Ever since I saw the Anchor’s Away episode on ‘Sex And The City,’ I’ve wanted to experience Fleet Week in New York City. Samantha Jones has an uncanny way of making everything sexed-up and glamorous. She didn’t have to work too hard to convince me to fantasize about a man in uniform. Especially those white Navy uniforms. Let’s just pause for a moment to appreciate those.

So how do you make that fantasy a reality? How do you actually snag yourself a Navy Seal for the week? Beyond having a vagina, I’m not sure it’s much work. However, CollegeCandy has put together a little guide in case you’re not convinced.

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Get out there and have some fun, girls! And tell us your stories in the comments below!

Are you crushing on a guy but too afraid to make the first move? Something about him makes you a bit shy, and even though you’re dying for him to kiss you, your stomach flips every time you maybe had that moment when you were both maybe (hopefully) thinking about a kiss. Or maybe it’s not that you’re shy, but you want to make sure it’s something he wants beforeyou attack his face? Either way, YourTango has come up with 7 moves that will let him know exactly what you want. If he’s feeling it, too, he won’t hesitate to lean in. Get the 7 secrets here!

Ever wish a real life version of ‘Hitch’ existed? Thomas Edwards, CEO of The Professional Wingman, claims to be just that. He makes a living off of selling packages to individuals aimed to increase their ability to successfully flirt, pursue and date people who catch their eye. He recently spoke at a conference covered by YourTango, and they pulled together 4 simple tips to make yourself irresistible to men. This information is normally reserved for paying clients, but this is your freebie. Get the 4 tips here!

Ever look back on a relationship and say, “God, if only I’d known all this crap a the beginning”? I know I have. I know I still do. I know that I probably will in the future, hopefully not the near future, but I admit the possibility. Hindsight’s the most perfect vision there is. Look, it isn’t always feasible or conceivable to know everything that’s going to clearly point out things will not end well. And not everything you wish you knew right at the beginning is necessarily a deal breaker, but there’re things that are important enough to warrant disclosure. And while, yes, in the linear timeline we are forced to live within a lot of the big stuff does come out eventually, it doesn’t hurt to take stock of what we wish we’d known. Even if only as a way to help you approach the next relationship. These are 11 things you wish he’d been upfront about and thus could have saved you some serious grief!

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So there you have it, ladies. Almost a dozen damn things that you can look back on and say, “It’d have been nice to know THAT!” Again, disclaimer, not all of these need necessarily be deal breakers but they’d have been useful knowledge. The fact is that we never fully know what to expect from another person. We’re filled with quirks, habits and small moments of eccentricity that we never think about being a big deal to others. Well, kids, it seems pretty obvious, I’ll give you that…

Did I miss any? What are things you wish you’d known at the beginning that you were complicating things for you near the end?

Being An Open Book,

The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

Dear Dude,

What do guys really think of sex on the first date? Is it a deal breaker? I feel like if you have a genuine connection with someone, and the sex is awesome, shouldn’t that make them want you more? Or does it completely take the fun out of the chase? I’ve had one long term relationship start out of sex on the first date. I’ve had other guys never call me again. What’s the deal?

Sincerely,

Screwed then screwed!

Dear Screwed then screwed!

Here’s the deal: I’ve never known of a man who found sex to be a deal breaker on the first date. If anything, it’s considered a minor miracle from the Heavens, and for some d-bags out there it’s an expectation, which kind of clarifies why I’m calling them d-bags.

There’s a lot more to the chase than just having sex. Don’t get me wrong, it can certainly enhance the chase. However! There are so many ways to have sex and in so many places, and some could argue getting a taste and then not getting the meal is even more enticing. I think it’s a guy to guy situation.

Do men respect women less if they can get laid on the first date? Maybe some. Is sex all a guy wants? Possibly. It’s certainly one of the things he’s thinking about over tortellini. There are other thoughts, like if his hair’s doing that cow lick thing or if he mentioned his love for animals enough…and your breasts, which doesn’t count as thinking about sex, it’s just something we think about that LEADS us to thinking about sex. Sorry, that clarification had to be made!

Your track record’s a spotty one with having sex on a first date, and if it’ll lead to more or less. My question is, what are you looking for on the first date? Are you having sex because you think he wants it or because you want it? If you’re doing it for you then, “Have at thee!” As Thor would put it. If you’re doing it because you’re trying to ensure a second date, then I would recommend trying to hold off and make it a 2, or the classic 3, date rule. Just don’t pull a Robin Scherbatzky and change your mind mid-date and think you need to shave your legs. The first time, if we’re focusing on what’s on your legs rather than what we’re doing in between them…there’s no picket fence in the future.

Be careful about looking for logic when asking the question “to f*ck or not to f*ck?” These aren’t logical actions, they’re primal. Awesome sex doesn’t mean you have an emotional connection yet. It means you could. It also might mean you just have sexual chemistry, or you were really horny. Generally assuming that if the sex is awesome, then he’d want to come back for seconds is illogical. It’s just not always reality. Remember, you’re looking at it through your eyes, and you can’t be certain how he’s looking at it through his.

The bottom line is this: If you’re not getting the results you want with the way you’ve been going about trying to get them, then it’s time to change things up. Change your policy or change the type of guy you’re going out with. The issue’s at the source either way.

Keep calm, and don’t blink!

The Dude

Hi Dude,

I’ve been dating this guy for a few months, and we really get along phenomenally. We have a lot in common, including our sense of humor, we love to go on adventures and the sex is fantastic. Marriage came up in conversation the other day, because one of his friends is unhappily married. During the conversation he revealed that he didn’t believe in marriage and would never marry. He said he had too many friends who are unhappily married and constantly complain that the sex is boring, and they wish they could sleep with other people. I’m not saying I want to marry this guy or anyone any time soon, but I do want to get married eventually. Is it worth sticking in this relationship if those are his beliefs? Should I be with someone who thinks they should only be with someone as long as the sex is sizzling? Does he really mean that, or has he just never been in love with someone enough to realize that there are many other reasons to stay in a relationship beyond the honeymoon phase?

Thanks,

Not Yet A Bride

Dear Not Yet A Bride,

Ouch! I mean, OUCH! You’re in a swamp filled with sh*t on this one. Sorry to be explicit but damn, girl, this is not the easiest terrain to wade through, and you’re right in the thick of it…Please disregard all nature-based metaphors used in the prior sentences, I’m in the middle of reading Swamp Thing #8. Multitasking!-it’s what makes us adults, seriously.

I’ve had this conversation myself at one point with a certain lady-friend of mine, so I’m talking from experience rather than just out of my ass on this one. Lots of couples last long-term despite differences over a lot of things: Who’s the best Bond, best Doctor, whose family is crazier, why she never takes out the f*cking garbage, is the cat cuter than both of you combined (yes, she is), but there’s one difference that usually sinks a relationship at the end of the day: Marriage.

Some people are ready now, some aren’t, some say they could be, and some claim they never will be, and are any of these statements 100% concrete? No. He could want to in 5 years or maybe it’ll take 10 years. There are plenty of marriage horror stories that we all hear about. Ever notice how you generally only hear about the bad parts of a marriage? Or stories at least about bad marriages and not so often about good ones? Way of gossip, I guess. Those horror stories are enough to give the most grounded person pause these days, so it’s not surprising that right now he can’t envision himself married. Those are issues he’ll have to work on, and either you can put some faith into him being able to do the work, or you can walk away when you decide you’re ready for the next step, and he’s not.

There’s no definite way to know if you’re completely wasting your time by staying with this guy for much longer. A lot of us change our minds with maturity and experience of a healthy long-term relationship. It does take time, and it takes a bit of work on our parts, but it does happen. The reverse happens to. The question, really, is how long are you prepared to wait?

It could take a year, five years, or even ten years before he gets comfortable with the idea of getting married and that’s thinking he actually will. You have to make the decision for yourself when enough’s enough. If, should you become ready, he can’t or won’t get ready, that’s the point when you consider using those walking boots. Until then, keep the lines of communication open, and see how it plays out. Sounds like you two have a real nice thing going. Don’t leap five moves ahead before you see what the next move is first.

To touch on your other point: you should only stay with someone who believes a relationship is working while the sex is sizzling if all you want is sizzling sex. Otherwise, that’s A. not realistic thinking and B. not mature thinking. Take that belief for what it’s worth: not much.

Runaway groom,

The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

I think I am all maxed out on dating advice. I hear it from my parents, my siblings, my single friends, my not-so-single friends, the Internet, Patti Stanger, etc. The list goes on and on. After awhile, hearing “It happens when you least expect it!!!! Don’t give up hope!” gets a little on the repetitive side. I am sure that is true, but sometimes a single and bitter girl just wants to be single and bitter. Although, I know that everyone (myself included) thinks they are a relationship guru when in a relationship.

Throughout my life, I don’t know if I have ever heard anything that strays from the “norm” when it comes to dating advice and how to pick a partner. It really didn’t matter if the (usually unsolicited) advice came from my older sister or my best friend, they all pretty much said the same thing. The tips and words of wisdom that I learned when I was 16 still hold true now that I am 23.  It comes down to love, respect, and trust. Right? Once you get down the nitty-gritty of the relationship, good looks and all the superficial stuff kind of goes out the window.

If you’re wondering what the point of all this is, I will now fill you in. We here at CollegeCandy stumbled upon this website that takes a look at what kind of tips men were given in the 1940s when trying to pick a mate. Coincidentally, information from the 1940 census was released earlier this week, and everyone is eager to see just how much this country has changed in 70+ years. Basically everything has changed…with the exception of dating advice. It may be worded a bit differently, but the main message of these points are still the same in 2012 as they were in 1944. Check out some of my favorite (and still relevant!) tips that were given to men reading the book How To Get Along With Girls in 1944.

1. She is attractive, of course, but is that her chief asset? (Try to imagine her ten years from today.)

I mean, obviously there is a nicer way to put this, but think about it: looks fade. It’s true that physical attraction is the spark that ignites any relationship, but we all know there has to be more than that to make a real relationship last. If all you’re going off of is looks, you’ll probably end up single soon. Unless you’re John Stamos, who seems to get better looking every single day.

2. Do you want her because she is popular–because other men have wanted her? (Don’t be a copy-cat!)

If it’s all about the chase, then it’s not going to work out. You want them because everyone else wants them. It’s about winning. It’s about getting the trophy. The chase is thrilling, but once we finally get what we want, doesn’t the thrill slowly fade? Sometimes the wanting trumps the having, and in this case, we have to ask ourselves if we actually want this person because we truly care about them or because everyone else wants them too. Love shouldn’t be about winning and losing. It’s not a competition.

3. Does she tell lies? Do you mind?

Who wants to date a liar? And who wouldn’t mind if their partner was lying to their face? If people are lying, the relationship is not a healthy one. Honesty is key.

4. Do you have similar tastes in most things?

Common interests are also key. If you and your boo have nothing in common, what could you possibly talk about or do together (besides sex)? Yes, opposites attract a lot of the time, but that doesn’t mean they don’t share one common interest. Sidenote: Never pretend to like something because the person you’re interested in does. You can only fake loving camping for so long.

5. Do you agree on children, or a career, or both? (Better settle this beforehand.)

This is a huge bullet point when going from dating territory to marriage territory. This definitely has to be settled before there are any rings on any fingers. If you think your spouse will eventually change their mind about wanting kids down the line, you are probably very wrong and shouldn’t bank your life on that assumption. This is a conversation that was important in 1944 and definitely still important now.

It’s really amazing how the basic and most important relationship dos and don’ts have not changed in 70+ years. These tips are timeless and show that even though this world and this culture have made major changes since the 1940s, we as humans still crave a healthy and long-lasting relationship. The tips found in a book for single men in the 1940s can also be found in any dating book or relationship blog today. I think that’s pretty cool.

Katie is finishing up her undergrad at North Central College in Naperville, Illinois. She enjoys wasting hours on Facebook and tweeting things no one cares about. When asked the question, “Do you do marathons?” She promptly responds, “Of course! Which show?” Follow her @KatieGarrity! Or read her personal blog where she talks about Ryan Gosling and hummus a lot here! 

[Lead image via Kris Butler/Shutterstock]

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]]> http://collegecandy.com/2012/03/07/candy-dish-hump-day-37/feed/ 1 ccandystaff humpday copy http://collegecandy.com/2011/10/11/glamour-says-the-darnedest-things-november-edition/ http://collegecandy.com/2011/10/11/glamour-says-the-darnedest-things-november-edition/#comments Tue, 11 Oct 2011 16:00:30 +0000 Jasmine - Northern Arizona University https://collegecandy.wordpress.com/?p=125767 ]]>

Kristen Stewart almost looks like she has an expression on this month’s cover of Glamour. I don’t know how to feel about this. Sullen works for her, but I can’t begrudge her any attempts to look happy or engaged.

This month’s issue is pretty inoffensive. There was a strong emphasis on health, which I appreciate. And I was reminded that Mercury retrograde falls over Thanksgiving this year, so I’m already mentally preparing for a hot mess holiday of ridiculous proportions. Even the relationship section was less horrific than usual. There was an articled on “How to be a Man-Magnet” that had some good pieces of advice (don’t insult other women, be proud of your ambitions, don’t expect every guy to be marriage material…), though some gems were a little less constructive.

Glamour says: Be easygoing
Jasmine says: Easygoing is a character trait, not something you can just will yourself to do. Some of us are a little more intense than others, and that can be just as attractive as being the girl with NP cares in the world.

Glamour says: Don’t dress for girls.
Jasmine says: Dress however you want. Whether you feel most confident in a bandage dress and five inch stilettos or a maxi dress and mocassins, do you. Guys would have us all walking around in jeans and a t-shirt, which, while classic, is kind of snoozeworthy.

Glamour says: No bitching.
Jasmine says: Isn’t one of the joys of being an adult bonding with other adults about things that suck?

Glamour says: Perfect the art of sexting.
Jasmine says: Sexting is mad overrated. I enjoy a sexy text as much as the next person, but it is not the end-all and be-all of flirting.

I have a confession to make. And I’m not proud of it. In fact, on the list of things I’m most ashamed of, this one ranks higher than DVRing Jerseylicious (as in, setting up a series recording) and that semester when I didn’t wash my sheets once (even though I did have guests over…frequently).

So here goes.

[Breathes in heavily.]

I have a major weakness for boys who cock their hats off to the side at a 45 degree angle.

There. I said it.

But it’s not my fault. You have no idea how many guys like this exist at Michigan. They’re…everywhere. And while a lot of them might be majorly douchey, a lot of them are also really, really hot. What can I say? I like a guy with swagger. And confidence. And good jeans (because the tilted hat is always paired with a hot pair of Sevens…)

Judge me if you will (and lord knows you will…harshly), but I know I’m not the only one with a soft spot for guys – and qualities guys possess – we all know we should hate…and often claim we do.

Like the jerk. Do I really even need to talk about this? Every girl on EARTH says she just wants a nice guy, someone to treat her right and blah blah blah. And what happens? The guy with the cocked hat wham bam thank you maams her and she’s smitten as a kitten, following him around like a sad, hungry puppy dog (in eyeliner and tight jeans that make her butt look good). Meanwhile, the nice guy she’s been leading on for 6 months just sits there until she comes around to have him pick up the pieces.

And muscles. Sure, we’re all “Ew, Ronnie is a roid rager,” and yeah, that’s probably true…but you can’t deny that he’s got a pretty sick bod. And that maybe if he didn’t break Sammie’s glasses or have that problem in his anus, you’d want to take him to the smush room.

OK, so maybe Ronnie is a bad example. But as much as we’re all “I don’t need muscles – I just like a guy with a little squish who I can snuggle up with,” would anyone really toss Tyson Beckford, Ryan Reynolds or Zac Efron out of their bed? Hell to the no.

And then there’s money. Look, I’m an independent woman just as much as Beyonce the next girl; I want to be successful and powerful and make a lot of money on my own. I don’t need a man to support me…. But I kinda want one. Not to support me totally, but you can’t deny the joy that comes with being showered with lavish gifts, going on amazing vacations, and watching The Bachelorette on a giant screen TV…from the tub (a joy I only understand after house sitting for some rich-ass people in college. My god – that is the LIFE).

Money doesn’t buy happiness, sure, but a guy with money is inherently sexier. Just ask anyone who’s ever had the urge to get naked with Hugh Hefner. (Note: I’d totally get naked with Hugh Hefner. And that, my friends, is another one to add to my list of shame.)

And you know what else is sexy in that “I don’t want anyone to know I think this” sorta way?

-Madras shorts
-Boat Shoes
-The “I spent a ton of time doing my hair to make it look like I didn’t spend any time doing it” hairstyle
-An Ivy League education (Or, for me at least, any college education that didn’t happen at Ohio State.)
-Tight-ish jeans (Note: not hipster skinny jeans. But actually, now that I think about it, some guys do look hot in hipster skinny jeans….)
-Guys running shirtless
-Guys in sweaty shorts at the gym
-Guys who get manicures and/or pedicures

Shameful, I know. But at least I’m being honest, unlike the rest of you who drool at 90% of these things (and more) but would never admit it.

Speaking of which, maybe it’s time we all admit our shameful attractions. Sound off below. And after you’re done with that, hop on over to CoedMagazine.com to see what guys are attracted to even though they’ll never admit it…