PARTY FOUL!

Don’t act like you haven’t heard it before.  According to Urban Dictionary, it’s “something socially unacceptable done in a social gathering.” For those of us who have been in the presence of a party foul or may have accidentally committed one ourselves, we know that they’re much more than that.

Thanks to digital cameras, your unfortunate lack of judgment will probably be plastered all over the Internet before you even have the chance to pull your head out of the toilet the next morning.  But no matter how bad things get for you, just thank your lucky stars that you’ve never committed any of these…

You haven’t, right?

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It’s almost the big 20-11 and that means it’s time to make your list of New Year’s Resolutions. Or more importantly, make resolutions for all the absolutely annoying people around you — or should we say, resolutions to help you deal with them better. You know, so you don’t strangle anyone this year.

The Textaholic. The movie you’ve been dying to see for weeks now is about to begin and the message comes up on the screen reminding everyone to turn off their cell phones.  The movie starts and as you’re trying to enjoy Jacob’s shirtless bod in Twilight, you’re interrupted by the constant sound of clicking coming from behind you.  It’s two hours tops, people— put the phone away!  If something is really that important, take it outside.

Resolution: Texting Support Group. Enough said.

The Stinker. It may be your best friend or maybe even some random guy in line in a store, but either way— they stink.  Unfortunately, they are so used to their extreme body odor by now that they don’t even notice it anymore.  People may have even told them and they still refuse to jump in the shower once every few weeks.

Resolution: Febreze isn’t just for your mildewy apartment anymore….

The “Do You Like Seafood” Eater. I love to eat and I’m sure a lot of other people do too.  The thing I don’t like about eating is when I’m with someone else and they shovel food into their mouth, start talking, and their food ends up on my plate.  Sorry, do I look like a baby bird that enjoys eating pre-chewed food? No.

Resolution: Ever heard of an etiquette class? Sign ‘em up! And if that doesn’t work, getting a table for 6 when it’s just the two of you and sitting at the other end should send the message loud and clear. Read More »

What you need to know about real world jobs

Top 10 pros of virginity

Is bad breath ruining your relationships?

This really is the most annoying question

Yep, the Olsens are still making that face

$31,000 an hour for a job? Yes please

Meet your new fun exercise toy

A relationship guide

5 ways to avoid the creeper at the bar

Girl: “I have a boyfriend.”
Guy: “I have a goldfish.”
Girl: “….. What?”
Guy: “I thought we were talking about things that don’t matter.”

There’s nothing that says I’m a creeper more than a terrible pick-up line comparing your eyes to the Pacific ocean (or the Gulf of Mexico, eeks). Maybe the only way to fix this creeper catastrophe is to take the bull by the horns…. and hope it doesn’t blow up in your face. Read More »

As a college senior, I’ve done my fair share of…er…personal research when it comes to hooking up. From that first makeout session in the corner of a very sweaty frat party to my most recent jaunts with some super fine grad students, I’ve dedicated myself to my work. And while my former naive self thought that college boys were like the punch they serve at frat parties (i.e. you never know what you’re gonna get but it’s gonna be good), what I’ve actually found is quite the contrary.

There are actually only 7 types of college hook ups.

And it doesn’t matter where you go to school or who you fraternize with, every girl on every campus will at one point (or many points, you saucy minx!) find herself in bed with one of theses:

1. The Bro:
This fellow is all brawn and no brains and secretly has watched more episodes of ‘The Hills’ than you have.  Not that I’m going to say that this is a problem, but the things he whispers in your ear the whole night make you wonder how many times he has Googled the transcripts from all of the porn movies he owns.  He gives you an awkward-fest drive home in his Tahoe while he listens to Trick Daddy and checks out his reflection in the rear view mirror to make sure his collar is still perfectly popped. You wonder where he keeps his lacrosse stick, because you want to hit yourself upside the head with it. Read More »

With the start of a new quarter comes the excitement of new classes and a new schedule. And new TAs. While my friends are frantically researching classes that both fill their requirements and leave Friday open, I’m zoning out at my desk dreaming (and praying) about a tall, handsome, smart, romantic, witty discussion leader.

One that I’ve never, ever had the pleasure of having.
I have, however, encountered a creepy TA that just would not go away, which seems to be more the norm than the exception. Here is my story:

I was a cute and innocent little freshman when this all went down. The grad student, let’s call him Jeff, was TA-ing for one of my history classes winter quarter. I’m a history major and have a natural love of history and hearing my own voice, so I was basically the ONLY person that ever said anything in section. But I always felt creeped out when Jeff looked at me. Especially those few times I wasn’t saying anything at all. I could see in his face that he wasn’t looking at me as the brilliant history mind that I (thought I) was; it was obvious he was thinking things a little – ew – naughtier. Being young and naive, I brushed it off and pulled an A in the class. Probably much easier than I should have.

The very next quarter – lucky me! – he was my section leader again. Awesome. The quarter went by pretty much the same as the one before it. And again, I pulled a very easy A. Read More »

Fridays kill me. On the one hand I want nothing more than to head to the bar to drink away another long week (and simultaneously avoid creepers), but then I’m so tired I can barely get off the couch. It’s like no amount of coffee/Red Bull can motivate me to put down the Cosmo (magazine) and trade it in for a Cosmo (drink).

Maybe that can explain why I’m about ready to hump a vacuum. But my lack of booty isn’t all bad; I’m saving tons of money on birth control, which is a way overpriced on campus. And I don’t have to worry about getting an STD from some un-cut rando, or having to fake it with a lousy one.  Oh, and it gives me plenty of time to do those things that I could never do when I had a man.

I have too much crap to do to get into a relationship, anyway (unless he’s interested). Plus, what’s the point? Technology is going to ruin it. Even if having a boyfriend could save me money, I’d rather save it in other ways.

So I guess I’m fine with staying in tonight. I’ll just pop in a DVD, play some video games, order in some Thai food and catch up on all that crap I was too lazy to do all week. Like spot treatments for my zits and making that much needed gyno appointment. Now doesn’t that sound like fun!?

Creeper [kreep-ur] -noun. 1. A person or thing that creeps. 2. A domestic fowl having malformed, short legs, due to a genetic defect. 3. An individual who stares, lurks or makes awkward and unwanted advances to undeserving women.

Today, College Candy readers, we will be learning about Creepers (definition 3…who may also fall into description #2) and what one can do to deflect their advances. We have all been at a bar or some type of similar venue and had a creeper (of varying severity) approach and had no idea how to handle the situation. Well, here’s your answer. Read More »