In the last year, it seems as though being single has been my specialty. While flings and hookups have come and gone (pun intended) and dates have left me with some less than desirable memories, my current single status has remained loyally by my side. I’ve learned a lot in the past year and I’ve discovered that single girls around the world are all in the same fabulous pair of shoes.

So if you’re sick of sitting at a table for one, eating a meal portioned for two, I cordially invite you to join The Single Girl Society, where being single is more than status, it’s a lifestyle. Of course, with everything in life, the single girl lifestyle comes with rules and I’ve picked up quite a few along the way. So kick back, grab a drink and let the lessons I’ve learned serve as your very own roadmap to transitioning to and enduring the single life

Lesson 10: He wasn’t that great.

I cant tell you how many times my friends have exclaimed to me over cocktail-induced tears that the cant believe they’re not with their ex-boyfriends, because and I quote, “He was so great!”

Why is that our post relationship-blinders have gotten us confused as we choose to see only the good in past relationships that we hope will one day become revived relationships?

Newsflash girls, he wasn’t that great.

I’m all for healing and sticking by your single sisters (it is a rule, after all!) as they take on the grueling task of being heartbroken, but that doesn’t mean we should put our exes on a pedestal. Why? Because they’re our exes! Read More »

Sick of waiting for him to call/text/IM/GChat/email?

Today ladies, I want you to take a little trip back in time to when I was in college…way back in “the ‘90s.”  I remember meeting a super cute guy at my job on campus.  I worked at this fun little underground cafe called Dante’s (yes, as in the Inferno) where you could order sundaes, malts, soft pretzels and my friends’ all-time fav, cheesy popcorn that I would bring back to the dorm to be the most loved friend for about the six minutes that it lasted.  My reign was always short-lived as I would always be ousted by my friend Lisa who would worked at the local pizza place and brought home pizza with sauerkraut. Good times, but I digress.

At the beginning of my sophomore year, a super hottie walked into Dante’s and after a malt, cheesy popcorn and lots of witty banter, I was crushin’ pretty hard.  Problem was, I only knew his name and a little about him so I did what every other lady did back then: used my Nancy Drew-like sleuthing skills (that would have impressed the CIA) and got to work.  It took about two weeks but I found out which dorm he lived in, his major, his friend group and some other small details.  I also found out, with a little random luck, that he had a long-time girlfriend at another school.  Although slightly bummed, it was fun to have a little crush, talk about it with my friends and keep my skills sharp in case the CIA ever did come a knockin’.

Fast forward to current day and think about the exact same situation.  Now, if I would have met him, within 10 minutes I would know all the info above plus: The Hangover is his favorite movie, he is into indie rock and has a love for old school rap, that he no interest in politics and seems to love roller coasters, taco bell and Megan Fox.  I would have also seen pics of his friends (kinda douchey), his family dog (cute) as well as what could be his current or ex-girlfriend (boo).  If I dig a little deeper I can find out he is a regular on gaming sites and loves to debate the evil of mainstream music and the record companies.  PLUS, don’t forget, about 7 different ways to contact him.  Without even talking to him anytime soon, I can follow his daily life and let the crush bloom into full blown smitten.

This is where we buy the ticket to the crazy train. Read More »

Qvestion?! Ansver: TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about two and a half years and although I don’t really believe in soul mates, I can honestly claim that he is mine. I try to think reasonably and tell myself that this can’t be real love but after all this time I still believe that there will never be anyone as right for me as him and that he is the man I want to have a life with.

I never wanted anything serious with the guy. I was only turning seventeen when we started going out and never expected for the whole thing to go so well. Even though I noticed that I had a connection with him that I’ve never had with other guys, I always thought that we could break up over some stupid thing and I never thought ahead as far as our relationship went. But then came the “I love you,” and the first time (for the both of us), and we got accepted into the same college and things kinda got serious. Those were the happiest two years of my life – we have never had big fights, only insignificant quarrels and I can’t see a single thing about him that would drive me away. Now he wants us to move in together next semester and I realize that I want to live with him, too.

There’s just one problem. I used to be a real shut-in in high school and didn’t really get around as much as others my age. I only ever had one boyfriend before him and am not exactly very experienced in these kinds of things. Now that I’m in college and I’m a lot more outgoing, adventurous and, well, hotter than I used to be, I find myself wishing I was single just so I could try all this stuff college girls do – go on dates, have one-night stands, you know, things like that. I’m just a huge romantic and I used to dream of exploring new emotions and having a little drama in my life, because that’s what college is, right? I feel like if I stay with my boyfriend, I will grow into an old woman years before other girls my age and will always wonder what life would have been like if I had broken up with him.

I guess in this particular case it really isn’t him; it’s me that’s the problem. I just don’t want to lose the nicest, smartest guy I know who happens to adore me, but I’m afraid after a couple of years I might start hating him for making me lose the best years of my life. If there is such a possibility, should I risk it and end it now, or should I leave things the way they are now?

Sincerely,
Stupid Heart Read More »

Dear Dude,

Over the summer, I met this really great guy at work; there was definitely a mutual attraction between us. With every conversation we had, we found out we had a lot in common with each other. I was about to ask him out, but then found out he had a girlfriend. Needless to say, I didn’t ask him out and things stopped there.

Fast forward to 5 weeks ago. I came home for Christmas Break (we are from the same town, but go to school 9 hours apart), and found out through Facebook that he was single.  I messaged him to see if he wanted to hang out. He gave me his number, and a few days later we went out. The next night we had drinks, and drinks turned into him inviting me to go skiing and to spend New Year’s Eve with him. We spent a lot of time together over break, and he even introduced me to his family and best friends. He would call and text me almost every day, and once he came to my house to hang out and said he was disappointed that he couldn’t meet my parents because they were at work. It seemed like he was really into me by the way he treated me, and I was hopeful that we would last beyond winter break. We hooked up on New Year’s Eve and we did have sex. I don’t feel like this was the wrong move to make because we had spent a lot of time together beforehand, and he certainly didn’t treat me like I was just a random hook-up. I guess I was wrong.

We both go back to school in a couple of days, and he’s been getting more distant and less affectionate. We don’t talk that often and haven’t gone out in several days. Normally, I’d just think that this was a winter break fling and move on. The thing that frustrates me and confuses me the most is why in the hell did he introduce me to his family and friends, spend all that time taking me out and literally treating me like his girlfriend if all he wanted was a little action?

Help! I can’t handle this and the fact that classes start next week!
— Got the Blues on Break Read More »

Like most single girls out there, I’m constantly looking for someone or something to explain my poor luck in love. I seek the honest opinions of my friends (“Seriously, do I have a mustache?”), I seek the advice of dating experts (CollegeCandy’s dating coach and resident Dude have been my go-tos as of late), I watch The Bachelor (though, that’s just to make myself feel a little less crazy), and when a new love and relationship study comes out that might clue me in to the mind of men, I grab my highlighter and start reading.

And where does that leave me?
Uh, exactly where I was before I wasted my precious time and highlighter juice on that crap.

It seems like every day there’s a new relationship study published somewhere. One day the news lady with the helmet hair is saying that guys are attracted to curvy women; the next day she’s saying they like ‘em stick thin. One says we’re attracted to people who look like our parents. Another says we prefer someone to say something nice to us than to have sex at all. The Today Show will highlight a study saying that men love independent women while, at the same exact time, Good Morning America will share findings that men want the damsel in distress.

Grrrrr. Which is it, people? Read More »

Hey Dude,

I just turned 20 and am a sophomore in college. I have plenty of friends, but I have never had a boyfriend. Many of my close friends have the same problem, and we dwell on it all the time. We go out to parties, socialize, and have fun. I have guy friends that are my best friends so I do not think I am shy around them. I have hooked up with random guys, with only one being “considerable” for something more.

We were set up and hit it off right away, however it all changed when I asked where it was going (relationship or hook up) after a month of us going out. I know this was straight-forward, but I needed to know! Was this the wrong thing? Is there something that college guys look for in a girl to become a girlfriend? Being 20 and never having a boyfriend concerns me.

— Forever Single but not Forever Young Read More »

[The following post was written by dating coach, Kira Sabin, a keg of dating and relationship wisdom. She's been helping people find love for years so we thought we'd tap this keg and see what sort of brilliant advice she has for the CollegeCandy readers. Drink up, ladies.]

Ah resolutions… Once the hangover is done by the 2^nd and you are seriously bored at home, nothing seems more perfect than to sit down, contemplate your life and make some resolutions for 2011.  With passion in heart and pen in hand we write down our best intentions for the New Year promising ourselves that “Things Will Be Different!” The problem is that most of the time by January 5^th that new fitness program, study routine or other resolution has already been kicked to the curb.  About as long as it takes to make our resolutions, we have already hooked up with our ex, ate a full pie and were way too busy to exercise since we had to re-watch the last season of Greek on demand. What?!  I love me some Cappie.

To make you feel a little better, only about 12% of people who make resolutions actually follow through on them, so you are in good company.  I would, however,  be a pretty sucky life coach if I congratulated you on your lack of commitment.  I do believe it is important to stop and take stock of your life occasionally and look at what changes need to happen to get us in our happy place (mine has roller coasters and unicorns).  I also believe in this area of your life it is OK to bring on the lazy. Read More »

Rock out to 2010′s biggest songs….in a mashup.

Fear of chickens? Behold: the 8 weirdest phobias ever.

5 dating habits to drop next year.

If there’s a Demi Lovato sex tape, we’re never gonna see it.

Get Jessica Alba’s adorable plaid look for (way) less.

Can insecurity help you out when it comes to dating?

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez heating up. Saucy!

We had a feeling that wouldn’t last long.

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

Hey Dude,
This is my freshman year of college and before I was really nieve. I’ve hooked up with plenty of guys here, but I had a really fun night a few months ago and the guy and I started talking on a regular basis. He always texted me first and invited me to do things with him or him and his group of friends. I was really excited because he was my ideal guy and I (now regrettably) kept on telling myself he was better than me.

We were hooking up for five or six weeks and I went further with him than I ever have with anyone (not all the way). Talking during the weekdays became really sparse because he was getting “busier” with sports and classes. I was totally okay with it but after one night we spent together we ended up not talking at all for over a week and a half.

I texted him to go get coffee and when we met we talked about how we both were getting busy and we better end this because A. it’s not the right time for a relationship and B. we didn’t want it to get messy as FWBs. I was fine with it being over, but now over a week later I can’t stop thinking about him and how much fun we had together. I really want to see him again and ask if we could give it a shot.

I have no experience with relationships or guy thoughts in general, but I was wondering if it sounds like he’s totally checked out or if maybe there’s still a chance. What’s the best way to approach this? Let it go or ask if we can try again?

Sincerely,
Missing What We Had Read More »

Someone once told me that the reason I’m still single is because my standards are too high. I laughed in her face, flipping through a mental catalog of the disgusting creatures who’ve woken up in my bed.  “Au contraire,” I told her. “I think my standards are non existent.”

But last night, as I enjoyed a large DQ Blizzard while watching the latest drama on The Real Housewives of New York, I started reflecting on my dating past and why none of those boys are in my dating present. I grabbed a piece of paper (Ok, the back of a takeout menu…it was closer) and began listing all of the guys I’ve met/gotten naked with.

To my horror, the list had more dishes than the Chinese menu it was written on.

Next to each name I wrote down why that particular dude didn’t work out. Over half of the list consisted of “d-bag didn’t call me back,” or “don’t know his real name,” but the rest were my own doing. And after seeing it all written down on paper, I began to see my friend may have been right.

Reasons I’ve rejected boys: Read More »