Okay…so…don’t start screaming or anything, but this afternoon the House rejected Bush’s bailout plan and the Dow tumbled 705 points.

According to CNN.com, “Although another version of the plan will likely go before Congress, investors are concerned that passing the bill could be a more drawn-out process.”

Even though we recently interviewed an economically savvy insider, we’re still doing our best to keep from climbing out of our chairs and curling into the fetal position underneath our desks. While none of us in the CC office have enough money in the bank to worry that it won’t be insured, or enough money in the stock market to consider jumping out the window, we can’t help but worry that something drastic is happening.

But even though we are scared (and may or may not have consumed a large milkshake…out of FEAR) we do know what everyone should do to prevent a complete economic collapse/major emotional breakdown:

1. You should keep your money where it is. Do not take all that money out of the bank and store it in your Yaffa blocks; no matter how bad things get, that tiny lock on your dorm room door is still not a safer option.

2.  You should not freak out yet. Do not stop shopping, do not sell your stocks, do not head to the nearest Costco and stock up on canned tuna. Just keep living like you’re living. It’s when people stop doin’ their thing that the real economic sh*t hits the fan.

3. You should drink. Heavily. Go dancing, have a good time, then stimulate the economy buy loading up on pizza and breadsticks late night.

So here’s the sitch: John “I’m not dead yet” McCain likened Barack “Too Sexy for this presidency” Obama to Paris Hilton in one of his feeble attempts to get attention, or you know, “campaign,” which is pretty funny considering that McCain is married to a character who is very similar to Hilton. You know, blonde, looks like a leather handbag, is an heiress to a shit-ton of money but doesn’t really contribute other than being “umm, kinda good looking?”

I digress.

Anyway, the democrats got all pissy and whiney about the ad and made some comments that didn’t do anything to help the situation, but I’m sure they’re still whining about it, not being productive, you know, the usual. I didn’t really see the problem with the ad, mainly because I was psyched about Paris Hilton being president.

I’m not really wild about either candidate, so I’m going to have to say we all write-in Paris Hilton for president for 2008. Mostly, because who couldn’t do a better job than what’s his name? Also, because she would hopefully implement some great policies that would bring this country out of it’s depressing state.

She’s a perfect representative for America. She has tons of super sweet connections with people, even if the majority of her network is people she’s given blow jobs to. She’s concerned with appearances and does not approve of anything “not hot,” like terrorism, hate crimes, animal cruelty and flannel. She doesn’t seem to care about either the Democrat or Republican party, but she does party, thus making her the perfect middle ground this country needs. Read More »