I have spent 8 years (not continuously) with my mouth between a dude’s legs, and while I finally know that I’m good at it (one fine young man – whose name I do not know – exclaimed, “Wow! That was good!”), I still don’t love all the work is involved. It kills my jaw, my neck, and I’d rather let the guy handle things on his own than risk lock jaw on a sweaty appendage.

And do I get paid back? Not often. Lots of guys I know and have “interacted” with really aren’t into making the trip downtown on a lady. “It’s so hard!” they say. “You don’t know what we’re dealing with down there!”

Um, excuse me? They think they have it hard (pun totes not intended)?

I decided to take this issue on myself with my favorite IMing male to see if we could work through our problems and come to some sort of truce for men and women everywhere. Will this entice more men to venture South? We can only hope.

Likey? Don’t worry, there are plenty more faves where this came from.

Talking sex with your doctor isn’t always easy. Whether you are afraid she will judge you,  you just don’t feel comfortable sharing the intimate details of your life between the sheets, or you can’t think straight with a speculum between your legs, many people get tight lipped in the doctor’s office. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have questions.

We thought we’d help and every Thursday our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin will be answering your questions. The ones you couldn’t ask your doctor in person. Just leave your questions in the comments, or send em over to us. (We’ll keep it all anonymous for you.) Dr. Lissa will answer anything – really, anything – about sex and other lady things. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: I’m a little concerned about the way things smell and taste downtown. It’s not like anyone has told me anything is funky down there, but I’ve had lots of guys perform oral sex on me once and never do it again. What can I do to clean it up (you know, if that is the problem)?

A: Truth be told, it may have nothing to do with you at all.  Some guys are hesitant to give oral sex because they feel clueless.  Maybe they felt they didn’t pleasure you and question their technique? Did you communicate that you liked it? If they give it their all and you don’t appear to like it, this may trigger a guy’s own insecurities. So if you’re not doing this already, give him a few oohs and aahs to let him know you like his style.

If you’re already doing that, it’s possible that they guys don’t like your smell or taste. For some, it’s an acquired taste, but keep in mind: real men love giving a girl pleasure. If he’s not going down on you, it may have nothing to do with you. Some guys are just selfish and would rather focus on their own pleasure during sex. If that’s the case, there are plenty of guys that I’m sure are dying to go down on you. I suggest communicating with your partner. Ask why you’re not getting any. Be honest about how you feel and tell your partner that you like oral sex and want to get more of it.

 In case he admits that he doesn’t like your smell or taste, here are a few tips:

1. See a doctor to make sure you don’t have bacterial vaginosis, a vaginal infection that can make you smell suspiciously like salmon. (And not the delicious smoked variety.)

2. Shower before sex. What’s not to love about a freshly bathed coochie?

3. Use baby wipes after you pee or poo. They do a better job of removing potentially smelly bacteria than toilet paper alone.

4. Watch what you eat, drink and smoke. Although there’s not a lot of science behind it, rumor has it that what you eat affects how you smell and taste. Cigarettes, marijuana, and alcohol may make you taste bitter, while red meat, dairy, garlic, onion, curry, broccoli, asparagus, spinach and multivitamins may make you taste salty or sharp.  Vegetables high in chlorophyll, such as wheat grass, parsley, and celery are reputed to make you taste sweeter, as are spices like cinnamon, peppermint, cardamon, and lemon. Eating fruit may also sweeten your taste. Drinking lots of water helps too. Vegan diets, particularly diets high in raw vegetables and fruit, are reputed to make you taste fresh and sweet. Is this true? All I can say is that my husband swears that my taste improved after switching to a largely raw vegan diet.

5. If all else fails, try flavored lubricants. Chocolate pussy, anyone?

 If you feel insecure about how you might smell or taste, let me remind you that we all have our own smell and taste. Assuming you’re bathing and don’t have an infection, your lover should love your smell and taste, just the way it is. I’ll leave you with the wise words of Eve Ensler, author of The Vagina Monologues.

 “My vagina doesn’t need to be cleaned up. It smells good already. Don’t try to decorate. Don’t believe him when he tells you it smells like rose petals when it’s supposed to smell like pussy. That’s what they’re doing, trying to clean it up, make it smell like bathroom spray or a garden. All those douche sprays- floral, berry, rain. I don’t want my pussy to smell like rain. All cleaned up like washing a fish after you cook it. I want to taste the fish. That’s why I ordered it.”

 I say, “Amen, sister!”

–Dr. Lissa Rankin’s book, What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend, will be published by St. Martin’s Press in Fall 2010. She invites you to join her Pink online community (www.owningpink.com/forum) or read more of her writing at Owning Pink (www.owningpink.com).

Last week I gave some pointers about how we girls can kick ass in the bedroom. This week, it’s the boys’ turn. My boyfriend is, by far, the best sex/oral I’ve ever had, and for a while I was actually freaked out that he would spoil me for life. To solve that issue, I had him write a guide on how to please to a woman (that I could assign as homework to any future boyfriends).

Since I don’t see myself dating anyone else any time soon (this Natasha Bedingfield song is totally my life right now), I’ve decided to share it with all of you so that someone will benefit from all this hard work.. So here it is, courtesy of Mr. Amazing himself, and edited with some careful consideration by yours truly.

Lesson One: Oral Stimulation

Kelly Says: Oral stimulation is ALL about the clitoris. Know it, love it, lavish it.

The Boy’s Guide:

1. Stimulate the area with your tongue, but do not apply direct contact to the magic spot until the end. Most women are too sensitive for direct contact right away, and the longer you tease her, the better she will feel in the end.

2. IMPORTANT: feel out what she likes. Pay attention to her bodily responses to various types of strokes and methods. It’s really not that difficult if you focus on her pleasure, rather than waiting for your own.

Lesson Two: Intercourse

Kelly Says: There’s much more to sex than in-and-out motion. Every girl will have different preferences, so try out different types of movements and notice how she responds.

The Boy’s Moves:

1. Ski Down The Mountain: Move your pelvis from side to side as you enter her, so that you enter her at alternating angles each time.

2.  Indicate Your Turn: Enter from the same angle a couple times in a row, hard and fast.

3. Drop The Hammer: Come almost all the way out of her then push all the way in.

4.  Search For Infinity: Make an infinity (sideways 8 ) with the pelvis. This will hit her g-spot and drive. her. crazy.

Lesson Three: Afterward

Kelly Says: The boy didn’t include this in his guide, but I think it’s too important to ignore: Intimacy doesn’t end when the intercourse does. Most women get a surge of oxytocin after orgasm, which makes them crave a bonding connection. You may want to roll over and fall asleep, but give her at least a few minutes of kisses and cuddling.

So there you go, time to go track down your man-of-the-hour and try it out for yourself. Keep in mind, though: good sex is a journey, not a destination. Keep trying new things and you’ll keep finding things you enjoy even more than the last!

We’ve always heard that it is far better to give than to receive, but does that hold up in the bedroom? Is it really better to give a little lovin’ than to get it!?

Sure, I like the power I have over a man when I venture south for the evening and the knowledge that I made him very (verrry) happy, but that doesn’t mean I don’t expect a little somethin’ somethin’ in return. Is it really fair to take (and, in some cases, demand in the form of pushing) and never to reciprocate? And why do so many damn guys do that?

Man up, dudes!

Let’s see what my boy friend (notice the space there, ladies) had to say.

Say WHAT?!?!?

I couldn’t believe it. How could you not enjoy something that is completely and totally dedicated to your pleasure, and yours alone? Surely she was alone in this, I thought. Not so! As soon as the question was posed, a definite majority of the group was on her side! Some disliked it altogether, some liked it OK but were pretty “meh” about the whole concept, and I was the only holdout for it being truly awesome.

I have to say, ladies, I just don’t get it. When I got curious, I was presented with a few primary reasons for these women not being crazy about someone heading downtown.

1. “I worry he doesn’t like doing it.”
A valid concern, on the surface: no one wants to put someone they love/like/lust after in an awkward position. But dig a little deeper for a minute, if you will. I don’t love the physical act of giving a blow job, but I love love love how good I can make someone feel when I do it! Isn’t that the point of all this? If he doesn’t care about making you feel good, then forget him. Seriously. Now.

2. “I’m self-conscious about the appearance/smell/yadda yadda yadda of my ladyparts.”
Are you naked? ‘Cause he won’t notice anything else. But seriously, folks, I know that if I am in need of a little yardwork, I am uncomfortable with someone getting too close down there.  With a little maintenance, it’s a non-issue. And that’s just me: you may prefer more or less, all or nothing at all.  Maintain what YOU like, not what you think someone else will find attractive. It’s subjective, anyway, and any man who has specific opinions on your pubic hair should really get over it.  Even if he does have opinions, they should be a preference, not a deal-breaker. If you’re still feeling fidgety, remember: women all have the same bits, and you probably look and smell much like the rest of us ladies, and any man worth his salt knows and appreciates this.

3. “I don’t enjoy it all that much. I just prefer sex.”
My working theory is that this stems from one of the first two reasons, which can distract you so entirely from the present moment that you won’t enjoy anything at all. But if you really just think it doesn’t feel good, then, well, I didn’t want to get all “you’ve just never been with someone who was good at it” on you, but you’ve just never been with someone who was good at it. Bad oral sex is….pretty bad. Pretty useless, at best.  Men who are too rough, or fast, or seem to think that imitating porn stars is the way to go just need a little direction.  If the usual strategically placed moans don’t work, most men dig it if you tell them what you want. Honestly, if you can tell him “ohhhh do that again,” or “I love it when you…” you’re golden. It might feel like awkward dirty talk at first, but trust me, it’ll get the job done and probably turn him on in the process. Everybody wins!

It is incredible to have someone focused entirely on making you feel amazing (and trust me, that is different than someone who is just trying to warm you up so he can get his groove on. Forget that guy also. Immediately.). You give, should you not also have the chance to lay back, relax and receive? On top of it being an incredible orgasm on its own, oral sex makes any sex that follows utterly toe-curling, because you are so revved up and ready to go. That is one of the little gifts of being a woman: the first orgasm only prepares you for the next one.

If you think you don’t like it, try it again.  You don’t know what you’re missing.

Take a minute. Catch your breath. Reread if you don’t believe it.

I’m sorry, but I’ve never enjoyed oral sex. I have no problem doling it out, but there are only a couple of men whom I’ve allowed to walk the red carpet, and they’ve only had the privilege on rare occasions.

My aversion to cunnilingus, I feel, stems from low self esteem and a rather horrific first time. I was shy and inexperienced, and losing my virginity was no Cinderella story. After that, it was a long time before I had vaginal sex again, but I did dole out my fair share of blow jobs. Go figure.

Looking back, I think it was a control issue. I had little control over my first time, and to me, going down on a guy was controlling. I was calling the shots. I could get him off. He was the one lying on the bed, losing his mind to ecstatic climax (sorry, I am damn good at fellatio). With regular sex, I felt like the power was equal. My partner and I were both simultaneously trying to please the other, while experiencing our own euphoric physical feelings. It was okay to give away my body, because it was a fair trade

I told myself I was like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. You know, the prostitute that doesn’t kiss on the lips because she has to save something to prove her feelings when she finally falls in love. I had boyfriends, and I was sexually active, but I knew that I wanted to save something for the first time I fell in love. And since I was most insecure with being eaten out, cunnilingus became my “kiss on the lips.”

However, eventually I overcame whatever traumas I dealt with when I first started experimenting. And I finally found the man I was comfortable enough with to allow him to explore the depths that no man had gone before. And… it was disappointing.

For the ladies who have received mind-blowing oral sex, I’m sure you are shaking your head, thinking of all of the wonderful orgasms you’ve had thanks to a few flicks of the tongue. But for me, it’s just not arousing. I think it’s way hotter to feel my partner’s body in tandem with my own, being able to touch him and feel his heart beating next to mine. Lying there, letting him try to get me off and knowing it’s not that great for him just doesn’t do it.

I’m not saying I’m opposed, and I’m sure there will be other serious boyfriends who can try to get me off orally. But it’s not something I am longing for, nor is it something I’m missing in my life. I’d rather ride on top any day.

I have spent 8 years (not continuously) with my mouth between a dude’s legs, and while I finally know that I’m good at it (one fine young man – whose name I do not know – exclaimed, “Wow! That was good!”), I still don’t love all the work is involved. It kills my jaw, my neck, and I’d rather let the guy handle things on his own than risk lock jaw on a sweaty appendage.

And do I get paid back? Not often. Lots of guys I know and have “interacted” with really aren’t into making the trip downtown on a lady. “It’s so hard!” they say. “You don’t know what we’re dealing with down there!”

Um, excuse me? They think they have it hard (pun totes not intended)?

I decided to take this issue on myself with my favorite IMing male to see if we could work through our problems and come to some sort of truce for men and women everywhere. Will this entice more men to venture South? We can only hope.

Let's see...]

DAY ONE

7:05 a.m. Boyfriend wakes me up to kiss me before he goes to work, like he does every morning. Like every morning, I feel guilty about my morning breath, but he doesn’t seem to mind.

3:45 Boyfriend comes home early and suggests a quickie.

3:46 Boyfriend catches my unenthusiastic response and tells me never mind. I feel awful, as I do every time I turn him down, but I’ve been cleaning all day without a shower and I had just finished an hour of wii fit so I was sore. I promise him that I’ll make it up to him later that night.

1:22 a.m. Come home from seeing a friend’s band play. Still too sore and tired for sex, so I offer him a blow job as soon as we get home.

1:23 He tells me, and I quote, “I’m okay right now, but thanks”. I wonder if I am ever supposed to get to a point in a relationship where I don’t take these things personally. I need to let it go.

2:33 Boyfriend tries to have sex, but I’m absolutely exhausted. I roll over to take one for the team, so to speak, but boyfriend again tells me never mind. I start to get angry now because I feel like he’s having a hissy fit.

DAY TWO

8:10 a.m. Boyfriend wakes up like nothing happened the night before to tell me about the dream he just had.

8:12 I tell him about the horrific dream I had, that we had a baby. To the baby’s credit, he was remarkably well behaved. His name was Malcolm (after Malcolm McDowell) and it turns out at the end of the dream, that we were just being tested to see if we were fit parents and we failed. Angela Bassett came and took little Malcolm back to the baby factory and I was sad.

11:45 a.m. We finally do have sex, doggie-style behind an open window in our bedroom. Boyfriend has discovery fantasies, and likes people to watch. I don’t, but having sex in front of a window seems harmless enough, so I humor him.

DAY THREE

8 a.m. Wake up not as sore and up for some morning nookie but boyfriend is still asleep

10:00 Boyfriend is still asleep so I look up some internet porn, but it’s too early for me to be too especially into it.

NOON Boyfriend is still asleep so I put in Pride and Prejudice for a little literary porn.

1:00 p.m. Boyfriend is awake, but I don’t feel like having sex anymore

8:12 Finally feel like having sex after watching a documentary called Sex With Strangers. I even sort of feel like having sex with a stranger, the documentary makes it sound like a hoot.

8:23 Have a mid-cunnilingus conversation about trying a foursome, but quickly realize that I’m not quite that well adjusted.

8:45 I go down on him and then we have sex in our recliner in the living room (again, discovery fantasies) me on top.

DAY FOUR

11 a.m. Enjoying day off from work by floating down the river

1 p.m. Covertly feel boyfriend up underwater. He reminds me that the river is freshwater and thusly very cold, but I don’t mind.

6:00 Get home to realize that we are both sunburned within an inch of our lives, thus ruining any chance of anything sexual for a couple of days at least

6:30 As physical contact is too painful, I get to touch boyfriend only when I rub aloe on his back, chest, and arms.

9:30 Fall asleep on totally different sides of the bed, miserable, with only our hands touching.

Day FIVE

7:15 a.m. Wake up to a morning kiss. I feel like someone has barbequed me. No nooky today. Stick a fork in me, I’m done.

8:30 Have to wear the only dress that doesn’t irritate my sunburn to work. Which just happens to show off my sunburned boobs to perfection.

10:00 Wonder if the IT guy that just walked by was gawking at my lobster suit or my huge red boobs.

5:30 p.m. Boyfriend gets home and we kiss without touching any parts of our bodies. I rub him down with aloe a la sensual massage and give him some ibuprofen. He rubs me down very slowly and then bites my earlobe and I curse the sun and my nearly-albino skin.

DAY SIX

9 a.m. I start to feel a lot better, think about surprising boyfriend with a blowjob when he gets home.

3:30 p.m. Work is driving me crazy so I go home early and masturbate. Decide that I’m definitely going to jump boyfriend when he gets home.

5:00 I feel achy and crappy again, but its been a couple of days since we’ve been intimate so I decide to brave it and definitely surprise boyfriend with a blow job.

6:00 Boyfriend comes home after awful day and his sunburn has made him all itchy, so I doubt he wants blow job.

1 a.m. Boyfriend’s sunburn itch is now unbearable, so I wake up and run to the pharmacy to get him an antihistamine.

1:20 a.m. I spray him down and he feels better almost immediately. He mumbles something about how much he loves me and that I’ve saved his life and falls asleep.

DAY SEVEN

8:30 a.m.-Wake up, decide to skip out on work today and look up shirtless pictures of Mike Rowe. It’s a dirty job, but someone’s got to do it.

9:00 Decide that if I’m not going go to work, that I should spend day more constructively, so I turn on Dirty Jobs while I clean and do some writing

11:30 Wonder with some alarm if my new celebrity obsession means I’m in to older men.

11:31 Realize that I’ve never dated or slept with a younger man (to my knowledge, at least)

5:30 Boyfriend gets home, and I give him a quick sweaty kiss while I‘m playing wii fit.

8:30 Too sore from Wii Fit to have sex

10:00 Fall asleep at a pathetically early hour while watching Dirty Jobs.

Totals: one act of masturbation, one act of fellatio, one act of cunnilingus, two acts of attempted fellatio, two acts of intercourse, one act of underwater petting.

We’ve all been there. Things are going well, he’s got a good rhythm going, and then somewhere along the line, he’s doing that thing that you hate.

You shift your hips, clear your throat, wiggle around, but for some reason, can’t bring yourself to speak up and say, “uh, about 2 inches to your left, buddy.”

Five minutes later, you’ve given up and are mentally compiling your to-do list until it’s over.

The more my friends and I started complaining to each other about this, the more I realized just how big of a problem it is. One friend of mine has just resigned herself to that idea that as much as she loves her boyfriend, it’s just not going to happen. EVER.

Another is convinced that there’s something wrong with her. But guess what? According to sex advice column Ask Dan and Jennifer, just only 7.7% of women who experience more than 21 minutes of properly rendered foreplay fail to reach an orgasm. The key word here is “properly.”

Maybe it’s just too many years of Sex and the City influence, but my girl friends and I talk about going down all the time—suction, speed, tips and tricks. We’re eager to please.

Hell, even my gay guy friends joins in for a guy’s perspective. So, what about our boyfriends (or un-boyfriends)?

But apparently, this conversation isn’t happening across town at guys’ poker night, as evidenced by the scores of unsatisfied women out there. Men, listen up. According to Dan and Jennifer, 81% of women regularly achieve orgasm from oral sex, versus only 25% from traditional vaginal penetration.

If my math is correct, men should be spending a lot more time and effort down below. Discuss with your friends. Read a book. Study porn. Do something. Don’t get me wrong, I always appreciate the effort made. That slightly confused look of determination is really cute…but let’s be honest, determination alone doesn’t get anyone off. And there are 8,000 nerve endings in a woman’s clitoris, more than on the head of the penis. There’s a lot of potential for pleasure there!

Of course, us ladies need to speak up a bit too and perhaps let him know that he’s about half a foot from where he should be. But you know what? We do just fine with minimal instruction from our men, so I think it’s only fair to just want him to figure it out by himself. It kind of kills the mood when you need to bark orders at him like a drill sergeant and put a metronome at the foot of the bed in order to get off.

Although it’s not 100% provable, there’s a big movement that claims drinking a glass of pineapple juice a day may sweeten semen.

Since what comes out of us can only be made up of what goes into us, our “secretions” (horrible word) tend to change slightly depending on what we eat.

Dairy and certain types of meat are supposed to make things not-so-nice, while pineapple juice and “high grade alcoholic drinks” are said to make things sweeter.

Illustrating the history behind this news, Jezebel recently found a Del Monte pineapple juice ad from the 1930’s with italics in all the right places:

“Cater to his fondness for flavor” the ad urges homemakers, “…men like the rich, ripe taste of this juice…the bracing refreshment it always brings…and so will you.”

I may not know much, but I know vague references to cunnilingus when I see it.