Kwanzaa.

It’s definitely not an obscure holiday. Everyone knows the word (part of a Swahili phrase meaning “first fruits”) but it’s not the most mainstream one. Most likely, you didn’t learn about it in school. It didn’t get the Rugrats treatment like Hanukkah or Passover. And since it falls at the end of the year, its significance gets lost in a sea of jingle bells, menorahs and sequins. But we at College Candy refuse to let your brains rot in your winter boredom blahs, so we’re here to break down Kwanzaa for you.

What is it?

Kwanzaa is a week-long holiday, starting December 26 and going through January 6. It is a celebration of all African culture, but is primarily observed by African-Americans.

What is the story behind it?
Kwanzaa was created in 1966 by CSU-Long Beach professor Maulana Karenga. He was an active proponent of Pan-Africanism. This is a philosophy born in the 18th century. When Africans were sold into slavery, they were completely stripped of their culture. Over generations, it became difficult, especially for African-Americans, to trace their heritage back to their home country. Pan-Africanism seeks to unite all people of African descent around the world into a large global community by highlighting their shared historical experiences and cultural norms. In the 1960s, Pan-Africanism made a resurgence in the United States in conjunction with the civil rights movement, and Dr. Karenga established Kwanzaa as a way to embed Pan-Africanism into African-American culture. Kwanzaa was also rooted in a desire to give African-Americans a holiday of their own.

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Casually surfing the web this past week, I came across a recent New York Times article with the headline “Albanian Custom Fades: Woman as Family Man”. No offense to the Times, but it should have been called “The Impressive Story of the Sworn Virgins of Albania”. Albania is a mountainous agrarian country where blood feuds still wipe out large portions of the male population. In this very traditional society, women aren’t allowed to own guns and consequently have no means of protecting themselves once their husband, brother, or father is killed—nor do they have a way of avenging the death.

So they adapted. It was decided that a woman could become a man with full social privilege and respect—for the small price of lifelong virginity. For villagers such a concept seemed clear enough, after all a man’s life was worth the same as a virgin (12 oxen) while a woman’s life was only worth 6 oxen.

The article interviewed several so-called “sworn virgins”. One chose this path at the age of 20 following the murder of her father and death/imprisonment of her anti-regime brothers. For her it was a move of practicality — she states that if given the option now, she would probably choose to be a woman. That now with the influx of modernity being a woman might actually be “fun”. Read More »

This is one of the worst news stories I’ve ever, ever heard.

Two young boys in the Czech Republic were kept for months in a basement dungeon by their mother. Not only were they sexually and physically abused, naked in their own urine and chained up, they were also forced to cut themselves. Why? So that their mother could feed their raw flesh to their relatives.

The entire torture was conducted in accordance with text messages from the leader of their “religious” group, the Grail Movement. This leader is referred to only as “The Doctor.”

And this is a true story.

The mother, who is currently on trial, now claims that she was brainwashed. She says she’s sorry and doesn’t know how she could have done such things.

I don’t buy it for one second. You know how this was discovered? A neighbor caught it on his baby TV monitor. According to various articles, that is because the mother had her own TV monitor hooked up so that she could watch the boys while they were in agony whenever she felt like it. To me, there is no coming back from that.

Now the questions seem to be (1) will the court buy the “brainwashed” excuse, and (2) how far is a religious organization allowed to go in the name of their beliefs? Read More »

Dear Katie,

Remember when you used to smile? I mean, really smile. Not that Tom-Gets-Mad-If-I-Don’t-Grin smile. Remember when you dressed your age and actually spoke?

Where did those days go? Has Tom done something to your brain? He hasn’t lobotomized you, has he? I wouldn’t put it past that guy to have a complete lobotomizing room in his basement. Has he given you shock therapy? I know he wanted to buy his own ultrasound machine at one point, maybe he just had them throw the shocks in for free?

I was looking as some pictures of you recently, and I’ve noticed that all the joy has seeped away from your face. I’ve also noticed that you’ve started to dress like my mom—if my mom was super rich. This unsettles me because I’m pretty sure we’re the same age. Read More »