How many times a week a day do you Google yourself? An embarrassing amount, right? Almost as embarrassing as the amount of time I spend diagnosing myself with fatal diseases on WebMD. But when we’re not googling our own name and Facebook stalking our frenemies, we’re googling (and ogling) guys. Like, a lot. So we wanted to do a totally scientific study (please note that we did this research while also doing research on the effects of Four Loko on a professional work day) on the most googled guys on the internet. And we were SHOCKED by the results. Like apparently no one else is as into Barry Manilow as I am. But a lot of people are really into Ne-Yo. Who knew?! Now you do!

Wowza! This week has been quite the whirlwind.

Is Lindsay going to jail? Does she think it’s totally unfair and tell everyone via her Twitter ramblings?
Is Mel Gibson even more crazy than we thought?

Yes, yes, and yes! While there aren’t a ton of new developments this week, what’s been developing just keeps getting developier better. Not for the celebs so much – I mean, unless Lindsay is super geeked to wear a jumpsuit for 3 months – but for us because it gives us plenty to talk about/make fun of. Yay?

Why are celebs so stupid?

1. Lindsay Lohan has been sentenced to 90 days (or more!) in jail, rehab after that, and 1 year of random drug testing! Hooray, it’s about time! Girlfriend needs some MAY-JAH help. LiLo broke down in court, but I think it’s just her acting skills (and you can’t deny she’s a good actress). She thought she was going to get off with a slap on the wrist. Well, that’s what happens when you wear a nice F*** U manicure to court, Ms. Lohan. Get.It.Together. Lindsay has hired a new attorney and is appealing the court’s decision because she doesn’t believe her sentence is fair.

2. Poor Oksana Grigorieva. The L.A. County Sheriff’s Department is now investigating Mel Gibson for domestic violence after a recording has surfaced of Mel telling Oksana that she “f****** deserved it.” No, he wasn’t talking about some sparkly diamond bracelet he got her for being such a lovely woman; he’s, of course, referring to punching her in the face. There have been numerous recordings of Gibson making horrendous racist remarks, and this just makes it worse. We’re on Team Oksana for sure, but I think even the most vile creature on earth (Spencer Pratt?) would side with her.

3. NBA star LeBron James is joining the Miami Heat! Basketball fans sat around for hours last night waiting for the big guy to make his decision. LeBron decided to leave the Cavaliers after a disappointing season, and people have been closely watching him – while teams get on their knees and beg for him – to figure out where he’d go next. He’s joining the Heat along with Chris Bosh and Dwayne Wade. They’ll be awfully close to those Kardashians in Miami. I have a feeling Kim will be checking in on Dash a little more often now.

4. Mary J. Blige is going back to school! She got her high school diploma from New York back in the day and now she’ll be attending Howard University, class of 2014. What a great role model! Mary is 39 with a seriously successful music career, yet she’s still going to get her college degree. Props!

5. Soccer stud Cristiano Ronaldo is having a baby. From a surrogate. That he paid to keep quiet. What?! OK, totes not sure on this. Cristiano is dating model Irina Shayk who seems to have no problem with the new baby daddy situation. Some reports are suggesting that the baby mama is a woman Cristiano slept with and is paying to stay out of the picture. Some are saying it’s a surrogate. I don’t know what to believe, but congrats?

Less Stupidity

1. Rachel Dratch from SNL is having a baby! Congrats to you, funny lady!

2. Rumors flew this week that Taylor Lautner was joining the cast of X-Men… but he’s not. This makes me sad. Taylor Lautner shirtless is delicious, but Taylor Lautner in one of those rubbery suits with the sculpted abs? Wait, what was I saying?

3. Jennifer Aniston is supposedly dating actor Chris Gartin, who is almost divorced from his wife. Her reps deny it but we’re onto you, Jen! And we’re happy. He seems to be a lot better than some of those other dudes…

4. Rihanna’s tours aren’t selling out, so she’s canceling! She canceled in Atlanta and Denver, and more are likely to follow. Uh oh! I wonder why no one’s buying?

5. He’s not shirtless, but who’s more sexy than Seth Cohen aka Adam Brody?!

And we’ve got proof.

The best self-tanning products of 2010.

Sweat-proof foundation? Gimme gimme.

5 reasons why America is the best place to date.

Wait…Cristiano Ronaldo is a baby daddy??

I’m all about accessories, but these are a bit much….

TV is like real life, right?

First, every television set in America goes digital, and now TV is going 3D? Yes, people, the future is here. According to MSNBC, ESPN will be the first network to go 3D this June, dubbing their new station ESPN 3D (rather original) and fulfilling every sports fanatic’s wet dream for a decade.

One of the main purposes is to help take a step for all TV to become 3D. While we can all do without A&E’s Hoarders popping out of the TV and taking over our living rooms, I’m sure we can all agree that there is nothing more heavenly than being able to reach out and touch Dr. McDreamy’s fine looking bod. In fact, much like adding a little extra buttercream on top of a cupcake, shooting my favorite shows in 3D will only make them that much sweeter:

Sex and the City: Who wouldn’t wanna reach out and give Samantha a high five while she gets it on with one of her (many) hotties in 3D?

Hung: For those of you that don’t know, Hung is about a man who is, well, hung. Enough said.

Portuguese soccer: Okay, what would you do if Cristiano Ronaldo was in your TV room in 3D?  If your answer is “nothing” you’re a big, fat liar.

The Food Network: There is nothing I want more than to have Paula Deen in my living room. OK, so maybe in my kitchen. Cooking me something. With lots of butter. But I’ll take her Krispy Kreme Casserole in 3D any day.

Gossip Girl: Chanel bags, YSL heels, Chuck Bass and Dan Humphrey nose to nose with me?  I’m not leaving my couch ever again.

Dealing with a creepy coworker.

Miley’s about done with Hannah Montana.

Sacha Baron Cohen bares it all for GQ.

Fix your hair to get over a broken heart.

The best facial cleanser ever?

We sifted through the list of influencers to find the best of the bunch. Influential and hot…this is a list of pure perfection. What more could a girl ask for?

12. Michael Phelps- With 8 Olympic gold medals under his Speedo, Mr. Phelps can stroke my breast breast stroke me any day!

11. Mark Zuckerberg- This Facebook creater and cutie patootie may not be Brad, but he’s got this “I Lover Nerds” appeal that gives him a spot on our list. Plus he invented the best, most addictive website EVER.

10) Kobe Bryant- What can I say? It’s Kobe! He speaks a few languages, is an amazing bballer and is one hot, hot man…infidelity aside.

9. Brett Favre- What a comeback…and he’s still fine as hell.

8. Ryan Seacrest-You may be sick of him, cuz he’s EVERYWHERE, but hey…I don’t mind lookin’.

7. Jon Stewart- He’s funny, smart, and ohmygod those eyes.

6. George Clooney- Mista Clooney will be on every hot man list till he’s 6-feet-under…

5) Cristiano Ronaldo – Foreign + soccer player + check out that bod = HOT!

4. Brad Pitt- How do you spell hotsexgod? B-R-A-D-P-I-T-T

3. Heath Ledger - RIP… you’re still hot.

2. Christian Bale – He can go American Psycho on me wheneva, whereva.

1. David Beckham – I…um…god, wow…just, uh, look at the picture

Which hottie has the most influence on you?