But surprisingly, that someone is not Conan O’Brien.
In fact, it looks like Mr. O’Brien might actually be doing better than ever.

While Conan may be totally getting the bad end of the deal with NBC, a bright hue of spotlight has been pointed directly in his path.  The publicity of The Tonight Show has been higher than ever, crushing his opponents, Letterman and Leno, in ratings.

But beyond simply tuning in to see what Conan has to say about the sitch (which, I admit, is the reason I started watching him), this entire debacle has given Mr. O’Brien tons of high-larious new material for the show. Seriously, the Tonight Show has never been better. Tell me you didn’t LOL when Conan went against the rules of bad-mouthing NBC by doing it in Spanish. “NBC is run by brainless sons of goats who eat money and crap trouble.” It’s Conan at his best.

And let’s be honest – America loves a good underdog story and Conan is most definitely the (insulting) underdog in this situation. He got Kanye’d and, much like Taylor Swift, now he’s got millions of people fighting for him across the country (there’s even an entire Facebook movement in support of him!) Sure, he had a strong fanbase before, but this has taken him to a level of fame he’s never seen until now.

It’s unfortunate that Conan is being pushed out of NBC, but with $45 million in his pocket and a whole slew of new super fans, getting the shaft might be the best thing that ever happened to this guy’s career. NBC, on the other hand, well their just effed.

You go, CoCo!

Even if, at the time, I didn’t know what was going on, I came to develop a passion (shared with me by my grandmother and father) for late night. I’ve seen dozens of episodes of Johnny Carson, while my peers barely know his name, and hundreds upon hundreds of episodes of Letterman. They were beloved figures in my household. As I grew up, I became partial to Conan during high school. I would stay up past my bedtime with my sister, skimming right over Leno to catch me some Conan O’Brien.

As time went on, the natural progression of things began to unfold. Leno’s time was coming to a close and he turned the coveted 11:35 spot over to Conan. However, instead of bowing out gracefully, NBC decided to cut their high-budget dramas at 10:00 and replace it with “The Leno Show.” Um, okay…?

And now, after only giving Conan a few months in this new time slot and after altering the nighttime lineup, they’re making an executive decision to move “The Jay Leno Show” to 11:35 and bump “The Tonight Show” to 12:05.

And this is pissing a lot of people off. Namely, ME.

First of all, “The Tonight Show” does not belong in that time slot and never has. It’s always been at 11:35 and shouldn’t be moved just to appease some old guy with a big chin. And let’s take a moment to note that Conan was never even given a fair chance with his “Tonight Show” gig due to the nighttime lineup changing to FIT LENO AT A 10 PM TIMESLOT. Leno should’ve retired and truly handed the reins to Conan. Who does he think he is? Brett Favre?

Leno and NBC both have screwed up the natural progression of the “Tonight Show.” The whole thing is so effed at this point that perhaps it would be better to focus on Letterman’s “Late Show” which is better anyway. Conan can leave NBC, collect his cool 50 million and in a few years, Letterman does what is right and passes the “Late Show” onto Conan while Leno crashes and burns when all his fans kick it due to health complications after all the KFC and Domino’s they’ve been eating in their trailer parks (or wherever Leno fans exist… I’m a little unclear on this).

[Breathe]

Last night I was venting my frustrations to one of my best friends. She doesn’t even own a television and cringes whenever I bring up Jersey Shore or any other pop culture phenomenons. She couldn’t quite wrap her head around it all, particularly NBC’s loyalty to Leno. So I explained it to her the only way I knew how. By relating it all to relationships, sex and some mild alcohol abuse.

NBC falls into a relationship (“Tonight Show”) with Leno. Perhaps Leno wooed NBC with his chin or fancy cars, but whatever the case may be, NBC and Leno are a pretty serious item. Years later Leno and NBC break up and NBC starts a relationship with Conan O’Brien, that lovable awkward redhead. However, NBC is still sleeping with their ex on the side. You know, maybe Leno’s getting drunk and feeding NBC lines like, “I love you and I love BEING with you, I just really don’t want a relationship right now.” NBC keeps dating Conan, but, hark, overhears that Leno might want a relationship AGAIN, if given a second chance (“Oh babe, we can try and make this work!”). And NBC goes back to him, thus leaving Conan alone to eat brownie batter out of a bowl while watching The Notebook.

Hitting a little closer to home to anyone?

It’s sad to think that the “Tonight Show” has been to reduced to “The Jay Leno and Corporate NBC Show” and subsequently lost all the credibility that Carson gave to it. I’m not really sure what’s going to happen now (rumor has it even Jay is gonna bounce on NBC. Boo hoo), but I know for sure that no matter what happens, I would rather watch reruns of Real World on MTV than get my late night fix from Jimmy Fallon.

No, this list is a top ten-style countdown about the hard-hitting issues, like which mash-ups are the best ever or which apps rock my world.

This week, as we round out 2009, I’ve picked out our favorite media-buzz worthy events of the year. Keep in mind that this list will include a lot more cheating and Ed Hardy than Healthcare reform and economic crashes. (Sorry Madoff, I’m just not that into you).

10. Letterman Gets “Creepy” With His Staff
And somehow still comes out looking like the man for fessing up. Undesirable actions, admirable apology. Take note…

9. Tiger Woods
He’s changing his name to “Cheetah.”

8. Lady Gaga Takeover
As the year progressed, so did the world’s love for Gaga. Opening up the year with “Poker Face” and “Just Dance,” Gaga inspired many Halloween costumes, a rediscovered love for good pop music and rounded out the year with the inspired and wacky “Bad Romance.”

7. Chris Brown/Rihanna Debacle
From the horrific picture, to the Jet-skiing in Miami, to the interviews to the blue bowtie, Chris Brown is forever immortalized as an abusive, disgusting a-hole. Let’s not give this douche bag a comeback, please.

6. Swine Flu
I can’t believe I’m going to one day look back on Swine Flu as a serious “epidemic” that captivated the world and brought out those useless paper masks. Luckily, we were able to make them fashionable.

5. Jon Gosselin Gets Douchier, World Gets Dumber
Forget about Swine Flu, Gosselin was the biggest pig of the year. I am so looking forward to 2010 where hopefully the media doesn’t concern themselves with what type of menthol cigarettes this a-hole father went and bought at the local 7-11 in his spanking new bedazzled Ed Hardy shirt. Woof.

4. Obama’s Peace Prize
Seriously, why was this news? Slash, why did he get this award, again? Which brings us to another important, undeserved award…

“3. Yo, Taylor. I’m Really Happy For You, and Imma Let You Finish…”
But this had to have been the most unnecessary overplayed story OF ALL TIME. Also, cut my boy Kanye a break.

2. Balloon Boy
The most riveting moment of television this year involved watching an empty balloon fly around for two hours.

1. RIP: Everyone in Hollywood
Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Brittany Murphy, Natasha Richardson. You name ‘em, they bit it this year. Heaven got a little more Beverly Hills glamour after this year.

Lesson Learned: Bloody hot mess on stage = best career move EVER

Is it just me, or does it seem like almost every celebrity out there had some giant scandal in 2009? I feel like I spent at least 3/4 of the year crouched in front of the TV or refreshing my news on the internet just to keep up. From Michael Jackson’s shocking death, to cheating husbands, to a family sending a silver balloon in the air and forcing their family to lie just to get on TV, the scandals have gone from serious and sad to very WTF worthy.

Seriously, WTF, 2009?

But I guess when it comes down to it, all of this (hot) mess can do some good. I mean, even if Tiger’s marriage doesn’t work out and Carrie Prejean’s sex tapes continue to circulate to the point that her career is really over, at least I learned a few things. And all without having a giant mess on my hands.

So thank you, celebs, for being the anti-role models that I need and teaching me some very important life lessons. Below, the top 10 lessons I learned in 2009:

1. Do Not Send Naked Photos. Just Don’t! You’d think I would know this already, but celebs just keep drilling it into my head. Too bad they still aren’t learning the lesson. Among others, naked pics of Rihanna, Carrie Prejean, Ashley Greene, and Vanessa Hudgens (again) popped up on the Internet this year. And got passed around quicker than the Swine Flu in a college dorm. So the next time that guy you barely know asks for some sexy pictures via text, think about this: there is 90% chance that those images could come back to haunt you. And a 100% chance if you break his heart.

2. Don’t Do Drugs! We’ve heard that message a million times, but it never rang more true than when the world lost Michael Jackson. Of course, we also have a few other people drilling this point home. Like Lindsay Lohan, Amy Winehouse, Steven Tyler….

3. If You Have Enough Money, You Can Probably Get Away With Almost Anything. Or at least raping a thirteen-year-old girl. That’s the case for Roman Polanski who did not get the punishment he deserved for his heinous crime but, thanks to his piles of cash, was allowed to return to his home in Switzerland under the conditions of house arrest. Wanna rise above the law? Start saving that money now, ladies.

4. Ignorance is NOT Always Bliss. The minute Carrie Prejean opened her mouth and started dissing gay marriage, she caused a scandal big enough to last for months. (Though, we can give credit to Perez Hilton for that…) I’m pretty sure it made everyone realize that we really need to think long and hard before we talk.

5. Business and Romance Do Not Mix. We’ve heard this one time and time again, but does anyone listen? Apparently not David Letterman. A little office booty and the next thing he knows, he’s all mixed up in an extortion plan and sharing his sexploits with the world. Want a successful future? Keep it in your pants (or skirt) in the office.

6. You Should Never Hit a Woman. EVER. Once a mega-star, the entire world has watched Chris Brown’s career go down the crapper ever since he laid his hands on Rihanna. Even now there are some places that are refusing to sell his music. The fact is, it is never OK to hit a woman and Chris Brown is only one of many men (like that teacher from Queens who knocked Snooki out) who must learn that lesson the hard way.

7. If You Cheat, You Will Get Caught. Before this year, I kind of thought that cheating was something that almost everyone got away with. Now, not so much. If I’ve learned anything from 2009, it’s that cheating will eventually come back to bite you in the ass, thanks to the affairs of Tiger Woods and Jon Gosselin. We watched Jon and Kate break up, leaving Jon behind as a pathetic, Ed Hardy-wearing attention whore who no one likes, all because he decided to have a little fun on the side. And don’t even get me started on Tiger Woods. His whole golf career is over because he couldn’t resist the temptations of ugly porn stars and slutty cocktail waitresses.

8. Everyone Will Love You If You Be Yourself. Lady Gaga might be the wackiest celeb out there right now, but she also had one of the best years ever. Who would have thought we could love someone who gave a bloody performance or shot sparklers out of her boobs? But we do. Why? Because she’s not hiding who she is. She’s a leotard-loving diva and we love her for it.

9. No One Likes an Attention Whore. Speidi, Jon Gosselin, Michael Lohan – I’m talking to you. These incredibly annoying stars have truly made me see that while the world may know your name, it doesn’t mean they love you. Or respect you. Or want to see your ugly Botoxed face (that one’s for you Heidi) ever again. And Balloon Boy’s parents? Well, I just hate you.

10. It is Possible to Bounce Back After a Bad Year. Last year, we all watched as Britney Spears rode first class to Crazy Town. But this year she proved that was not a one-way ticket.  Britney completed a world tour, got her sexy body back, and didn’t give the gossip mags much to be negative about. Ms. Spears has helped me realize that no matter what we do, even if it’s shaving our heads and holding our babies hostage, we can still come back.

Honorable mentions:
Birds and airplanes don’t mix.
Abstinence is not the answer.
Vampires are cool. Like, really cool.

You know what I'd be thankful for? If Swine Flu wiped out the cast of The Hills.

Every week I write a list. Some people say I’m like David Letterman, only without that whole sexual scandal thing. Or gray hair. Or late night talk show. So, really, the only thing that D.L. and I have in common is our love of a Top 10 List. And what’s not to love? That’s why I bring ‘em to you every week. The real deal. The good stuff. The world’s most important issues.

You know, like stupid celebrities and things that piss me off on Facebook.

This week, in light of the upcoming treasured holiday, I started thinking about all the things in my life that I have to be thankful for: my family, the boy, YSL lipstick and, of course, the inevitable huge delicious meal my mama’s going to prepare this week. But that’s all kinda boring. I mean, who isn’t thankful for YSL lipstick family? So instead, I decided to count down the 10 things I’m un-thankful for this holiday season (or any season, for that matter).

10. The Swine
H1N1 or any other strain of the flu that everyone seems to have caught this year. Stay away.

9. Speidi
I don’t know how many times I can say it.

8. The Bump-it
I’m over this look, and what the hell? How is this a real thing?

7. Any douchey daddy drama in the celeb world.
I’m looking at you, Michael Lohan

6. Ugg boots
I don’t care that they’re comfy. They’re hideous and o-v-e-r.

5. Twilight
And New Moon. And the actors that I want to slap whenever I see their faces. And all that “I hate being famous” from Kristen Stewart. And the relationship rumors. And anything pertaining to this useless franchise.

R.Pat’s hair can stay.

4. Any and all Taylor Swift music
The girl is officially over-rated. Pretty sure I’ve got Kanye on my side on this one.

3. Ridiculous cleanses
Particularly the Blueprint cleanse. I don’t understand why anyone would starve themselves and suck down juice for three days to get cleansed… only to down an entire pizza the moment the whole cleansing process is over. Ughhh.

2. The amount of calories I’m going to consume on Thursday.
Which, by the way, is an average of 5,000 calories. Do you even know how many hours that is on the elliptical? Well don’t tell me. I don’t even want to think about it.

1. Levi Johnston

Whether you think his announcement was noble or unnecessary, whether you care where Letterman puts it or not, the scandal brought me to this week’s topic: the top ten people you should avoid sleeping with unless you want to suffer some serious aftermath. Maybe not a mistake that warrants a $2 million extortion, mind you, but still pretty scandalous repercussions.

10. The Bartender and/or Bouncer
Especially not at your favorite bar or club. One mistake with a bouncer equals embarrassment strong enough to keep you out of the doors of your favorite sports bar forever.

9. A neighbor in your dorm
Do you really want to worry about running into your fling when you’re in the dorm hallways wearing Powerpuff girl pajama bottoms?

8. “That Guy”
Collar popped underneath his Ed Hardy shirt with a sideways hat and a Lance Armstrong bracelet. Spare your dignity.

7. Ray-J
Unless you want a sex tape on the internet. Although it did kick-start Kim Kardashian’s career, so I guess this isn’t such a bad idea if that’s the direction you want to take your life.

6. Your BFF’s boyfriend
You’ll definitely lose a bestie and have other friends questioning your loyalty. Not cool.

5. Co-Worker
Particularly a boss. As hot as it would be, it violates some serious company policies <cough Letterman cough> and could also jeopardize your future with the company. Leave that one in your fantasies.

4. That foxy professor
He has kids. Stay away. Do not fantasize about showing up to his office hours in lingerie or your old Catholic schoolgirl uniform. Just. stay. away.

3. The R.A.
Enough said.

2. The cabbie giving you a ride home from the bar at 4 AM
I’m not even going to comment further.

1. Your roommate
Living with guys totally rules. Sleeping with them is a guarantee to screw up a great living situation and force you onto the streets or, worse, back into the dorms.

I'm not listening! I can't hear you!

I’m a huge fan of lists. Not to-do lists or grocery lists or my “list” (you know which one I’m talking about), but lists of things with bold faced sections that I can read through quickly and have a little chuckle. Or lists where I can vent my pent up frustration that I have been holding onto for years in hopes that the people at the root of that frustration will see the list, change their ways and make my life a whole lot more pleasant.

And that is what’s happening here. There are some people out there – lots of them – who say some pretty annoying stuff, so this week I’m gonna lay out the 10 most annoying phrases of all time. If you say any of these things, please stop. If you constantly say them all, please never come near me. Especially if I’m holding anything sharp.

10. “Just Sayin’”
End every sentence with this, really. Like I didn’t know you were saying something.

9. “On the real”
No. No. Not on the real. It’s been real, “on the real”. For real

8. “What the hey”
So cheesy, Chester Cheeto can’t even deal.

7. “Catch ya on the flip flop”
What does this even mean? Other than the obvious: don’t be my friend.

6. “Rock and Roll”
It’s time to go. Not time to Rock and Roll. Unless you want to smash up a hotel room and do lines off of supermodels, but I’m pretty sure you’re just telling me it’s time to leave the mall.

5. “No offense but…”
What I’m about to say is going to be strongly offensive.

4. “Double Yew Tee Eff, Oh Emm Gee or Bee Tee Dubs”
Really? Spelling out AIM acronyms in real life?

3. “I totally changed. It’s like I did a complete 360.”
So you spun in a circle? Good for you.

2. “Anyhoooooooo”
Self-explanatory.

1. “Literally/Essentially/Extensively”
First of all, why is it that anyone who uses these phrases uses them at the wrong time? Example: The days flew by, literally. Really? Did the days LITERALLY FLY BY? The days sprouted wings and fluttered away from you? Secondly, you are not intelligent just because you begin every sentence with “Essentially.” Don’t want.

What are some of your least favorite phrases/words?

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12 tips for relationship bliss.

Anne Heche gets bitter on Letterman.

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10 things your dad taught you about sex.

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Palin’s people want Letterman fired?

Macho movie men in humiliating costumes.

The most stylish people on TV.

Leann Rimes puts her hubby back in the closet.

Perfectionism may be bad for your health.

Jennifer Garner can’t run.

8 essential sex positions for summer.