[Every (dreadful) Monday, I write a list. Definitely not a to-do list (because it’s not satisfying checking “eat a box of cereal” and “Re-watch every episode of Say Yes to the Dress” off a list) and not “that list” (because I haven’t added to that list… in forever). No, my lists are more about whatever is relevant and weighing heavy on the CollegeCandy readers’ minds (or just mine) right now. And right now, or always, what's on my mind is boys, boys, boys.]

Sometimes, crushing on a guy is like buying a one-way ticket you Crazy Town. You can’t stop thinking about him, praying you’ll accidentally bump into him (or Facebook stalking him so you know you’ll bump into him), coming up with any excuse to call him, and keeping your phone ringer on max so you’ll never miss it if he calls you….even when you’re sleeping. Or in class. Or in the bathroom.

But once you get past all that, having a crush is fun. It’s exciting! It gives you a reason to brush your hair and put on makeup every day! And here are the top ten reasons I’m crushin’ on crushin’.

10. When he texts you first. That means he must be thinking about you, right?! OMG he totally is thinking about you. Must. wait. 15 minutes…. so I don’t look pathetic before texting back. Wait, what am I going to say? It’s gotta be cute and coy and flirty….

9. The excitement of knowing you’re going to see him. And sitting down with your girls to go over how everything is going to go down while they help you pick out an outfit (that is sexy while not being slutty) and do your makeup (smoky eyes FTW).

8.  The feeling in your stomach when you do see him….and you look good. And he totally notices.

7. Talking about him to your friends. And your friends’ friends. And your parents. And the woman ringing you up at CVS. And anyone else who happens to bring up anything that gives you a segue to bring him up.

6. When he accidentally admits to FB stalking you. How did he know I was at that Jersey Shore party last night? Oh he TOTALLY likes me!

5. When he uses a smiley in an IM. Guys who use emoticons are freaks…unless you’ve got a crush on them. Then it’s the cutest/sweetest/most adorable thing ever.

4. When he smiles at you. In real life. And it makes your knees go weak.

3. His touch. Placing his hand on the small of your back, giving you a hug when he sees you, putting his arm around you, grazing your leg under the table…. it’s like a warm, melty chocolate chip cookie for your heart.

2. Having someone to think about. In class, before bed, at midnight in the library when you’re only 30 pages in to your 150-page reading assignment and you want to bludgeon yourself with your textbook, in the shower, as you pass couples holding hands on the street….

1. The first kiss. Butterflies. Rainbows. Frolicking in a field filled with poppies. A melty banana split.
Swoon.

Must. Get. Him. Drunk.

It’s the start of a new school year and to honor that, we at CollegeCandy are bringing back our favorite series, “We’ve All Been There.” Every week, Lauren – University of Michigan will comment on the common experiences all college women share, like the first day of classes, including some new adventures and occurrences thrown into the mix.

You met him on the first day of class. He showed up late and took the seat next to you. As the professor droned on (and on) about the books you need, the upcoming group projects and the exam schedule, you two sat in the back of the lecture hall and whined about how awful the next 10 weeks were going to be.

You start sitting together in every class. When a group project is assigned, you choose to work together. When exam time comes, you make a study date at the library. Not that it’s all work; you guys really get along and start chatting daily on AIM and Facebook.

You like this boy. He’s everything you want: he’s smart, he’s funny, he’s got a great smile that makes his eyes scrunch up, he’s interested in the same things as you, he wears great shoes… Sigh.

When you tell your friends about him they urge you to go for it. You, however, aren’t so sure. You have to see him nearly every day for the rest of the semester. What if he doesn’t feel the same way as you? What if he’s just hanging out with you to get the notes from lecture? What if that girl in 3 of his Facebook photos is actually his girlfriend?

But as time goes on you start to like him more. You start putting makeup on before class every day and spend your evenings stalking him online. You start making up excuses to contact him (“I…uh….lost my pen. Can I come over and borrow one?”) and get upset when he doesn’t show up to class (“Oh no, he was probably up late last night hooking up with some other girl. That girl who sits in the front row is gone too. It must be her.”)

When you start drawing out your names in hearts on your notebook paper you realize you need to do something. You only live once, you don’t want to miss out on something great… and you really need to make out with someone. And it’s not like you need to send him a love letter (sprayed with your favorite perfume) expressing your feelings; you guys just need to get drunk together. One night of making out in the corner of a bar will let you know once and for all how he feels.

In class the next morning you casually (or so it seems – you spent hours planning out what you were going to say to him) ask him if he wants to hang out with you and your friends later that night. He agrees.

After hours spent applying makeup, putting together the perfect “I’m a lot hotter than I look in class” outfit and taking a few shots to ease your butterflies, you head out with your friends to meet up with him. No matter how many times they tell you how hot you look and how he obviously likes you, you can’t relax. A million things are going through your mind:

“What am I doing? Am I crazy? Shut up. Stop freaking out. You’re just hanging out. Oh god what if he pushes me away and then I can’t go to class eve again? I’ll fail out of school! Ok, chill. If nothing else, you can just pretend you blacked out. Stop being crazy. OMG I need to poop.”

You pound a few more drinks the moment you step into the bar. Your friend spots him across the room. And he’s wearing a button down. Mmmm.

“Go get him,” she says.

You take a deep breath and go. Then stop. Your friends shove you. You grab one of their beers, chug it and go. The time has come to make your move.

Yeah, we’ve all been there.
There’s nothing like a night of drinking to get a college relationship started.

It's so cozy!

Awww!  He lent you his sweatshirt!  It’s so comfy and cozy and it smells refreshingly like boy. It’s perfectly worn in, the lifeguard/lacrosse logo beginning to crack and fade at the edges. Sure, you would normally look ridiculous in such a shirt (anyone who knows you knows you aren’t a lacrosse…er…athletic kinda girl), but hey!  He’s a lifeguard!  It’s OK if it’s his!

You wear it home, letting the sleeves hang past your hands and relishing in the glory that only comes with wearing a sweatshirt of the boy you love. You wear it around your room for the rest of the day. And then, once you’ve finally removed it (because sleeping in it would be weird….right?), you fold the sweatshirt up and lay it on the floor. But what now?  What do you do with it?  Return it? Do you call him or does he call you? Should he come to get it? And, before he does, can you wear it again? What if it’s cold? Is that weird?

The ol’ sweatshirt exchange doesn’t seem like much, but there’s a whole lot of awkwardness that comes along with that XL perfectly worn-in pull-over. Don’t believe me? Allow me to lay out two very real (in that they happened to me) possibilities.

Holding Onto The Sweatshirt.

So you’ve decided to keep it.  He lent it to you and hasn’t asked for it back yet, so it’s yours until he does.  It sits on your desk and you just kind of stare at it for a while, leaving it there as you go about your day.  Then one day, you’re headed out, and it’s chilly. You glance over at your desk and think, “Hmmm, it is a really warm sweatshirt…and I really like the way it smells. What are the odds he’ll see me in it? Slim to none.” So you head outside and GAHHHHHH THERE HE IS. OH GOD NO. RUN AWAY. RUUUUUNNNNNN AWAAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!

You aren’t prepared for this.  He’s coming over to say hi, but wait, he has just realized that your outfit looks familiar.  Oh no.  Crud.  You’ve been caught.  “Hey is that my sweatshirt?”  Uh, no, it’s not, it’s someone else’s sweatshirt….with the same last name as you….that played in the same tournament as you in high school.

Oh the awkwardness is palpable. What do you say? WHAT DO YOU SAY? Maybe he thinks you look cute in it? Hopefully he won’t make you take it off right here in the middle of the street. Oh god. Make something up and get out of there. Promise to return the sweatshirt… then run.

Returning The Sweatshirt.

So you’ve decided to return the sweatshirt.  Good for you.  You’ve made the mature decision to give it back, and maybe even put some thought into it.  You put it into a cute little shopping bag and make your way to his room.  This can’t go wrong, you’re just going to leave it outside the door and fade into the sunset as an international woman of mystery.  You just have to leave it there, and nothing else.

OK, the hall is clear, no one in sight; just hang it on the door handle and – GAHHHHHH THE HANDLE IS MOVING. NO NO NO!!!!  Oh my god, it’s his roommate – no, not just one of them, both of them… Oh God no.  “Oh hey, Kyle, John, what’s up?  I was just in the neighborhood…at 9am on a Saturday. Heh heh, this bag?  Nothing, just some sweats…yeah they do look familiar….yeah they actually are Mike’s.” Oh no. So awkward. You need to disappear. You try the Harry Potter spell to apparate. Yeah, it’s dorky but what other options do you have? It doesn’t work. So now you’re standing there. Why isn’t there an App for this!? “Why do I have them?  Uh, long story…lab accident?  Maybe? Oh he’s out of town this weekend? Cool, so you’ll give them to him?  Great, BYE!”  Then run.

Gah. Why does it always have to be so complicated? It’s an old ratty sweatshirt! An old, ratty, totally comfortable sweatshirt. That smells like him. And reminds you of the night you snuggled.

Ugh. Why did you return it!?  Get one just like it here.

Though we hate it when guys call us crazy/psycho, every girl out there has had their moment. For me, it was when I drafted an email to a non-existent person and “accidentally” sent it to my crush, forcing him to write back. Or the time I called a different crush’s work and used a fake name to see if he was indeed working late or just lying to me to hook up with some other girl. Or when I used to walk by yet another crush’s dorm to see if his light was on and if he was home.

Ok, so I’ve had my fair share of crazy-time, but it’s not my fault. I’m not a crazy person – boys just make me that way. And I know you ladies can relate.

After leaving a long, drunken voicemail for my newest conquest last weekend (“I don’t understand why you’re not calling me. I like you. Do you like me? Oh god I sound crazy. I’m not cra-” This is where my friend grabbed the phone and threw it across the room…), I sobered up, wiped up my dignity and deleted his number from my phone.

Then, as I sat indulging in some pretzels dipped in frosting, I started wondering what other girls were taking a ride on the crazy train. While no one wanted to admit it, I forced the CollegeCandy writers to fess up to their lowest moments.

Zahra – Northwestern University: When one guy I was with decided to just disappear, I wasn’t having it. I called him tons of times and wrote him texts that went on for pages…ugh. Seriously, I shudder when I think of how psycho I was acting.

Kim – Stanford: I went a little crazy when I sent a text message from HIS phone to this girl that always hit on him that he thought she was ugly and really didn’t like her personality and to stop texting him.  Yeah, the girl never hit on him again after that.

Maddie – Tufts: Probably the time that I went on my ex-boyfriends Facebook and read his messages. Oops.

Anna – Northeastern University: My roommate was obsessed with this guy that she hadn’t met, but seen at his place of work. She found him on Twitter and made a fake Facebook account to stalk him. Then one night when she was really drunk and couldn’t find our other friends at a party she went next door to where he worked (a bar) and started ordering drinks. Basically the night ended with her following him out when his shift ended, grabbing his head, and making out with him.

Lauren – University of Michigan: After meeting a really hot guy at a bar and totally hitting it off, I had to leave to take care of a friend. I never got his number so I went back the next weekend and grilled the bartender to see if he remembered who he was and if he might have a credit card receipt for him. What? It works on Law and Order…

Katie – Michigan State University: A couple years ago, my boyfriend went back home to Korea for the summer and begged me to do a long distance relationship with him.  Funny thing was, he dropped all communication a week after he got there.  So, naturally, I stalked one of his friends on MSN, struck up a phony friendship, asked for my boyfriend’s Korean phone number and proceeded to call him 17 times in one night.  Not only did he never answer my calls/e-mails, I also got stuck with a ginormous phone bill.

Leah – Ryerson University: I took the car keys of a guy I was interested in so that 1) he couldn’t drive home (2 hours away) that night and 2) so he would have to see me again.  To my defence it was less craziness, and more 4 glasses of wine and 4 shots.

Brithny- Duke: Nothing really crazy, but I do sometimes “accidentally” run into him on our way to class. Even though our classes on on the opposite ends of the campus. Thank you, FB schedules.

Thu – USC: This is probably more weird and embarrassing than crazy, but I remember back in middle school, my friends dared me to just say hi to my crush, who had no idea who I was. Not having the guts to do it face to face, I once yelled out hi to him from the passenger seat as my dad drove by. Needless to say, it didn’t accomplish anything.

Ness – Sheridan: Once every few weeks, I Facebook search a guy I used to be involved with. His profile is set to private, and I’m too much of a puss to send him a friend request, so I check out his profile pic every once in a while. Wow, that sounds so much worse when it’s written down…

Ricki-University of Michigan: I once stalked all of his photos just to figure out who his ex-girlfriend was…and then when I had to meet her, I pretended like I didn’t know who she was.

Alex K – Lakehead University: My craziest moment is probably stalking. I happen to be very good at finding boys on Facebook…. I have done drivebys before too….

You know you’ve pulled out the crazy before. Let it all out in the comments section – we won’t judge.

Yeah, that’s right, I said it. I am over them.

Okay, so I’ll always have a weakness for super hot abs (I’m looking at you, RPatz), but I would much rather spend my time with the new class of men out there. I call them the Hunky Beefy Boys and they are redefining what it means for men to be sexy. And I like it.

Thanks to the new comedians out there in Hollywood, charming is in and hot is out. Comedians like Jason Segel, Vince Vaughn, Seth Rogen, and Will Ferrell are now considered Hollywood’s sexiest. Whereas women wouldn’t give guys like them a fighting chance before, these guys are now making the girls swoon.

So maybe they don’t have washboard stomachs or chiseled cheek bones but they have charm, wit, and a sense of humor that make them completely irresistible. And they are all perfectly hunky beefy: tall with a little more cushion for the pushin’, but still fit and mouth-watering.

Traditional hotties of the past like George Clooney, Harrison Ford, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt are still sexy, obvs, but they are starting to fall by the wayside for these new guys who have something more than an Abercrombie smile.

So what is it exactly that has us melting like a pat of butter into their husky hands?

Their Humor/Wit/Pure Awesomeness: Honestly, who wouldn’t want to spend time with someone that can literally make your sides hurt with laughter? Any guy can be sweet, but not all guys can be funny. Plus, laughing contracts your ab muscles, so keeping these men around means a much more toned and defined mid-section (legit).

Their Effort in Bed: Most of these non-traditional sexy men don’t have the perfect face and body of the traditional hot men of women’s fantasies. Unlike someone like George Clooney, who just has to look at a woman to get her in bed, these guys have to work for a girl’s attention. And work hard. And what does that mean? It means they’re all about the giving in bed. Which works out well for all of the takers out there. Mainly, me.

Their Charm: Every girl wants a guy that her friends and family can love. A pretty face can only last so long, but a great personality and charm will last forever. Work function, a friend’s party, or a relative’s wedding? These men will not only be fine on their own when you beeline to the bathroom, but will probably be the hit of whatever crowd they’re a part of. Their confidence (and dance moves…thank you, Wedding Crashers) is utterly irresistible to anyone and everyone.

Their Bear Hugs: Nothing feels better than a guy who can wrap his arms around you and make you feel warm and safe. Well, nothing besides a guy who can pick you up and hold you against a wall during sexy time. And, let’s be real, those tall, hunky frames are perfect for snuggle-time too.

So guys, if you’re reading this, don’t worry if you’re no James Dean. Just charm us and make us giggle; you’ll be on your way to sex symbol in no time.

[Photo courtesy of JustJared.com]

I'm gonna have to get this boy drunk.

You met him on the first day of class. He showed up late and took the seat next to you. As the professor droned on (and on) about the books you need, the upcoming group projects and the exam schedule, you two sat in the back of the lecture hall and whined about how awful the next 10 weeks were going to be.

You start sitting together in every class. When a group project is assigned, you choose to work together. When exam time comes, you make a study date at the library. Not that it’s all work; you guys really get along and start chatting daily on AIM and Facebook.

You like this boy. He’s everything you want: he’s smart, he’s funny, he’s got a great smile that makes his eyes scrunch up, he’s interested in the same things as you, he wears great shoes… Sigh.

When you tell your friends about him they urge you to go for it. You, however, aren’t so sure. You have to see him nearly every day for the rest of the semester. What if he doesn’t feel the same way as you? What if he’s just hanging out with you to get the notes from lecture? What if that girl in 3 of his Facebook photos is actually his girlfriend?

But as time goes on you start to like him more. You start putting makeup on before class every day and spend your evenings stalking him online. You start making up excuses to contact him (“I…uh….lost my pen. Can I come over and borrow one?”) and get upset when he doesn’t show up to class (“Oh no, he was probably up late last night hooking up with some other girl. That girl who sits in the front row is gone too. It must be her.”)

When you start drawing out your names in hearts on your notebook paper you realize you need to do something. You only live once, you don’t want to miss out on something great… and you really need to make out with someone. And it’s not like you need to send him a love letter (sprayed with your favorite perfume) expressing your feelings; you guys just need to get drunk together. One night of making out in the corner of a bar will let you know once and for all how he feels.

In class the next morning you casually (or so it seems – you spent hours planning out what you were going to say to him) ask him if he wants to hang out with you and your friends later that night. He agrees.

After hours spent applying makeup, putting together the perfect “I’m a lot hotter than I look in class” outfit and taking a few shots to ease your butterflies, you head out with your friends to meet up with him. No matter how many times they tell you how hot you look and how he obviously likes you, you can’t relax. A million things are going through your mind:

“What am I doing? Am I crazy? Shut up. Stop freaking out. You’re just hanging out. Oh god what if he pushes me away and then I can’t go to class eve again? I’ll fail out of school! Ok, chill. If nothing else, you can just pretend you blacked out. Stop being crazy. OMG I need to poop.”

You pound a few more drinks the moment you step into the bar. Your friend spots him across the room. And he’s wearing a button down. Mmmm.

“Go get him,” she says.

You take a deep breath and go. Then stop. Your friends shove you. You grab one of their beers, chug it and go. The time has come to make your move.

Yeah, we’ve all been there.
There’s nothing like a night of drinking to get a college relationship started.

I recently met someone who made me swoon. He’s tall, funny and incredibly handsome. We have a million things in common and have a great time when we’re together. I feel the butterflies when I’m with him and always look forward to when I’ll see him again. After meeting douchebag after douchebag, this is what I’ve been waiting for and I should be happy.

But I’m not. Because having a crush sucks.

You probably think I’m crazy for thinking this way – I mean, what’s more exciting than having a crush!? – but having my emotions tied to someone else is taking it’s toll on me and I hate it.

Why, you ask? Well, let me break it all down for ya…

I am no longer in control of my own feelings: My days are now dictated by whether her calls me. If I don’t hear from him, I am sad and, as cliche as it sounds, drown my sadness in sweet, fatty treats. Even worse, I take out my frustration on my friends. And if he does call? I skip around my house with a big cheesy grin on my face.

I’m annoying: I talk about him all the time. I vent, I brag, I go on and on and on about this boy, somehow fitting him into every conversation I have. I’m pretty sure my friends (and bosses) hate me.

I’m always waiting: For him to call, for him to ask me out, for him to kiss me.

I have to wear makeup all the time: I can’t let him see me with bags under my eyes or this giant zit on my chin, but putting on makeup every day in the off chance that I may see him is making me crazy. And my Mac foundation is expensive, dammit.

I’m over-analyzing: “What did he mean when he said this?” Or, “I know he has email on his phone; he definitely got my last message! WHY ISN’T HE RESPONDING?”

I can’t do work: When he does call me, I’m so excited that all I can do is think about him and talk to my friends about it. When he doesn’t, I sit around and wonder I did wrong and if I should call him first.

I have to shave my legs: Just in case he decides he wants to take me home and have his way with me.

I sensor myself: No, I don’t change who I am for this boy, but I do try to lay off the swear words/fart jokes/”that’s what she said”s so as not to scare him off. And, let me tell you, that. is. hard.

Crushing has left me tired, cranky and 4 pounds heavier than my single (and ready to mingle) self. I’m about ready to throw in the towel and pick up a kitten or two. Anyone else ever feel this way?

So you met a boy. A perfect boy. A boy who loves True Life marathons and Frosted Mini Wheats as much as you do. A boy who kissed you on the cheek after walking you home and took your number (instead of drunk-friending you on Facebook). You totally heart him.

After coming in the house and telling your roommates all about how sweet and funny and “OMG he was wearing the hottest jeans,” you lay in bed thinking about him. And make a mental note to get a bikini wax ASAP, because you will most definitely be seeing him (in the buff) sometime soon.

You spend the next day clutching your phone, willing it to ring. You take it to the library, the gym and even into the bathroom. You jump every time the phone rings and mentally prepare yourself to turn on the charm, only to realize it’s a friend or, of course, your mom. Finally, you receive a text message:

Hungover in the library. Not fun

OMG OMG OMG. You run – no, skip – to your friend and show her the text.

“Aw, he totally hearts you!” She says. You blush, excited that someone else thinks this is a good thing, too.

“What should I say back?!” You spend the next 10 minutes crafting the perfect response: witty and cute without looking like you spent 10 minutes coming up with it.

You should try hungover on a treadmill.

You hit send then sit with your friend as you wait for a response. A few minutes go by. Then another few minutes. You start getting impatient, worried.

“What if he meant to send that to someone else? I know he’s got his phone with him – why isn’t he responding? Do you think he thinks I’m an alcoholic? I shouldn’t have responded so quickly. Oh god, he hates me.”

Your friend reassures you that you are being crazy, that he wouldn’t have texted you if he hated you and that he’s probably just doing something else. But you don’t believe her; she has to say those things. You want chocolate.

Finally, the familiar text alert rings from your phone. You flip it open quickly and there’s a message from the boy.

This is bad enough. I wish someone would bring me a Gatorade.

“What do you think that means?!” You ask your friend. “Does he want me to bring him a Gatorade? Should I be cute and bring him a Gatorade? What flavor do you think he likes? If there was a winky or smiley face I’d know he was asking me to bring him one…”

“Yeah, if there was a wink I’d think that would mean he’s asking you. Maybe he’s just making small talk.”  Your friend reasons. You IM another friend, give her a brief summary of what’s going on (including what the texts said word for word) and ask her opinion. She agrees that it’s small talk, that you should not go visit him with a variety of Gatorade flavors and that he’s just being cute and chatty with you.

“Yeah. Ok, what should I say back?” You spend another few minutes (longer than you usually spend answering a Blue Book question) working on a response. It is the perfect blend of flirty and cute, topped off with a smiley (obvs).

And then you wait for his response once again.
This goes on all day: read, evaluate (“do you think he really LOLed?”), contemplate, respond.

Yeah, we’ve all been there. You’re not the only one trying to decode the boys.

Decidedly not crazy.

Yet for some reason, whenever a particularly witty, charming, attractive male glides into the picture, my so-called sanity gets a little shaky. Suddenly, I find myself Googling his name at 2AM, skimming news briefs about what appears to be a highlight-filled yet short-lived high school soccer career. I’m not crazy, I rationalize; I simply want to be informed.

We’ve all been there. Or at least I hope we’ve all been there, because I really don’t want to be the only one who creeps like this. Guys I like just make me a little bit of a nutter. Fingers crossed these apply to you too.

The Google-Facebook-Twitter Stalk

It’s so easy. So tempting. And so very anonymous. He’ll never know that you scanned his public profile, comparing your music tastes and reveling in your mutual distaste for bumper stickers. He likes Death Cab and working out and has the same birthday as your Aunt Linda! It must be destiny. And although I’m not a big fan of this Twitter business, I’m pretty sure constant updates on your crush’s well-being in real time could be fairly intriguing. Calvin is brushing his teeth. He must be hygienic. Calvin is reading for Poli Sci. You always had a thing for nerds. Calvin basically wants to BE Flava Flav. Well… maybe he’ll give you a cute nickname. Like Hoops.

The I-Didn’t-Know-Your-Last-Class-Got-Out-At-3:50-I’m-Just-Cutting-Through-The-Arts-and-Science-Building-To-Get-To-The-Bookstore Move

Nothing is quite as Disney Channel Original Movie as the not-so-surprised run-in. Oh! I didn’t expect to see you here! I’m just meeting a friend. On a Wednesday. You know, during a passing period. Wearing skinny jeans and a clingy American Apparel V-neck when I usually just rough it in my Target-brand track shorts. But that’s so funny that I ran into you. It’s not like I’ve been intently studying the vending machine down the hall for the past seven minutes so I appear to have a purpose for loitering outside your lecture hall. Want a Gardetto?

The Drag-Half-Your-Friends-To-His-Frat/Party/Acapella Concert Tactic

After deciding that maybe telling your girls it’s a white trash themed event when it’s really semi-formal is a little too cutthroat (hey, whatever makes you look cute in comparison), you enlist a small posse to accompany you to his social setting of choice. Once there, you laugh loudly, take pictures, dance like a video extra, and essentially let that love interest know that you are hilarious, photogenic, and Sasha Fierce 2.0. It’s probably best that you rely on the look, look away eye contact. It’s a classic, and not THAT creepy. Right? Right. Bonus points for flirting with other guys, because that’s obviously a perfectly logical way to win him over.

Okay, so this crazy in love deal can’t be just me. What’s the most ridiculous, potentially embarrassing thing you’ve done in the name of crushing? “Check yes or no” notes? Personalized tee-shirts?

If you’re attracted to your professor, it can be painful to fight the urge to flirt shamelessly with him. However, is breaching the student-teacher conduct worth it? And better yet, is it safe?

The downside to flirting with your professor is that you have to be subtle. When he asks, “Any questions?” You can’t blurt out, “Would you like to make out with me?” Likewise, the lines, “I’ve lost my number, can I borrow yours,” “Are you tired? Because you’ve been running through my mind all day,” and “Nice shoes. Wanna f*ck” are inappropriate.

Even being subtle can be difficult, since, chances are, if he’s really that hot, all of the other girls in class have noticed. So if you’re idea of flirting with a prof is to memorize all of the reading assignments and raise your hands twelve times in a 50-minute lecture, the other girls are going to recognize your feeble attempts, and you’ll be labeled a suck-up or a teacher’s pet. And if he nicely asks you to give someone else a chance to participate, you will feel your heart shatter into bitty pieces and fume when he compliments Betty Jean’s insightful answer.

Like any man, you have to learn to read your crush before you can establish whether you will get anywhere by flirting. Sure, it could happen. But even if you think he’s vibing you, making a pass could result in utter embarrassment, an awkward rest-of-the-term, or a violation of student conduct. Sure, if he’s one of those laid-back teachers with a sense of humor, you can crack jokes laced with innuendos and brush it off, but those professors are few and far between, and you still need to be careful not to cross the line.

The bottom line is, do you really think a relationship could work? After all, your grade lies in his hands. If he grades you fairly and you don’t like the mark, it could start a fight – it was his fault you couldn’t do your homework, after all – and if he grades you on your extracurricular activities, you don’t deserve your GPA. What about after the course, when he keeps his hectic teaching/grading schedule and you just want to run away for spring break? Or, in the worst case scenario, what if you wind up jeopardizing his career?

We’re all legal, consenting adults in college, so it can be difficult to draw the line between lust and completely inappropriate. Who knows, maybe he feels the same way, and will come on to you first! However, since your education is involved here, I recommend trusting your instincts and PROCEEDING WITH CAUTION.