Dear Dude,

I have been with my wonderful boyfriend for 1.5 years. He is from Michigan, which is where all of his family and friends are. We recently moved in with each other. He told me in the beginning that he had a lot of female friends and if I had a problem with it that we wouldn’t work out. That was fine for me because I also have male friends.

A few weeks ago his ex girlfriend of three years contacted him. He used to say that he couldn’t stand her and wanted nothing to do with her because she did him so wrong. Now every time he tries to show me something on his phone, I see a text message or the last call is from his ex. It’s not as if it’s a friend that has kept in touch with for a long time over the years, it’s an ex he couldn’t stand and now all of the sudden they have this friendship.

It really does bother me, but I feel like I can’t say anything because he said if he can’t have female friends then he and I won’t work out. He was almost engaged to this person and brags about how they never used to fight. This is making me feel very insecure. What do I do?

Thanks!

Dear…Stormageddon (When you don’t provide a pseudonym I get to make up my own!)

There’s not wanting to make him think you can’t handle the situation and then there’s not handling the situation. Right now, it sounds like you’re dangerously close to falling off the edge here.

I’ll present you with a simple choice to make: either destroy your relationship by driving yourself crazy, or run the risk of driving him crazy, which, honestly, you won’t do if you TALK TO HIM!

Everybody all together now: communication is key. It’s such a simple but essential guideline maintaining a healthy relationship or rescuing one that’s trapped in a Pandorica of emotional baggage. You’ve got to talk about what’s bothering you. And so long as you do it with clarity when you approach him, you’re not going to trip his trigger.

You being upset about him getting back on friendly terms with an ex he led you to believe he couldn’t stand isn’t the same as being upset that he has female friends. Apples and nectarines. Make that clear with him. It’s not about “women” in his life, it’s confusion and insecurity due to the contradiction of what he says and does with regards to her. That’s where it’s coming from, he looks suspicious because he says one thing but is doing another and, yeah, I’d get edgy if I were you, too. Hiding it is only going to make things worse.

Why’s he talking to an ex he claims he couldn’t stand? Because guys will do that. Sorry to sound general but, yeah, we do that. We have communication with our exes who pulverized our hearts into a million bazillion pieces. Sometimes it’s nostalgia, wanting to get some closure and not feel like we wasted our feelings on a complete bitch, that we want to come off as the bigger person, and on rare occasion because there are those lingering feelings we like to keep a bit of a tie to. Let’s face it, we’ve all got people from our past that we still have a “what if” thought about at times. And this could be that person for him. And you may have to deal with that. Or not. You won’t know until you talk to him.

Don’t drive yourself to the nunnery because you bottle up your worries. Be clear, decisive and honest. Then, listen. You may not like the answer but at the very least you’ll make him aware that you’re upset and why you’re upset. At the worst, you’ll have to deal with his behavior and deal with his insecurity. The choice is yours.

Mission Accepted,

The Dude

I’m the Dude with a blue box called the Tardis that allows me to explore the ends of time and space-wait that’s another guy with a ‘D’ sounding name isn’t it? Better than that, I’m a Dude that knows the inner workings of Dudes and I’m ready to spill all, whether you’re ready or not. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com.

No, not the guy on the side of my actual relationship — I don’t have a real boyfriend either. I had boy reserved for cold New York nights when I felt particularly needy for human affection. Hey, no one is immune and dating is difficult. Any single girl in the city who refuses to date “just anyone” for the sake of having a boyfriend will say the same. Which is why I have a backup boyfriend, someone who can play the role when you need a night of pretending. I’ll call him Smith.

Smith is a few years older than me, incredibly intelligent, beautiful and in a band. You’re thinking, “Why the hell isn’t he your actual boyfriend?” Well, I have a long (and rather entertaining) history of dealing with men like Smith. They weren’t all assholes. Just most of them. Smith isn’t an asshole, though. He’s incredibly affectionate, mature and most importantly honest. And the sex? He’s a passionate (albeit slightly melodramatic) artist, so it was theatrical, violent and absolutely mind blowing. His flaw? Smith is first and foremost in love with himself.

He once asked me, “What if we tried this? Tried actually trusting each other. It could be great.” To which I responded, “Unfortunately, Smith, you will never make me feel like I’m the only girl in the room. And I don’t think you have the capacity to love anyone as much as you love yourself.” “Well, should I love you more?” You get the idea. He’s the perfect Mr. Right Now. Or he was. Until he dumped me.

Read More »

Over the past few decades, the way people date has drastically changed. Instead of being limited to your social circle or areas that you frequent, now it seems like the whole world is your oyster to date. You could try creating an online profile and choosing someone based off their looks and common interests. Or you could try speed dating, judging someone based on a few minutes of conversation. But would you try dating someone based on their smell?

Yes, you read that right. Judith Prays, an Atlanta-based artist, held her first “Pheromone Party” in late 2010. Forty people were invited to the party. Twelve of those people “hooked up” (no definition included). Six of those (that “hooked up”) began relationships. The odds aren’t all that bad. So, how does sniff and date work? Read More »

It’s not easy being gay. In a world where heterosexuality is the norm and homosexuality has often been seen as more than just a religious taboo throughout history—you know, when legitimately recognized at all, that is—the LGBT community has worked tirelessly to declare that sexual preference is not a “preference” at all; instead, the nature vs. nurture arguments now lean more toward a “I’m on the right track, baby, I was born this way” mantra. However, is it necessarily a winner-takes-all conclusion in the homosexuality debate? According to Sex and the City actress Cynthia Nixon, maybe there’s more than one way to be gay. And ton of people are pissed off about it.

Read More »

Growing up, snow storms are the best. You get the day off from school, spend it sledding or throwing snow balls at cars and end it all with a nice cup of hot cocoa. But, after a certain age, snow days don’t exist and you have to shovel your own driveway (which means waking up 30 minutes earlier), then try your best to drive to work among drivers who forgot how to drive (apparently weather other than sun brings that out).

However, there is one good thing about adult snow days — the days when everyone is excused from work…or you and your S.O. skip — snugglefests. It’s the one day you are excused from putting real clothes on or eating real food. You don’t even have to move from your bed (while besides for necessities), all you have to do is lay back and let the majesty of all that is good in the world warm your heart. Read More »

Ahh, college. Some people look at it as an institution of higher learning, others look at it as a new place stocked with eligible men and women for the taking. Wherever you fall across the spectrum, you’ve probably heard of the sometimes-taboo subject called dormcest. That means dating/hooking up with someone who lives in your building or on your hall. These types of relations are common both when you first move in and again in the cold winter months when people are less apt to hike to a party in a short skirt and more likely to pick from what’s close and convenient.

However, “dormcest” can be risky business. Getting intimate with someone who lives nearby and who you see just about every day can become awkward, annoying, hurtful or even dangerous. Tread carefully with this, and use this guide to eliminate as many risks as possible.

Rule out the next door neighbors.You will see these guys every day, even multiple times a day. They will probably see you in a towel, coming in drunk from a party and at your morning-after worst. If you hook up with them, you might be starting a FWB relationship where you two just go to each other because it’s easy.  Or, you can get into a relationship. And while might seem super fun to live right next to your boyfriend, think about how annoying it can get. Too much time together is never a good thing.

And if that ends badly? You will undoubtedly see other girls enter his dorm room and perhaps vice versa, which can cause hurt feelings and jealousy. Read More »

Ever feel like everyone around you is suddenly coupling up and you’re the only single person left? Well, that’s how Demi Moore and Katy Perry must feel around Hollywood right about now, because waaaay too many people got engagement rings for Christmas this past year. Was there some kind of amazing sale on diamonds or something? Did everyone just completely blank out on original gift ideas and just decided to go for the gift that keeps on giving—as in once you give someone that particular piece of jewelry, you also have to give them a wedding, a honeymoon, and the rest of your life?!?

Here are all the celebrities who got engaged over the holiday season. In other words, people who seriously thought the world would end once 2012 began, wanted to make some amazing love before their last days on earth, and knew that popping the question to their significant other would seal the deal. And now they have to follow through and actually get married.

Read More »

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I moved in with my childhood best friend five months ago. He’s great and I love him as a friend. But he’s had feelings for me in the past and we’ve talked about it. I told him I’m not interested. He said he understands. And we’re still really close friends.

When we moved in together I was having some money problems and he offered to cover the extra costs so I could afford to move in. So he’s been paying $300 more than me every month, and I really appreciate it. The deal was that if I cook and clean, he’s happy to pay for it.

Our other friends all think it’s really weird and they are convinced I’m sleeping with him, but I’m not. Anyway in the past two months I got a promotion and now I can afford the rent but he offered to keep paying the larger amount as a favor to me. I agreed because I thought it was really nice. And now he’s started buying me little gifts and even doing the cooking. Read More »

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image via Ekaterina Pokrovsky/Shutterstock

I had an unhealthy addiction to Oregon Trail in elementary school. The second that screen popped on up my window, my morals went out the window.

Hell yeah, I’ll be a banker. There’s nothing more important in the world than money.

Shoot extra bison even thought I very well know I can’t carry it all back to the wagon. No duh.

Leave my grandmother to die because she’s slowing us down with her damn cholera. I never looked back.

And then I grew up. Or maybe not grew up as much as learned how to play the Sims. If you think controlling someone’s life changing journey across America puts you on a power trip, spend ten minutes playing the Sims. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t still have a soft spot for Oregon Trail. That’s why I clicked on this article as soon as I saw the title and decided to share it with you.

So with no further ado: How the Oregon Trail Relates to Dating

Jenni may or may not have downloaded the Oregon Trail app to her phone and was crushed to see you had to pay to play the full game. You can follow her on Twitter here @MayorJenni.