So, my dad – an ever-proud Mizzou alum – recently decided to tell me about his beloved university’s Student Recreation Complex (a fairly new addition, erected in 2005). As someone who doesn’t even know the location of her own school’s rec center, you can imagine my apathy (I think my exact response was “Meh”).

Upon further information though, I understand what my dad was on about. Um, this architectural gluttony was modeled after Cribs and it even boasts its own Playboy-inspired “Tiger Grotto”. There is a sauna. There is a hot tub. There are waterfalls and palm trees. There is a curtailed version of the Six Flags sensation Lazy River, and – oh yeah – waiters to serve up wraps and smoothies poolside.

What’s that? You need a mani-pedi? A cucumber facial? A deep-tissue, reflexological, aromatherapeutic massage? All available on demand.

Fine, Mizzou students! When you’re finished there, why don’t you just wrap yourselves up in your towels of gold, slip on your diamond flip-flops, and ride your stallion-drawn carriage back to the dorms! Pfft!