[He Said/She Said is a new series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

Whenever I ask a guy for guy advice, he always says one of two things:

1. “Stop worrying about guys and just hook up with a girl….so I can watch.”
2. “Guys are not that complex. They say what they mean.”

I want to believe that (the second one; I usually just completely disregard the first one…after I smack him). I mean, he’s a guy so he should know, right? But hard as I try to take a guy’s word at face value, it’s impossible. They’re just so vague. And confusing. And what the f**k does, “whatever” mean?!?!

And that’s especially true when it comes to text messages. Read More »

If a milkshake brings all of the boys to the yard, I know a way to keep them out. So far past the perimeters they’ve taken a three-mile long-cut just to avoid walking on your grass.

What’s this guaranteed boy repellent?

The un-relenting light of day.

Call this a vampire conspiracy theory, but from my experience, suggesting afternoon coffee to a college guy is the equivalent of asking for their hand in marriage or to father your future child. I’ll meet one at a poorly lit bar, by the green glow of a lava-lamp at a ’70s themed party, or under the dimmed fluorescent lighting of the common room, and we’ll hit it off. He’ll ask if he can call me. He’ll “call” the next Saturday, in the form of a lackluster text message at around 9 p.m., approximately the same time we met the week before. Too early in the night to write it off as a booty-call, but too late that I shouldn’t have plans already.

“What r u up to?” he’ll ask, and I’ll wonder why a college-educated person would deliberately choose to downplay their spelling abilities.

Though small in word count and light in consequence, “what are you up to” is a loaded question. “Not much, you?” makes you sound boring or lacking a social life. Telling them what you are actually doing, “eating spaghetti with cheese,” or “walking home from the drug store” seems like an over-share. And you both know where this little text-dance is leading—“Do you want to hang out?” Read More »

This month’s issue of Cosmo may just take the award for most insightful published information yet. (Where’s that sarcastic font when we need it most?)

First we learn what kind of behavior is too freaky to fix on a man… such as someone who Tweets every time you switch positions in bed. If you didn’t know that before reading Cosmo, then your behavior is probably too freaky to fix, too.

Then we move on to several quizzes, in which we learn that we will be rich one day if we answer yes to having played competitive sports or were on the debate team in high school. Somehow I have a feeling Bill Gates was involved in neither and look at him now.

This month’s Cosmo also teaches readers how to flirt with anyone and everyone, including the dry cleaner. Because that tiny little man who cleans the stains off of my bedding is exactly who I want to take home to momma….

Oh, and real quickly: when did horoscopes start mentioning text messages and what flavor lube I’ll be interested in this month? Does that change by the month? What happened to good old advice on what to do when my friend gets mad at me on the 8^th? And why does Carrie Underwood’s hair look so greasy that it appears she hasn’t washed it in months? Gross.

But even with all of that priceless information and advice, the March issue gets even better: What his Texts Really Mean. I know, it sounds groundbreaking, right? Like the kind of information that could earn those Cosmo girls a Nobel Prize. I mean, we’ve all wondered what the hell he was trying to say and now Cosmo is going to break it all down for us and help us respond!

Well, that was the intention anyway…. Read More »

The iPhone is awesome, hands down.  If you have it, you’re addicted and constantly using it for either an amusing application, Google maps, texting, or, you know, just a phone call.  If you don’t have one, you want one (like me!). Badly.

Even with all the apps already available, most notably the ones that make you fat, there are still things that we wish the iPhone could do for us.  Like laundry.  Or take the garbage out.  Too bad Apple hasn’t come out with some sort of external thumb feature…

But we don’t need an iThumb for some of the apps we have in mind. Things that every college student needs and aren’t currently available in the App Store. You know, like:

Text Breathalyzer – Everyone knows that texting while drunk leads to an extremely awkward morning after.  When you’re hung over, getting hit with the realization that you sent something along the lines of  “i kjus tluv u n i wan t be foreverrrrr” to your douchy ex-boyfriend (that may or may not be an exact copy of an actual text…don’t judge me) just makes things worse.  Well, worry no more with the Text Breathalyzer!  You just blow into the breathalyzer attachment and if you’re over the limit, the iPhone will lock down the text feature (or, if you choose, only let you text certain people).  Problem solved! Read More »