Wanna get your question answeridoed?! Email TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com for the answers to your unmentionables. And whatnot.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I have been with my boyfriend for a couple weeks now. We are still getting to know each other and trying to take it slow. He is a 21 year old that has a steady job, his own place and a nice car; he’s definitely got it together. He’s planning on going back to school for his Master’s next fall. Here”s the problem: he is an ex gang member and I`m pretty sure he used to deal drugs as well.

All of that happened when he was fairly young, I wanna say maybe when he was 13 till he was about 16 or 17. He was very honest about his past and the way he explains it is that he had friends who did it and so he got caught up in it as well. He’s by no means proud of his past but he is definitely willing to talk about it if there`s questions. He has tattoos, most of which are not visible but he does have the three dots on both hands representing the gang he was in. The tattoos are very faded now, but if you pay close attention you can see them. I really like this guy and believe that people can change, especially when they have done something like that at such a young age. He basically moved away from all the gang activity and drugs to start over.

My only concern with this entire situation is that he may one day go back to all of that. Also, how will all of this affect him in the future? How will it affect our relationship? His past worries me because of what my family is going to think about him. How do I prepare them for him and his past? How do I go about this so that they dont freak out? I’m sure once they meet him they’ll think differently but until then they wanna know about him and this is something I can’t keep from them. What should I do?

Thanks,
Does the past really stay in the past

Dear Does the Past,

I gotta level with you. When I saw the phrase “ex gang member,” my heart sank.

This is dangerous territory, honey. Gangs are nothing to be messed with. So let’s look at this from a couple of angles:

(1) He may still be in a gang. From what Tuffy understands, it’s really, really, really hard to leave gangs once you’ve joined them, especially if you were involved in stuff that was illegal. You need to find out the truth here. Sit him down and have a real heart-to-heart. When did he last work for these people? What, exactly, was his involvement? Did he ever do anything violent? Did he ever go to jail?

From there, you need to decide if he seems like he’s still violent (if he ever was, chances are he still has the capacity for violence) and whether or not you believe that he’s really done with that gang lifestyle. You didn’t say what he’s doing for a job now, but you did imply he’s got money. Make sure it’s really coming from his day job.

You do NOT want to hook up with a guy in a gang. It’s very dangerous. Don’t get yourself into a situation you can’t get out of.

Or:

(2) He really has left that all behind him. Look, sometimes bad things happen to good people. Maybe his childhood was less than desirable and he got caught up in some shiz he now, as a good person and functioning adult, regrets. If this is the case, there’s no reason to be embarrassed of him. If he really has reformed, what does it matter what he did for three years of his teens? As long as he would never, ever, EVER go there again, there shouldn’t be a problem.

But! If it is number 2 and you still find yourself being ashamed, there’s no point in continuing the relationship. If you’re not okay with his past, you shouldn’t string him along hoping you’ll eventually get over it. At this early stage in the relationship, it’s all about your comfort level, baby.

Be careful, girl. I really hope he’s legit and cool now and that that’s all behind him. Just make sure you know for real before you start investing too much into a guy you may or may not be able to trust.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Anyone here remember the 70′s? No, of course not – we weren’t even a blip on mom and dad’s radar yet.  But they were there practicing free love and dabbling in drugs and all the other dangerous things they tell us about to keep us on the straight-and-narrow.

The most dangerous thing our generation is doing? Texting, apparently.

The New York Times recently wrote an article (published in their ‘health’ section, no less) about the dangers of texting.  The sources scattered throughout the article wail about their teenage son or daughter sending thousands of texts per month (uh…more like per week) and the drastic effects it has on their poor baby’s health.

Seriously, parents and teachers?  You’re worried about excessive texting rather than say, drunk driving or hard drug use?  I mean, a case of sore thumbs can certainly ruin your day, but I’m pretty sure huffing paint thinner is gonna at least eff up your week.

The article cites problems such as anxiety, distraction in school, failing grades (probably a result of the distraction, I’m guessing), repetitive stress injury, and sleep deprivation.  Um, this may just be me, but doesn’t that sound like a normal high school or college student?  Hell, even before I had texting on my phone (yes, I was a late texting bloomer), I had a fair few of those ‘symptoms’ (especially around finals week).

Let’s get serious, New York Times.  Why don’t we set the texting ‘issue’ aside and maybe focus on something else (anything else)?  Besides, in the time it took me to read your ridiculous article, I could have sent 17 text messages to my friends looking for drugs or discussing last night’s nooky. Clearly, our generation has larger issues.

I remember those naive high school days when puking during a rager meant that a) you couldn’t control your liquor and b) the party was over, for you. That’s why I was shocked one night during my freshman year of college, when my friend came back from the bathroom and proudly announced, “Oh, man, I just puked my brains out!”

I immediately switched to babysitter-mode. “Are you okay? Do we need to leave?” I asked, fully concerned.

“Nope!” My friend replied. “Got more room for beer now!”

At the time, this was an unprecedented occurrence to me. I’d never considered the theory of “puke and rally.”

A few years later, I’ve totally become acquainted with this practice. One summer, after a coworker tried unsuccessfully to light three consecutive shots of Sambuca on fire in mouth, I knew that that much booze so quickly was not going to be good. After the third shot went down, I booked it for the bathroom and barfed. A friend was worriedly knocking on the bathroom door, concerned as I had once been for my own friend. I opened the door, and she asked if I was okay. My response?

“Let’s rage!” Read More »

Why we love high heels:

1. They are hot

2. They make your legs look hot

3. They fulfill every girls’ fantasy of being super fabulous, sexy and chic.

Why we hate high heels:

1. OhMyGodTheyHurtSoBad

2. They get caught in cracks, grates and vents.

3. They could get you mugged!

Yes, it’s true – wearing heels (no matter how great) could get you targeted by muggers looking for easy prey. Those people know that a woman in heels is a woman who can’t get away very quickly, which makes you the perfect target.

Are we telling you not to wear heels? Yeah right; that dress isn’t gonna look the same with a pair of Converse. Just be aware of your surroundings, avoid major shopping in stilettos (not that anyone’s feet could survive that, anyway), consider investing in a pair of these, and learn how to turn that shoe into a weapon. Those heels have to hurt.

Miami University in Oxford, OH (yea, confusing right?) conducted a survey to see just how aware young college women are about the dangers of “drug-facilitated sexual assault.” The findings were surprising…and pretty scary.

So we all know about roofies and not to accept drinks from guys cuz they’re probably creeps who want to take advantage of us. But how many times do we really apply our knowledge when we’re out at the bars? Have you ever turned down a free drink? (Editor’s Note: Hell no!)

Or how about this:

You set your drink down for a nano second to grab a cigarette (cuz your an impulsive chain smoke under the influence), pick up your drink and you’re back on your merry way. Little did you know, weirdo standing next to you sprinkled a little fairy dust in your drink and the next thing you know you’re falling over yourself as he carries you back into his shady lair.

It’s sad but true, ladies. The study showed that while most girls were aware that taking a drink from a stranger was a big no-no, they didn’t really think about the risk of leaving their drink unattended, even for a split second.

Here’s another scary fact: the U.S. Department of Justice reports that 1 in 5 women will be the victim of a sexual assault during their college years. That’s like saying one of your best friends, or even you, can be sexually assaulted during your 4 years (or longer, we don’t judge) at college. I don’t know about you, but that kinda freaks me out. Read More »

The Botox and face-injecting craze has gone too far in Hollywood, and possibly in your own dermatologist’s chair. It seems like a super idea when you’re under the bright light and the doc has you mesmerized about all the ways she can make you look “better.” Listen up ladies, everyone knows where those wrinkles once outlined your mouth, so stop trying to hide them.

Botox is the second most popular prescription drug, after Viagara, and women have become addicted to the procedure. Lisa Rinna, former Melrose Place star, told In Touch that after seeing pictures of herself she realized she has gone “too far” with her surgical procedures. Ya think? She looks like a mannequin who can’t smile or blink. Freak! We all know the other celebs who are rumored to have the procedure done frequently, like Cher, Sly Stallone, Courtney Cox, Joan Rivers, Nicole Kidman, and the list goes on and on and on.

Caution: There are dangers out there! Botox isn’t something that should be debated over mildly. Here a few facts to help you in your debate to be stuck with the needle or not.

• In a recent study, an active Botox toxin was injected into rats and after 72 hours the toxin was found in the rats’ brain. This is scary, especially since the toxin broke down proteins and caused damage in the brain!
• The same toxin injected in the rats, botulinum toxin, has been found in humans who receive Botox injections and it spread to other parts of the body which has resulted in paralysis of respiratory muscles and difficulty swallowing.
• Please know that the side effects have been reported as early as one day and as late as several weeks after treatment.
• There were 16 deaths prior to January 2008. Enough said.
• There are also minor side effects, like dizziness, rashes, bruising, tiredness, headache, stiffness, etc.
• Do not rush into any decisions. Have a consultation with the dermatologist and then go home and think about the procedure. Do your research!