Here at CollegeCandy, we care what you have to say, and want to know what you’re interested in reading about. It was thanks to a comment last week that this article was finally born; special thanks to criolle johnny for the push.

Between my new-found love for feminism, my interest in volunteering at a local rape crisis center, and the incredibly offensive non-consent debacle on Jezebel, the idea and principle of consent has been in my head a lot lately. It turns out it’s not quite as easy as that “no means no” sheet they hand out in health class – there’s more to giving consent than just not saying no.

And that’s where enthusiastic consent comes in. It might sound “cheesy,” but it’s really just a simple way to ensure that the person you’re having sex with actually wants to be having sex with you. I think it’s fair to say that any decent human being wouldn’t want to inflict something sexual on someone who doesn’t want it. Rape is completely avoidable; just make the decision to gain consent before acting sexually. Easy, right?

What we want to avoid is the grey-area in sexuality that has the potential to leave one person feeling violated. We want to create situations where both parties aren’t just going through the motions, but are rather going into sexual activity with enthusiasm.

While it’s as easy as saying “don’t have sex with someone who hasn’t given their expressed and enthusiastic consent,” we have to take a look at what “expressed and enthusiastic consent” means. How do you know if someone really wants to participate in sexual activity with you?

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It’s September 2nd, which means we must tuck our bikinis back in their drawers, slather ourselves in aloe vera, and hang our heads low as we mourn the coming end of summer. This also means that school is starting again, and for incoming college freshmen this brings a whole new kind of dread.

Sure, you’re excited to meet new people, take classes you chose out of your course catalog, and maybe even explore a new city. But there are things to worry about. A lot of them. Maybe it’s that you’re living away from home for the first time, or living across the country. There are more things you need to be prepared for than just athlete’s foot in the communal showers (plastic sandals will take care of that).

As someone who survived four years and two colleges and managed to graduate with all four of my limbs and at least a bit of dignity, I feel I should imbue on you, humble reader, ten important lessons and tips to help you enjoy college safely and happily, from picking classes to surviving alcohol poisoning.

1. Make orientation week count. I skipped a lot of the activities scheduled for orientation week and later came to regret it. I didn’t want to wake up at 9 AM to go on a tour of Boston, but what I didn’t realize is that a lot of people did wake up at 9 AM to go on a tour of Boston and, in doing so, met all those other people who got up at 9 AM to go on a tour of Boston. You’re not going to meet people if you hole up in your room, so go out as often as you can.

2. Taste-test classes. So you didn’t get into that History of Watching TV class you really wanted to take, go to the first class or two anyway. You’ll be amazed at how many people drop out of the class and a space for you may become available. The same goes for a class with a bad teacher. If sucky prof is teaching a general ed class you have to take, visit the same class taught by a different teacher. In my experience, a great teacher can make any class interesting and enjoyable. Read More »

Say, have you heard of Camille Paglia? If not, good news: it turns out that you are not old. You’ve also, apparently, managed to avoid the massive headaches that she’s been inflicting on thinking people for the better part of the last two decades. Now, for the bad news: she’s back, and she’s aiming to annoy the world once more.

Here’s the deal: Camille Paglia was the Ann Coulter of the ‘90s. She wrote a book, Sexual Personae, which dealt “shockingly” with issues of sex and gender, in that it basically re-iterated the talking points of idiot wife-beaters across the nation. (Here’s a sample quote: “If civilization had been left in female hands, we would still be living in grass huts.”) This book turned her into a popular media personality, and spawned countless essays and TV appearances; she was the go-to girl when conservatives needed to call upon some random crazy to bash women.

The peak of her career, of course, came when she took it upon herself to defend rapists, by saying that women who got drunk or wore skimpy clothes in the presence of men deserved to be sexually assaulted, because men simply could not be expected to contain their awesome sexual power. In her words, “woman’s flirtatious arts of self-concealment mean man’s approach must take the form of rape.” Read More »

Katherin Heigl backlash. To the MAX

Men everywhere are a little disappointed that the first lesbians to get married in LA aren’t Megan Fox lookalikes

Paul Janka. From pick-up artist douche to date rape a**hole

MTV starts their own Sex Blog. Here’s hoping Dr. Drew drops in to talk about Herpes…

This would definitely cut down on the Dunkin Donuts runs…

Lesbian Chic is the new black

Some televised man bashing

Amy Winehouse (probably) OD’s again. Which is great for her image.

Chaka Khan likes to cover herself in rubber.

No one wanted to be on Gossip Girl…at least no one in the Hamptons

Commercials for last night’s Last Comic Standing boasted the “Most Shocking Audition Ever”. The episode started with more fanfare than a Rockin’ New Year’s Eve.

We watched a ticker in the top right-hand corner of the screen, creeping closer and closer to the moment when our minds would explode on impact after viewing the MOST SHOCKING AUDITION EVER. See that people? I used caps lock.

My heart is currently pounding with nervous anticipation. Here goes nothing!

Heeeeeeeeey! Wait a minute. I’ve been duped. The only thing truly shocking about that exchange was French Stewart’s date-rape joke. This just in: sexual assault is still not a laughing matter. Poor taste buddy. It’s clear now why he slipped into irrelevancy shortly after 3rd Rock went off the air.

I was too distracted to focus on the rest of the program. But here’s what else happened …in haiku form

Acts from two countries

Funnier than in the past

Judges picked wisely

Add a haiku or two in the comments. Two points for rhymes!

Photo: NBC.com

ScarJo may have Ryan Reynolds, but she sure don’t have the Billboard 100

Reality TV to get cheaper / dumber / much more boring

So cute I might puke: Dog adopts BABY RABBITS

New York is about to have some FABULOUS weddings…

Is it okay to joke about date rape? How about punching a dude in the balls?

Sorry Sarah Larson. George just wasn’t ready to settle down.

Screw the Freshman 15. Try the Freshman 103.

Drink Mint Juleps, impress EVERYONE

The man in this picture is a piece of shit rapist.

And now, the whole world knows it.

When Morgan Shaw-Fox forced oral sex on fellow Lewis & Clark University student Helen Hunter, she had the option of staying silent. After all, he was a popular and well-regarded student. They were alone when he did it. And criminal rape cases – especially cases of date rape, or cases where the victim consented to a certain degree of sexual activity before saying the word “no” – are notoriously brutal and hard to win.

The burden of proof is always on the accuser, who is frequently subjected to vicious assaults on her character by defense attorneys and the media. Prosecuting a rapist can be nearly as traumatic as the experience of sexual assault.

So, yeah. For understandable reasons, many, if not most survivors don’t report being assaulted. Many, if not most rapists are never brought to justice.

But Helen Hunter did not choose silence.

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Hold on your barf bags, girls. This is gonna get disgusting.

A 5-foot tall, 42-year-old mother of five from Sussex, England was recently arrested and charged with sexually assaulting a 6-foot tall acquaintance.

Tanya Hutchinson claims that when she and her friend (who can’t be named for legal reasons…and the possibility that women all over the world might want to kill him) climbed into bed at 11 AM on a Thursday afternoon last June, the sex was completely consensual. The man she slept with claimed that Hutchinson dropped date-rape drugs into his wine and molested him.

After cops barged into her house and arrested her in front of her 7-year-old son, they took her back to the station and interrogated her for hours, asking mortifying questions about her sexual escapades with the man in question.

Hutchinson claimed that she had grown close to the man, an old business acquaintance of her husband’s, after her divorce, and a few dates into their relationship came to believe that even though the man was still married, he was separated from his wife.

“He told me that he thought ours would be a special, long-lasting relationship and he spoke of taking me on a trip to Portugal.” Hutchinson said, “I began to believe we had a future together.”

Which was why, when he appeared at her door at 11 AM on that June afternoon with two bottles of wine, she thought it was okay that it was “very clear he was there for sex.” Read More »

Ladies, take note: the magazine that we love to hate, Cosmopolitan, is touting the sex trend du jour. It seems that gray-rape is the new date rape!

What is gray-rape? It’s the type of rape that happens after you protest having sex with someone but they go ahead anyway after you black out after one too many Smirnoff shots and cheep beer at your local frat’s beer pong competition.

Sigh. Who knew I would yearn for the days that Cosmo published articles that merely warned us that we are most likely to get attacked and raped in the summertime because of flimsy outfits?

Until winter rolls around, when we’re most vulnerable because we’re less on guard, or something. And on vacation, because we leave our inhibitions and tasers at the door.

Oh, and on any old day, coming home from work, because we’re less paranoid of attackers lurking in the bushes when we’re close to home.

And now they’re telling us we have not-quite-rape to worry about?

I don’t know about you, but I think that saying “no” and promptly passing out sends a pretty clear message: “Even if I wanted to sleep with you, which I don’t, I would not be physically able to participate in intercourse as evidenced by the fact that I am not awake for it.” Read More »