Not everyone’s Joe Cool in a crisis. We don’t always feel equipped to counsel or to intervene. But we feel like we need to do something because this is our friend and he/she is in need.

Why do we help? Because it’s the decent thing to do. Because we hope someone would help us in his/her position. Because that’s what it means to be a friend. Hell, that’s what it means to coexist in a community and make no fu*king mistake that whether it’s college, an office, or just good old Manhattan, you’re part of a community.

The first way you can be of aid is to listen. What a lot of people in crisis need first and foremost is an ear. Being listened to accomplishes a number of productive and helpful things: you give them an outlet to express their concern/pain/worry, you validate their pain, and it’s an opportunity for them to talk through their problem.

The next thing to do is to gauge the seriousness of the situation. This is very key in determining how next to approach their problem. Is it imminent danger? Is this life and death? Is this a police matter? Should their family be told? Do they need to be protected and removed from a bad environment (abusive boyfriend, parents, etc.)?

Each person is different and needs a different approach. No matter what though, listening and being compassionate is universal. Compassion includes tough love, tough truths, and tough questions, sometimes.

Once you’ve listened and gauged the severity of the crisis’ nature, then comes the hardest part: action. What you actually do. Sometimes, just listening is enough. Sometimes, being there is enough. Standing beside them at a funeral. Letting them cry on your shoulder after a bad break up. Sitting without judging as they scream their betrayal at the wall/sky/television. On the other hand, if it’s life and death, you’ve got to call in a professional of some kind.

If you’re scared they’ll hurt themselves then call in your RA, their parents, the police, an emergency room, SOMETHING. Or maybe you can just take them out to take their mind off of it. Escaping, even just for a few hours, can put a wedge between them feeling hopeless and hopeful. If you’re clever and tough enough to beat up the ass*ole boyfriend without getting caught then by all means. Whatever you do, you’ve got to act in the interest of their safety and protection (duh, right?).

And you’ll have to also accept that in some cases you can’t help after a certain point. Some crises are so sudden or severe that they’re beyond what you’re capable of. Sometimes we can’t say or do the right thing because it doesn’t exist. Addiction, for example. You can pull out the intervention banner every day but that doesn’t mean they’ll be able to stop. You can’t fight a disease. You can’t fight back against death. There are things we must accept are beyond our capabilities to help fix and instead focus on helping them deal with those tragedies/inevitabilities/impossibilities.

The most important thing you can do to help is to try to help. It means you care. It shows them they’re not alone in the dark. You give them a lighted path. Whether it can lead them out of the hole is another matter.

Lean on me,

The Dude

How have you helped a friend in the past? Are there any right words to say?

So, in an attempt to avoid an ulcer or an unfortunate road rage incident, I vent to you, dear reader. Please feel free to join in and comment about anything–really, anything–that pissed. you. off. this week. Let it all hang out. I feel you.]

Budget cuts: It seems as though the recession has finally infiltrated the college bubble. We’ve been hearing about this horrible turn the economy has taken, but the closest we’ve come to experiencing it are reduced bar admissions. (And come to think of it, there hasn’t even been a decline in those prices…) All kidding aside, though, the economic crisis gripping the nation has, of course, affected our schools. And countless e-mails entitled “Budget Crisis Committee Meeting,” or “Plans to Cut Spending by 10% before July” skimmed over my threshold of awareness for quite some time. My professors, picking up on the general apathetic attitude, took it upon themselves to explain just what all of this meant. Apparently it means taking classes that require an intimate setting to be effective in lecture halls. It requires removing all of the phones from the English Department (yep, e-mail only!). It entails salary cuts for professors, some of whom have such prestigious reputations that they’ll gladly take their New York Times’ Best Selling butts elsewhere. Which also means that my degree won’t be as respectable as it would be if I’d had those professors or their letters of recommendation. And yet I have noticed no shortage of construction, new bronze statues or spanking new parking garages scattered around campus. Maybe if the budget were a little more prioritized we wouldn’t be facing these issues…

Line Cutters: It pissed me off in the 2^nd grade lunchroom on Chicken Nugget Day and guess what, folks? It still does! Seriously people, we learned how to mind our P’s and queue’s in kindergarten, so why am I still frustrated DAILY by some guy who called his bros and asked them to save him a spot in the 45 minute line to pick up basketball tix? And I have some advice for that girl last night who thought her urinary needs were greater than everyone else’s in line for the only bathroom at the bar–  HOLD IT! Just like everyone else in line. And no one ever said there was a rule against having your friends bring you more vodka tonics while you’re waiting…

Over-Zealous Party Hosts: It starts with the Facebook invite. It’s totally tricked out with hyper-precise directions, a really intricate theme and very specific directions as to just what B one should Y.O.B. But you know it’s not going to stop there. The party-thrower is most definitely going to text you “Hey guys! Don’t forget about my AWESOME kegger/rave/pregame/ shindig this Friday!!!!!”— every day of the week leading up to the party. Should you actually make it to said party after Happy Hour, you can rest assured that a red Solo will be practically shoved into your hand when you walk in (which isn’t such a bad thing now that I think about it…), followed by an in-depth questionnaire about the amount of fun you are having at their party. Eventually something will go wrong (as it only can when a large number of drunk people are gathered) and the host will go into full meltdown mode, kick everyone out during a huge tantrum and swear to never throw a party again. I mean, I’m all for enthusiastic recreation, but a party is supposed to relieve stress, not cause it!

Wow, it’s official: even parties piss me off. How about you? What pissed you off this week?

The (Fake) Phone Call:

You are walking home from class all alone when you think that person walking towards you kinda, sorta looks like the dude you made out with the other night/that girl your sorority rejected who won’t leave you alone/somebody else that you really don’t want to talk to.

You squint. You stare. You verify.

“Sh*t,” you think to yourself. “I really don’t want to talk to him/her.” But what are you supposed to do? You are walking alone (towards the person!); you have no out. You can’ just throw your iPod on – you would look like a total ass if you just walked right past jamming out to your favorite mix. And you can’t duck and cover; you’ve most likely already been spotted and hiding behind a tree is just weird.

There is only one option left: the cell phone fake out.

So, you reach into your pocket/bag, silence that sucker (because there is nothing more embarrassing than pretending to be on your phone and then having it ring in your ear), and begin a full-blown conversation with no one.

“Yeah, I thought the exam was hard. What did you think?” You ask the non-existent person on the other end of the line. You laugh, you answer questions and you continue this conversation as you pass by and wave to Person-You-Don’t Want-To-Talk-To.

You look back. He/she is far, far away, which means it is safe to give up the charade. You stick your phone back in your pocket and continue your leisurely stroll home.

Crisis averted.

And, no, you are not alone; we’ve all done it, too.

It’s time for the news with Kandy Korrespondent!

For those of you who may have thought this year’s presidential race couldn’t get any crazier: Meet Mr. Bob Barr! Former Republican congressman, Bob Barr said on Monday that he would run for President as part of the libertarian ticket. He was part of the Republican Revolution in 1995 and gained notoriety for his role in the impeachment of former President Bill Clinton. He left the Republican party in 2004 and became a Libertarian in 2005 as a result of his growing disillusionment with the civil liberties-eroding Patriot Act. His entrance into the race as a third party candidate may siphon off extreme right-wingers from the McCain platform.

Also on Monday, President Bush told the BBC that the US has plans to strengthen Lebanon’s army to enable it to disarm Hezbollah. At least 60 have died in clashes around Beirut this past week.

In this writer’s opinion, it seems clear that Bush and his advisers see aiding the side of the Lebanese army in their fight against Iranian-backed Hezbollah in geopolitical terms. It’s a way to assert continued US “control” within the Middle East, and yet another opportunity to shove some dirt into the eye of Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. What is not clear, however, is whether the administration fully understands the ramifications of such a move.

Lebanon is teetering on the brink of civil war. Turning the country into a tiny microcosm of Iran-US tension is sure to only harm the situation. Furthermore, with the US military and resources already embroiled in Afghanistan and Iraq, becoming mired in yet another endless conflict is not what anyone needs.

In other news:

The death toll from Monday’s 7.8 magnitude quake in China has reached at least 10,000. Meanwhile in Myanmar, at least 32,000 are dead with thousands more missing and injured. Check out the BBC for how you can help.

Chances are either you or someone you know are in the midst of selling your house thanks to the country’s current economic woes. Meet Shawn Forgaard, a 37-year-old software company project manager who made the fatal mistake of investing his earnings in real estate. Between 2004 and 2006 he invested in 10 homes, including his primary residence in Santa Cruz, CA.

His story is synonymous with thousands of other real estate speculators who counted on rising real estate values (allowing them to refinance at a better rate) to pay off their mortgages. When the bottom fell out of the market, Forgaard initially thought he had enough equity to ride the storm. Five months ago, however, it became apparent that he didn’t. He and his wife are preparing to sell their homes, declare bankruptcy and move to a cheaper place in Northern California.

With the economy in a seemingly endless death spiral, stories like the Forgaards are becoming all too common. In California, 47,171 homes were foreclosed during the first three months of 2008—a fourfold increase from the same time last year. Home prices have dropped by 18 percent, according to Yale economist Robert Shiller’s calculations, and he expects them to drop a total of 30 percent before the market levels out.

Check out my previous posts, A Girl’s Guide to Recessions I and II, for more info about the current economic crisis.

That’s the News! See you tomorrow.