Chivalry.

Right. So what are you thinking? Knights and ladies? Castles? Old school gentleman? Do you even know what chivalry is? Why am I playing the word association game with you? Well, I’ll tell you. A few days ago, The Frisky did this great post on what exactly it means to be chivalrous in today’s world and what it means to be a gentleman. Is it an outdated concept? Does it encourage stereotypical gender roles? Is chivalry dead, and if it’s not, should it be?

Obviously, this got me thinking all sorts of things about girls wearing hoop skirts and guys opening doors, and then, further back in time to Heath Ledger knights in armor and what I would look like in one of those peasanty gowns with super long hair…but I digress. The point is I started thinking about chivalry, but as often as I’ve heard about chivalry and as much as I’ve talked about if I couldn’t quite come up with a definition. So the natural researcher that I am, I looked it up. On Urban Dictionary. And the results, well, I wouldn’t so much call them helpful as I would eye opening. There were two pages worth of definitions which ranged from “is dead” to “an idea developed by Queen Eleanor of England” to “Women killed it. They don’t like when we are nice to them anymore.” Granted there were some more appropriate definitions, but for the most part that was pretty much it.

And that pretty much sums up the state of chivalry for us college girls these days, too. Gentleman don’t exist. In the 1950s chivalry meant opening doors for girls, carrying their books, standing when they entered a room, taking their coats, or giving  them compliments that don’t sound like they were stolen from an Usher song.

But now, when a guy lets you spend the night? That’s chivalrous. When he takes you out to dinner instead of to the dining hall? He’s being a gentleman. When a guy takes you on a real date as opposed to hanging out in his door room? That’s chivalrous. When he puts on pants without an elastic waistband and a shirt that has button’s down the front?  If he pays for your dinner or your coffee or picks you up for a date? Watch out. I just might swoon.

Because let’s face it, more often than not, guys just don’t need to be chivalrous because they have more options than we do. They don’t need to be “gentleman” because we out number them. I know on my campus the number of girls is way higher than the number of guys, and I could be wrong, but I think I remember reading somewhere that in general, there are more girls in college these days than guys. So if that’s the case guys can just do as these please, and if the girl they’re interested in is interested in chivalry, well they can just find another girl who isn’t so interested in it. So yes, if a guy asks me to grab coffee after class rather than propositioning me at a party it’s a big deal. In my eyes, he’s a gentleman.

And that might mean that on college campuses chivalry has a different definition than it did in the way back when, and a different definition than the one it has in the real world today, but I still think that underneath it all there should be a few unifying factors amongst the differing worlds of chivalry, amongst the way in which men should treat women. One urban dictionary contributor defined chivalry as courtesy and respect for women, and I think that is as great a unifying factor as anyone could hope for. Because whether guys show it by buying their girl a beer, or carrying her books, or saving her a seat in the dining hall women should be respected and appreciated, no matter what era we’re living in.

And if I get a few free meals out of it then so be it.

As much as I love being single (and I promise I do. I mean not THAT much has changed since last week), I do have to acknowledge that there are a few aspects of being single that suck. Do they outweigh the greatness that comes with having a bed all to yourself or not shaving for weeks at a time? Maybe not, but there are loads of little things that make the single girl’s life less than perfect.

1. Unreachables.
Whether it’s sunscreen for a day at the beach, aloe after a sunscreen-less day at the beach, or just lotion for those scaly days of winter, no boyfriend = no way to reach your back. And that equals sleeping on your stomach for a week as you wait anxiously for that crispy skin to peel.

2. Moving.
It’s a lot harder to find someone to help with the heavy lifting when there’s no guaranteed nookie in it for him.

3. Sick Days.
See #2, but replace “heavy lifting” with “bring me a bowl of soup.”

4. Crappy Days.
See #2, but replace “heavy lifting” with “bring me cookie dough.”

5. Creative Dates. Or not.
Living in Chicago, the amount of creative dates that can be found are more or less unlimited. With new Groupon and Living Social deals, I am always seeing some really cool opportunities at a steep discount that would be make for great date adventures….if there was someone to go with. Yeah, I could go with my girlfriends, but something about a midnight sailboat cruise to watch the Navy Pier fireworks just doesn’t seem as fun when there’s no one to snuggle with.

6. Sunday Nights.
No matter how content I am with my single status, come Sunday night I couldn’t be less happy. I don’t know what it is, but Sundays just make me want to cuddle.

7. Explaining.
I don’t know why people feel this is an appropriate thing to ask girls that they barely know. It happens all the time to me… I’ll be home for a break, and run into parents of a friend of a friend at the grocery store. So I’ll be talking to the mother of this person I barely know, and she’ll ask me how college is going, and oh yes, do I have a boyfriend now? I hate when people seem to think that being in a relationship is necessary for me to be viewed as a successful college woman or that my relationship status defines me.

8. Creepers.
Walking into a bar with no man on your arm is like an open invitation for creepers to creep all creepy on you. And it’s not the end of the world to do the whole “I’ve got a boyfriend,” but I hate having to lie, even to random strangers. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I give my number out like free t-shirts during freshman move-in week, but I’d rather avoid the “Hey baby, come here often?” if I can.

What do you hate most about being a single lady?

I know where you are right now, Little Miss Single. Because I used to be there, too. You’re sad you don’t have a boyfriend. Your friends are going on double and triple dates, and you’re still sitting by your phone waiting for your last ditch effort at romance to call. But why is a boyfriend so essential? For as progressive and liberal we like to think we are as a society, it seems our love for single people is limited to “Sex and the City.” Sure, it’s cool when fictional characters do it, but let’s call it for what it is; it seems like the single gal in the group is usually pitied or looked down upon.

I’ve had friends tell me things ranging from, “It’s okay…you’ll be happy one day” (because obviously the only way to be happy is to get a man) to “I’m sick of defending your slutty ways” (awww you’re such a sweet friend). Why does casual dating get such a bad rap? It’s not like I go out every Friday night in a hot pink tube dress and ride a mechanical bull until a group of frat boys takes me home for a gang bang. Well, not every Friday, anyways.

Moving on…

I’m freaking here to say it: dating is healthy! No matter what the larger part of society thinks, it is not pathetic and it is not slutty. I am 21, I am in college, I am a progressive and (please don’t read this part, dad) sexual woman. And yeah, sometimes it sucks. I don’t usually have guys to just stay in and watch movies with. I’m often the third or fifth or seventh wheel when I go out with groups of friends. I haven’t gotten close enough to a guy to tell him about my insane fear of getting close to a guy. But you know what? I ain’t going to push it. It’s either going to happen, or it’s not. I refuse to grab an anonymous twenty something male off the street because I’m tired of being lonely. I’ve seen too many of my friends settle for guys just because they wanted a date to a Christmas party, and then wind up with an unfulfilling boyfriend who is obsessed with Nickleback two years later. Yeah, talk about a dud.

I’d also like to point out that beyond it being healthy, dating is really, really freaking fun. Once you get over the obsession of turning every single guy who buys you a drink into the love of your life, you realize the non romantic benefits of the single life. You get to hone your flirting skills. You get to meet new people, and decide what you hate about them. You get hi-larious stories that your coupled friends are definitely jealous of (if they deny this, that just means they are BEYOND jealous). And most importantly, you get to discover an amazing range of things about who you are and what you want out of life (besides free drinks and a steamy make out session, I mean). I’ve always been the type of person with an insane lust for adventure and experience; the single life, for the time being, satiates that better than any relationship ever could!

I don’t care if I have a boyfriend anymore. You see, somewhere between finishing a 6 pack of fat free pudding and spending my last $200 dollars on shoes as a form of therapy, I realized something: I’m not good at relationships. And since my reproductive organs are not about to give way anytime soon, there’s no reason I have to force myself to be. Am I probably doing something completely wrong in my relationships with men? Yeeeeeah. But the best way to fix that is through actually learning about myself, what I want, and who I want. Not forcing myself to enter a conventional relationship because all the cool kids are doing it; that’s no way to really learn how to love. Relationships are hard work! They take all sorts of time, and energy, and minutes on your cell phone plan. And while I’d be willing to go over my monthly texts and then some for Mr. Right, I’m not going to go through that BS for Mr. Not That Into Me, Mr. IQ in The Double Digits, or Mr. Personality of a Rock.

Being the perpetual single friend has actually done quite a bit to shape my personality, my outlook on life, and my own personal growth. Why be so hasty to do away with something that makes me who I am? I don’t see it as a blessing or a curse; it’s simply a state of being. The Buddhists tell you that if you end desire, you will end suffering. I am willing to take this pearl of wisdom when it comes to dating…just not when it comes to lusting after Marc Jacobs’ new fall line.

So break the misconception! Instead of being “sad, mopey” single friend, embrace being the “awesome stories, awesome experiences, awesome outlook” single friend. Call it what you will, but it’s certainly a better survival mechanism.

Summer date ideas? Thanks, Tuffy!

Olivia

P.S. Cheap ones would be good because I’m still in college! Thanks!

Dear Olivia,

Do I have some ideas for you? Answer: Yes. Yes, I do.

(1) Go Swimming

Find out where the neighborhood pool is. (Even better if you can find a neighborhood beach!!) Slather each other with sunblock and head over for a guilt-free indulgence. Yeah, you’ll have to put up with all the neighborhood kids, but it’s so much cuter that way, anyway. At the end of the day, when you’re done splashing and sunbathing, take a cool nighttime walk home.

(2) Paint Each Other

Pick up some cheap supplies (don’t worry about quality here–this is just for fun) and paint pictures of each other. Laugh hysterically at what you each come up with–and compliment each other for seeing things other people would never have seen. Got a little messy? Shower’s this way…

(3) Have a Neighborhood Date

Do all the stuff you’d do if you were visiting your town. Do the local tourist attractions (no matter how lame). Look in the paper and find events. Spend the whole day like you were on vacation in your own town. Eat at the neighborhood favorite. And then go home and finish the vacation with dessert! (Winkyface.)

(4) Learn Something New Together

This is a great chance to get to know each other! Spend at least an hour talking about all the different things you always wished you knew how to do. Compile a list and then find the things you have in common. Pick something to learn and find an event or a class at which you can learn it. And then learn the heck out of it. Voila! Something new you can do together whenever you want!

(5) Volunteer Together

Find something you both feel passionate about – kids, animals, old people, iguanas, bananas, anything works – and find a local organization that helps. Volunteer together once, once a week, once a month, whatever. You’ll bond and do some good at the same time.

Have fun, summer cat!

Anybody else have any great date ideas?! Post ‘em below!

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

[I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the epitome of prim and proper- heck, who really is nowadays? But looking around at the misguided youths of today *ahem drinking buddies*, I’m starting to think that Miss Manners might have been onto something.

While you may never need to know how to greet a duke or how to tell which fork is REALLY the oyster fork, knowing how to deal with people whom owe you money, how much to tip, and how to address the ever annoying licorice-in-teeth conundrum without being rude might actually come in handy in the real world. I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know]

One of my oldest childhood friends is getting married this Saturday and, quite frankly, I am horrified by the thought of attending his wedding. Not that I have anything against the lovebirds; on the contrary, I’m glad he’s happy. It’s just, well… I never know how to act at weddings. There are just too many unspoken rules, too many unanswered questions: What do I wear? Black? White? Should I go casual or dressy? What do I bring? Who do I bring? Can I bring someone? And so on.

It’s enough to keep you from going to the blasted wedding at all. Well, I’m here to speak those rules and answer those questions. Buckle up my lovelies…

Dress code:
Can I wear white? NO! Never, ever wear white to a wedding.

What about black? Yes, black is perfectly acceptable at weddings. In fact, most people do. As long as you keep from looking like part of a funeral procession, you should be fine.

How revealing can I get? Well, the way my book put it, “Don’t dress like you’re there to sell anything - Tupperware, insurance or yourself,” and I think that’s pretty darn good advice. Also if the ceremony happens to be in a place of worship, remember to keep yourself decent: spaghetti straps and tube tops should be covered up with a sweater/shawl.

Overdressed or Underdressed? When in doubt, always go for the overdressed. No one will say anything if you tell them that you just came from a really fancy party/lunch/meeting/whatever. However, if everyone is standing around sipping champagne and eating caviar in cocktail dresses and you roll in wearing jeans, expect a couple of glares.

The deal on dates:
Can I bring one? Well, it depends what your invite says. If the invitation names both you and your significant other, then he/she is allowed to come. If the invitation bears your name + “guest,” then you’re welcome to bring anyone, from your dorky lab partner to that hottie bartender you’ve been drooling over. If the invitation says your name and your name only, then it’s non-negotiable. The couple is inviting you alone and unless it’s absolutely crucial for you to bring a guest (and this also depends on how close you are to the couple to begin with), then don’t bother asking. This will put them in the awkward predicament of rejecting you flat out.

Do I HAVE to bring one? Nope. Even if your invite allows it but you don’t want to bring the guy you’ve just started dating or you can’t find a date, you don’t have to bring anyone. Plus, it’s more fun flying solo anyway – you don’t have to worry about “babysitting” the new guy or introducing him to all your friends. And if you’re single, even better! What better way to meet guys than at a wedding? They already know some of the people you know and they’re less likely to be serial killers or drug dealers. Maybe you’ll even score with a couple of hot wedding crashers a la Owen Wilson (a girl can dream!).

Your presents will be your gift (Ha!):
What the hell do I give them? I remember how my mother used to freak out whenever she’d have to find her best-friend’s-half-brother’s–second-cousin’s-uncle’s-daughter a gift. I also remember telling her, “That’s why God made wedding registries.” But honestly, the wedding registry is definitely a win-win solution. Basically, the couple makes a wish-list of everything they need/want to start their new life together and it’s up to everyone else to cough up the gifts. This helps the couple because they get exactly what they ask for and it keeps you from showing up with a set of shot glasses (apparently married people don’t use those as often as we do….).

What if the couple isn’t registered anywhere? Well, then you’re screwed, aren’t you? Kidding. If the couple’s not registered, play it safe with a gift certificate or a check written out to the couple. The amount should be equal in value to how much they mean to you (seriously) or how well you know them, whatever comes out to more.

Is straight up cash acceptable? I’m not going to lie, I don’t see why not. I’ve done the “wads of bills (wads… who am I kidding?) in an envelope” before. Some couples even go around with money bags strictly for this purpose. It’s okay in most cases, but keep in mind who your recipients are – while some people will lap up the bills faster than a stripper during a lap dance, others might see this as a sign of disrespect.

Drinks in my cup:
Can I drink? It depends. Are you legal? Do your hosts care if you drink illegally? Just know that if you’re going to drink, try not to get piss drunk at someone else’s wedding. It’s rude, especially if you oh-so-classily get wasted before the ceremony. Or worse.. during!

Does open bar mean that I don’t have to tip? No.

So that’s all folks. And just in case you guys were wondering: I’m totally open to cash at my wedding (whenever that may be). Remember that.

And on a side note: I’d love to get your opinions on this feature. What do you guys want to hear about? Are there any topics you want to see featured on next week’s Miss Manners? Sound off in the Comments section!

Not me. But it turns out that great dudes are all over the place—you just have to know where to look and how to strike. Read on.

1. Smile.
This might sound dumb, but everybody’s attracted to a good smile. You can’t pick up a guy if you look sour, so flash those pearly whites. You never know when somebody cute is going to look your way.

2. Be who you wish you were.
If you’re shy but you really want to be outgoing and flirty, what’s stopping you? It’s hard to overcome labels you’ve placed on yourself, but you’re the only person who has the power to change things. So rather than slinking back into a corner, cross the room and talk to that hot dude. And hold your head up like you mean it.

3. Be open.
This does not translate to “Be desperate.” Instead, what I mean is that you should believe that you can meet guys anywhere—including at the grocery store. You don’t have to actively look, but you do have to acknowledge that the possibility is always there.

4. Be charming, but stay yourself.
Sometimes, I put out my best traits right away when I meet a guy in hopes that I’ll be able to nab him. It usually works, but the relationship doesn’t have much staying power when he realizes I have other personality traits that aren’t compatible with his. You can be charming and be 100% yourself at the same time, and that’s something I fully recommend. If you turn out to really like a guy, the relationship is much more likely to last a while if you show him who you are right away.

5. Look hot.
To everyone who says looks don’t matter, I say, “Are you kidding me?” Of course they matter, and that’s why you should heed the advice of the “What Not to Wear” crew when they say that you should always look great. Plus, caring about your appearance and putting together a look shows that you care about yourself, and that’s hot, too.

6. Don’t discriminate.
If the emo guy who keeps smiling at you in class isn’t exactly your type, don’t discount him just because you spend your nights dreaming about jocks. Emo Dude could have a few surprises in store and a killer sense of humor, and you’d never know unless you took a chance on him. So go for some variety!

Ever wonder what Santa Clause’s inbox looks like?

The cutest thing about this Christmas card is the dog…yikes!

Imagine smelling a fragrance via your compooper!!

Adorable ideas for winter dates with your hottie…

Gifts that keep on givin’!

This woman sets back feminism about..forever, but I feel bad.

Tina Fey lookin’ mighty fine (and patriotic) on the cover of Vanity Fair…

Hugh Jackman at gay clubs?! WHAT?!

Just because we like seeing people fall…

Miranda Kerr..we hate her cuz she’s beautiful AND dating Orlando Bloom!

Donatella Versace is always entertaining…cuz she looks like a man.

I wouldn’t put myself on player status, because that’s not what it’s about. No one actually gets ahead by playing games. Games are childish. People do actually get ahead by meeting new people, and being able to go for what they want.

Like that guy. The incredibly sexy one across the room. Dark hair falling in his very green eyes. And a crowd around him that’s ten chicks deep.

The Strategy? Don’t pay him too much attention.

It works every time; if he really is that hot, he knows it. And if he didn’t know it, the girls throwing themselves at him will have been a good wakeup call. So why not switch The Game up on him? You’re cute. You’re fun. And you are the one chick he can’t just wrap around his finger. Or at least you’re pretending like you are.

I’m not talking about your middle school cold-shoulder tactics. The point is simply not to let this guy know that inside you’re going googly-eyed. Usually, one firm, flirty look is all you need. Then continue with your evening. Laugh with your girlfriends. Look stupid on the dance floor. Do whatever it is that you would normally do if dreamboat weren’t standing over there in the corner.

About halfway through the night, you might want to give dreamboat a reminder that you’re still there and pointedly walk past him, and then maybe go order a drink by yourself, so that he doesn’t have to awkwardly say something to you in front of all your drooling girlfriends.

If you get introduced to him (or even if you don’t), turn on the inner charm full blast. Look at him straight in the eyes. I mean, really in the eyes. And smile in a warm and inviting, but not overly seductive way. Sounds technical, I know. You can practice in the mirror.

If you get to the point (or muster up the courage) where you decide you want to say something to him, it’s best to think of something conversational to start with. Small talk. Chit chat. Compliment his shirt, or his shoes (in a manly way), or talk about the party you’re at: “How did you hear about this place?” Or you could just do it the old fashioned way and introduce yourself.

The real trick is just to be yourself; it’s not anything new. Smile, look approachable, relax. Have fun with your friends. That old saying, “Nothing is sexier than confidence,” got its proverbial status for a reason. Put on your cutest clothes – not that super-low neckline that makes you worry about your boobs popping out all night – but those jeans that hug your booty just right, those earrings that accent your cheekbones. Play up those things that you love about yourself. Remind yourself that you are beautiful and amazing before you go out the door. And then later on, if you can’t bring yourself to actually say anything to him, at least you will be holding the gaze of every man in the room.

In my experience, the cliché moves like leaving your phone number on a napkin, or slipping it into his pocket on the way out the door don’t actually work, and usually leave you feeling like an embarrassed, giddy schoolgirl. Not to mention that I can never go back to the restaurant again if that cute waiter doesn’t call.

Now, this is not a guaranteed guide, so don’t sue me if it doesn’t work. But I’ve seen a fair amount of success (if you know what I’m sayin’), and my findings have been corroborated by my fellow girls, as well as my guy friends.

We can always use more advice. What has worked for you?

[Photo courtesy of coolspotters.com]

The weekend is finally here!  After five long, tiring days of work, school, and fixing all of your friends’ problems, Saturday and Sundare are here to save you.

What better way to kick off your two days of freedom than by going to see some new movies?  You may have caught the previews for some of these, but all of them are out today…

Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist — If you loved Juno, you’ll like this movie

Beverly Hills Chihuahua — This is for all the animal lovers out there

How To lose Friends and Alienate People — Possibly your life, in a movie starring Kristin Dunst

An American Carol — A spoof on Michael Moore and his fims. Pure satire comedy!

Flash of Genius — A Man Against Machine docudrama

Blindness — Blindness is contagious

Rachael Getting Married — Family drama and a wedding, what more can you ask for?

I wouldn’t be the movie buff that I am without saying my pick of the week, and sorry to tell you, it’s not Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist, even though I am looking forward to seeing it. My pick is Blindness. This movie is so close to real life it’s scary, and it doesn’t hurt that Dr. Christina Yang from Grey’s Anatomy is in it.

So there you have it, the new releases for this week!  Now go grab your significant other, the one you’re hooking up with, or your best friends, and enjoy a movie tonight.

I know, I know, there is no such thing as the “perfect” guy (so says my mother) but there is nothing wrong with having a list of qualities (doesn’t pick his nose, even when I am not looking, will rub my shoulders at the snap of my fingers) that I want in a potential boyfriend right? Right.

But after reading this article in the NYT, I have started to realize that while focusing so much on the type of guy I DO want (Has Jake Gyllenhaal broken up with Reese yet?!) perhaps I haven’t realized that there are certain types I DON’T. Things that maybe weren’t even a blip on my guy-dar and if not heeded could end up blowing up in my face.

So here it is ladies: The Guys Not Worth Taking, Dating, Marrying and the like:

Never date a dude who has no friends. At first, this rule seems a bit odd- if he has no friends, he will be close to me and only me! How wonderfully fantastic!! That is until you realize… no friends means the guy is unable to be intimate or close to anyone… yes, even you.

Besides, that means you will always feel guilty leaving him alone and friendless on a girls night out.

Never date a mama’s boy. I can tell you from friends’ experiences that these are the boys are the WORST. Sure, you want someone close to his family. But someone who needs to call his mother to consult where you should go for dinner? Or what shirt he should wear to the basketball game? Never a good sign. Ever. Ditch the dude who is constantly consulting his mother over you. There is a fine line between close and creepy (and pathetic. And annoying. Oh and did I say pathetic?)

Never date a guy who lets you make all the decisions, allll the time. You want someone who will sometimes counter your opinions and demands. But not all. “It’s good to have a doormat in the home, but not if it’s your boyfriend”

Never date a guy with no sense of humor. Let’s face it; (sadly) not every guy you meet makes you pee in your pants at dinner (literally) from laughing so hard. But someone who can never laugh at himself if he falls? Or make a joke? Or find humor in a situation? Or laugh at Family Guy?! Not only is that a boring relationship- but it will make it a brutal one. Who wants to date a Debbie Downer allll the time. No. Thank. You.

Never start dating a guy thinking you can change him. Been there, done that. Don’t think that all he needs to do is fall head over heels in love with you and then he will change his hard partying ways, will become overly romantic, stop smoking pot every night with his buddies or stop flirting with other girls when he’s drunk. People remain the same the majority of the time and you are just setting yourself up for headaches and heartbreak if you think and hope otherwise.

Never date a guy who is 1000% your opposite. Sure we all know that Paula Adbul believes that “Opposites Attract” but lets face it, our dear Paula is going through yet another breakup (not to mention the video features her dancing with a cartoon cat… hmmm.) I’m not saying to date your clone- opposites can be good, but, like splurging on a diet- the key is in moderation. (ex: I blast Backstreet Boys and he wants Phish.) In general- take a good look at his character, are his goals, morals, values and deepest beliefs worthy and similar to yours? Does he have the character traits that you think make him a guy of quality? Traits that are important to you and that you believe you have as well? If you are patient, willing to forgive and easy going and he is anal, blows up every time he’s angry and holds grudges- you may find yourself quickly not-so-attracted to all his opposites.

So there you have it- the guys not worth your while. So, add that up with the list of the guy you do want and well, some may say you’re being picky- I think particular sounds better. And fancier. And really, if people (your mother) calls you particular- pay no attention…After all, you deserve the best right? Right.