Yesterday I tripped up some stairs. Yes up. That’s okay, though, because it was still the best day ever. As I hobbled back home and onto my couch, the sweet sound of gossip news on E! informed me that my childhood love, Justin Timberlake was finally, and truly single. Score!

After jumping around shrieking for a few minutes, the whole sitch got me thinking: why are so many Hollywood hotties tied down? Seriously, what’s up with that? OK, I fully realize that I won’t ever meet anyone of these gorgeous gentlemen out at the grocery store and make them fall madly in love with me, but it makes it easier to have naked dreams about drool over them if I think I might possibly have a chance. I mean, it’s hard to get hot and bothered about J. Timberlake when you know he’s doin’ the horizontal mambo with someone far hotter than you else.

But not anymore!

So in the spirit of a happy Friday, here are our favorite not-single-celebrity crushes who need to take a hint from JTim and Ryan Reynolds and sever those relationship ties!

What brings Taylor and Kanye together?

Kristen Bell’s gettin’ hitched.

Looks like this girl will be seeing Spiderman.

So who is Padma’s baby daddy?

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I’m not even sure what to say about Noah Cyrus.

She is the All American Girl, Goldie Hawn’s daughter and my ultimate girl crush. Who is she? Kate Hudson!

My feelings for Kate began to blossom the first time I saw her in Almost Famous and now it’s a full-blown love affair. She has it all: beauty, talent and that precious boy, Ryder Robinson. She steals the show in every movie she’s in from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days to Fool’s Gold.

You almost want to hate her perfect hair, skin and wardrobe, but you can’t! Kate Hudson is the America’s sweetheart and you can’t help but want to sit on a couch and eat takeout with her.

Hudson is sweet and cheery, and that bubbly personality is what draws us to this peppy blonde. In reality I think we could call her our modern day Barbie. She is the blonde babe that every man is after, luring in Chris Robinson, Owen Wilson, Dax Shepard and Lance Armstrong. And why not? This girl has the hottest bod goin’ and she’s made it abundantly clear that she got it the healthy way.

In January she was voted best dressed by Vogue, just another reason why I love her. Her bohemian-yet-glamourous style is totally her own, and she pulls it off perfectly. And it’s not just Vogue (and me, her biggest fan) that thinks so; her style and beauty have been flaunted for years on the cover of magazines from People to Elle.

But, the best and coolest thing about Kate Hudson is that she isn’t some pampered, spoiled star; she actually gives back to the community. Kate started participating in community service projects before 1997 when she graduated from Santa Monica’s Crossroads School. She’s not just doing good deeds because she’s famous – she’s doing them because she cares.

I heart Kate Hudson. For her beauty, style, soul…and for being the cutest mom around.

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Wait a second–is Dax Shepard actually HOT??

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Sure, she married a weird looking guy, but that just meant she was the kind of girl who looked deeper and refused to be superficial. Even after she got divorced and starting dating perennial bachelor Owen Wilson, she refused to do the Britney and get trashed every night of the week, opting instead to continue living quietly and taking care of her son.

Plus, she’s adorable.

Which is why I was so pained to read this quote from September’s issue of Harper’s Bizaar:

“As primal beings, men are not supposed to be monogamous. When people ask, ‘Do you believe in monogamy?’ Well, of course that’s what you want. But part of what I love about men is that it’s hard for them to be monogamous. Women, I think, need to spend more time understanding men than changing men. And vice versa.”

What kind of idiot woman says something like that? How backwards do you have to be to allow men the convenience of being biologically deterred from monogamy? And why would you love it?

Even if I did believe men were cheaters by nature, I certainly wouldn’t throw a party every time it happened.

Thanks for pushing the feminist movement back a couple hundred years, Kate. Women everywhere will now be completely understanding when they walk in and find their husband doing his secretary on the kitchen table.