Let me say this: I continue to have a bitter distaste for Dan, and Chuck remains (by far) my total fave. AND Lily gained some cool points tonight too. If you missed it, stop reading now, turn on your DVR, and watch. And if you watched, feel free to comment on your favorite part of last night’s stellar ep.

The show started with the usual Yale bullsh*t. Blah blah blah, aren’t they in yet, already? No, they aren’t. And there’s a certain new, young, hot teacher who is going to rock everyone’s world. Anybody else think it’s weird that Serena instantly becomes her new Shakespeare teacher’s bff? I mean, I had teachers I was tight with, but not to this degree. And, a note to Ms. Carr, never tell your students it’s your first salaried gig. That’s just asking for it.

As the Yale-shizz unravels, Serena laments to Dan that she is afraid that she’ll get into Yale, and Blair won’t. Presumptuous? Or foreshadowing?

This week’s weekly party is the opera gala. Seriously? That’s not nearly as exciting as the white party. But I suppose it’ll do, since Jack has already thrown Chuck’s dead father into the mix. We all know that Chuck was had by Jack last week, but is he going to take that? Hell. No.  And you gotta love Lily in this ep for making it happen.

So, on the Yale train, Dan gets in, Serena gets in, Blair gets waitlisted, and Ms. Carr threatens to destroy B’s GPA by not inflating grades.  Which obviously infuriates Blair.  And because S. apparently has a girl-crush on “Rachel,” (who calls high school teachers by their first names?), she declines Yale so B. can take her spot.

Of course, Blair can’t let it rest, so she instigates a plan to hurt Rachel’s feelings, only to find out that Rachel put in a good word for her at school.  Though she does try to fix it, Rachel’s pissed, and calls the headmistress to report Blair, putting the Queen Bee in detention.  For real. This can’t be good.

And then we get to the yelling-at-the-tv-thing.  Lily and Bart were planning on adopting each others’ kids to be a “real family.” And Bart signed the papers before he died.  So, Lily’s signature will make her Chuck’s guardian and thwart Jack’s douchey plans.  SERIOUSLY. AWESOME. When that happened, I looked at the clock: 8:45.  And I knew there was still 15 minutes of major dramz to come.

Obviously pissed off, the crazy Jack tries to rape Lily in the bathroom of the opera.  That’s a Lifetime Original Movie all in itself.   Chuck interrupts, punches Jack in the face, and tells Lily, “This doesn’t mean we’re family.  Just even.” GOD I love you, CB.

At the close of the episode, Ms. Carr runs into Dan in Brooklyn for a cappucino.  The fact that she was in Teach for America, and hot, and obviously written into the GG script to create tension makes me bet on a tumultuous Pacey-Witter-inspired affair bewteen Ms. Carr and Dan.  Can’t wait for that.  But be careful, Rachel, because Blair has officially waged war on you.  And a slip up such as Dan Humphrey could make it oh-so-easy.

Jenny’s resolution, apparently, was to finish high school…but she’s dropped the “Little J” business and makes it her goal to save Nelly from Blair’s Queen Bee squad. She recruits Eric and Nelly to take over the “cool” table, and, since Blair’s having a Bass-induced breakdown, J manages to win the upper hand. Ironically, when Nelly realizes that Jenny has no hope of stealing Blair’s crown, she runs back to the popular kids. Ha, ha, ha. What satire!

Meanwhile, the writers took advantage of GG’s break to make a clean break from Serena’s art-beau, Aaron, who doesn’t even get a sappy break-up scene. (Thank God.) Instead, it seems that S. just flat out left him in Buenos Aires when she realized that Lily and Rufus weren’t shacking up and that she could bang Dan without feeling incestuous. Rufus, of course, is less than happy to find Serena and Dan blissfully happy. Remember last month’s cliffhanger? “Was it a boy or a girl?” We find out that it was a boy, and that Lily put him up for adoption and relinquished her rights to ever search for him, much to Rufus’s dismay.

Chuck, still wallowing in the aftermath of his father’s untimely death, has become a zombie that not even Blair can seem to crack. So, he brings a joint to school and breaks the news to Dan that he has an illegitimate half-brother out there somewhere. Blair remains faithful to her shell of a man-crush, and even tries to act as his guardian when he’s summoned to the office for smoking hash in the hallways (how cute), but then the mysterious new character, Uncle Jack, interrupts and takes responsibility. What does Jack have up his sleeve?

Just before her party, it seems that Blair is ready to wash her hands of Chuck, though she insists, “I’m not abandoning Chuck. I’m just saving myself.” I actually believed her. But I guess when someone almost falls to their death in a drunken stupor, you have to let yourself care again, at least a little.

The ending was sweet, I think, when Chuck finally climbs down and into savior-Blair’s arms, but to me, after all of the “say the words” games we had to suffer through last semester, it was anti-climatic. Especially since a dramatic tension still lingers between Blair and Uncle Jack. Of course, this is the GG style. Wrap up some of the old loose ends (the explanation of Lily’s first kid) and leave a lot of room for the drama to snowball into the inevitable avalanche that will be the season finale.

Welcome back, Upper East Siders. My Monday nights are back! Although…my Chace Crawford cravings have yet to be satisfied.

Okay, every other time I’ve written about screaming at the TV during Gossip Girl is officially taken back. Because tonight was the night for throwing sh*t in the living room during obsessive fits of GG excitement.Warning to fans who missed the episode (and if you did, I hope you had a good excuse – like finding Chace Crawford naked in your dorm after class or something): there will be spoilers in about two seconds. Major. Spoilers.

Before I get to the real juice, can I just ask if anyone else noticed the “dress” Serena wore to Eleanor and Cyrus’ wedding? Girlfriend needed some pants. Or at least the rest of her skirt.

Yes, tonight was a night of new beginnings in the wake of the death of Bart Bass. The funeral prompted Cyrus to ask Eleanor to get hitched ASAP. It prompted Lily and Rufus to plan to admit their love, and for Serena to encourage Lily to run off with Rufus. And it prompted Serena to run off to Buenos Aires with Aaron. And Aaron to tell S. that he’s falling in love with her, which might have been more romantic if it didn’t immediately follow his suggestion that their first time together be in the airplane bathroom.

But seriously, all that is trivial. Tonight was Leighton Meester’s chance to shine, as ALL the good parts centered around Blair.

Obviously, Chuck is a mess after losing his dad. He and Dan have a showdown at the funeral, where a wasted (would we expect anything less?) Chuck tells Dan that Bart’s death was Dan’s fault. It was actually refreshing to see Ed Westwick have a chance to expand his acting range beyond that cold, throaty whisper he always uses. Anyway, Blair is trying to be there for Chuck, and chasing him, and chasing him… and THEN.

Chuck: You are not my girlfriend.

Blair: But I am me. And you are you. Blair and Chuck. Chuck and Blair.

Blair: I will stand by you through anything.

Chuck: Why would you do that?

Blair: Because… I love you.

Chuck: Well, that’s too bad.

Okay, readers and GG fans. Take a minute to scream, throw pillows, jump on furniture. This recap will continue when you’re ready.

Tonight’s ep made waiting for “the words” to come out totally worth it. And Chuck’s douchey response was more than perfect. Wait, why would “Well, that’s too bad” be perfect? Because it sets up the NEXT best scene of the whole CW season. Towards the end of the ep, Blair walks into her bedroom to find Chuck sitting on her bed.

“What are you doing here?” she demands. And he turns to look at her, and looks like total sh*t. And then she holds him. The bitchy Queen B. and the heartless Chuck Bass with tears streaming down his face. Now that, my friends, is teen drama at its finest.

Of course, GG can’t end there. Lily’s mom pays a visit to Rufus, to convince him not to go off with Lily. Though the Blair-Chuck scenario takes the cake by far, the question of what Lily was really doing in that hospital keeps popping up. It seems that Mrs. Van der Woodsen lets the cat out of the bag, in order to convince Rufus to stay away. When Rufus goes to meet Lily, he only has one question. “Was it a boy or a girl?”

I guess since I usually put the old-people plotlines on the backburner, I took it for granted that Lily had probably tried to pull an Eric and kill herself. Was it for an abortion after all? Nice curveball, writers, and just enough of a shocker to get our minds off of Chuck and Blair for a second…

That is, until the ep cuts to Blair, waking up in her bed to a note from Chuck that reads, “I’m sorry for everything. You deserve better. Don’t find me.”

And now we’re expected to wait until January 5, 2009.

Thank you, GG writers. You’ve officially made it impossible for any of us to sit down, crack the books, and get ready for finals.

Last night’s GG episode was pretty freaking juicy. Within the first 30-seconds, we knew what party (the Senior Snowball) would be the scene of all of the cut-throat drama, and the snowball just kept rolling from there.Here’s the rundown (of the first 5 minutes):

Blair doesn’t know who to bring the Snowball, Serena meets Aaron’s ex-slash-Dan’s-instant-Snowball-date (who wants to bang Dan… go figure), and Vanessa is acting shady… could it be because after stealing Nate’s letter to Jenny, she’s been creeping with Sexkitten Archibald? After that spiel to Jenny about friendship coming first? Oh, snap. You know Gossip Girl is going to spill that news.

In other news, one of Blair’s cliquesters, Penelope, gets a lot of screen time in this ep, as she commissions the out-of-work Jenny to make her dress for the Snowball. Penelope, I know you and Jenny aren’t friends, but you should take the stick out of your a** before asking someone to do you a last minute favor. Just saying. (Editor’s Note: And didn’t Jenny get back at Penelope by designing the ugliest dress of all time? Seriously? That sh*t was nasty.)

After GG publicizes a smooch between V and Nate, Penelope serves as a driving force behind J’s revenge scheme…because, after all, “Vanessa shouldn’t be fishing in ‘her’ pond.” Apparently Penelope didn’t get the message that Nate is over the Rich Clique, after being on Blair’s tight leash since pre-school. Also, she kinda sucks.

Though Jenny and Vanessa deserve credit for their brief catfight, Blair and Chuck steal the show (yet again) when they make a bet and agree to find each other dates to Snowball. If Blair wins, she gets access to Chuck’s limo for a month. If Chuck wins, he gets Blair’s maid. Wasn’t slavery abolished a few hundred years ago? Not in Waldorf world? Okay, just checking.

The Snowball finally arrives, and Blair and Chuck have set each other up with the most Chuck- and Blair-esque kids in school, respectively. How ironic when their pawns end up falling for each other? Vanessa dons a see-through dress to the ball, courtesy of Jenny Humphrey’s bitchy side. And, just as planned, the whole school sees right through it. And the world ends.

Seriously? I don’t think that’s that bad– I mean, for one, it’s not like Vanessa decided to skip the skivvies, and she happens to have a hot bod. How is barely a semi-flash to the school comparable to a Janet Jackson experience? Was there a nipple slip that I missed while spooning the last of my ice cream out of the carton?

So, Vanessa cries, and Nate is disappointed in Jenny. Vanessa and Nate get a couple of heartfelt monologues, fueled by plenty of tears, and sealed with an almost sexy smooch (there was dripping snot/tears, which sorta ruined things for me).

Meanwhile, Chuck asks Blair to dance:

“What’s the point, Chuck? We’re never going to be them.”

“I don’t want to lose what we have.”

“What do we have, Chuck? Tell me.”

“Tonight.”

Now that is the shizz GG is made of. Where were the Chucks of the world when I was in high school?

Also getting their moment of sap, Dan and Serena have a sex talk about moving on from their long-dissolved relationship. Just in case anyone out there actually cares about Dan’s pathetic sex life. Yawn.

Can we get back to Chuck? After Lily confesses to Rufus that she’s going to divorce Bart, Chuck has yet another moment when he tells Lily that she was good for the family, and that he always liked her, no matter how she acted.

Speaking of Bart: just as someone was rumored to die tonight, Lily gets a phone call. Mr. Bass has been in an accident. And we won’t find out what happens for another whole week. But when we do, it’s gonna be even juicier.

Did anyone else feel like their world turned upside-down last night, what with NO GOSSIP GIRL ep on the CW? I personally didn’t know what to do with myself, so I worked off my weekly-dose-of-Chace-Crawford- cravings on the elliptical for an hour. Maybe when the season ends, I too can have a Blake Lively body. Yeah right.

Since, sadly, there was no new episode to recap last night, I thought I’d do a brief refresher on what has unraveled so far this season. Feel free to post your fave GG moments of the year below, since there is simply too much for me to fit into one little post!

Nate Archibald

Early season partner: Catherine, the married cougar who turned out to be a Duchess. Nate walked the fine line between “partner” and “prostitute” with Catherine, after Catherine paid off some of Nate’s family’s debt in order to keep her sexy young stallion around.

Mid-season partner: Well… early-mid-season, Nate had a mini-fling with Vanessa, until Catherine scared V off. Then there was the hot Yale girl, who Nate posed as none other than Dan Humphrey for, in order to get into her lofted bed.

Current partner: After Nate kissed Jenny, the internet was ablaze with fans who couldn’t believe the plot twist, due to the real-life age difference between Chace Crawford and baby Taylor Momsen. Nate later bounced, but Jenny still appears to have his heart.

Season Shocker: After Daddy Archibald tries to get Nate to flee to the Dominican Republic, Nate convinces his felon-father to turn himself into the FBI. (And his dad’s tragic mini mustache.)

Blair Waldorf

Early season partner: Marcus, the seemingly boring dude who turned out to be royalty…and Catherine’s stepson…and Catherine’s other lover.

Mid-season partner: B. and Chuck have been playing some of the steamiest love scenes on primetime TV, but they’re currently trying to stay cooled off.

Season shocker: Blair being nice to Jenny on Thanksgiving, after trying ruthlessly to destroy Little J’s budding fashion career as Mrs. Waldorf’s apprentice (ironically, Little J. ended that gig on her own accord).

Serena Van der Woodsen

Early season partner: Nobody. Then Dan again. Then nobody again. Then some loser dude for five minutes, in order to make Danny jeaous. Then nobody again.

Current partner: Aaron, the polygamous art-dude who is willing to try monogamy (and sobriety) with the lovely Miss S.

Season shocker: Serena’s brief stint as the bitchy Queen Bee she used to be.

Chuck Bass

Early season partner: A myriad of nameless women.

Mid-season partner: After a flicker of interest in Vanessa, Chuck must have gotten blue balls from the frequently panty-clad, in-heat Blair Waldorf. But it was his idea for he and B. not to go to the next level.

Season shocker: There are so many to choose from! This has totally been Chuck’s season. I think my favorite woah moment from CB has to be when he told Blair, “I’ve chased you long enough. Now it’s your turn to chase me.” That was so hot.

Jenny Humphrey

Early season partner: Eleanor Waldorf’s design shop. Jenny was pretty much married to it.

Mid-season partner: Model Agnes was lined up to be J’s business partner…until she went crazy and burned Jenny’s dresses on the street. Whoops.

Current partner: Nate, though she doesn’t know it. After telling Vanessa she doesn’t want a guy to come in between their friendship, V stole the love letter Nate wrote to poor, innocent Jenny.

Season shocker: The head-to-toe punk-chic makeover that happened overnight.

Dan Humphrey:

Early season partner: Nobody. Then Serena. Then nobody.

Mid-season partner: There was that bookworm chick that was one of Chuck’s pawn. I don’t even remember what happened with that… mostly because I tend to forget every Dan Humphrey plot line.

Season shocker: Dan opening his mouth and saying something to accidentally get someone else into hot water. Oh wait. That’s expected.

Vanessa Abrams (Yes, she has a last name!)

Early season partner: Nate. Until Catherine blackmailed her to stay away.

Mid-season partner: Sparks seemed to fly between V. and Chuck. Until Blair doused that flame.

Current partner: Nobody. Poor Vanessa. The more she cares for Nate, the more fate prevents her from ever being with him.

Season shocker: Vanessa trying to join the Blackmail Express to get Catherine out of Nate’s life. Of course, Blair is the queen of vengeance, and poor V didn’t quite profit from her attempt at being evil.

The Old People:

Lily and Bart are still together, but after discovering that Bart has files on not only herself, but her kids as well, Lily was last seen crashing Rufus Humphrey’s meager Thanksgiving shindig.

Though he appears to be a master of the espionage, Bart did have a moment of decency after reading Dan’s manuscript, which outlined his strained relationship with Chuck. Will the two develop a real father-son relationship by the end of the season?

Of course, the real geriatric shocker is that Ice Crotch Eleanor Waldorf is engaged to a silly little man with a heart of gold… who also happens to be Aaron-the-Polygamist’s father.

Well, folks, that’s my mid-season wrap up. Throw in some catfights, spilled cocktails, and scantily clad teenagers, and it’s like you didn’t even miss an episode. See you next week as we welcome back our favorite private school heathens!

You know, I didn’t really think there was a substantial amount of damage to survey this Thanksgiving on the Upper-East Side. In fact, tonight’s Gossip Girl episode was more like a slice of pumpkin pie than a carving station. Even Nate’s dad getting handcuffed and taken to jail was quite the heartfelt moment, as far as FBI’s most wanted list goes. Oops, did I just ruin that plotline for you?

Early in the episode, Little J. is surprised that her parents have to be notified when she tries to emancipate herself from them. Did you think you could be free and still ask Rufus for allowance every so often, Jenny?

After discovering J’s been hiding out with Eric for a week (and even slipping under Lily’s radar), Mrs. Bass tells Rufus she will “arrange a meeting” between him and his daughter… after Thanksgiving. Wow, how cordial of her. Of course, once Lily finds the emancipation files in Jenny’s bag, she simply has to invite Rufus and Dan to Thanksgiving to reunite the family… which should call for major Dramz to go down, but, surprisingly, it really doesn’t.

On the Serena front, S. is having trouble being in an open relationship with Aaron. But never fear, S.! He quickly confesses that he is ready to commit to one woman (because that’s how all guys work when they can have their milk for free and their choice of cows, right?), but there’s a catch. He wants a sober girlfriend. Ha! If I had a nickel for every man I lost to alcohol, I’d be a Waldorf.

Cue Dan-Humphrey-random-babbling scene. You know, I love this show, but every week Dan really gets under my skin. Why does he feel a need to tell Serena’s new boyfriend all about his Thanksgiving with her last year? Even better, why bring up the easily-forgotten Georgina plotline? Seriously, Dan. SHUT UP. That’s what I yelled at my television tonight. I liked it better when I was getting vocal about some steamy Chuck and Blair action.

Back to Serena: Yes, Blake Lively is hot. Yes, I would sell my organs to look like her. But the dress she decides to wear to her family Thanksgiving? More like something Blair would wear onstage at a burlesque, though S. does get snaps for following the color scheme of a New York autumn.

So this is how the episode plays out all night long. Rufus isn’t even that mad that J. wanted to emancipate herself, and she decides to forget that whole thing. Vanessa and Chuck team up to help Nate after V. is approached by an FBI agent. Nate convinces Mr. Archibald to turn himself in, and he’s taken away by the 5-0 while Nate’s mom sobs- her dreams of hiding out in the Dominican are officially crushed. And Blair throws a hissy fit when she finds out Syrus proposed to her mom.

This should be the moment when colored drinks fly on white dresses. Instead, Blair and Jenny have a heart to heart, Eleanor Waldorf and Jenny have a brief moment, Blair’s dad shows up for dinner, and Lily takes the kids to Rufus’ apartment (after finding out that Bart Bass has files on the whole family- creepy, but not completely enthralling), only to indulge in a magical turkey that can be basted, stuffed, and cooked in about three minutes. Jenny and Vanessa make up, Nate and Chuck make up, and an angel gets its wings.

So, while I do hope the GG writers throw a little charcoal into the Christmas special, it wasn’t a bad episode, just a little tame for CW standards. Sure, Bart Bass is calling in his espionage team to bring out the big guns. Sure, Vanessa clearly isn’t over Nate, and steals the letter he wrote for Jenny, pleadingly expressing his affection for her. But that’s about as heinous as our beloved Upper East Side cast got this evening.

Two weeks, friends. Two weeks until GG has the chance to overload us with the drama it withheld tonight.

Prominent themes in tonight’s episode of Gossip Girl included “Change of Heart,” “Tumultuous Backstories,” and “Going on Day-Dates in Lingerie.” Damn, I love this show.

Where shall I begin? Let’s start with the bad and work our way up to the “OMG!” Little J and Agnes had a change of heart, which prompted a fight, an attempted betrayal, and a nutso Agnes lighting the J. Humphrey Designs dresses on fire in an alley. Hey, at least Agnes admitted to being crazy.

Meanwhile, (perhaps the biggest 180 of them all) former ice crotch Eleanor Waldorf falling in love (gasp!) with Cyrus, played by Wallace Shawn, a funny looking little man you may recognize from Sex in the City, Clueless or The Princess Bride. Anyway, of course Blair is not pleased, and sets out to destroy the budding romance.

However, when Cy’s Notebook-esque tale of true love comes out, B. seems to have a change of heart. For half a second. It’s her birthday, and she’ll make her mom cry if she wants to. Just after Eleanor gives Cyrus the boot, Cyndi Lauper enters (yeah, you read right), and tells Blair that her friend Cyrus asked her to perform for her bday bash. Awwww, how sweet. Cue B’s second change of heart for the evening.

Meanwhile, Dan is digging up dirt on the Bass family for his book (something Rufus disagrees with- come on, Rufus, I know you have a conscience, but seriously- this is your kid’s big break), and discovers Bart’s shocking tale of arsony that was swept under the rug just as the Bass empire blossomed.

Not surprising: Dan doesn’t go through with the book, and turns in the manuscript to Bart.

Surprising: Bart reads it, and realizes he’s alienated Chuck all of his life, and has a father-son bonding moment.

Most surprising: the conniving Bass men decide to go to a hockey game together. Yay for family fun day!

Of course, we can’t forget about Serena and her new potential mate, Aaron. They have the cliche artistic shoot make-out session, which is interrupted by one of Aaron’s other “muses.” Serena later crashes one of Aaron’s dates, and chews him out for not being monogamous, though she really had no claim over him to begin with.

Undaunted, Aaron shows up at Serena’s the next day to take her to the puppet theatre in Central Park (the Swedish Cottage Marionette theatre, which is currently showing Peter Pan if anyone wants to have a Gossip-Girl-inspired day date), and Serena is not only swept off her feet (yet again), but decides that pants are unnecessary, and heads out to the cottage in her silk nightie (for the love, Serena, the puppet theatre is family friendly!).

Tonight, it seemed as though all of our favorite GG villains showed a little piece of their heart. How precious. In order to counterbalance, however, the episode left off with Little J. deciding to divorce her parents. We can’t all have happy families, can we?

(Note to Jenny: maybe you should call Nathan Scott for emancipation tips, and ask him how difficult it is to pay your own rent when you’re still in high school.)

Overall, tonight’s ep wasn’t necessarily the most dramatic, but it was still pretty juicy… and next week, we’ll truly count our blessings when GG premieres its annual Thanksgiving episode. Can I drizzle gravy on Chace Crawford?

Blair is still hell-bent on going to Yale, even though her little tiff with S. a couple of weeks ago may have maimed her chances. The solution? Serena gets Blair to babysit the Dean’s niece to earn brownie points. Only problem (and who didn’t see this one coming?) is that little Emma is on a mission to lose her virginity.

Gossip Girl put it quite poetically: Lady B…outsoxed by a young fox. Because, of course, if there’s a young, horny virgin on the prowl, she’s bound to get intercepted by the one and only Chuck Bass.

Favorite line of the night, courtesy of Mr. Bass: “The only thing I like aged is my scotch.” LOVE it.

However, Mr. Bass laments to Blair that he holds very few things sacred, and one of those things is humping in the back of a limo. How sweet, in a pervy Chuck Bass kind of way. Needless to say, the jailbait bounced and hit up a club in search of Mr. Right Now.

Meanwhile, Little J. is planning her big, risque fashion debut… at a charity gala being thrown in honor of Lily and Bart. Like that doesn’t have “disaster” written all over it. She pulls the “Do you care about me?” card with Nate…isn’t it a little early to try to whip your new boy toy, Little J.? Nonetheless, Nate takes the bait and the next thing we know, GG is loading Jenny and Nate’s second kiss into an RSS feed.

Gossip Girl actually played quite the role in tonight’s episode – as everyone was running around trying to figure out who was where (and with whom), they all kept going back to GG, and finally, Chuck managed to lure Emma (the young virgin) back to Blair by getting GG to post some fake story about Emma’s rival, Muffy. If you’re lost here, don’t worry. It was all just some filler material, though it did raise the question of how the hell Chuck can pull even the mysterious Gossip Girl’s strings.

My favorite part of the night? Blair tries to have a heart-to-heart with Emma about how her first time should be special, and finally mutters the L-word, in reference to Chuck. I squealed a bit here, though I don’t know if I believe that Blair knew she loved C-Bass during the limo trysts. Oh well, B. Saying it once opens the flood gates for more confessions in the future.

BTW, Blair got some juice on Emma’s mom, but decided not to blackmail her, and karma came back around: it looks like B’s going to Yale after all. Jenny’s fashion show was a success, though Rufus tried to get her arrested for her shenanigans, which prompted Jenny to flee (and it looks like she’ll be getting in way too deep in the coming weeks); Dan kicked Nate out of the house; Vanessa threw a temper tantrum over Jenny and Nate; Jenny dumped Nate out of respect for V (though she promptly bounced anyway); and Aaron the art dude may or may not have a harem of girlfriends. We’ll find out when he takes S to dinner next week.

What to look for next week: Dan finally grows some balls (or thinks he does), and it looks like his Chuck Bass story is going to press…which can’t be good for anyone on the Upper East Side.

Early in the episode, Blair commented to Dan, “Look who finally got a little interesting.” Meh. Dan’s still boring old foot-in-his mouth Lonely Boy to me, but Jenny! Jenny is the Humphrey who finally kicked it up a notch tonight.

Tonight was one of those nights where I screamed at my TV like a maniac. We got new characters, tons of partial nudity, and two fabulous lust stories unfolding, all in approximately 42 minutes of screen time. Chuck and Blair are still playing games, and daring each other to say the infamous “Three Words.” And you know what? I want them to freaking say it already!

Blair is so desperate, she’s taken to Lonely Boy for advice. And he delivers: “Keep your pride and get nothing, or take a risk, and maybe…maybe have everything.” Of course, Dan can’t walk away when he’s on top, so he sabotages Blair after Debbie-Downer Vanessa tattles on Blair and Chuck’s love games that she got served last week. Dammit, Dan!

Meanwhile, Jenny’s been hanging out with one of Eleanor’s models, Agnes, who keeps pointing out that Eleanor is just using Jenny. Agnes has the perfect solution: let a 15-year-old high school dropout start her own fashion line! Not that that would be the most ridiculous storyline that GG has offered us. So Jenny decides to go Brooke-Davis, swipes her designs from Eleanor, and jets off to take her top off with Agnes and her sexy photog friend. Because what would GG be without some gratuitous baring of flesh?

Another sexy addition to the GG cast this week is Aaron, the new artsy dude in town. He’s got his eye on Serena, and there’s definitely a connection, which prompts Aaron to present Serena with television’s most AWKWARD date invitation, ever, followed by television’s most bizarre post-rejection riddle, involving “Cecil the Caterpillar.” We later come to discover that “Cecil” is a reference to Serena’s days at European summer camp, and that she and Aaron might be fated (at least, for the time being). If I’ve lost you, don’t worry- it’s just another excuse to catch up on what I think is the steamiest ep to date.

Blair and Chuck’s game of horny cat-and-mouse came to an emotional pause tonight, when Chuck told Blair that once they say the three words, it will be the beginning of the end. What would become of Chuck and Blair holding hands? Chuck and Blair going to the movies? I have to admit, Chuckie has a point… but that doesn’t mean I didn’t scream, “Say the f*cking words!” repeatedly as tears streamed down Blair’s face.

Just when I thought the show couldn’t end on a better note, Nate busts in on Jenny and Agnes’ topless tea party and drags her naive ass out of there. Jenny asks Nate why he cares what she does, because, you know, he’s not her dad and he’s not her brother… but that only leaves one protective male role for Nate to play: her new lover!

Yes, friends, you read right! Jenny and Nate! Jenny and Nate! Jenny and Nate and a newly babe-ified Taylor Momsen with Chace Crawford’s hands all over her skinny ass. If I have to wait a few more episodes for some steamy Blair-and-Chuck booty calls, I will settle with the next best thing, which is our precious Little J getting the hottest piece on the whole show.

I wonder what breakfast is going to be like at the Humphrey house tomorrow.

And then that little girl watched the season premier of Stylista last night and her dream was shattered. Caddy bitches, huge egos, image scrutinization, drama, drama and more drama — this all defines the fashion industry. A thick skin (and a pair of skinny jeans) is what you’ll need to survive.

Now as someone who isn’t really into the fashion thang, I found last night’s show ridiculous and comical.

First thought, “Who the hell names their child Cologne?”

Second thought, “Ew, Megan’s a bitch.” Keep in mind, this stance was established within the first 3 minutes and grew to, “Ew, I hate Megan AND Dyshaun.” (I think I’ll refer to these two awful people as the “Bitch Twins” from this point forward because somehow they fell in love with each other’s down right nasty personalities.)

Third thought, “Anne Slowey walks funny in her shoes. Shouldn’t fashion editors be high-heel masters? I know I am.”

Then we experience the first challenge: Make Anne Breakfast and Don’t F It Up. (Yes, Megan, you will be serving her coffee and anything else she wants.) The utter fear on each of the contestants faces AND (best part) the genuine shaking of trays could’ve been the most entertaining bit of the episode. And that’s not really saying much.

Basically, sorry to say it cause I heart the CW network, this show sucks. However, what will keep bringing me back is that fact that I’m rooting for the “big-boned” girl. (Hey, I’m trying to be politically correct.) What can I say? I felt bad for her and how she didn’t really fit in. Oh, and Kate needs to stop whining so god-damn much. She is way too nice to make it in this competition. I predict she’ll be the next fly to drop unless she “loses herself” first.

Did you guys like this show? Feel free to contest me.