So my dad has a really tight knit group of friends. Guys, gals, married, single, old, young, he’s got ‘em all. It’s actually kind of sweet, and it gives me hope for the longevity of my friendships. Anyway, they’ve all known each other and been BFFs since college, so naturally they’ve all been a part of my life. Cookouts, football games, Dungeons and Dragons tournaments… Oh yeah. They’re all huge, colossal nerds; just like my dad. But you know what? I was too, and it’s totally cool. I’m not ashamed of my nerdy past.

But whatever, those days are gone (I swear) and I digress. My point is that after you hit a certain age and you haven’t grown out of it, you’ll always be a huge nerd. (And I don’t mean me.) So why this is now my problem? Well in the past two years since I became legal, my dad’s sadly overweight, still-single at 50 computer nerd friends have reared their ugly heads and have started to use what seems like the same lame pick-up attempts their younger counterparts try on me all the time.

Suddenly I’m getting IMs from men I once thought of as weird but kind uncles (one of them actually IS step-mother’s brother), and it’s not, “hey kiddo, how’s school? Keep up the great work!” No, instead, this is the kind of message I can expect: Read More »

I’ve always been a firm supporter of the phrase, “It’s five o’clock somewhere,” it is almost like a mantra to me.

Whether it was the mimosa I’d sip on Monday morning before class, blind-eyed to my roommate’s disapproving glares, or spiking my Coke with a little nip of rum in the dining commons at lunch to my friends’ bemusement, I’d just smile real big and cluck, “It’s five o’clock somewhere guys! Loosen up!”

Alright so maybe my tendencies slightly resemble that of Sully, the homeless alcoholic on the corner block who’s always singing Ace of Base off-key — But hey! Cheers to being young and reckless! At least he ‘saw the sign’…for happy hour.

Either way, such tendencies made it no surprise at all that I found myself in a bar (Thank you trusty fake ID!) this past Friday getting some drinks with a friend. After a hard week of internship pandemonium, a stiff drink in the city was just the cure. Read More »

My dad is not hot.

My best friend’s dad… well, that’s another story. Any of these dads… definitely doable.

But my dad… not at all.

Sucks for me because, according to a recent study, I’m more likely to date guys who are daddy look-a-likes.

The study found that women who had good childhood relationships with their fathers were often attracted to men who resembled their dear old daddies. The same did not go for women with bad father-daughter relationships.

And of course, I am the ultimate daddy’s girl. Grrreat. Read More »

It always worked on TV. When Donna Martin and David Silver broke up on 90210, they stayed friends. When Ross and Rachel broke up on Friends, they were eventually fine hanging out with the group.

So is it any wonder that I always held out hope that the same things were possible for me?

Despite the fact that everyone told me differently, I always thought that my ex and I could defy all odds and stay friends long after our year long relationship came to an end. After all, it didn’t end badly. It just ended. Read More »

Today, while in the throngs of a I’m -So -Bored -At -Work -I’ll -Check -Facebook -One -More -Time mood, I happened to come across some pictures on another friend’s profile of a boy I used to have a massive crush on. I mean, we’re talking a two year long ordeal here; 720 days of being very conscious of this boy’s existence. We had a few classes together my senior year, which only made things worse—or better, depending on the day. He was everything I currently want in a man: adorable, socially conscious, smart, hilarious, a snowboarder, slight hippie tendencies, sweet…did I mention he had dimples? I’m surprised I didn’t go blind from his cuteness. He made me understand how people can become psycho stalkers who stand outside windows and watch their obsessions sleep.

Hmm. Maybe that was too much information. Anyway. Moving on.

Looking at him in those pictures, and then checking out his profile, made me realize he was even more perfect for me than previously imagined. If our tiny About Me sections and Favorite TV sections were any indications of how compatible we’d be, Cute Hippie and I would be inseparable. And what does he do for a job? Why, he’s a teacher! For special needs kids. God. Perfection in Birkenstocks. Read More »

I don’t really have a problem with asking guys out. It’s pretty simple. You go up to them, compliment them on their shirt, and then say, “hey, let’s hang out sometime,” although who are we kidding — it usually comes out as: “Coffee? I like coffee. Do you like coffee? Tuesday. Let’s drink coffee on Tuesday. If you like coffee, too.” And after this initial conversation, awkward as it may be, the guy magically becomes putty in your bold, feminist hand. However, that’s where the fun ends. Nothing good has ever come of any of the relationships where I’ve been the instigator. Not to sound old – fashioned, but I think it upsets a natural (or at the very least, longstanding) balance of power. Also, I don’t want to be expected to pay for things as the pursuer. I’m no Romeo — I’m just Juliet in Romeo’s clothes.

But I get really frustrated when there’s someone I like, and I’m pretty sure likes me back, and he just won’t make a goddamn move. Read More »

Chris Angel: Mindfreak—and stalker?

The weird magician, who just recently escaped from a concrete block suspended in the middle of Times Square (no, I didn’t go watch it. I had other things to do. Like de-hair my couch), has a bit of a thing for actress Cameron Diaz.

The two were recently reported together a few weeks ago in Las Vegas, “canoodling”, “snuggling”, and other stupid words for 48 hours straight. Then Diaz packed up and went on the Shrek tour, and Angel became freakily attached.

“I’d like to dedicate this to my girl Trouble, a.k.a Cameron.” Angel shouted as soon as he escaped his concrete publicity stunt last Monday, “I love you, baby.” Read More »

My friend has a hot boyfriend, but she hates him. What “Stan” has in looks he lacks in personality. Needless to say, they’ve been together three years. Ridiculous, right? I’d ditch the guy before he knew what hit him, but I have a remarkably short attention span.

Every time I see my friend, I give her shit about Stan, especially because she likes fifteen other guys. There was one guy in particular, Carl, that captured her attention a few months ago but turned into a big unrequited mess. So she always responds to my query of “Why the hell are you still with Stan????” in the same way: with a song, more specifically, Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young’s “If you can’t love the one you want, love the one you’re with.” Since she can’t have Carl, the guy she wants, she’ll continue to love Stan, the guy she’s with. He’s a good stand – in boyfriend, she tells me: He does his job of looking good and also offers other perks, like a vacation home and a car.

I still think I’d dump boring Stan, but what do I know? I’m serially single. So what do you think? Is it better to have someone you love, but have no spark with? Or is it better or have no one at all, but the possibility of finding a sparky someone?

Maybe it doesn’t matter — My friend and I represent the former and the latter, and we basically function at the same level of happiness and satisfaction. But I know we’re both still on the perpetual lookout for fire regardless of our romantic statuses. Sorry, CSNY.

Would you dump him or keep him around too?

So, I’ve moved to NYC for the summer, and my cousin/roommate has wasted no time in introducing me to her glamazon downtown world of secret clubs, semi – big names and other assorted good – looking people who have Blackberries for no reason (seriously, I feel Amish with my two – year old cell phone. But even if I somehow scrounged up the cash for a Blackberry, I would never use it. I’d feel pathetic because I get about one text message per month. From my mom).

Anyway. I feel a little weird being around all these quasi – famous and ultra rich young hipsters. I can easily pass for one of them, but deep down I’m nothing but a simple farm girl. Which makes the prospect of dating a pseudo – socialite tricky. I automatically assume that all the Blackberry boys are wayyyyy out of my league. I mean, all they need to do is look at my cell phone to see I’m nothing like the other Kirsten Dunst clones.

Strangely, though, fancy suitors are competing for my attention left and right. But I’m having trouble letting down my air of mystique for fear that they will discover my true identity and deem me below their league. Read More »

Has this happened to you?

You’re at a bar, minding your own business, talking to your friends and occasionally turning to see if that cute guy by the bathroom is actually with that girl he’s standing next to, or is just waiting in line to pee, when out of nowhere, a dude steps into your line of vision and says something slightly to very insulting. Don’t understand how it’s possible? Here are two real life examples:

Dude: “You two girls suck”

My friend and I freeze, staring at him in complete confusion.

Dude: “Seriously. You suck.”

Me: “Ok.”

I don’t know what else to say, and don’t care enough to trade insults with him. Nudging my friend with my elbow, I signal that it’s time to vacate the area.

Dude: “I mean, I’ve been here for an hour and haven’t been able to talk to either one of you!”

He grins, and asks us our names, and starts to talk to us. He’s actually friendly, but we leave soon after introductions because neither of us can forget how utterly rude he had been only moments ago.

At another bar with another friend, I’m trying to squeeze through an insanely huge crowd of people to get a beer. I can hardly breathe, and am in no mood to be yelled at by some tall, skinny, bi-speckled geek, but he continues to shout directly into my ear. Read More »