Life doesn’t come equipped with an orchestra. If your sexcapades, like your iTunes, are on shuffle, here are a few songs you probably don’t want on your playlist.

1. “Dat Baby”–Shawty Putt feat. Lil Jon

With a chorus of “Dat baby don’t look like me,” and an opening line, “Dat baby ain’t mine… I’m sorry, bitch you heard Maury,” this jam is an instant libido-killer. The last thing a guy wants to hear as he’s sliding into home base is “You are NOT the father!” Sure, you’re using protection, but condoms aren’t 100% effective…paternity tests, on the other hand, don’t lie. Besides, no woman wants to find out that her cute college hookup won’t take responsibility if an accident does happen.

2. “You’re Pretty When I’m Drunk”– Bloodhound Gang

You can kick yourself in the morning when you sober up and realize that the guy you brought home from the bar last night looks nothing like David Beckham (actually, he more closely resembles Danny DeVito), so you don’t need Jimmy Pop saying “I told you so.” Besides, lines like “I’m hungry like the wolf, but I’ll end up taming cattle,” and “it wouldn’t be the first time that I gave a dog a bone,” though satirical, are pretty harsh. As liberated, self-respecting women, we know we’re pretty when he’s sober, too, inside and out.

3. “John Wayne Gacy, Jr.”– Sufjan Stevens

If you didn’t know that this song is about the infamous serial killer, you might think the gentle ballad sets the mood. However, if your ears perk up at the lines, “And in my best behavior, I am really just like him/ Look underneath the floor boards for the secrets I have hid,” you’ll probably get creeped out, and ask yourself how well you really know the guy who’s jamming his tongue down your throat.

4. “UR So Gay”– Katy Perry

Straight guys will go flacid as soon as Ms. Perry belts her titular accusation in the chorus. They won’t even listen to the following line, “you don’t even like boys.” Homophobic or not, men don’t like to have their sexualities questioned. Besides, the whole song is an angry letter to a shallow metrosexual. You would never want your lover to “hang [himself] with an H & M scarf,” now, would you?

5. “MmmBop”– Hanson

This song will actually probably cause many social situations to take a turn down Embarrassment Alley. If you’re a closet Hanson fan, that’s fine. But your guy might not appreciate your “special” quirks.

Any I missed?

I mean, I’d hit that.

There have been 5 Batman films since 1989, with a 6th one coming out this weekend. Not all of them have been critically acclaimed, but certainly all of them have tried to manufacture true hotness in a batsuit. Because we enjoy hotness even more than we enjoy things blowing up and campy dialogue, we here at CC have listed the Batman movies in order of their attractiveness factor. That’s right. Hot. Bod. Action.

5) Batman and Robin (1997)

Why it’s HOT: George Clooney, Alicia Silverstone, Uma Thurman, requisite skin-tight body suits

Why it’s NOT: Ahnold Schwarzengovener, Chris O’Donnell, the whole idea of “batboy” (please. Never seen anything gayer), the whole idea of “batgirl” (double please. She sucked), and this plot summary from IMDB.com: “Batman & Robin try to keep their relationship together even as they must stop Mr. Freeze and Poison Ivy from freezing Gotham City” (sounds like a chick flick where people have idiot names).

4) Batman (1989)

Why it’s Hot: Jack Nicholson being crazy, Michael Keaton’s expressive eyebrows, pre-Ihatemyhusband Kim Basinger

Why it’s Not: Everything about Michael Keaton besides his eyebrows, boring plot, and how come it’s never sunny in Gotham?

3) Batman Returns (1992)

Why it’s Hot: Michelle Pfeiffer (and her catsuit), Michael Keaton’s eyebrows (now with more expression!) Christopher Walken, a plot that is interesting, Danny DeVito’s penguin laugh

Why it’s Not: Danny DeVito’s small penguin body, everything else about Michael Keaton (on what planet is this man attractive?), stupid obvious title

2) Batman Forever (1995)

Why it’s Hot: pre-fatness Val Kilmer in spandex, Nicole Kidman, hilariously ADDified Jim Carrey, Drew Barrymore, Tommy Lee Jones (when isn’t he fabulous?), lots of stuff exploding into fiery plumes

Why it’s Not: Chris O’Donnell (just.go.away), the wicked long plot, Jim Carrey in a green bodysuit, a title that makes no sense

1) Batman Begins (2005)

Why it’s Hot: Christian Bale in spandex, Christian Bale doing various shirtless things including push-ups, Michael Caine, Liam Neelson, a really good plot, Christian Bale smiling, Christian Bale’s accent…

Why it’s Not: Katie Holmes (all downhill since Dawson’s Creek, sweetheart), the fact that Christian Bale is not shirtless more often

[Any hot or not parts to your favorite Batman film? Also, how psyched are you for The Dark Knight (and possible shirtless Bale action)?!]