actually wants to be there. I know I wouldn’t mind a little tough love, if you know what I’m sayin’.

Whoa. Sorry about the tangent. Moving on…

As usual, the show ends with group therapy where Steve picked out the best and worst performers of the week. Taylor gets the nod from Steve for acting really mature on her date and not totally walking out on him because he didn’t drive a Maybach. Abiola gets the slap on the wrist for being too picky, but we learn that she’s not picky because she wants perfection – she’s picky because she just wants a reason to push someone away before they push her away.

Can I get an “awwww”? Seriously, how many of us do the same thing? I turned down a guy once because he watched Fox News. Or because he was really effing hot and I thought he’d reject me the minute he saw me out of a dark, smokey bar. I needed a reason to dump him before he could dump me. Now look at me – I spent my Saturday night watching High School Musical. Alone. And crying. The fact it, I totally see a little bit of myself in Abiola (and that is not the part that wears one giant earring/has cats) and I do believe that watching her work with Steve will help me deal with my own issues.

Like the fact that I won’t date a guy who wears Doc Martins…or khakis…or really short finger nails. Ew. I just threw up a little bit.

I really need Steve’s help.
(Call me!)

Decidedly not crazy.

Yet for some reason, whenever a particularly witty, charming, attractive male glides into the picture, my so-called sanity gets a little shaky. Suddenly, I find myself Googling his name at 2AM, skimming news briefs about what appears to be a highlight-filled yet short-lived high school soccer career. I’m not crazy, I rationalize; I simply want to be informed.

We’ve all been there. Or at least I hope we’ve all been there, because I really don’t want to be the only one who creeps like this. Guys I like just make me a little bit of a nutter. Fingers crossed these apply to you too.

The Google-Facebook-Twitter Stalk

It’s so easy. So tempting. And so very anonymous. He’ll never know that you scanned his public profile, comparing your music tastes and reveling in your mutual distaste for bumper stickers. He likes Death Cab and working out and has the same birthday as your Aunt Linda! It must be destiny. And although I’m not a big fan of this Twitter business, I’m pretty sure constant updates on your crush’s well-being in real time could be fairly intriguing. Calvin is brushing his teeth. He must be hygienic. Calvin is reading for Poli Sci. You always had a thing for nerds. Calvin basically wants to BE Flava Flav. Well… maybe he’ll give you a cute nickname. Like Hoops.

The I-Didn’t-Know-Your-Last-Class-Got-Out-At-3:50-I’m-Just-Cutting-Through-The-Arts-and-Science-Building-To-Get-To-The-Bookstore Move

Nothing is quite as Disney Channel Original Movie as the not-so-surprised run-in. Oh! I didn’t expect to see you here! I’m just meeting a friend. On a Wednesday. You know, during a passing period. Wearing skinny jeans and a clingy American Apparel V-neck when I usually just rough it in my Target-brand track shorts. But that’s so funny that I ran into you. It’s not like I’ve been intently studying the vending machine down the hall for the past seven minutes so I appear to have a purpose for loitering outside your lecture hall. Want a Gardetto?

The Drag-Half-Your-Friends-To-His-Frat/Party/Acapella Concert Tactic

After deciding that maybe telling your girls it’s a white trash themed event when it’s really semi-formal is a little too cutthroat (hey, whatever makes you look cute in comparison), you enlist a small posse to accompany you to his social setting of choice. Once there, you laugh loudly, take pictures, dance like a video extra, and essentially let that love interest know that you are hilarious, photogenic, and Sasha Fierce 2.0. It’s probably best that you rely on the look, look away eye contact. It’s a classic, and not THAT creepy. Right? Right. Bonus points for flirting with other guys, because that’s obviously a perfectly logical way to win him over.

Okay, so this crazy in love deal can’t be just me. What’s the most ridiculous, potentially embarrassing thing you’ve done in the name of crushing? “Check yes or no” notes? Personalized tee-shirts?