That shapeless "dress" is what you get for lying to Dan!

I think we can all agree that it’s not nearly as fun watching Vanessa Abrams be a bitch as it is watching Blair Waldorf.  Mostly because Blair doesn’t normally get bogged down by remorse…at least not right away.

In an episode all about playing games, some people just didn’t know when to stop.  Take Vanessa being even more of a home-wrecker than usual.  As I watched her almost mess up the blossoming love between Dan and Olivia, all I could think about was how the dress that the wardrobe people put her in at the end of the episode was obviously punishment for her being selfish.  And my next thought: when did giving a speech at a Parents’ Weekend dinner become so damn important?

But as Vanessa, Blair, (and Olivia, though unbeknownst to her) battled it out for the right to stand atop the flowery podium at Parents’ Weekend, we saw too many claws come out. Perfectly manicured claws, mind you, but sharp claws nonetheless. Yeah, Vanessa can get off the hook quickly for what she almost did to Dan and Olivia – those Humphrey’s are incredibly forgiving people – but I can’t say the same for Blair and Chuck. Make him kiss a guy (which, by the way, was incredibly hot)? Fine. But lie to him and manipulate him to get what you want?

No one manipulates Chuck Bass. Not even Blair.

And the same goes for Serena, which Nate Archibald may find out the hard way. Before I get into this little Rounders-meets-Gossip-Girl storyline, I’d like to take a moment to welcome Nate back to the show. For the past 5 episodes he’s taken a backseat with Bree Buckley and we haven’t seen much of his cuteness. I know he wasn’t pregenant/post pregnant like Lily Bass, so I wonder what was keeping him from the screen? Meh, it doesn’t matter; he’s back….and falling in line with the family once again. Read More »

Me. Crying. For the entire scene.

Call me a sap all you want, but there were tears this week. Real ones.

First they were tears of frustration and anger – crying because the scene that I have been anticipating for weeks, when Rufus and Lily finally discover that Scott is their son, was squished into some 15 second clip where Georgina walks by and breezily mentions it. But then it became tears of happiness as Rufus professed his undying love to Lily and told her to stop getting cold feet and just move them down the aisle already. And then the tears turned to even more happiness and love when Scott and his parents hugged and cried and proved that children given up by their parents at birth really can re-integrate into their previous families twenty years later.

Sounds kind of like a Lifetime movie, but I’ll work with it. Box of tissues in hand.

Sidetrack to Georgina for a second: The only word for her this episode is CREEPY. And I’m not just talking about her whole I-love-Dan-and-I’ll-do-whatever-it-takes-to-get-him-back thing. Is she getting paler and more wide-eyed every episode? I know it suits her overly-involved obsessive personality, but come on, makeup artists – ever hear of bronzer? Maybe if she started reading CollegeCandy she’d learn some much needed makeup tips and how to spot a guy who isn’t into her so she can move on instead of trying to ruin things for him and his superstar, hot, Hilary Duff actress girlfriend. But more importantly, she’d learn a few things about bronzer.

Now back to Rufus and Lily: After tip-toeing around each other, they finally tie the knot at the Brooklyn loft (insert more tears that their perfect garden with perfect flowers in perfect weather didn’t get to happen). Jenny made the gorgeous wedding gown, Serena wore some fabulous frock that made her boobs look ridic and Jenny wore….my grandma’s moo moo. I wept for her stylists.

We all know that no big event on the Upper East Side could ever run smoothly and a Lily Bass wedding is no exception. Even before the big “this is your son” debacle, we finally learned that Carter Basin scammed the Buckleys into paying off his debts. But last we saw, his gorgeous body and that face-so-hot-it-makes-me-tear-up were sandwiched between two very large Texans and about to be used to pay back his bookie fees. Apparently Southern families never forget. And apparently those Southern girls will do anything to help their families, and that includes using one poor Nate Archibald. Poor kid, he really thought that Brie was falling for him. He should have listened to the astonishing, gorgeous, please-let-me-be her Blair Waldorf.

“No girl is that nice.”

And no other girl would get an amazing Chuck Bass massage, a moment I watched with tears in my eyes since my boyfriend doesn’t take cross-continental massage technique lessons.

Well, at least I’m not Carter Basin. Homeboy’s in for some serious pain. We’ll just have to see how it all goes down next week. Until then….

You know you love them.
XOXO.
GGR.
(Gossip Girl Recapper)

Thank you, television Gods.

For a week there, I thought that my beloved Gossip Girl was destined to go the way of The O.C., becoming a drama where the only superior things were wardrobe choices. But after watching episode two of the season, it seems that the drama and romance we cannot live without is here to stay and growing better by the week.

And the guys are looking so. much. hotter. College did those boys gooood.

Well, for some. For Chuck Bass it was that businessman/entrepreneurial drive that turned up his sexy factor. That boy looks good when he’s holding meetings with rich old guys to get his restaurant/sex club off the ground. Too bad dear old stepsister Serena seems to thwart him at every turn. Poor Chuck finally has a vision and a plan to do something great in the future and Serena goes and ruins it for him.

If she didn’t have such an amazing wardrobe (that orange romper? I die) I’d totally hate her. She’s become the annoying little sister and has a knack for messing everything up. I’m pretty sure the same will be said (in 4 episodes, max) of her new relationship with super hottie, Carter Basin. Read More »

There are a lot of celebrities out there that simply disappear, whether it be voluntarily or due to lack of talent/rehab/Bermuda triangle.  There are a couple that have massive amounts of issues, yet refuse to disappear.  In fact, they seem to pop up everywhere, strutting around uninvited on every red carpet.  People like Bai Ling and Paris Hilton are prime examples.

More recently, we have Mischa Barton.  I gotta admit, I really do enjoy watching a mediocre TV actress fall from grace (and she fell hard!).  Oh, speaking of mediocre actresses, I think I heard the other day that Tara Reid has teamed up with the douchebag powerhouse that is Christian Audigier to design some piece of crap that I’ll certainly see all around campus.  Yay.

In light of that wonderful piece of news, I think it’s time to pair up a couple of the most washed up faces in Hollywood:  Mischa Barton and Tara Reid. Read More »

I used to love ANTM. Ever since 2003, thanks to the CW, and the countless marathons on VH1 and MTV, I’ve been obsessed with all things Top Model. I remember Shandi’s “Shanthrax” t-shirts, drunk Brittany, Nicole being a crybaby, crazy-ass Jade… and literally screaming at my TV when Whitney was crowned Top Model of cycle 10. Now, however, on Cycle 12 it feels as if my love for ANTM may have run its course. Is it worth my Wednesdays? I’m torn.

Love It:

Why do we love any reality show? Not for the photo sessions; it’s obviously about the drama. The issues that come from 13 girls competing for the title of “prettiest” living together in a house is undeniable, and makes for many memorable moments. Remember when Shandi cheated on her boyfriend with the male model? Or when Joanie had her teeth pulled? How about Camille and her “signature walk” that was supposed to “make her famous?” And then there was Melrose always tried to give “advice” to everyone…

Bottom line: the “drama” in the show is funny! I’m sure it was a huge deal to Cycle 7’s Jaeda to get her hair cut short, but watching her melt down and cry because of it was hilarious for me!

If the contestants aren’t ridiculous enough, Tyra Banks is the creator and top-judge of the program. Don’t get me wrong, I love Tyra as a model and her talk show is a guilty pleasure on sick-days, but on ANTM she is just plain crazy. That being said, I will never get sick of  her wacky outfits and hairstyles, her bizarre criticism of the girls, her desire to be a photographer or her constant reminders to “smile with your eyes!” Plus she sings the show’s theme song! Girl does it all. Read More »

"I'm sorry I tried to ruin your life to get onto Page 6"

After a two-week hiatus (WTF, CW?) Gossip Girl returned last night. I don’t know if I can handle any more breaks, but OMG, was it worth the wait!  As the weather changes outside, so are our friends from the Upper East Side.

First, let me start by saying how happy I was to see Cyrus again!  That little bald nugget of a stepdad is one of those gems (like Dorota) that make Gossip Girl sparkle.  Especially since Dorota was off falling in love and Vanessa was MIA, too!   She finally gets a good storyline, AND a backbone, and suddenly she’s nowhere to be seen. Was that delicious plotline with her and Chuck just a tease? WAS IT?

And with Rufus deciding to close down the art gallery, where is she gonna brew her coffee? What on earth is going to happen to V?

Also, can I just say that I am secretly really happy that the economy is affecting GG, though a bit peeved that it was the Humphrey’s that got crapped on. I’m pretty sure there are plenty of wealthy people out there who were hit hard in this recession, so why is it the “poor” Brooklyn family that gets it? And, being that they are in a bit of financial ruin, why would Rufus care about Dan getting a job? And why doesn’t my dad feel that way? But secretly Dan did get a job, and how cute did he look in that uniform?  Presh. Read More »

I confess… I’ve missed the past couple weeks’ worth of new GG episodes. First of all, I’ve been crazy busy and can’t even keep my days straight. Second, GG comes and goes so sporadically with new episodes that I wasn’t even aware I’d have to set my TiVo. Out of all of the nights to get reunited with Serena, Blair, Chuck, and Nate, I have to say, I picked a rather juvenile occasion.

To me, a lot of characters regressed in this ep. I’m not shunning last night’s 43 minutes of soapy rich-kid-ness, just making an observation. When we first met Serena, she was a former party-girl elitist who was trying to make a fresh, less-shallow start. Yet, last night, S was all about being the “cool kid” once again, no matter the cost of Jenny’s feelings. She plans a Sweet Sixteen bash for Little J, and then is obviously hurt when celebutante Poppy smirks at her social calendar. Haven’t you grown beyond that, Serena?

Jenny, after dabbling in the high-class fashion biz for a few eps, wants a low-key, family-only party (complete with Rufus’ famous homemade chili), and Serena concedes. Until the lame-o cliquesters announce that they had their own party planned all along. So, unbeknownst to birthday girl Jenny, Serena decides to reinstate the bash she’d originally planned. How second-season Blair of you, Serena. Read More »

(Woops. Sorry if you haven’t watched it yet. But don’t worry; this episode is so juicy it’s still totally worth watching.)For the past 5 episodes, I’ve been as annoyed with Kate as everyone else. I even joined in on the hating by calling her names like “baby” or “big boobies.” But last night, I was truly impressed by her determination to win. I found myself rooting for her throughout the entire episode; I mean this girl worked her freakin ass off. And, she even made a friend!

Beyond the impression Kate made on me with her enthusiastically buying cheese and pink dog toys for Maggie Rider, the actual challenges of this episode were awesome. I don’t know if it was because it focused so much on the underdog (Kate) or that it was actually a good episode. Probably the latter.

Read More »

Ok, so despite my initial disappointment with this show, I found last night’s episode pretty entertaining.

1. Because Kate’s mannequin was absolutely absurd and a total embarassment. Is she for real? That dress? Those scarves? That noisy combination of accessories? She has not displayed one ounce of fashion talent, not to mention her inability to act like an adult. When I look at her I think of a 12 year old.

2. Because of the foreshadowing of the full on battle that will most likely continue between Ashlie and Megan. My prediction is that Major-Issues-Megan will obviously play dirty and probably go for Ashlie’s jugular. While Ashlie will probably stay strong despite the “Satan’s little hand-foot maid” attempts to knock her down. The bitch fights between them will only get more intense, which will make me want to watch. I’m such a sucker for the drama. Read More »

I watch a lot of TV, and since I’ve been homebound for a few weeks because of surgery, I have been watching more TV than should be legally allowed in the United States. Most nights, there are previews for NEW FALL SHOWS!! every 3.2 seconds, and having watched my fair share of these previews, I’d like to make a list of a few of these new dramatic ventures. A list in which I try to determine what the show is about, and how long it will go without being cancelled, from only the actors and title.

* Bad Mother’s Handbook – ABC – (premires: Midseason) With a cast that includes Megan Mullally, Alicia Silverstone, and Arrested Development’s Alia Shawkat, there is the potential for this comedy to either turn out okay or really, really suck. Mullally has Will and Grace, but she also has that horrible talk show that failed harder than Jessica Simpson’s country album. Silverstone has Clueless and she loves animals, but she’s also made a boatload of horrible movies. Based on the title, I’d say we have a situation comedy where Mullally predictably plays a hard drinking, irresponsible mother, and Silverstone plays her lovable and cheerful daughter. Hijinks ensue. Hijinks that will probably go on for about 5 episodes before getting the ax.

Gary Unmarried – CBS – (premieres: Wednesday, Sept. 24, 8:30 pm/ET) Jay Mohr and Paula Marshall (??) no doubt play either a husband and wife, a divorced-yet-still-talking husband and wife, or a shticky guy who can’t find a mate and his ever reliant best female friend. Jay Mohr tends to be funny 20% of the time. I have no idea who Paula Marshall is. And I’m so freaking tired of comedies where it’s all about finding a significant other. I predict maximum suckage and cancellation after 2 episodes. Read More »