Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!

(Guys, walking through a grove on-campus.)

Guy: Nice day… birds, blue skies, not a cloud in sight. Yup. This rock looks pretty good to take a crap on.

(Older student, talking to high schooler on campus tour.)

Student: There’s actually a statistic, I think, something like 30 percent of the liquid of water parks is urine.

High schooler: Yeah, that sounds pretty reasonable. That’s about right.

Student: What the f***? No it’s not! That would be disgusting!

(Guy, preparing Mexican food.)

Guy: I love cilantro. It makes everything taste like it’s just been rinsed in a mountain waterfall.

(Old lady, talking to students at the thrift store.)

Lady: That foot locker can be used as both storage and a coffee table!

Student: I’m sorry, but it’s hideous. We’re not buying it.

(Crowd of girls, playing Jeopardy.)

Girl: Wait. Chinese god of war… who was also a god of literature. That must be Gandhi, right?

Girl 2: Yeah, I think so.

(A guy, losing it on the phone.)

Guy: No, no. That’s too late. I need to get tested now.

(Guy, alone on a computer.)

Guy: Hey! You can’t say “boobs” on the Internet!

(Two guys, talking in the Student Union.)

Guy 1: So how was the camping trip?

Guy 2: It was fine. The deer stole all our graham crackers.

Guy 1: The cutest little larcenists!

(Girl, furious.)

Girl: Damnit! I have to Tide-to-Go my boob.

(Middle-aged man on the phone.)

Man: Fir trees are the only type of tree known to give live birth.

(Father and children, talking to a park ranger)

Father: It was like, you know, poop – kinda mushy, but with some green bits in it. Berries, maybe seeds.  Do you think it could have been bear poop?

Child: Dad, please, just show the ranger our permit.

Matt Lauer has a run-in with Bambi.

Another reason it’s great not to live in Alaska.

Celebrities are really narcissitic.

Make your dreams come true.

Enough with the fluff – send an honest e-card.

Congrats, Natasha Bedingfield!

Harrison Ford finally proposed.

Lindsay Lohan wants to get back to work.

How do you rock ankle-tie shoes?!

Someone wants to marry Paris Hilton??

Dora The Explorer is a slut.

Time to start lathering up the sunscreen!

The beauty of this situation is that it does allow you to do Patron shots at 2 pm; the drawback is that it creates the perfect opportunity for you to employ some…self control. While the former is deff a fun and adventurous route (see your tagged Facebook pics for evidence), it’s not always the smartest way to kick off your fall semester. After all, there is something to be said for NOT getting knackered your first week back at school–here’s why…

5. You’ll Look Like a Freshman

Characterized by lack of regional fashion knowledge, deer-in-headlights look and–of course–INCREDIBLY inebriated state of being. Obviously, this is not what you want to look like while you’re out on the town. Even if this is your very first week in college (Congrats & welcome!), the frosh look is still one you’ll want to avoid. Instead, keep it classy, limit yourself to a few drinks (or none at all if you wish) and enjoy the amazing feeling of being a sophisticated, very adult-like lady.

4.It’s a Small World After All

If you’re a regular around here, you’ll know how we feel about the not-so-randomness of college. While it might seem like an excellent idea to get schwasted and enjoy the anonymity that campus life offers, think twice before you go all out. The people you meet now may be unfamiliar and seem random, but 3 months from now, the same crowd will still be at their (and your) favorite bar. Just beware that while you think you’ll never see each other again, the odds of running into them (via class, outings, football games) are quite high…just be careful of the impression you make.

3.Sorority Recruitment

If you are a PNM (potential new member) BEWARE of going out and letting your wild side loose. Yes you’ve been cooped up at home fresh out of 12 years of academic lameness, but now is not the time to go crazy, especially when it comes to drinking. The best rule of thumb you can use to govern your behavior is to think of rush as a job interview.

You wouldn’t want the head of your dream job to witness you making a complete ass out of yourself, so just be conscious of the impression you’ll make on the active members of your Greek community while out at the bars–because rush is essentially an interview. Another FYI: Sorority women have eyes in the back of their head, even if you think you’re getting away with less than appropriate behavior, trust me–there will be a witness (aka sister!) somewhere.

2. Recovery come first day of school

Let’s not forget the reason you’re at college! Um, education. So yes, this is a freebie week for you to enjoy being back at school with all of your friends, but that hangover is going to kick in at some point and you absolutely do not want it to be your first day of classes. Your semester should take precedence over your partying, so make sure you prioritize buying books over buying rounds for everyone at the bar.

1. Your Reputation

This goes back to college not being the big huge nameless place you thought it was. Your good name is something that, once tarnished, you can never get back. By establishing yourself that first week back as the girl who holds the record for most vomit-inducing drink combinations, you pretty much eliminate the need for any other reps. (like smartest, most beautiful, classiest woman alive).

I’m not saying the inclination to drink anyone under the table and ability to recite impromptu Shakespeare can’t coexist, but the two sides of your personality will absolutely duel for recognition from your peers. So if you want to go down in history for being the Irish Car Bomb champion of the bar, go right ahead. Just be wary that your title might be harder to shake than you might think.