The Bachelor should be renamed “Euphemisms For Sex.”

I need to start keeping count of the different ways sex is implied, but the good ones include: “Special time,” “closeness,” and “electric soul connection.” Come on, it’s 2007, cant they just say “doin’ it” like the rest of us?

And there’s really no need to mask Andy’s inevitable dirty proclivities with the presentation of a rosewater bath for the couple to enjoy. Andy was in the Navy, for heaven’s sake — he’s not going to be taking any sort of BATH to experience “closeness” with one of his ladyfriends. Read More »

Our fearless Bachelor is dealing with a pretty lean steak filled with women this time around. The most he could do last night was crush little orphan Amber’s dreams of marrying him barefoot, in a seaside ceremony (you just KNOW he’s gonna have one of those weddings).

I felt bad for Amber and the important social welfare issues her story raised (child endangerment, rape of a minor, pedophilia), but where are the crazies this season? I want to see someone go off the wall and start biting. These girls are all wayyyyy too normal.

Wait. No they’re not. They’re looking for “love” on The Bachelor! There MUST be something wrong with them, we just have to look hard and carefully. Fine. I like a challenge. Read More »